Name: I Hate How Tissues SMELL?! | Carly Aquilino on Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2024-12-08T13:30:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Hate How Tissues SMELL?! | Carly Aquilino on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Hate How Tissues SMELL?! | Carly Aquilino on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-08. Transcript available.

You're always, you're so fun.
You're always just fun, right?
You're fun.
You're the only person I've ever been at the bar with.
And you were like, quick, let's everybody, let's do Shark Tank pitches.
So then you just got to get up and we're all fucking bombed up.
And we'll just improvise like, hey, sharks.
And she's like, what's your revenue?
She really gets into it.
Do you have a patent?
Is it pending?
Is it, you know?
Right.
And then everybody that was playing Shark Tank when you're drunk at a bar is so
much fun.
I love springing it on people because everybody has an invention that they
think,
they're like, this is my brilliant idea.
If I had the means, I would be a billionaire because this is my invention.
So it's fun to like spring that on people when you're out at a bar and have
them,
okay, do your pitch.
I'm going to be Barbara Corcoran.
She's always Barbara.
I love Barbara.
She calls it out.
She's the lady with short hair or long hair?
Oh, yeah, like short hair.
She does the commercials now for the HR software.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Probably got a piece of it too.
Oh, yeah, of course she's got a piece.
She's not doing that for free.
Yeah, no.
She's got a short house.
She's got a commission.
Oh, yeah.
What's your Shark Tank?
So, I can't tell anybody.
Yeah, otherwise, you know, she can maybe get hers off the ground.
I'm like, it's a back scratcher and, you know.
I got one.
My investment's a little low right now, so I'll tell it on there in case there's
any financiers
out there.
Okay.
Tissues and toilet paper for men.
Thicker.
For bigger guys.
Thicker.
Okay.
There's like 19 brands.
And tissues too.
Every time I, you know the little pack of tissues?
I think they've sponsored the show at some point.
You know the little pack?
We've explained to them that these exist.
They're called man wipes, dude wipes.
No, they're called mishus.
Mishus.
That's what they're called.
They're called mishus.
Is that what you've come up with?
Mishus?
Mishus.
Yeah.
I just picture you blowing your nose and blowing holes.
Dude, it's the worst.
Just blowing too holes.
He's in black and white on the infomercial.
Hey, our tissues not thick enough for you.
Do you need a beach towel?
Because you're huge in an animal.
I fall off the balcony.
He's wrapped up in an extension cord for some reason.
You blow someone off the balcony.
When you blow your nose.
Oh, that's so good.
I feel like you can't make thicker toilet paper though because that's bad for
the pipes.
That's why she's Barbara.
Yeah.
That's why she's Barbara.
That's bad for you.
You're going to have to dig up your yard in a year.
Aaron Brockovich over here.
Take it easy.
We're still in the developmental phases.
I'll figure this out.
I'm still doing some research and development at the moment.
She's already filing suits.
Hang on a second.
I'm crying.
Every time I use a regular tissue, the worst ones are the ones in the little
pack that
my girlfriend always has.
Yeah, why?
Did you ever try to use one of those as a napkin?
Remember those as a kid?
Get out of here.
You're in the car.
You're like, oh, I got barbecue sauce.
And they're like, oh, here's this.
It's like, buddy, hold up.
It balls up.
They were always in somebody's book bag at the bottom.
That was last resort shit.
Yeah.
Those tissues are like old.
They're never new.
I don't think they sell them anymore.
They're just still left over from the 90s.
Ed, I always hated that smell.
Whenever somebody smells like that, it always makes me like tissue.
You don't think tissue has a smell?
What?
Are you guys crazy?
You're joking.
What is he talking?
What do you mean?
You've never smelled somebody that smells like tissues?
What?
She's legit.
Shut up.
What are you talking?
Toby.
I can't breathe.
What do you mean?
Dude, that's got to be top five dumbest shit you've ever seen.
That's next to Keith or Sullivan.
Keith or Sullivan.
I'm doing a movie with Keith or Sullivan.
Carly, what are you talking?
What do you mean?
I thought you, of all people, would know that smell.
What do you say does?
The way a fresh pack of tissues smells.
Dude, no wonder you think tissues need improvement.
You think they smell.
No, they kind of smell good, but they smell like tissues.
Like, you know, like a new book when you open a new book?
I think you're using books to blow your nose.
Come on.
Oh, God.
You never heard that?
Oh, she smells like tissues.
Like somebody smells like an old lady.
They smell like tissues.
No, I've never heard that.
Mothballs.
Estee Lauder.
Mothballs, yes, okay.
Mothballs, not tissues?
Not tissues.
Oh, my God.
Both.
I haven't laughed that hard in so long.
Tissues just shaking.
I can't believe you guys don't know what I'm talking about.
I literally have no idea what you're talking about.
Like, not even being like, ah, maybe I can get there.
I literally have no clue.
You're saying that tissues don't have, you've never smelled tissues.
That, like, tissue-y smell.
Not that they've ever been like, oh, I recognize it on a human at some point.
Oh, yeah.
He said, he said, I hate when people smell.
I can't believe, I don't know what's, I don't know what's going on.
This is an outrage.
Oh, God.
I'm crying.
Maybe you just got a really, maybe you got a good nose.
Maybe you got a good nose and you're smelling stuff that I'm not smelling.
The smell of tissues, I think, is a common thing around the world.
Right in.
Call in.
I can't.
You heard it here first, folks.
I can't.
Anywho.
I'm like, do I have boogers now because I was just hysterically laughing?
Okay.