Name: Everything You NEED To Know About Tim Dillon | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2025-01-18T22:53:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everything You NEED To Know About Tim Dillon | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everything You NEED To Know About Tim Dillon | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-18. Transcript available.

Buddy, what is the origin story of Tim Dillon?
Tell me the whole piece.
Long Island kid.
Long Island guy.
You know, mom's a schizophrenic, dad's a failed musician, cocaine at 13, you
know, smoke weed, love the Siggies, boozed it hard.
That is all checks out.
C average.
Public school up until Holy Trinity Catholic school, but really a public school
with uniforms, one of the lower tier.
Catholic schools, you know, our theater arts teachers would make out with kids
in the hall.
Like that type of school.
Everybody's having fun.
Playing it fast and loose over there.
What's funny about that is that's true.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
No brothers or sisters?
No brothers or sisters.
What about cousins?
Was there a big family around?
One just died choking on a sandwich.
Other one's a heroin addict.
I mean, I swear to God.
No, it's not true.
I swear to God.
What kind of sandwich?
Do you know?
We don't know.
It was a godfather for sure.
Other one's a heroin addict.
Other one, you know, they're all, it's all bad.
I am a gay ex-cocad comedian.
I'm the most successful by far.
Like it's not even close.
You know, dad was going to be a musician.
That didn't work.
What did he actually do though?
He sang.
He wrote songs and sang.
How were you paying the rent and the mortgage and stuff like that?
He was a wine salesman.
Okay.
That's probably all right though.
So he was, he did that.
You know, he did that.
And then my mother was a swim teacher.
She taught swimming.
She wasn't really rolling in the dough.
Two words.
Legacy money.
That's generational wealth.
Yeah.
I feel like those lessons took place in an above ground pool for sure.
Collected Beanie Babies and Hess trucks to even it out.
The keystone of trash.
Yeah.
Do you get a Hess truck every year?
Oh yeah.
Sometimes it had a helicopter.
Yeah.
Those things are all right, man.
As long as the batteries were good.
Clean living.
When you come from the type of human filth I do, your idea is that you will be
saved by
some kind of collectible.
Yes.
State quarters are big.
Most people put their effort or energy into like some type of functional
business.
But my mother and many people like her felt that like if you waited on a long
enough line,
money was on the other end of it.
Sure.
Like if you just stuck it out in a line at Burger King to get the fucking
commemorative
Disney Little Mermaid toy set and you got 10 of them and wrapped them in
plastic and put
them under the bed, one day your ship was going to come in.
That's your 401k right there.
Is that stuff still out there?
Is that still somewhere?
During Hurricane Sandy, a lot of it floated down the street.
Like you saw like Princess Diana bears and stuff just floating down the street.
Hurricane Sandy finally I think was the nail in the coffin.
Jesus Christ.
But every now and then my uncle will go on eBay and sell one or two Beanie Babies
so we
could give my mother money at the mental institution.
Is it too dark?
I'm sorry.
We've just started.
Hey, you're getting the golden plan.
Should we even call this Are You Garbage?
Should we even put a question mark?
No.
Was McDonald's Monopoly a big deal?
McDonald's Monopoly was huge.
My friend's parents collected Marlboro miles.
Hey.
I did my family.
Yeah.
Like they had coats.
They had a tent.
Yeah.
Sleeping bag.
Yeah.
They had an entire outdoors.
Yeah.
A canteen.
They had a Marlboro canteen.
My friend Shea Magulahan.
Italian kid?
So just to give you an idea, it's yeah.
Yikes.
What was the house?
Was it a single family home?
Single family home, two stories, not a bad house.
We had an in-ground pool.
That's good.
Because my mother taught swimming in it.
Okay.
Which was nice.
She did it at the house?
She did it at the house.
Damn.
That's the equivalent of cutting hair in the garage.
Yeah.
That's tough.
Every now and then, she would also do it in the rec.
She'd do it at the rec center.
But she was like, you know, you get the private money.
Sure.
In the house.
