Name: BAD Memories at the Roller Skate Rink with Dan Soder
Uploaded: 2025-02-11T20:49:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BAD Memories at the Roller Skate Rink with Dan Soder' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BAD Memories at the Roller Skate Rink with Dan Soder' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-11. Transcript available.

Uh, ever been dumped while wearing roller skates?
Broke up with a girlfriend one time at the roller rink, dot, dot, dot, I was 30.
That's, you shouldn't be in roller skates at 30 unless you're with your
children.
You should be going to the roller rink.
Agreed.
But, there's nothing more badass than breaking a woman's heart and then rolling
away backwards.
There you go.
So I guess that's it for us.
I know, but he got broken up with.
Oh, he got dumped by her?
He got dumped by her and he's on roller skates.
Take her shoes.
Sure.
Now you use can't sleeve.
And, or also wait for the next skate and then fucking.
Go find another trollop.
Chop block.
Fucking take her knees out.
You just start coming around.
Dude, become an equalizer.
Grab some eight-year-old and do the whip on her?
You go, little girl, I'm going to give you $50 right now.
I need you to do something.
Put your helmet on.
You're my little torpedo.
Stay tight and low.
Stay tight and low.
Don't look up.
I need the helmet to make contact with her patella.
Do you trust me?
Do you trust me?
Who are you, mister?
I go, if I pop your arm out of your socket, it's just because I'm putting zip
on the ball.
She broke up with him?
I said, yeah, he got broken up with wearing a, that's, you put your, I'm a
preventative
kind of guy.
You put yourself in that embarrassing position by putting roller skates on at
30 years old.
Yeah, but he might not have seen it coming.
Unless you're from Atlanta.
And I know, but still.
That's what they're doing, they're doing the bounce.
Yeah.
Getting broken up with them doing that.
I bet you're from Atlanta.
That's so funny.
They love it down there.
He goes, I'm getting broken up with, we're doing a drop, squat, clap.
I look to my left.
I'm in the middle of the routine.
I look to my left, Bow Wow's there.
And then I turn back, she says she's not into it anymore.
Oh, yeah.
It's not about seeing other people.
I mean, that, talk about seeing other people.
Talk about seeing other people.
I would have been very angry if I didn't see it coming.
But if you did see it coming and things were on the rocks, don't go roller
skating.
Don't put yourself in that pot.
Even if it's going well, don't go.
Don't go on a boat, don't go roller skating.
Yeah.
I walked into a bad one at a birthday dinner.
I've mentioned it on the pot a couple of times.
Bad one.
One of my favorite places, Danico, downtown, Cafe Danico.
Bowl of Muscles right in front of me.
I pushed it.
What's wrong?
Tell me.
My birthday dinner.
She broke up with you on your birthday dinner?
It's over.
And then we had to go to a surprise party that she had set up for me.
Why not wait until the day after?
I don't know.
You can be very persistent.
I had it coming.
You did?
Oh, yeah.
I had it coming.
But on the birthday, that feels cruel.
Roller rink feels cruel.
Yeah, places of fun.
On a roller coaster, something like that?
Yeah.
You can't do that.
Take him out to coffee like a regular person.
Text him.
You got to delace your skates.
Talking about who's going to stop by to pick up their stuff.
Yeah, you're putting them in the air.
You got to return them.
The guy's going, all right, great.
What's your name?
Spraying them.
So I guess you get the dog every other weekend.
That's brutal.
Fuck.
That was big for us.
Did you have roller skating parties growing up?
Yeah, Skate City.
Shout out Skate City.
Shout out Skate City.
I sucked at it.
I always sucked at it.
I always had to grab the wall.
Were they by school?
Like, we had them with school, and then kids would have their birthdays there.
They did do school, but also kids had birthdays.
That's where fucking Mortal Kombat 2, the arcade game was.
The arcade games at a roller skating palace.
Wait, so you could post up there?
You have a spot?
That's all I'd do is I'd put on skates, and I'd just go between arcade machines.
That's pretty good.
And they had NBA Jam, I specifically remember.
This was on Chambers and Hampton if you grew up in Aurora, Colorado.
There was a Skate City back there.
Still might be active.
Don't know.
Get eyes on that.
But Mortal Kombat 2, NBA Jam, Skate Rink Hot Dogs, Skate Rink Fountain Soda.
Dude, the pizza.
Skate Rink Slushies, the pizza.
The pizza, the hot dogs, it was like it had flavor.
It was great, dude.
It was so good.
The pizza, I remember.
It was like, that was also a big day where you would go, and you'd be like,
hey, will you skate with me?
That was like the first dance.
Couples skate.
Dude, I watched my friend Tyler Tongue kiss a girl for the first time there.
Whoa, this kid moves quick.
On roller skates?
They were at Skate City because it was kind of like.
Who is he, Chaz Michael Michael?
Dude, I was just a hanger on, and this guy kissed this girl.
And you know the first time you see people French kiss in front of you, it
looks like they're
like transferring souls.
Vulgar.
Yes, it's vulgar.
You watch it, you go, Jesus Christ.
I don't know about you guys.
In the movies, they make it look like clean or whatever.
I was turned on.
Yeah, when you see that tongue going.
But when the tongue pops through the cheek, you're like, whoa, that's how it
felt.
You're like, Jesus, guys.
