Name: Foley Learns How Blackjack and Casinos ACTUALLY Work! with Stavros Halkias
Uploaded: 2025-01-21T19:38:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Foley Learns How Blackjack and Casinos ACTUALLY Work! with Stavros Halkias' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Foley Learns How Blackjack and Casinos ACTUALLY Work! with Stavros Halkias' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-21. Transcript available.

All right, let's see here.
This one's just funny.
This is from Cody, $10 buffoon.
You ever watch the YouTube tutorial on how to count cards while you're flying
to Vegas?
Talk about plan B.
Talk about just needing a chip in a chair, dude.
Just like one last swing at it.
I love that.
I have done the, there's apps that tell you like how you should play blackjack.
And I've done that.
I'm like, you know what, dude?
By the time I get off this fucking flight, I'm going to be tight.
I'm going to know every move to make.
I'm going to, you know, and then you lose $400.
They always win.
Instantly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How the fuck do they always win?
Yeah.
That dealer can't be that much better than you.
It's not skill.
It's numbers, idiot.
Yeah.
It's statistics.
It's awesome.
I don't care.
No, no, keep training, Foley.
Keep training.
You'll get them.
They always get blackjack.
Yeah, that's how the game is set up.
What do you mean?
First of all, they don't always get blackjack.
I genuinely love you think it's their skill is coming into play.
It's not?
No.
I thought that's how they got the job.
It's not.
The blackjack combine.
Hey, buddy, how many times can you pull 20?
Wait, aren't they skilled card players?
No.
Not players, you dumbass.
Dealers.
What are you saying?
Most of them are drug addicts.
I thought you were a really good card player, and then they hired you.
To what?
Make minimum wage?
That doesn't make any sense.
No?
Why wouldn't you just be a good card player on your own?
Do you think they keep the money?
No.
I don't think they keep the money.
I mean, they get bonuses or something like that.
If they really break you up.
If they win.
If they really bust you down.
Wait, so why is it in their advantage, then?
What do you mean?
That's what a casino is.
You're playing against.
You're trying to beat them.
Yes.
So you make the moves, and if you bust, they still take your money, even if
they bust.
Wow.
You see what I mean?
Yeah, no, I got you on that.
Like, you're actively trying to beat them.
They're operating under a set of standard rules.
I just feel like more often than not, they hit blackjack.
Thinking dealers got the job because they win blackjack.
You think some guy was just really good at, like, Caribbean stud, and they were
like,
all right, you're the guy.
Well, not even the poker dealers?
They're not good?
They're not.
You don't play the poker dealers.
Oh, you don't?
I don't play poker.
Okay, never mind.
That's why you're wrong on that.
I'm a roulette man.
A true game of skill.
Fully shown, like, a website that's like roulette fucking practice for Age of Precious
Space.
Black, black, black.
Yeah, oh, fuck, dude.
I got to get better at this.
Always go double zero.
I got to think red more, harder.
Red, red, red, red.
He's dressed in all red.
Simulator was the word I couldn't come up with.
I was on a roulette simulator.
I got you, though.
It's like the driving one.
I'm in there.
Most people have, like, a fucking flight simulator.
Fully's got a fake roulette wheel in his house.
Screwdriver in front of me.
Some trashy waitress coming up.
What can I get you?
What can I get you?
Are you a gambler at all or no?
Not really.
No.
I gambled a little bit.
I just don't like the way it does feel.
Like, I feel that, like, I get hooked almost instantly.
Yeah, it's great.
It's the adrenaline.
Yeah.
I got to keep going.
I got to get this back, you know?
Or even sports gambling.
Like, it's a little fun in theory, but to put a little something on a game.
But it's like...
You start chasing it.
It's tough.
You start chasing it.
It's like, I have enough money that I could lose.
Like, I used to gamble a little bit when I was a kid.
Like, you know, my friend...
I was friends with kids who just ended up being gambling addicts.
Me too, yeah.
Professional.
I had, like, they were professional gamblers.
Yeah, I had a kid who, like, played cards for a while.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Another kid who just...
They always busted out.
Yeah, another kid who, like, lost a shit ton of fucking money.
But because of that, as a 14-year-old, I had access to people with bookies.
Sure.
So we would put in, like, you know, $20 bets on, like, the Packers in, like,
Monday Night Football
just to make it fun or whatever, you know?
