Name: Everything You NEED to Know About Adam Friedland | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2024-12-05T14:01:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everything You NEED to Know About Adam Friedland | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everything You NEED to Know About Adam Friedland | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-05. Transcript available.

Back to the Freedland.
Yeah, let's go.
I've never really talked this much about, I mean, like on Comentown,
we just say that my dad was a rollerblading gay guy.
Which I don't want to take away from.
No, I mean, this is like, I don't know, this feels like inside the actor's
studio or something.
I feel like I'm on Marin right now.
Buddy, thanks for sitting down with us.
Yeah, thanks for having me, guys.
I know you're a busy man.
You have a lot going on.
Congratulations on this new setup.
Thank you, brother.
Appreciate it, man.
I can't stop looking at this picture of you in high school.
He's going to take a run at you.
I don't like it.
I'm all right with it.
I don't like it.
Wife me up.
Let's go.
He's looking right at me, too.
I know.
He's looking directly at me.
The eyes follow you wherever you go.
Looking for lunch meat or something.
Jesus Christ.
I feel like that picture's going to pants me.
I feel like you're going to give me a swirly.
Make out with your girlfriend at prom.
Is it a finger pop my girlfriend?
This is what you get for being a nerd.
It's all pussy.
What's up, Friedland?
Dork.
Push you.
How's your sister doing?
She's all right.
You fucked her?
Damn, dude.
Just be good to her.
Give us the backstory, dude.
What's the scoop?
Where are you from?
I'm from Vegas.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Not a lot of people.
I'm shocked off the jump.
Local.
Like born and raised in Vegas?
No, I was born in L.A.
Really?
In Santa Monica.
Yeah.
See?
And I'm on the Wikipedia page.
Uh-huh.
For who?
For the hospital I was born at.
No shit.
Yeah, so the only time my dad came even close to saying he's proud of me,
someone told him
my name was on the Wikipedia.
He's like, I can't believe it.
As like notable births?
Yeah, notable birth.
Number two.
Who else is on there?
Santa Monica has got to be a couple of people.
Neil Patrick Harris probably.
Somebody.
I don't know.
St. John's Hospital.
Hold on.
So you're born in Santa Monica?
I'm born in Santa Monica.
My parents, my parents were, my dad was on a list, an enemy's list of the apartheid
regime
in South Africa.
And they wanted to send him to Angola.
I think I knew that.
They wanted to send my dad to Angola to the Civil War right after my parents
got married
so they had to come to America.
So he got out while the getting was good.
While the getting was good.
So he didn't have to go to the bloodbath in Angola.
Your parents are South African.
My parents were South African Jews.
And as they were often told, they were like, if it wasn't for the blicks,
it would be you.
Jesus.
Sounds like a real good time over here.
Yeah, it was great.
Sounds like a party.
Yeah, it was, I don't know.
Yeah, no, my, yeah, my, my family was there for like two generations.
One and a half generations, really.
And what does your mom and dad do?
My mom is a dead woman and my dad is.
How long has she been doing that?
Three years now.
Your mom passed away three years ago?
She loves it.
Yeah, she passed away three years ago.
I'm sorry.
She was like, she, my dad's an architect.
Okay.
Yeah.
So your dad's an architect.
And then, then my family lost all their money when I was four.
And it would never go back.
Wait, that's why we went to Vegas.
Yeah.
What happened?
Trying to make it all back?
Bad deal?
What happened?
No, they thought it was like the fastest growing city in America.
And then it was just, it's kind of, they kind of hated it.
So what happened?
Give us a scoop.
The savings and loan crisis in 1991.
Okay.
Southern California.
My dad was an architect, so he was designing houses in the San Fernando Valley.
Okay.
And then he hates the Republicans because he blames the Republicans for it.
He thinks it's Reagan's fault.
I would never say that.
I would never say that about a great man.
I would never say that about a great guy.
Fucking.
I was born in 1987, and I do take pride in the fact that I was born at the end
of the Reagan.
Man, I slept good at night as a little kid.
I was like, thank God.
I just know that you got another guy on the other end of the phone if something's
going to happen.
You got the big dog on the line.
You got the big guy over there.
All right.
Well, I guess you're going to nuke them all.
I guess at the end.
Nothing on that?
You carson dropped a Reagan.
At the end, he was just gone.
He was just fully gone mentally.
