Name: Comedian Gets Pulled Over by the Cops | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2025-01-14T16:45:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Comedian Gets Pulled Over by the Cops | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Comedian Gets Pulled Over by the Cops | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-14. Transcript available.

The only time I ever dropped it is I flicked a cig out of the car.
I'm sure I've mentioned that.
I flicked a cig out of the car going into the Lincoln Tunnel.
We got pulled over.
I was coming to a bringer show at New York Comedy Club.
Look at you.
We got pulled over.
He's like, what are you doing?
I was like, we're going to a comedy show.
He's like, who you seeing?
I'm like, where to show?
Who you seeing?
Kevin Ryan and John Nunn.
It's a booking showcase.
It's an industry showcase.
Oh, we're comics.
He said, what do you know?
Well, he goes, you're not.
He took my license and he goes, Pennsylvania.
What the hell are you doing all the way up here?
What the fuck, asshole?
It's New York City.
What the fuck do you think I'm doing?
Running dope.
That's how they get kids go in.
I got to get drugs, come out.
Of course.
Yeah.
And then he said, what are you doing?
I said, we're going to a comedy show.
And he's like, oh, who you seeing?
I said, we are.
We're, you know, we're in a show.
And he was like, all right, let me just make sure you don't have any warrants,
both of
you.
And I don't know if you've ever seen a picture of John Nunn.
He looks like a bouncer for the Hell's Angels.
And they fucking, I was like, hey, man, is this good?
Are you clean?
And he's like, we are going to find out very soon.
And I was like, fuck, dude.
Say, you spice up my life.
It was a Wednesday night.
All for flicking a heater out this window.
I'm like, well, what am I going to do with it?
You know what I mean?
But yeah, never.
Would you tell a joke if he was like, you know, tell me a joke and I'll let you
go?
What would the go-to joke be?
I'm more of a story-based comedian.
So there I am.
I would do a street joke.
I wouldn't say I was a comic.
We got some fans on the NYPD, though.
I've gotten stopped before.
A couple of the boys out in Queens.
Cavity search.
You.
Request it.
Yeah, but you can't be like, I know some guy in Queens likes me.
It's either this or the clink.
What are you doing?
Where are you coming from?
All right, let's say you're walking home, you know, whatever.
They're looking for another guy who's horrible.
It's something fat guy.
Some fat guy thing.
They're looking for another.
I hit him with the big and tall.
All right, so here we go.
So I go, oh, where are you?
You're walking home from a show.
It's like two in the morning.
You fit the description.
I do?
Yeah.
All right.
And there are 400-pound guys running around stealing people's sandwiches.
Somebody just knocked over a Sbarro's.
Didn't touch the cash.
Only the garlic knots.
They're not open that late.
Okay.
Right.
Hey, where are you coming from?
I'm coming from Comedy Cellar.
I was doing some spots down there.
I thought you said I wouldn't tell him I'm a comic.
I wouldn't tell him I'm a comic.
And then immediately, I'm repped by William Morrison Endeavor.
Have you ever heard of him?
Let me start going in.
You know, Kevin?
You're pulling up.
Here's my YouTube page.
Sir, where are you coming from?
Work.
What do you do?
What do you do?
I'm a comedian.
Where at?
Comedy Cellar.
You do a lot of fat guy stuff probably, huh?
I get booked there every couple of months.
All right.
Oh, Kyle, you think you're a funny guy, huh?
What's with the aggression?
I'm looking for a perp.
All right.
This guy struck before.
He's going to do it again.
Time is of the essence here.
You got any snacks on you at the moment, sir?
Be honest with me.
Yeah.
I got some high shoes.
That's more of a vitamin.
Those things are healthy for the most part.
I wouldn't consider them a snack.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're all nervous.
Sir, calm down.
It'll be all right.
We can do this the hard way or the easy way.
You ever see where they do the thing where they touch your chest to feel your
heart racing?
I'd be done.