And then we would play Texas Hold'em at that kid's house, whatever.
But no, I can't gamble.
I hate it when that stuff got really popular.
I was at the...
Like, I was just old enough where I hated it.
And, like, all kids my age, like, really got into Texas Hold'em.
And they would show up to parties with their own chips.
Yeah, yeah.
And steal all the girls.
Fucking book.
With glass.
With, like, those fucking mirrored glasses.
With the dinosaurs on.
You couldn't see shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Hood up and headphones on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, chill the fuck, yeah.
It's a goddamn christening.
What are you doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not fucking...
Yeah.
Ah, man.
You're not Chris Moneymaker.
Chris Moneymaker.
You're not fucking...
Doyle Brunson.
You're not Phil Ivey.
You're not Scotty Wynn.
Yeah.
I totally wasn't one of those guys.
Yeah.
We were big...
Yeah, I mean, we were big poker players.
That hit in high school for us, and it was like...
High school, I'll give you.
We were degenerate.
We just liked gambling, and it was like, I had probably...
I used to make...
I used to work at an Acme bag of groceries that probably made, like, $150 a
week.
We would take that money, we'd pick up our checks on Friday, and then just
gamble that
money immediately.
Whether in cards or sports.
And it would be like...
I'd bet $100 when I had $150.
Right.
And, like, that...
So I'm addicted to that, of, like, I could go broke.
Yes.
And for me to do that now, it would be just too, way too irresponsible.
Too irresponsible.
I'm like, I can't do that.
You have...
Yes, he...
I've learned everything about playing cards from Kippy.
You just thought you were...
The dealers were good poker players.
I've learned...
Don't connect me to you.
Your professor.
My mentor.
Kevin Black Widow Ryan.
Shot me...
Taught me how to shoot nine ball.
Had to play the gimp and then come in and hustle him.
It could be breakout Lucille.
Yeah.
Taught me how to cross my one eye so I look stupid.
No.
He has a good thing about...
If you win...
Like, say you win something, you take a little...
You take the biggest chip and put it in your pocket.
That's mature, Kevin, now.
That's like if you're playing roulette, and let's just say you hit a number and
you
add whatever, five bucks on it, and you win...
They give you a black chip or, like, a whatever...
Yeah.
A colored chip that you're not playing with.
That goes in your pocket.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's like...
The bank, Kippy calls it.
The bank.
Put it in the bank.
Stay even, and then everything's fun.
And then everything's fun.
And then it's like, oh, if you go on a heater and you're like, I got 500 bucks
in my pocket,
let's get the fuck out of here and go get a fucking mashed potatoes and ketchup.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Let's go get a baseball steak.
I mean, the way they also have slot machines now, it really is like, it's
designed to trick
you into just being like, oh, it's 100% a million dollars.
I don't understand what the fuck is going on with this thing.
I have no idea what's going on, but it feels like a video game.
And that's the thing that, like, it got me like an old guy.
Yeah.
Where I was in Vegas, I hadn't been to Vegas, you know, until I was like in, I
mean, pretty
recently, like when I toured there maybe four years ago, five years ago, and I
went and
it just totally slot machines got me like an old guy.
And it's kind of funny, you're just like, mindless, someone brings you drinks.
You're like a gerbil licking like the thing.
Well, they suck you in and everything's corrupted.
Wheel of Fortune is corrupted at the fucking casinos.
Where does the line stop?
What are you talking about?
They have Wheel of Fortune games.
Yeah.
Why is that corrupted?
Because that's a wholesome family show.
Right, right, right.
They're taking your mortgage payment.
I will say gambling.
Talk about that.
We're just walking around in all kind of fucking scantily clad outfits.
By the way.
That was my first boner as a kid.
How dare you?
Come on, Vanna White, just because she showed a little cleavage, show a little
fuck.
Yeah, show a little respect, will you?
What is it, Saudi Arabia?
She's got to cover up for you.
Oh, I'm sorry, crackwhores.com.
All of a sudden, you're on your high horse.
And you know what?
I would love to see those women rehabilitated and flipping fucking.
Flipping letters.
Flipping letters at a local, because that's how Vanna White got her job, right?
She was the best at flipping letters.
There was local.
Local regional.
Local regional games of fucking.
She won sectionals.