Yeah.
Who isn't, though?
What are we doing?
We had already beaten the Russians.
I mean, I guess it's whatever.
But I guess Nancy, I just found this out, had a psychic who was making state
decisions.
No shit.
Straight up.
Yeah.
She had a psychic who was changing the times and dates of state functions.
Based upon the premonition or whatever.
Based upon, yeah, I don't know.
Yikes.
Really?
Yeah.
She liked the cocktail, from what I understand.
She also liked the oral sex as well.
Really?
They said she was the super head of Hollywood.
No shit.
Yeah.
Huh.
Shout out to her.
How do you know that?
Who have you been hanging out with?
It comes out literally every four years on Twitter, where they're like, did you
know Nancy
Reagan was a throat goat?
Yeah.
That's what they called her.
And then-
You got to get on Twitter.
Every four years, there's a day on Twitter where everyone's like, I can't
believe it.
But it's just like, I don't know.
It's like the thing.
It's like Cosby being a rapist.
It was like every four years, everyone would be like, and then finally Hannibal
said it.
And then it's like, yeah.
Finally, finally the federal government-
It's not what Hannibal is.
Finally, the government took-
Hey, there may be something going on here.
Federal investigation.
But yeah, apparently she-
Who was the throat goat?
She schlopped all of Hollywood.
Yeah.
Sinatra, this and that and the other thing.
The whole gang, yeah.
She used to go-
It's all documented.
She said, I think she used to go into Hollywood executives' offices and guck,
give them the guck, guck.
Really?
Guck them off.
We're not going to have any of this commie talk here.
I'll tell you that.
She was a great woman.
That's what Castro wants you to think.
Yeah, this is all propaganda.
Yeah.
It's pretty cool that she sucked her way up there to the top, you know?
Hey.
I guess women have been doing that for-
I've been trying to do it for fucking a decade.
I can't get anywhere.
Don't be blaming Ronnie Riggs for your dad making bad investments.
Let's go.
No, no, no.
I'm a goddamn American here.
Yeah, so that happened, and then we moved to Vegas.
Was it a significant downgrade from the house?
My parents were D-class, so I kind of-
What does that mean?
They kind of still thought that they were-
Rich.
Rich.
Rich, yeah.
And I was like, we're not.
We're not.
Which is the classy move.
Which is like-
I had some of that growing up as well.
But I was like, why are you judging people that are living in the same
apartment complex?
Oh, right.
So it made me really have-
Real Schitt's Creek vibe.
Have disdain for wealth.
For wealth?
Yeah.
Especially like, you know.
I remember the night before I moved to New York, I called my dad, and I was
like, I'm
going to be a comedy star.
He was like, you're going to fail.
And I was like, why?
And he's like, we don't have connections in show business.
And then I realized that he was absolutely right.
You don't happen to know Ernie Hudson, do you?
There are a ton of people.
I was like, you have to just be the best.
I was like, it's like, it's a meritocracy.
And then I got here, and there were a ton of people who-
Yeah, all of them.
Who stink.
Yeah, they were doing well.
Who stunk.
And still do.
I felt like it.
No, no.
No, you guys built this from-
You built this temple from the ground up.
Hold on.
Back this up.
My dad owns GE.
I don't know if I can do that.
Your dad is Alec Baldwin in 30-year-old?
Yeah, exactly.
My dad's Jack Donaghy.
Jack Donaghy.
Jack Donaghy.
Jack Welsh.
Good friend of mine.
Hold on.
Any brothers and sisters?
Younger sister, yeah.
How old?
Four years younger to the day.
So you guys grew up together?
Same birthday.
Grew up together.
All right.
And then, so you're living in Santa Monica until when?
How old are you when you move?
We moved back to South Africa for a year.
You did?
After Mondella got out.
Holy shit.
And then, because my parents ran out of money, so we had to go back there.
No kidding.
And then, because of the apartheid, they couldn't get all their money out
because they just had
to leave.
So they still had a little bit of money there.
So we lived there for a year and a half.
I learned how to swim there.
So you're pulled on.
Your parents are over there.
That's a weird fact, but all right.
It was really, it was.
You also tried pickles for the first time.
No, no.
It was like a, it was a traumatic experience.
My parents took me to this woman.
I still remember her name, Laura something.
And she was just this woman wearing jeans and wearing like fishing galoshes.
