Name: The Young Man's AGONY of Dial-Up Internet | Stavros Halkias on Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2025-01-20T16:01:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Young Man's AGONY of Dial-Up Internet | Stavros Halkias on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Young Man's AGONY of Dial-Up Internet | Stavros Halkias on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-20. Transcript available.

Like, being poor makes it feel like I was Gen X in certain ways.
Like, I'm not an internet.
I didn't have the internet until we had dial-up when I was, again, in middle
school.
Try jerking off to that.
It was tough.
I tried.
We had to do it.
I printed pictures and jacked off to them.
We'd go to freeones.com.
Yeah.
I spent a lot of time trying to find naked WWE ladies.
Woo!
Shout out to Sable.
Yeah, Sable.
A lot of stuff going on.
There was a couple fakes that I still think of.
I don't jack off to them, but I think of them fondly.
There you go.
They're sort of the, maybe I'll incorporate them in the appetizer part of jerking
off.
Sure.
When you're just kind of thinking about stuff.
We would have to.
A footsie under the table at dinner?
What we would do is we'd go to free ones.
You'd find a lady or multiple people or ladies you liked.
And you'd save, no, you wouldn't save.
I think you would, yeah, you would save the picture or copy it and paste it in
a Word document.
And then you could put like four or five.
You could make them work on one page and then just print that.
A lot of ink.
It's still the same amount of ink, though.
I know.
The paper's not the problem.
No, it was the ink.
Yeah, it was the ink, but still.
It didn't have color.
It's black and white.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Old school, baby.
Yeah, dude.
It was fucking, it was hilarious.
And then we got, there was a weird period where we had dial-up so late that
like Kazaa
and all that other shit is already, like downloading MP3s and videos is already
happening.
But because it was dial-up, to download a video, I would literally just put it
on all night.
Yeah, go to bed.
We just wouldn't have a telephone.
We wouldn't have an available telephone.
So that I could jack off.
Yeah, it was awesome.
My parents were such immigrants that they had no idea how the computer worked
at all.
And then one day my mom, like it was, it was, it was atrocious.
She just like, she just like figured, took some class at the library and it was
just like.
Fucking bamboozled.
Came back from the learning annex.
Yeah, my, I never even, I was so fucking cocky.
I never even bothered to clear my internet history.
I was like, I'm not, I'm not fucking losing these memories.
I need to know what to jack off to.
And it was just like, you know, bang bus.
The confidence of a teen, a young teenager not to clear cookies is great.
My mom didn't know how to use a computer.
What'd she say to you?
There was even one that was like, and, and then, you know, it would link you.
I think it would, you know, you would link to other shit.
There wasn't like the tube sites.
You would go on specific websites.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you would, and you would watch the teasers.
Shout out to the teasers.
And you got, I got deep.
And then, you know, it's fucked up what a teenage boy, like children now, what
they're getting into, it must be insane.
But one of the sites, you just are like, let's see the most fucking weird shit.
And one of them was literally crackwhores.com.
And I just remember hearing my mother, who I've never used a computer ever in
her life, just yell like, what is crackwhores.com?
In her fucking Greek accent, I was like, ah, we must, and the classic, we got a
virus, ma.
Virus was big.
It's a virus, you dumb bitch.
I was doing work for school.
It's the Turks, ma.
You're at it again.
You think I'm on crackwhores.com?
And that one's fucked up because that did, I remember going on it and
horrifying me.
But it still was in the, it was still in the fucking.
I'm still jerked off to it.
No, it actually made me like for a second rethink what I was doing.
I would have to clear cookies, clear history, and then I would open up the
browser again and start typing to make sure nothing popped up.
Sure, sure, sure.
I'd type in like sex or horse or whatever, make sure nothing auto popped up.
I remember my dad getting busted with shit like that.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
He would just ruin laptop after laptop, not realizing what was going on, and it
would just be, it's like you're one solitaire.
And my mom was like, what's going on?
Fucking brutal, man.
Oh, man.
Goddamn.
That is good stuff.
.