The money's in the in-calls.
Yeah.
The inside work.
Hey, listen.
We could do it at the rec center.
Or we can lower it a little bit.
I'd pocket most of the cash.
We just shocked the pool.
Come on over.
So that's where they were at.
Not big savers of money.
Where did they come from?
How back is the Irish?
Forever.
So my grandfather came over to this country when he was four on a boat.
Okay.
He was really successful.
He ended up being like a millionaire, multimillionaire, general contractor,
worked his way up from being homeless.
Dad's dad?
Mom's dad.
Yeah.
Dad's dad.
Okay.
And my father inherited absolutely none of the ambition, drive, intelligence,
grit, determination,
or longing for his family to have a better life.
My dad got none of that.
He did like a couple of cocktails, but he didn't inherit anything else.
My father's family, a little bit of money, but again, it was the old generation
where you didn't get any of it.
Right.
So you didn't get any of it.
A lot of it went to the church.
My mother's father died of a heart attack because he was big into amphetamines.
Big into taking.
He was a drunk and he took pills.
Jesus.
And then my mother's.
He's talking about ahead of his time.
My mother's mother was a saint.
My grandmother, who I loved, who helped raise me.
She raised two kids, no husband, because he had OD'd or whatever.
And then.
He leads with OD or whatever.
And then my dad's family had money.
My dad's family had money.
So you ripped it from the eulogy.
I like it.
My dad's family lived in Mutton Town, which is a really nice part of Long
Island where
Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony lived.
Okay.
It's like Brookville, Mutton Town.
I lived in a really nice, my girlfriend had a two acre home, pool, tennis court,
all that
stuff.
That's the crazy thing about Long Island is how mixed in the money and the
trash is.
Yes.
Like insane, like Gatsby homes.
Yes.
Like fucking, some of the oldest money in the country.
And then we have Levittown where people are falling down on fentanyl.
Oh, that's bad.
Right there in a diner.
Yeah.
So it's a real chasm.
Damn.
Yeah.
That is fucking.
So that's the origin.
Jesus Christ.
And you went to college.
No.
Well, Nassau Community College and then I dropped out.
Okay.
I went to Nassau Community College.
I was on the debate team.
I enjoyed that.
You're probably dunking on people.
Dunking on people.
Yeah.
Real good.
Real good at that.
Then I got into selling mortgages because my debate partner had a Range Rover.
And I said, fuck, how do you do this?
He goes, you sell mortgages.
I'm like, great.
So I started that and then cocaine came back into the picture.
In a nice way.
Stopped by for the weekend.
Yeah.
And then some pills, a little perka doodle doo, perka doodle doo.
That was probably in their heyday when pills started really cooking.
They were like, no one knew anything at that point.
My morning routine was a bacon, egg, and cheese.
Two eggs over medium.
Salt, pepper, ketchup, bacon, obviously cheese.
American cheese.
On a roll.
Kaiser roll.
Kaiser roll.
Untoasted.
Got to be soft unless I will complain.
A double tall nonfat lattes and being responsible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And two perka doodle dinks, perka doodle do's, perkies.
And about eight Newport cigarettes on the way to work.
That's a good morning.
It's a good breakfast morning.
That makes AM radio all right.
It helps you shit.
You get to the office.
You take a shit for about 30 minutes.
You sit down at your desk for about two minutes.
Everything settles.
You take a 20, 25-minute shit, and then you come back and start the day.
That's all right, dude.
And there's a lot of people doing that right now.
Shout out to those people.
Shout out to the people.
Oh, man.
You take a 25-minute Percocet shit at work.
A couple of Percocet and a cup of coffee in the morning.
Ain't too shabby.
I'll tell you that right now.
That first Bernie's in the habit.
It was Newport's?
It was Newport's.
I started, and now I'm like back.
I go on and off the cigs.
It's very hard.
What do you smoke now?
Marlboro Lights every now and then.
You got to get a glassy.
Gentleman's cig.
I started with Marlboro Reds that me and my friend Shea would steal out of his
mother
because they bought by the carton.
