Name: Ari Shaffir's ICONIC Poor Hygiene
Uploaded: 2025-01-27T22:25:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ari Shaffir's ICONIC Poor Hygiene' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ari Shaffir's ICONIC Poor Hygiene' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-27. Transcript available.

You are a classy guy when it comes to friendship and unity.
Sure.
And stuff like that.
U-N-R-T-Y, S-T-U-F-F.
You're a nice guy.
Hygiene, dress, not so much.
Then it really falls apart into, like, you know, crackheadiness.
Yeah, I tried a year ago.
You're reminding me that.
I was like, let me try no deodorant for a bit.
What the fuck?
I was like, I'm going to shower every day.
What are you, a French girl?
Let me see if I could do it.
And then the thing is, I wouldn't shower every day.
It's like those people who go, like, I can't afford this new apartment.
I'll just quit smoking and I'll have extra money.
Yeah, good luck.
That's a great plan.
Who's ever done that?
Yeah, no one ever has.
But, yeah, then I was like.
Start smoking work because of the stress.
I know.
I can't cover this rent on the first.
I wouldn't shower.
Then I'd be out.
And whoever I'm with, like, what the fuck, man?
And I'm like, oh, yeah.
How many days a week you say you're showering?
I would like to say I do it every day.
No, I know what you would like.
You'd like to say a lot of things.
How many days have you had to?
I'd like to say I'm not saying it close, too.
But I can't.
You're under oath.
You're in front of a jury.
You're actually, you're in court.
Hey, how many days a week did you shower?
Hand on the Bible.
Old Testament.
On the scroll.
Yeah, touch the back of the scroll.
Trying to get you into technicality.
You'll swear on the New Testament anything in a week.
You don't give a shit.
If we're all going to make this up anyway, I'll swear on a fan fiction story.
I don't know.
Might as well be a backbeat comic.
Just call a Bible fan fiction.
I mean, Ma, if you're watching, I apologize.
It's fan fiction.
It's like, oh, wouldn't it be cool if there's a sequel?
An unauthorized sequel?
Okay.
Hey, Ari, I don't appreciate that.
Goddamn Catholic household.
Tony's upstairs.
You're going to come down.
You're going to be pissed.
Get him out of here!
Oh, Tony, stop.
Tony, stop.
Tony, stop.
She picks you up by your neck?
Yeah, it's like Darth Vader's me.
I don't know.
Maybe five.
Maybe five.
But I'll go like four days in a row without and then do every day.
And you're like going, or is that you're just in the house?
Or you're like, you're going to do spots and stuff?
Yeah, so I'll go like one day with no stuff.
And then if I don't have spots the next day, I'll just run it.
I'll just run it.
Can I be honest?
Of course, man.
That's all I've ever wanted out of you.
Thank you.
Are you going to start now?
Fucking five years in.
What about this?
Johnny McLiars.
In the winter.
Yeah.
We both know where this is going.
And it's to.
He does what he likes to call shutting it down.
I like to read.
He likes.
No, you go a day.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then the next day goes again.
You don't shower.
You don't shower.
Yeah.
You really start to get into like a film and a feeling that I know is not good.
And probably somewhere in the depression sphere.
Oh, it helps.
It helps.
If you really want to be depressed and lean into it, no showering really gets
you there.
Let that film build up and slide right on into it.
And then people leave you alone.
It's like a compound disinterest.
Yeah.
They distance themselves.
Because I don't get like, you strike me, and no disrespect, you strike me as
your traditional
BO kind of guy.
Like, you got real hoagie smell, I would assume.
I'm not a curry guy.
I'm not like a cat smell.
You're right up the middle.
Yeah.
Right up the middle of just like BO.
I'm a fat guy BO.
A little bit of, it's like musky and sour.
Part of sauce.
Yes.
You get the ball.
Once you get the ball film, like something's all here in between that taint,
you're like,
I know what smells here, too.
Between my leg and my fat upper pussy area, dude, you can get some cottage
cheese in there
on a summer day.
Because you can't smell your own farts, and you can't also smell your own box.
But then sometimes you're like, oh.
Who says you can't smell your own farts?
You can't smell your own farts.
Buddy.
What?
You've been hanging.
You can smell them, but they're not as bad.
They're not as bad.
You can handle them.
I think you enjoy them.
Yeah.
It's like opening up like a sandwich on the plane.
You're like, smells fine for me.
Everyone else is like, what the fuck?
Who's still eating Brussels sprouts?
But when you're ready, with some cheese, an unready cheese smell is like, oh.
You're not wrong.
Yeah, so if I could smell my own pits, it's real bad.
Yeah.
And you seem like a right up the middle, extra onions, a little bit of oregano,
red wine
vinegar, and olive oil.
A little hummus-y, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make my own paste.
It's not real tahini?
Taziki Shaffir.
Taziki Shaffir.
That's pretty good.
That's a DJ name.
Taziki.
Get you with a visa for the weekend.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
And everyone's like, no one's near my booth.
Because they're all 20 feet away.
Woo-wee!
How many days did you make it?
Adrian was, uh, Adrian, we were flying to somewhere, Pittsburgh.
And she, I saw her come back.
I was in, like, row seven.
She was in, like, four-fifteen.
She comes back past me after she sits down.
And I'm like, what's going on?
And then she goes back.
And I'm like, what is it?
She goes, I can't.
Someone stinks.
They went back to inspect themselves to see if she wasn't just Karen-ing.
And they go, yeah, we'll get you.
Really?
Yeah, and I was like, how bad could it have been?
When they were deplaning, I was taking my time because I was waiting for her.
And it was like, oh, oh, oh, that's got to be them.
They came down to me, and it was so bad.
You should be, no, you can't be on this plane.
It's old, and it's a hackneyed premise.
But the same, sometimes you get in a car share or something,
and you're going, how has nobody done it?
This is wild.
Start with four stars.
Yeah.
You're maxing out at four.
If everything's great, play this is good, and I get mints,
max you can get is four if you got that B.O.
.