And she was like the hot girl at the skating rink.
So you're just like, damn, dude, you guys are adults.
I'm a little boy over here.
Yeah, you're like, once that starts happening, you're like, I'm so far away
from that.
Like, fuck.
You're like, I'm trying to find out the Bill Clinton code on NBA Jam.
These motherfuckers are over here actually being adults.
Sure.
I remember one time that was big.
Dude, I left.
I just didn't realize how fat of a kid I was.
And everybody's like holding hands skating.
And I remember I got a slice of pizza to go at the end.
The party was over.
Everybody's walking out.
There's no way.
I remember my dad picked me up, and I got in the front seat with a slice of
pizza.
And I remember him just going, you skate with anyone?
And I went, nah, and I'm just like fucking munching a piece of pizza.
There's no way whoever worked at that skating rink, when you.
Lights are on.
When you ordered that pizza.
I ordered in shoes, which is crazy.
Crazy.
Nasty work.
Whoever gave you that slice.
Can I have a plate, please?
He went like this.
Sure, kid.
I remember it.
There's like a pity board.
It was, yeah.
He's like, the cash register shut down.
He's like, hey, mister, can I have a slice of pepperoni?
He goes, sure, kid.
Wouldn't you rather, a cigarette or some drugs or something?
Wouldn't you want to go talk to the girls?
Wouldn't mind having a slice of that pepperoni pizza.
He's like, you guys just going to throw it out or what?
I see it in a thing.
It's spinning.
Yeah.
Can I please?
It still looks hot.
He goes, it's warm at best.
It was.
It sat in like that circle, kind of like a super pretzel thing.
He sat in there getting warm.
And your dad was like, fucking nerd.
Did you dance with him?
No, did you skate with anyone?
Did you skate with anybody?
Nope.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
I remember it was raining.
A couple of wet willies to check out.
It was raining, too.
And I remember the pizza getting wet as I got in.
But how good was that pizza?
Oh, man.
That ride home was way better.
There's a little sweetness to it.
Is Skate City still open in Aurora?
It is.
Whoa!
Two-hour session for eight bucks.
That's pretty good.
For eight bucks?
Yes, sir.
Sweet God.
That's how they've been keeping the doors open.
Dude, that's got to be a front for a cartel.
I think mine's closed, and I'm pretty sure.
Check out the roller skating palace in northeast Philadelphia.
Come on.
Right by where the plane's in front.
See if Kevin's picture's still on the wall.
Right down the block.
It's got to be closed.
Did you ever have to, like, did you get good at roller skating?
Rollerblading, I could rollerblade.
I played hockey.
I was really good.
Okay.
I could still, I'm still probably.
Horrible.
Horrible.
Pretty good now.
Horrible at rollerblading.
I was petrified, too.
Me, too.
Social anxiety, petrified.
If it wasn't for that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game where they had the four
things.
Yes.
I probably would have killed myself.
Yeah.
I just posted up.
Me, too.
With a slushie.
Dude, come see me.
I got a fucking large Dr. Pepper, and I got a fucking, I'm forgetting the guy
with blades.
Forhands.
Blanca.
Come see me play Mortal Kombat 2.
You're going to be catching a bunch of Blanca.
Couldn't do it.
Blanca was Street Fighter 2.
My brain's covered with a letter of resin.
Some of my boys were, like, naturals, just killing it, going around, doing it.
Oh, dude.
One of my friends was so good at rollerblading that, you know, I could, like,
get around,
but he was so good he could do the thing where he would touch his hand because
he'd be going
so fast.
That's crazy.
I don't want to, you guys are describing me a little bit.
I feel, I want to be modest over here.
The thing that always really upset me was when I would be trying to trottle on,
when I would
skate, my friends that would do the thing where they would skate next to me and
then turn
backwards and talk to me, and I'd be like, what are you doing right now, dude?
Hell, what's up, Dan?
Yeah, I'm a person.
Showing me up.
Want to get a slice of pizza?
And then I immediately just go, I'm going to have to get out of here.
And then go off to the big circular thing where you sit down on, you're like, I
don't
want, I don't want to eat this.
I'm going to go smoke.
This place sucks.
That's exactly it.
And then my friend, my friend Dane would be like, do you want to go get high?
And you're like, yes.
Skate City, by the way, when I started getting high, when I was like 13 or 14,
it became
a club.
Sure.
It was the club.
You were fucked up in the club.
Yeah.
Fucked up.
Yeah.
No bottle service.
No bottle service.
We had one.
We had an actual club for three teens.
Put a cork in that Dr. Pepper.
I'll be back next week.
Yeah.
It was called Beach Street.
See if you can get that.
Beach Street.
I think it was in Trivos, Pennsylvania.
I talked about this on my podcast with David Borey because he's from Denver,
but there
was a 16-year-old.
You have max 16.
Oh, no.
Ours was 16 to 20.
Oh, that's weird.
Isn't that weird?
That's too weird.
That's too weird.
That's too much.
It's too much, but it was sick.
Ours was like max 16 or 17.
Would it be like 13 to 16 or 17?
That's crazy.
I think that's crazy, mixing 13 and 17-year-old.
16 to 20, I get mixing.
Those 20-year-old guys were mean.
Oh, yeah.
Scary.
Scary.
Scary.
Scary.
Scary.
Scary.
Scary.