Yeah.
I freak, dude.
I panic.
You guys got a beta blocker on you?
Take me with a blood thinner.
I'm a little Coumanin.
Straighten me out.
Get me out of here.
Do you know Coumanin?
Who?
It's a blood thinner.
My aunt was on it for years.
I always talked about it.
I mean, maybe, yeah.
She couldn't get cut or nothing.
Shut up, Coumanin!
She's going to bleed out.
If I can put this bitch in a bubble, what do you want from me?
What the hell is she doing at the barbecue?
It's a paintball match.
Your kids are out of your roughhousing.
Okay.
How long have you been working a circuit?
I still got you up against the wall.
I'm just...
I'm not...
I'm up against the wall like that?
Yeah, well...
Sarah, put your pants back on.
That's right.
I got confused.
How long have you been working the circuit?
Because I don't believe you right now.
You could be lying to me.
They don't work circuits anymore.
This isn't vaudeville.
You're in company with Officer Gippy?
That's crazy, dude.
That's nuts.
I've been a comic 15 years.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I've never heard of you.
Personal.
Rude.
I've never heard of you either.
Officer Dickhead.
We're going to need a couple more sets of cuffs down here.
I'm definitely at least two cuffs.
You're a three-banger if I ever heard of it.
I can't see Bill Extender.
Yeah, been 15 years.
Okay, nice.
Yeah, working the circuits.
Yeah.
What time was your spot?
4 a.m.
More the graveyard shift kind of guy.
I'm a little dirty.
They booked me late.
The early crowds don't care for me.
Talk about my butthole.
I was closing out the show.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
How'd it go?
Not great.
If you want the truth.
Be honest with me.
I stink.
Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I have to turn to a life of crime.
All right.
That was a quick jump.
Uh, yeah?
You're a funny man, huh?
Yeah, that's right.
Why don't you tell me a joke?
Hey, Gary, get over here.
This fat one thinks he's funny.
You're calling a guy over now?
Yeah, you need backup.
Uh, yeah.
Where are you from?
Queen.
Uh, I don't know.
I ain't never been there.
What about you, boy?
Where are you from?
Queen too, huh?
Shit.
You guys grew up together?
All right.
I stole the sandwiches.
Got me.
Could I do it again if I had the chance?
Crack.
Um, yeah, I was at the big and tall store.
Mm-hmm.
Well, one.
I went over there.
I started derogating the bid.
One on six?
You know the spot?
Yeah, Jerry still worked there?
I didn't know Jerry.
Uh-huh.
Now I got nothing.
Okay.
Now I do the bid.
Do it again.
Do a joke.
What do you mean?
I mean, I'm not his setup, man.
You gotta introduce me or something.
Ladies and gentlemen, 5'11", 418.
He's on the radio.
Here's a dispatcher like, that ain't funny.
We got a 718 and I ain't talking about his weight.
718 in progress.
That guy bombing.
He had a look out.
Weak setup.
Bad punchline.
All right.
So that would be your go-to bid.
Yeah.
I go to the big and tall store a lot.
I notice, though, that you go in there, you see a lot of big.
Yeah.
You don't see a lot of tall.
Huh.
That's the rest of it.
That's a setup at best.
It's not much special.
I'd probably just do a street joke.
I'd probably just do a street joke.
Because a narrative joke doesn't work like that.
You would fold.
What are you talking about?
You'd crumble.
You'd pull out your joke book.
I'd start looking for it.
What else?
Mole skin.
Mole skin.
Everybody with their mole skin books.
That's what you got.
I got a hedgehog.
I got a turtle shell notebook.
Oh, I'm sweating.
God damn.
Well, you got me dead to rights.
Sure.
Oh, so funny.
Can I go now?
I forgot you were still here.
Yeah.
You let me off with a warning?
Mm-hmm.
I'd be a big warning guy.
We'll let you off with a warning.
Sure.
Take the drugs, for sure.