And her philosophy on teaching a four-year-old how to swim was survival
instinct.
Throw you in.
Yeah.
That's big now.
She'd just fucking throw you.
You liked everything?
Yeah.
She was just getting bullied.
And my dad was like, listen to her.
Listen to her.
It was a high school toilet.
She knows how to swim.
Where'd she do this?
In a pool or in the ocean?
It was like an indoor pool.
I still remember.
It was like one of my first memories.
I wasn't great.
That panic sets in.
Yeah.
Apparently you could do it when a kid is like a baby.
A baby.
It's instinctual.
They still think they're in like the womb.
Yeah, yeah.
So they flip over.
But if you're four, you're like, I'm going to die.
Get the fuck off me, Laura.
I know what dying is.
Four and fully clothed.
Yeah.
I know what dying is.
It's scary to die.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, hold on.
So you're living in Santa Monica.
Mm-hmm.
The loan crisis hits.
I don't know.
Yeah.
My dad had like a, he was like building house, like designing houses.
Designing houses.
Gotcha.
And then.
That went south.
Did you guys live in a nice house?
I don't know.
In Santa Monica?
No, we had like a, like a townhouse, like, you know, it was nice.
And the thing with South Africa, he, you got out of there because they were
going to, they
were going to conscript him into the army?
Yeah.
They wanted to send my dad.
My dad was like a hippie in high school.
Okay.
So they found out he, where he thought he was a hippie, but they found out he
did a humanitarian
relief project in Swaziland or Lesotho.
One of the, there are these two tiny countries in the middle of South Africa.
One of the two, I forget.
And then he was on a list and then they were like, oh, you've been selected for
a, um,
reserves program.
So we could call you up for any time in the next 30 years to the military.
So he went to college in London.
Got out.
And studied architecture and then came back and met my mom.
And then they got married and then they tried to send him to Angola.
And he got the fuck out.
My dad, you know, my dad's a real Jane Fonda, you know, he's a real, he's a
real deserter.
Yeah, he's a real, he's a real, but then he went back.
You went back there.
Then we went after money, you left the fucking score.
Was there any worry that he was going to get jacked when he was there?
Or was it all cooled down then?
No, Mandela got out.
So it was like the new country was starting.
Okay.
And then Mandela spoke at my grandma's synagogue.
Really?
Yeah.
And she was like, tell you, he was like, tell your kids to come back.
Their whole generation of like Jewish South Africans got the fuck out.
They're like, tell them to come back.
We want, we want to build this new country with them too.
And then, uh, so then, yeah.
They brought you back and tried to drown you.
Yeah.
No, no.
It was a white.
It was a white lady.
It was trying to drown me.
But my grandma still lives there.
She lives in Cape Town.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so I just went in January to see her.
And she's, she is also the throat, the throat of South Africa.
South Africa?
Your grandma is?
Blue Mandela?
She's a, my, my grandma, yeah, the whole team.
The whole squad.
No, no, no.
Uh, she's a good lady.
I don't know why I said that in public.
She's a very nice woman.
She's divorced.
Okay.
Yeah.
And what was Vegas like?
Apartment complex.
How many bedrooms?
How close, how close to like the strip are we talking?
Two bedrooms, me and my sister share a room.
And then we got, when I was 14, we got a house.
Okay.
And like, uh, like tracked housing.
Like, uh.
How close to the strip?
So it's all like, it's like, you have you seen the show Weeds?
Yeah.
So it's like all like, um, all the houses look the same.
Sure.
Okay.
So it's all like, uh, cookie cutter.
Yeah.
Suburban development type.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like the Southwest has a lot of places like that.
So like Phoenix is like that.
Sure.
I gotcha.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
And like Orange County is like that too.
And like, yeah.
Okay.
Um, so yeah.
So we're like 30 minutes from the strip.
I mean, it's 30 minutes from anything.
And anywhere down here.
But Vegas, Vegas was like, uh, I don't know.
Yeah.
It was like, uh, I, I don't know.
It was like a weird place to grow up.
Yeah.
Do you go to public school, private school?
Public school.
Public school.
What was your parents doing when you were there?
Was he still working as an architect?
No, my dad was, uh, he had like a company for a bit and then he didn't, he, he
was like,
uh, eventually he started a magazine with my mom.
This was after I, this was after I graduated high school.