Yeah.
We started with Reds.
Then, check this.
For no reason at all, we went to basic unfiltered.
Jesus Christ.
This guy's a madman.
At 13 years old, basic unfiltered just because we were like, fuck it.
Why not?
Because his grandmother had basic unfiltered.
So then we just started having-
It's a bargain.
We used to have to stand outside of like a-
Of course.
Like a deli or something.
Wicky Mark, Lazy Cow, whatever.
And we'd have to go, hey, can you buy us a pack of cigs?
And people would, which was nice.
Of course, dude.
That's how you got cigs.
Back then, people would go, hey, Mickey, can you get me a pack of cigs?
Back then, now, nobody would ever do anything.
That'd be insane.
Back then, people gave me vanilla Dodge, cigs.
So we were basic unfiltered.
Then we said, all right, this is fucking old and stupid.
We went to Marlboro Menthol Lights.
And we chilled with those for a while.
It's like a candy cane.
And then the Newport stayed around for the vast majority of, and then I
switched off the
Newports because they were tough.
I went back to Marlboro Lights, and then eventually to Marlboro Lights.
There you go.
We did noops, too.
Yeah.
For some reason, you're like 14.
Because they're around.
They're around the people that you're talking with.
They had good marketing back in the day, too.
They made those beach parties look all right.
They also tell you that it increases your high 15%.
It does have a Newport.
They tell you, because of the fiberglass, it takes you to the next level.
That's right.
And it does.
It cuts it.
It cuts your lungs.
It does.
If you smoke weed, if you're watching this, you're a kid.
If you smoke weed.
It's a family show, Tim.
Smoke a Newport afterwards, because it just puts you in that right frame.
Sure.
Of course.
Of course.
The diet's an apple.
Now, when people would buy you cigs, you would stand out there and wait.
And you would, like, you could always tell by the car.
Like, whatever car pulled up.
You're like, this guy is a fan.
This guy will do it.
Was there a main guy that you knew?
No.
We would just stand outside.
And it's horribly embarrassing when they say, no, we're 14 years old.
I know.
It's the worst.
And they're like, no, I can't do that.
And we're like.
You could always tell.
If a guy got out and left his car running, you're like,
that guy will buy cigs.
It's a good cigs.
For sure.
Somebody smoking was a good cigs.
Yes, of course.
And we would give them five bucks.
A pack was probably, like, $2.75 or three bucks.
Yes.
We'd go, you can keep the change.
We'll give you five.
You can keep the change.
I'd almost get you a pack.
There's something in it for you.
You wet your beak.
We used to go, hey, go in there.
Get me two vanilla Dutchers and two packs of Newports.
And, you know, thank you so much.
And then if they said yes, we'd be like, fuck yeah.
And then I remember one time, this was great.
This was literally, this is where we go like this.
We go, hey, because they also had sandwiches.
We go, can you just grab us a sandwich?
Give me a meatball sub, will you?
The guy goes, I'm not getting you a fucking sandwich.
He goes, you can get a fucking sandwich.
I'm like, well, you're already in there.
There's no point of both of us being in there.
I'm not getting you a fucking sandwich.
Delight on the mail, okay?
A couple of sun chips for the gang, too.
So eventually, you know, he just got us the cigs.
But yeah, and then eventually-
Get me a sandwich.
And then eventually we got the guy in town who didn't care.
Of course.
The guy who just sold you the cigs.
Oh, yeah, you find that guy, for sure.
You find the guy.
So, day-to-day basis, your mom and dad were taking care of you and stuff like
that.
You said your grandmother kind of raised you.
Well, my mother and father were doing what boomers did, which is like, they put
you on
a school bus.
Sure.
They drop you off at a thing.
They go, good luck.
We wish you well.
I was an actor when I was, they thought I was going to make money as an actor,
as a
kid.
I was a good-looking little kid, so they were like, now they didn't have the
wherewithal
to pimp me out.
Yeah.
Like, they should have, you know what I mean?
