Name: The Ultimate Potato Debate! With Stavros Halkias
Uploaded: 2025-01-20T21:31:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Ultimate Potato Debate! With Stavros Halkias' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Ultimate Potato Debate! With Stavros Halkias' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-20. Transcript available.

We got a couple bigger gentlemen here who like to dabble in starchy foods.
This one's from Professor Moist.
$10 a shareholder.
Is it garbage to put ketchup on a mashed potato?
No.
No.
Yes, it is.
I mean, I'm not saying it's not good.
On a baked potato, definitely not.
What?
I saw my uncle do this one time.
You're saying it's not garbage?
It's not garbage to put it on a baked potato.
I agree with that.
You guys are out of your fucking mind.
A baked potato is an elevated form of a potato.
A mashed potato.
Listen, if you're getting it in a fucking steakhouse, you're getting it in a
steakhouse.
You know what I mean?
You're fucking squirting some fucking...
Who gets a baked potato at a steakhouse?
That's a classic.
Double stuffed or something like that.
Twice baked.
Yeah, twice baked.
By the way, twice baked is the classiest potato.
Loaded?
No, once it's loaded, it's not classy.
I'll give you that.
It's classy when they give you a little fucking tray and there's a little thing,
a little ramekin
of chives, a little ramekin of butter and sour cream.
That's class.
That's a classy potato.
I think that, dude, to me, it's like putting it in soup.
It's like too much of a liquid to put on mashed potatoes.
Hold on.
Let me explain myself.
You're creating some weird fucked up soup.
Yeah, it changes the consistency of the food.
True, true, true.
Let me explain myself.
Garbage, not garbage.
I don't know about any of that.
It's garbage.
First of all.
I do know.
I mean, first of all, you should.
If you take a baked potato and you slice it into almost like home fry pieces
with the butter
on it and hit it with a little ketchup, it's delicious.
Well, what we're talking about now, though, is you've transformed the form of
the potato,
right?
Because you've made it more of a Western fry.
You've kind of put it in quarters.
And that is fine.
You have met.
That's fine.
You have met the final potato box fully.
Listen, fully.
Gentlemen, I'm going to ask you to both leave the room.
Leave me and Mr. Halkius a loom.
I slap him with a glove.
Yeah, I think we've said it before, but it's like the Lincoln-Douglas debates
for fat guys.
But a baked potato, when you slice it up, and then especially if you slice it
and then pop
it back in to get a toast, you've essentially re-categorized it as a fry, as a
Western fry.
Who said they were putting it back in?
I'm just saying if you slice it up.
I like where your head's at, though.
Don't tell me you didn't chub up a little bit when he said that.
But if it is served as a baked potato, we have to have some kind of respect for
each
different form of potato.
I'll give you that.
You know?
Like, are you putting fucking ketchup on scalloped potatoes?
I would.
Oh, man.
I would.
You can't do shit like that.
On mash, though.
Okay, we'll stick with the top.
Now, hold on, hold on.
Let me put a bit.
Where are you where there's ketchup available and mashed potatoes at the same
time?
When is that on the table?
Or a diner?
You're getting mashed potatoes at a diner?
I love mashed potatoes at a diner.
Really?
This is the reason it's absolutely garbage, because mashed potatoes on their
own are almost
always garbage.
Like, not good?
They're keetering on the garbage.
Not good or trashy?
No, you get like a whipped mash at like a...
Sometimes at a diner, I'll get a burger and get mashed instead of fried.
That's fucked up.
That's too many carbs.
That's so fucked up.
That's a lot of...
What's the difference?
They're not fried.
They're boiled.
What are you, lubricating the burger down your throat?
You want it to travel down your gullet easier?
Do you dip the burger in the mashed potatoes all bent?
I don't know who you've been talking to.
Because I use mashed potatoes as an adhesive for the rest of my food on the
plate.
You get that on the fork, and then you dip around and collect everything.
Okay, a mashed potato, if it's ever going to be not trash, is a side to
something with
a protein and a vegetable, and it should come with maybe a little...
See, that's the thing.
If it's not going to be trash, it does come with some kind of sauce, maybe an
au jus, some
other kind of dipping sauce.
Sure.
But once you take the mashed potato and you take it to its lower forms, boxed,
for example,
boxed, mashed, never not trashed.
No, 100%.
It doesn't exist.
Even at a fucking diner, mashed potatoes, I would even say ketchup might be the
dividing
line to when mashed potatoes become trash or not.
Wow.
Because if it's fucked up to even conceive of asking for ketchup at a place
where they
have mashed potatoes, that's a classy mashed potato.
Yeah.
But if someone would bring you ketchup without a second thought, it's trash 100%.
Yeah.
That waiter's not going to go, sir, please, the chef does not recommend it.
Yeah, exactly.
He's going to be like, here you go, you want some mustard, too?
You want me to fucking pour mayo down your throat, too?
Who fucking cares?
I brought you some barbecue sauce.
Hey, Louie in the back wants to know if you want a job.
Yeah, we're out of dumpsters.
So, you know, this is good.
I'm glad we went through this thought.
Of course.
All right.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
Thank you.
With the instant mashed potatoes, that's all we had until I was, I think, about
12.
No, me too.
Really?
We were solid.
That, to me, was always like a thing that my mom, I mean, Irish.
It was just, you're doing potatoes.
Right, right, right.
It was sacrilegious not to do a box of it.
I mean, also, what's a sack of potatoes?
Fucking 45 cents?
You know what I mean?
It's not like you're saving a box.
It's the ease, though.
It's the ease.
Yeah, my dad also loved canned potatoes.
You ever have those?
That sucks.
That's insane.
They're great, though.
That's like fish bait.
What do you mean, canned?
A whole potato canned?
They're like quarter.
They're like little baby potatoes.
What's the consistency?
Are they boiled?
It's like, yeah, it tastes like a boiled potato.
Are you supposed to then mash them?
No, you're supposed to.
He used them to make home fries.
He would slice them up.
Interesting.
But they were already cooked through.
I'll allow it.
I'm interested.
A little ketchup on there now.
You have to transform them, though, again.
Of course.
They're a chopped ingredient.
With a little bit of onions.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Make it nice.
They're a chopped ingredient.
What did you do with the boiled potatoes?
Shout out to Chopped, by the way.
Great show.
Great formulaic show.
Great show.
I'm in.
I love it.
It's great.
And shout out to the trash version, Guy's Grocery Game.
Yes.
If Chopped is a little too heady for you.
Yeah.
It's a little too cerebral.
If it's a little too fancy.
If they're making food that you don't like that's icky, go to Guy's.
If you're listening to this podcast, watch Guy's Grocery Game.
Yeah, there you go.
I tell you, he's getting real comfortable, by the way.
I love him.
He's smoking that cigar everywhere he goes now.
He's bringing every family member who has a job.
Yeah.
It's like his son.
He's got his whole crew.
Yeah.
It's like everyone's like, what the fuck?
You know.
I respect the shit out of that.
Salute to him.
Get everybody on a payroll.
Salute to him.
Make the Food Network pay for everybody's goddamn salary.
Salute to him.