Started a magazine.
In college.
Yeah.
They started a Jewish magazine together in Las Vegas.
Yeah.
Jewish illustrated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, was it not like, uh, like local stuff
or like,
yeah, it was like arts and culture and I don't fucking know.
Yeah.
And then the 10, like, just like, um, real nasty centerfolds and just real
spread eagle
shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just like spreading this, this situation, you know, this thing, just, just, uh,
you know,
Gloria, uh, Miss July, Irva Fleishman, look out.
Yikes.
Just really, just no, no, uh, editing, just real raw.
Of the time.
I think it's golf.
Yeah.
We're not doing that airbrush bullshit.
Just a lot.
Yeah.
Cinema verite.
Give them the real feel.
Yeah.
I like it.
No touch up work.
Yeah.
And then where'd you go to college?
And then I went to school in DC.
Um, and I didn't visit before I went there, but they gave me a lot of money
cause I, I
got good grades.
What was, what was your, so you were a good student in high school.
I was, I cheated a lot.
I respect that.
I was a cheat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cause my parents wanted A's so then I was like, then I'll just try to do the
least amount
of work to get the A's.
I respect it.
So I learned how to cheat.
Well, I taught myself how to cheat in middle school.
Yeah.
Because I was like, it's just a game.
You just, did you have any, any good, any, any big tactic that you use that you
were
proud of?
What was your system?
There were a lot of different systems.
Yeah.
I found out that, well, amazon.com was pretty new at the time.
I found out a lot of teachers were just like copying, like Xeroxing, uh, the
quizzes from
like the teacher's guide.
No shit.
So then I would just buy those.
Come on.
That's pretty smart.
We'd have all the answers.
That's pretty fucking good.
I mean, but I was still like, I'd still like take, you know, the test at the
end and be
good, but I was just like, it's not worth, I didn't know that you were supposed
to like
be educated.
I got you.
Like learn.
Yeah.
We're just trying to get the score.
You're just trying to get the score.
Yeah.
It was very Jewish.
I got the high school.
Very Vegas.
I got the points.
I got the, I thought you wanted the points.
Any sports in high school?
I played, I played baseball up until ninth grade and then freshman ball is like
when
you start going to the gym and my body hadn't changed yet.
So I just couldn't do the weight room and stuff.
Yeah.
Okay.
My body was, I, I was a bit of a late bloomer.
I didn't have pubes.
I didn't have a full bush.
I'll say in ninth grade.
You didn't have a full bush.
There was a few stragglers, but yeah.
Okay.
What was the high school mascot?
We, I went to a magnet high school.
What does that mean?
It's, I don't know.
You have to like take a test to get it.
Oh, okay.
Smart kid.
Yeah, but like cheating.
Cheating.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I just know.
It's like, you know, if I want to be a lawyer, I have to get these points.
I wanted to go to law school.
That was like my plan.
And I got into law school before I started doing comedy.
Nice.
Then I went to school in DC.
What school in DC?
GW.
Ah, GW.
Shout out.
Good school.
I hated it.
Really?
Yeah.
It's just like some of the dumbest, like, like new money tri-state area kids.
Okay.
Yeah.
Ed Hardy was very popular in those days.
Sure.
And like everyone, everyone's like kids had their parents, like American
Express black cards
and stuff.
That's crazy.
And I was like, I just got it.
It didn't feel right.
I graduated in three years.
I got out early.
Damn.
Look at you.
Because I took, um, summer class.
Because I was like a nerd.
No, no.
I like college.
No, you couldn't cheat.
Well, I did not a little bit, but like, no, I just, I, I realized I wanted to
learn.
And you were in pre-law at the time.
I did a politics.
I did a international politics.
Really?
Yeah.
It was bullshit.
Smart kid.
No, no.
Dude.
What was your GPA in high school?
It just sounds smart.
I don't know.
Like A minus probably.
And what'd you do?
That's the points.
You gotta get the points.
That's the points.
What'd you do in the SATs?
I did all right.
I think ours was out of 1600, so I got 14.
Holy shit.
What, is that good?
You guys still remember the SATs?
You got an 880.
You did?
870.
Is that for your name?
That's what you get for your name.
Yeah, that's what that kid back there got.
That's what you got?
Dude, look at that CTE.
Look at that CTE stare.
Jesus Christ.