They tried to play it straight.
They tried to play it straight.
Bad movie.
They should have just sent photos of my ass all over Hollywood.
But I was a bad actor.
Trying to book a role here.
I was a bad actor.
Come on, show a little skin.
I had this voice at seven.
It was horrible.
Anybody got a light?
Yeah.
I was like a cute kid, and I'd walk in, and I would audition for like big
movies, like
Man of the House with Johnny the Taylor Thomas.
They'd be like, all right, so now you're going out with your dad, and he's
divorced,
and, you know, you're connecting with him again, but you feel awkward, and I'd
get the
script, and I'd be like, okay.
I'd be like, Mom is okay.
I'm okay, too.
And then they would be so horrified, so I didn't book anything for years, but
that's what my
parents thought, their get-out-of-jail-free car.
Was you.
You were their beanie baby.
You were the next beanie baby.
I was the next Hess truck.
You want to hear an order?
This is my order of Fridays.
You want to get?
I'd go in there.
As an adult or as a kid?
As a child.
Jesus.
This is what I used to do.
Listen, honey, get your pad and paper on it.
You're not going to remember all this.
Tostado nachos, salad with, because I love the Friday salad, because they
loaded it with
cheese, croutons, bacon, and then you would get the breadsticks.
Salad with ranch, tostado nachos, salad with ranch, pulled pork sandwich that
comes with
french fries, and onto that, the loaded baked potato.
Now, the loaded baked potatoes-
What little kid's getting a loaded baked potato?
How's the divorce going, buddy?
A smart-
Holy shit!
A smart one, because here's what I would do.
I would get the extra Jack Daniels sauce, and it would go right into the potato.
And then, like, you have this loaded baked potato with Jack Daniels sauce.
It's still, every now and then, if I'm on the road, I'll go into Fridays, get a
loaded
mash, throw some Jack Daniels sauce on there, and eat it.
What are your parents saying when you're making this order?
They're kind of just fine with it.
They're just, like, impressed that I can order.
I'm like, you know, a lot of kids are like-
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell them what you want, that kind of thing.
You're speaking in French?
A lot of kids are like-
Sure.
You know, so at least they're like, he can talk.
Uh-huh, yeah.
You know?
I'm like, oh, the tostado nachos.
Are they good today?
Who's cooking?
But, you know, the answer to that is they were horrible parents.
Yeah.
Well, I feel like the 90s like that was wide open.
No, the 90s-
Nobody cared.
The boomer, and I'm working on a book right now about boomers and the way they
parented,
and it's really, like, amazing to watch the difference between the way we were
parented and the kids are parenting now.
Oh, it's nuts.
My parents might have said a few times, hey, you should go to college, but they
took no interest.
Like, the idea of, like, them, like, going around to schools-
With you for, like, the weekend?
Oh, won't you have fun here?
You'll like it here.
Like, they were such deeply selfish people that had no designs on me becoming a
productive human being at all.
They were incredibly selfish, you know, morally questionable demons from hell.
We basically were just sharing-
Sounds like a nice little Saturday.
Yeah, I mean, you know-
You guys were, like, roommates.
We were just kind of, like, hanging out.
Yeah.
We were just hanging out.
I get it.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I remember even, like, thinking.
I don't even think I went on visit.
I went to-
I visited one college, I think, by myself.
Yeah.
I used to smoke cigarettes in my grandmother's house when I was, like, 13, 14,
just in the house.
Did she know?
They knew?
She knew, yeah.
I would smoke cigarettes in the house.
They didn't care.
They didn't care.
Yeah.
That's fucking-
My friend's mother used to let us do coke, weed, everything.
Everybody's-
My parents didn't do that.
They hated drugs.
Everybody's got that one friend's house where you walk in and you're like-
Oh!
I remember sitting in some being like, I shouldn't fucking be here.
Right.
This is bad.
Right.
This is not great.
You're always thinking, like, when are your parents coming home?
Yeah.
They'll just never be around.
