Name: Can the Government Read Your Encrypted Messages?! | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2024-11-30T14:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Can the Government Read Your Encrypted Messages?! | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Can the Government Read Your Encrypted Messages?! | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-30. Transcript available.

What does that mean exactly, launder money?
Launder...
Next question, please.
Laundering money is basically taking criminal proceeds
and disguising the true nature of it.
So, for example, a drug dealer selling drugs
and taking that money and investing it,
I don't know, in a podcast.
What the fuck?
This guy's working for the facts.
I'm just giving you an example.
Are you wearing a liar, dude?
I'm just giving you an example.
Okay.
Okay, all right, I got you.
Yeah, now it makes sense.
So somebody...
I start playing stupid.
What are drugs?
So somebody could accidentally kind of be involved
in something like that.
Like if their buddy's like, hey...
Or the wife or something, they play it.
Yeah, all the time, listen.
I didn't know what was happening.
It's like, you fucking know me.
Yeah, all the time.
Carmella knew.
She played dumb, but she knew.
You could do things a one-off,
and you're likely not exposed.
But if you do something on a regular basis...
If someone uses your account one time,
and then you find that,
and you're like, what the fuck?
You're not allowed to use my account.
That's different.
If you acquiesce and let someone use your account
and wind up taking a commission,
and the techs are like, hey, this is great.
Let's keep doing it.
No, you can't then get out of it.
Now, how do they get the techs?
Do they just turn those over?
Like, how hard is it for the government
to get your techs?
Oh, it's incredibly easy.
Everything is...
First of all, every criminal thinks they're super stealth,
and they're like, hey, my messages disappear on WhatsApp.
And, like, this is not the reality
because someone screenshots, people cooperate.
They're existing out there somewhere.
They're existing, and if you are a smart criminal,
you're not using a cell phone, point blank.
Really?
If you're a real criminal, you're not using a cell phone.
So, as soon as you see a criminal with a cell phone,
you know this is not stellar.
This is not the Ivy League of criminals.
So, what do they do?
Like, you know, just say a high...
He used a payphone outside of the pizzeria,
and you haven't called you back.
Is it just all mouth-to-mouth?
I could only tell you what I see.
Sure, yeah, of course.
What I've seen is people who are very savvy,
they meet in person.
They make sure nobody's wearing a wire.
They talk to a couple people, that's it.
You're having one conversation with one person,
and the recipient of that conversation is 10 people away.
So, whoever receives the message
can never point it back to you.
Damn.
Right.
Like, think of cartels, right?
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, cartels are not hanging out
with fucking Pepe on 23rd Street
being like, here's the drugs.
There's 50 layers between these people.
I gotta get some distance between YouTube bozos.
From now on, everybody only talks to me
through Tommy Cassidy.
Okay, what's the one, Luke, you might know,
that all of my friends...
It's like, it's just...
It's the app that all drug...
It's a texting app for drugs.
There's, like, Whisper, there's...
Yeah, so there's hundreds of these apps.
Yeah.
Are they pretty bulletproof or no?
Well, Telegram has a number of problems,
but the best apps are the ones
that the sender controls.
So, for example, there are various messaging apps.
I feel like I'm gonna get myself jammed up.
But there are various messaging apps
where I could send a message,
and then I could delete the message on your phone.
On their phone.
Ooh, that's pretty good.
Yeah.
That's not bad.
But so the real trick,
if you're not looking to have
any of your information public,
is not talk about things
that you wouldn't want someone to see.
Not have anything connected to you.
Remember, cell site records alone
pinpoint your location.
Yeah.
Is that used a lot?
All day long.
Like, where they triangulated the thing
and you're there?
Every day.
Really?
That's what I'm saying.
No real criminal has cell phones.
Damn, dude.
You know what I mean?
We're fucking up over here.
Yeah.
Pretty good.
Yeah.
Cell phones and all that stuff
have made it easier.
Yeah.
First of all, everything is documented.
You purchase something,
it shows where you are.
You use the train,
it shows where you are.
It triangulates everything.
The messages are stored on the cloud.
You could connect people
from a conspiracy
by pictures on Instagram
and communications.
It's just so much.
But does that also make it easier
to then get off
because that information
is there of like,
he couldn't have done it.
Yeah, that's why it works both ways.
If you're fucking innocent.
If you're innocent.
Yeah.
Which we are.
Which we are.
Those folks usually.
Innocent until proven guilty.
I thought this was America.
You know, those folks are.
I'd take a nice big glass of water
on that note.
Are few and far between,
unfortunately,
in my line of work.
Of course.
Have you had anybody
that you were like,
this person is for sure
dead innocent?
I've had a few cases
that tend to be
where a divorce happens
and someone alleges rape
or physical abuse
and you could just tell
that it's motivated by spite
and when you do a deep dive,
you could see that person
wasn't there
in any way, shape, or form.
Sell sites,
put them somewhere else.
There's an alibi.
There's texts regarding
an evening of sex,
things like that.
So that's when I've seen it.
Other than that,
no,
most people are involved
to some degree.
In some, yeah.
Gotcha.
It's not like you got
the wrong person altogether.
That is rare.
You were married to this guy.
You were married.
You made that choice.
Now you've got to live with him.