It's Jovan Belcher over there.
Was that guy the Kansas City Chiefs?
That's the saddest story ever.
Well, I don't know that one.
The guy who killed his girlfriend and then went to Andy Reid's office and
committed suicide?
I don't know.
Andy Reid is like...
Andy fat-ass Reid.
I know who he is.
Well, you guys are Philly boys, no?
Yeah, that's what they used to call him on the sports radio.
He's like, you know Kelsey Grammer?
He only knows tragedy in his life?
Yes.
Andy Reid is the same.
His son.
His sons have killed himself.
Sidents, fucking...
Yeah, guns.
This guy that had advanced CTE kills his girlfriend, maybe their infant child,
and then goes to
Andy Reid's office.
Can you imagine a fat, jolly old Andy Reid just watching?
Hey, come on in here.
Hey, Lenny, what's going on?
Hey, Al, what's going on?
Boom.
Now he's doing...
He does like State Farm commercials now.
Yeah.
He's killing it.
He's just like Kelsey.
He's like...
Apparently, Kelsey Grammer...
Everyone he's ever loved has died.
Yeah, he went through a real tough time.
And he's just like...
He was apparently on the set of Frasier, and he was just like a drug, like a stupor,
like
this, and then they'd say action.
And he'd be like, Niles, I can't believe you.
Yeah, I saw that exact interview with the guy.
I think it was Matt Williams or somebody like that.
It was some famous Hollywood writer that told that story.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he would just snap into it.
It'd be all fucked up, and then just snap into it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking professional right there.

Everything You NEED to Know About Adam Friedland | Are You Garbage

Back to the Freedland.
Yeah, let's go.
I've never really talked this much about, I mean, like on Comentown,
we just say that my dad was a rollerblading gay guy.
Which I don't want to take away from.
No, I mean, this is like, I don't know, this feels like inside the actor's
studio or something.
I feel like I'm on Marin right now.
Buddy, thanks for sitting down with us.
Yeah, thanks for having me, guys.
I know you're a busy man.
You have a lot going on.
Congratulations on this new setup.
Thank you, brother.
Appreciate it, man.
I can't stop looking at this picture of you in high school.
He's going to take a run at you.
I don't like it.
I'm all right with it.
I don't like it.
Wife me up.
Let's go.
He's looking right at me, too.
I know.
He's looking directly at me.
The eyes follow you wherever you go.
Looking for lunch meat or something.
Jesus Christ.
I feel like that picture's going to pants me.
I feel like you're going to give me a swirly.
Make out with your girlfriend at prom.
Is it a finger pop my girlfriend?
This is what you get for being a nerd.
It's all pussy.
What's up, Friedland?
Dork.
Push you.
How's your sister doing?
She's all right.
You fucked her?
Damn, dude.
Just be good to her.
Give us the backstory, dude.
What's the scoop?
Where are you from?
I'm from Vegas.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Not a lot of people.
I'm shocked off the jump.
Local.
Like born and raised in Vegas?
No, I was born in L.A.
Really?
In Santa Monica.
Yeah.
See?
And I'm on the Wikipedia page.
Uh-huh.
For who?
For the hospital I was born at.
No shit.
Yeah, so the only time my dad came even close to saying he's proud of me,
someone told him
my name was on the Wikipedia.
He's like, I can't believe it.
As like notable births?
Yeah, notable birth.
Number two.
Who else is on there?
Santa Monica has got to be a couple of people.
Neil Patrick Harris probably.
Somebody.
I don't know.
St. John's Hospital.
Hold on.
So you're born in Santa Monica?
I'm born in Santa Monica.
My parents, my parents were, my dad was on a list, an enemy's list of the apartheid
regime
in South Africa.
And they wanted to send him to Angola.
I think I knew that.
They wanted to send my dad to Angola to the Civil War right after my parents
got married
so they had to come to America.
So he got out while the getting was good.
While the getting was good.
So he didn't have to go to the bloodbath in Angola.
Your parents are South African.
My parents were South African Jews.
And as they were often told, they were like, if it wasn't for the blicks,
it would be you.
Jesus.
Sounds like a real good time over here.
Yeah, it was great.
Sounds like a party.
Yeah, it was, I don't know.
Yeah, no, my, yeah, my, my family was there for like two generations.
One and a half generations, really.
And what does your mom and dad do?