And then they're home and they start doing drugs with us.
And we're like, oh!
You guys got a white pie?
My friend's mother was a prostitute.
Really?
And she made a lot of money in the 70s in a city high-end call girl and bought
a house
and everything.
Great woman.
Good looking?
Like, eh.
She was then.
Uh-huh.
She knew how to-
She knew how to-
Package the goods?
As she said, clean the pipes.
Oh.
Her words, not mine.
She knew how to-

Everything You NEED To Know About Tim Dillon | Are You Garbage

Buddy, what is the origin story of Tim Dillon?
Tell me the whole piece.
Long Island kid.
Long Island guy.
You know, mom's a schizophrenic, dad's a failed musician, cocaine at 13, you
know, smoke weed, love the Siggies, boozed it hard.
That is all checks out.
C average.
Public school up until Holy Trinity Catholic school, but really a public school
with uniforms, one of the lower tier.
Catholic schools, you know, our theater arts teachers would make out with kids
in the hall.
Like that type of school.
Everybody's having fun.
Playing it fast and loose over there.
What's funny about that is that's true.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
No brothers or sisters?
No brothers or sisters.
What about cousins?
Was there a big family around?
One just died choking on a sandwich.
Other one's a heroin addict.
I mean, I swear to God.
No, it's not true.
I swear to God.
What kind of sandwich?
Do you know?
We don't know.
It was a godfather for sure.
Other one's a heroin addict.
Other one, you know, they're all, it's all bad.
I am a gay ex-cocad comedian.
I'm the most successful by far.
Like it's not even close.
You know, dad was going to be a musician.
That didn't work.
What did he actually do though?
He sang.
He wrote songs and sang.
How were you paying the rent and the mortgage and stuff like that?
He was a wine salesman.
Okay.
That's probably all right though.
So he was, he did that.
You know, he did that.
And then my mother was a swim teacher.
She taught swimming.
She wasn't really rolling in the dough.
Two words.
Legacy money.
That's generational wealth.
Yeah.
I feel like those lessons took place in an above ground pool for sure.
Collected Beanie Babies and Hess trucks to even it out.
The keystone of trash.
Yeah.
Do you get a Hess truck every year?
Oh yeah.
Sometimes it had a helicopter.
Yeah.
Those things are all right, man.
As long as the batteries were good.
Clean living.
When you come from the type of human filth I do, your idea is that you will be
saved by
some kind of collectible.
Yes.
State quarters are big.
Most people put their effort or energy into like some type of functional
business.
But my mother and many people like her felt that like if you waited on a long
enough line,
money was on the other end of it.
Sure.
Like if you just stuck it out in a line at Burger King to get the fucking
commemorative
Disney Little Mermaid toy set and you got 10 of them and wrapped them in
plastic and put
them under the bed, one day your ship was going to come in.
That's your 401k right there.
Is that stuff still out there?
Is that still somewhere?
During Hurricane Sandy, a lot of it floated down the street.
Like you saw like Princess Diana bears and stuff just floating down the street.
Hurricane Sandy finally I think was the nail in the coffin.
Jesus Christ.
But every now and then my uncle will go on eBay and sell one or two Beanie Babies
so we
could give my mother money at the mental institution.
Is it too dark?
I'm sorry.
We've just started.
Hey, you're getting the golden plan.
Should we even call this Are You Garbage?
Should we even put a question mark?
No.
Was McDonald's Monopoly a big deal?
McDonald's Monopoly was huge.
My friend's parents collected Marlboro miles.
Hey.
I did my family.
Yeah.
Like they had coats.
They had a tent.
Yeah.
Sleeping bag.
Yeah.
They had an entire outdoors.
Yeah.
A canteen.
They had a Marlboro canteen.
My friend Shea Magulahan.
Italian kid?
So just to give you an idea, it's yeah.
Yikes.
What was the house?
Was it a single family home?
Single family home, two stories, not a bad house.
We had an in-ground pool.
That's good.
Because my mother taught swimming in it.
Okay.
Which was nice.
She did it at the house?
She did it at the house.
Damn.
That's the equivalent of cutting hair in the garage.
Yeah.
That's tough.
Every now and then, she would also do it in the rec.
She'd do it at the rec center.
But she was like, you know, you get the private money.
Sure.
In the house.
The money's in the in-calls.
Yeah.
The inside work.
Hey, listen.
We could do it at the rec center.
Or we can lower it a little bit.
I'd pocket most of the cash.
We just shocked the pool.
Come on over.
So that's where they were at.
Not big savers of money.
Where did they come from?
How back is the Irish?
Forever.
So my grandfather came over to this country when he was four on a boat.
Okay.
He was really successful.
He ended up being like a millionaire, multimillionaire, general contractor,
worked his way up from being homeless.
Dad's dad?
Mom's dad.
Yeah.
Dad's dad.
Okay.
And my father inherited absolutely none of the ambition, drive, intelligence,
grit, determination,
or longing for his family to have a better life.
My dad got none of that.
He did like a couple of cocktails, but he didn't inherit anything else.
My father's family, a little bit of money, but again, it was the old generation
where you didn't get any of it.
Right.
So you didn't get any of it.
A lot of it went to the church.
My mother's father died of a heart attack because he was big into amphetamines.
Big into taking.
He was a drunk and he took pills.
Jesus.
And then my mother's.
He's talking about ahead of his time.
My mother's mother was a saint.
My grandmother, who I loved, who helped raise me.
She raised two kids, no husband, because he had OD'd or whatever.
And then.
He leads with OD or whatever.
And then my dad's family had money.
My dad's family had money.
So you ripped it from the eulogy.
I like it.
My dad's family lived in Mutton Town, which is a really nice part of Long
Island where
Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony lived.
Okay.
It's like Brookville, Mutton Town.
I lived in a really nice, my girlfriend had a two acre home, pool, tennis court,
all that
stuff.
That's the crazy thing about Long Island is how mixed in the money and the
trash is.
Yes.
Like insane, like Gatsby homes.
Yes.
Like fucking, some of the oldest money in the country.
And then we have Levittown where people are falling down on fentanyl.
Oh, that's bad.
Right there in a diner.
Yeah.
So it's a real chasm.
Damn.
Yeah.
That is fucking.
So that's the origin.
Jesus Christ.
And you went to college.
No.
Well, Nassau Community College and then I dropped out.
Okay.
I went to Nassau Community College.
I was on the debate team.
I enjoyed that.
You're probably dunking on people.
Dunking on people.
Yeah.
Real good.
Real good at that.
Then I got into selling mortgages because my debate partner had a Range Rover.
And I said, fuck, how do you do this?
He goes, you sell mortgages.
I'm like, great.
So I started that and then cocaine came back into the picture.
In a nice way.
Stopped by for the weekend.
Yeah.
And then some pills, a little perka doodle doo, perka doodle doo.
That was probably in their heyday when pills started really cooking.
They were like, no one knew anything at that point.
My morning routine was a bacon, egg, and cheese.
Two eggs over medium.
Salt, pepper, ketchup, bacon, obviously cheese.
American cheese.
On a roll.
Kaiser roll.
Kaiser roll.
Untoasted.
Got to be soft unless I will complain.
A double tall nonfat lattes and being responsible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And two perka doodle dinks, perka doodle do's, perkies.
And about eight Newport cigarettes on the way to work.
That's a good morning.
It's a good breakfast morning.
That makes AM radio all right.
It helps you shit.
You get to the office.
You take a shit for about 30 minutes.
You sit down at your desk for about two minutes.
Everything settles.
You take a 20, 25-minute shit, and then you come back and start the day.
That's all right, dude.
And there's a lot of people doing that right now.
Shout out to those people.
Shout out to the people.
Oh, man.
You take a 25-minute Percocet shit at work.
A couple of Percocet and a cup of coffee in the morning.
Ain't too shabby.
I'll tell you that right now.
That first Bernie's in the habit.