My mom is a dead woman and my dad is.
How long has she been doing that?
Three years now.
Your mom passed away three years ago?
She loves it.
Yeah, she passed away three years ago.
I'm sorry.
She was like, she, my dad's an architect.
Okay.
Yeah.
So your dad's an architect.
And then, then my family lost all their money when I was four.
And it would never go back.
Wait, that's why we went to Vegas.
Yeah.
What happened?
Trying to make it all back?
Bad deal?
What happened?
No, they thought it was like the fastest growing city in America.
And then it was just, it's kind of, they kind of hated it.
So what happened?
Give us a scoop.
The savings and loan crisis in 1991.
Okay.
Southern California.
My dad was an architect, so he was designing houses in the San Fernando Valley.
Okay.
And then he hates the Republicans because he blames the Republicans for it.
He thinks it's Reagan's fault.
I would never say that.
I would never say that about a great man.
I would never say that about a great guy.
Fucking.
I was born in 1987, and I do take pride in the fact that I was born at the end
of the Reagan.
Man, I slept good at night as a little kid.
I was like, thank God.
I just know that you got another guy on the other end of the phone if something's
going to happen.
You got the big dog on the line.
You got the big guy over there.
All right.
Well, I guess you're going to nuke them all.
I guess at the end.
Nothing on that?
You carson dropped a Reagan.
At the end, he was just gone.
He was just fully gone mentally.
Yeah.
Who isn't, though?
What are we doing?
We had already beaten the Russians.
I mean, I guess it's whatever.
But I guess Nancy, I just found this out, had a psychic who was making state
decisions.
No shit.
Straight up.
Yeah.
She had a psychic who was changing the times and dates of state functions.
Based upon the premonition or whatever.
Based upon, yeah, I don't know.
Yikes.
Really?
Yeah.
She liked the cocktail, from what I understand.
She also liked the oral sex as well.
Really?
They said she was the super head of Hollywood.
No shit.
Yeah.
Huh.
Shout out to her.
How do you know that?
Who have you been hanging out with?
It comes out literally every four years on Twitter, where they're like, did you
know Nancy
Reagan was a throat goat?
Yeah.
That's what they called her.
And then-
You got to get on Twitter.
Every four years, there's a day on Twitter where everyone's like, I can't
believe it.
But it's just like, I don't know.
It's like the thing.
It's like Cosby being a rapist.
It was like every four years, everyone would be like, and then finally Hannibal
said it.
And then it's like, yeah.
Finally, finally the federal government-
It's not what Hannibal is.
Finally, the government took-
Hey, there may be something going on here.
Federal investigation.
But yeah, apparently she-
Who was the throat goat?
She schlopped all of Hollywood.
Yeah.
Sinatra, this and that and the other thing.
The whole gang, yeah.
She used to go-
It's all documented.
She said, I think she used to go into Hollywood executives' offices and guck,
give them the guck, guck.
Really?
Guck them off.
We're not going to have any of this commie talk here.
I'll tell you that.
She was a great woman.
That's what Castro wants you to think.
Yeah, this is all propaganda.
Yeah.
It's pretty cool that she sucked her way up there to the top, you know?
Hey.
I guess women have been doing that for-
I've been trying to do it for fucking a decade.
I can't get anywhere.
Don't be blaming Ronnie Riggs for your dad making bad investments.
Let's go.
No, no, no.
I'm a goddamn American here.
Yeah, so that happened, and then we moved to Vegas.
Was it a significant downgrade from the house?
My parents were D-class, so I kind of-
What does that mean?
They kind of still thought that they were-
Rich.
Rich.
Rich, yeah.
And I was like, we're not.
We're not.
Which is the classy move.
Which is like-
I had some of that growing up as well.
But I was like, why are you judging people that are living in the same
apartment complex?
Oh, right.
So it made me really have-
Real Schitt's Creek vibe.
Have disdain for wealth.
For wealth?
Yeah.
Especially like, you know.
I remember the night before I moved to New York, I called my dad, and I was
like, I'm
going to be a comedy star.
He was like, you're going to fail.
And I was like, why?
And he's like, we don't have connections in show business.
And then I realized that he was absolutely right.
You don't happen to know Ernie Hudson, do you?
There are a ton of people.
I was like, you have to just be the best.
I was like, it's like, it's a meritocracy.