It was Newport's?
It was Newport's.
I started, and now I'm like back.
I go on and off the cigs.
It's very hard.
What do you smoke now?
Marlboro Lights every now and then.
You got to get a glassy.
Gentleman's cig.
I started with Marlboro Reds that me and my friend Shea would steal out of his
mother
because they bought by the carton.
Yeah.
We started with Reds.
Then, check this.
For no reason at all, we went to basic unfiltered.
Jesus Christ.
This guy's a madman.
At 13 years old, basic unfiltered just because we were like, fuck it.
Why not?
Because his grandmother had basic unfiltered.
So then we just started having-
It's a bargain.
We used to have to stand outside of like a-
Of course.
Like a deli or something.
Wicky Mark, Lazy Cow, whatever.
And we'd have to go, hey, can you buy us a pack of cigs?
And people would, which was nice.
Of course, dude.
That's how you got cigs.
Back then, people would go, hey, Mickey, can you get me a pack of cigs?
Back then, now, nobody would ever do anything.
That'd be insane.
Back then, people gave me vanilla Dodge, cigs.
So we were basic unfiltered.
Then we said, all right, this is fucking old and stupid.
We went to Marlboro Menthol Lights.
And we chilled with those for a while.
It's like a candy cane.
And then the Newport stayed around for the vast majority of, and then I
switched off the
Newports because they were tough.
I went back to Marlboro Lights, and then eventually to Marlboro Lights.
There you go.
We did noops, too.
Yeah.
For some reason, you're like 14.
Because they're around.
They're around the people that you're talking with.
They had good marketing back in the day, too.
They made those beach parties look all right.
They also tell you that it increases your high 15%.
It does have a Newport.
They tell you, because of the fiberglass, it takes you to the next level.
That's right.
And it does.
It cuts it.
It cuts your lungs.
It does.
If you smoke weed, if you're watching this, you're a kid.
If you smoke weed.
It's a family show, Tim.
Smoke a Newport afterwards, because it just puts you in that right frame.
Sure.
Of course.
Of course.
The diet's an apple.
Now, when people would buy you cigs, you would stand out there and wait.
And you would, like, you could always tell by the car.
Like, whatever car pulled up.
You're like, this guy is a fan.
This guy will do it.
Was there a main guy that you knew?
No.
We would just stand outside.
And it's horribly embarrassing when they say, no, we're 14 years old.
I know.
It's the worst.
And they're like, no, I can't do that.
And we're like.
You could always tell.
If a guy got out and left his car running, you're like,
that guy will buy cigs.
It's a good cigs.
For sure.
Somebody smoking was a good cigs.
Yes, of course.
And we would give them five bucks.
A pack was probably, like, $2.75 or three bucks.
Yes.
We'd go, you can keep the change.
We'll give you five.
You can keep the change.
I'd almost get you a pack.
There's something in it for you.
You wet your beak.
We used to go, hey, go in there.
Get me two vanilla Dutchers and two packs of Newports.
And, you know, thank you so much.
And then if they said yes, we'd be like, fuck yeah.
And then I remember one time, this was great.
This was literally, this is where we go like this.
We go, hey, because they also had sandwiches.
We go, can you just grab us a sandwich?
Give me a meatball sub, will you?
The guy goes, I'm not getting you a fucking sandwich.
He goes, you can get a fucking sandwich.
I'm like, well, you're already in there.
There's no point of both of us being in there.
I'm not getting you a fucking sandwich.
Delight on the mail, okay?
A couple of sun chips for the gang, too.
So eventually, you know, he just got us the cigs.
But yeah, and then eventually-
Get me a sandwich.
And then eventually we got the guy in town who didn't care.
Of course.
The guy who just sold you the cigs.
Oh, yeah, you find that guy, for sure.
You find the guy.
So, day-to-day basis, your mom and dad were taking care of you and stuff like
that.
You said your grandmother kind of raised you.
Well, my mother and father were doing what boomers did, which is like, they put
you on
a school bus.
S