And then I got here, and there were a ton of people who-
Yeah, all of them.
Who stink.
Yeah, they were doing well.
Who stunk.
And still do.
I felt like it.
No, no.
No, you guys built this from-
You built this temple from the ground up.
Hold on.
Back this up.
My dad owns GE.
I don't know if I can do that.
Your dad is Alec Baldwin in 30-year-old?
Yeah, exactly.
My dad's Jack Donaghy.
Jack Donaghy.
Jack Donaghy.
Jack Welsh.
Good friend of mine.
Hold on.
Any brothers and sisters?
Younger sister, yeah.
How old?
Four years younger to the day.
So you guys grew up together?
Same birthday.
Grew up together.
All right.
And then, so you're living in Santa Monica until when?
How old are you when you move?
We moved back to South Africa for a year.
You did?
After Mondella got out.
Holy shit.
And then, because my parents ran out of money, so we had to go back there.
No kidding.
And then, because of the apartheid, they couldn't get all their money out
because they just had
to leave.
So they still had a little bit of money there.
So we lived there for a year and a half.
I learned how to swim there.
So you're pulled on.
Your parents are over there.
That's a weird fact, but all right.
It was really, it was.
You also tried pickles for the first time.
No, no.
It was like a, it was a traumatic experience.
My parents took me to this woman.
I still remember her name, Laura something.
And she was just this woman wearing jeans and wearing like fishing galoshes.
And her philosophy on teaching a four-year-old how to swim was survival
instinct.
Throw you in.
Yeah.
That's big now.
She'd just fucking throw you.
You liked everything?
Yeah.
She was just getting bullied.
And my dad was like, listen to her.
Listen to her.
It was a high school toilet.
She knows how to swim.
Where'd she do this?
In a pool or in the ocean?
It was like an indoor pool.
I still remember.
It was like one of my first memories.
I wasn't great.
That panic sets in.
Yeah.
Apparently you could do it when a kid is like a baby.
A baby.
It's instinctual.
They still think they're in like the womb.
Yeah, yeah.
So they flip over.
But if you're four, you're like, I'm going to die.
Get the fuck off me, Laura.
I know what dying is.
Four and fully clothed.
Yeah.
I know what dying is.
It's scary to die.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, hold on.
So you're living in Santa Monica.
Mm-hmm.
The loan crisis hits.
I don't know.
Yeah.
My dad had like a, he was like building house, like designing houses.
Designing houses.
Gotcha.
And then.
That went south.
Did you guys live in a nice house?
I don't know.
In Santa Monica?
No, we had like a, like a townhouse, like, you know, it was nice.
And the thing with South Africa, he, you got out of there because they were
going to, they
were going to conscript him into the army?
Yeah.
They wanted to send my dad.
My dad was like a hippie in high school.
Okay.
So they found out he, where he thought he was a hippie, but they found out he
did a humanitarian
relief project in Swaziland or Lesotho.
One of the, there are these two tiny countries in the middle of South Africa.
One of the two, I forget.
And then he was on a list and then they were like, oh, you've been selected for
a, um,
reserves program.
So we could call you up for any time in the next 30 years to the military.
So he went to college in London.
Got out.
And studied architecture and then came back and met my mom.
And then they got married and then they tried to send him to Angola.
And he got the fuck out.
My dad, you know, my dad's a real Jane Fonda, you know, he's a real, he's a
real deserter.
Yeah, he's a real, he's a real, but then he went back.
You went back there.
Then we went after money, you left the fucking score.
Was there any worry that he was going to get jacked when he was there?
Or was it all cooled down then?
No, Mandela got out.
So it was like the new country was starting.
Okay.
And then Mandela spoke at my grandma's synagogue.
Really?
Yeah.
And she was like, tell you, he was like, tell your kids to come back.
Their whole generation of like Jewish South Africans got the fuck out.
They're like, tell them to come back.
We want, we want to build this new country with them too.
And then, uh, so then, yeah.
They brought you back and tried to drown you.
Yeah.
No, no.
It was a white.
It was a white lady.
It was trying to drown me.
But my grandma still lives there.
She lives in Cape Town.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so I just went in January to see her.
And she's, she is also the throat, the throat of South Africa.
South Africa?
Your grandma is?
Blue Mandela?
She's a, my, my grandma, yeah, the whole team.
The whole squad.
No, no