Name: The NIGHTMARE of Being a Manager at Footlocker | Kam Patterson on Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2025-02-22T20:39:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The NIGHTMARE of Being a Manager at Footlocker | Kam Patterson on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The NIGHTMARE of Being a Manager at Footlocker | Kam Patterson on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-22. Transcript available.

And did you work at all in high school?
Did you have any – what was your first job?
My first job was at Foot Locker.
Okay.
There you go.
Yeah, yeah.
First job was at Foot Locker.
I went every single day.
At the mall?
Right behind my mama's house, yeah.
In the summer?
Yeah.
Okay.
Right when I graduated high school.
Okay.
So your first job wasn't until after high school.
Yeah, I was playing sports.
I was trying to go to school.
You're getting kicked off the team.
What are you talking about?
You said you only – you never played a full season.
Well, no, my senior year I did play full season.
I didn't play a lot this season, but I was on the team.
I had to practice.
My coach told me, he said, you here for team morale.
Your coach said that?
Yeah, that's when I was like, oh, yeah, I'm not going to play this shit in
college.
Keep up the jokes, all right?
Off morale.
And how was the job at Foot Locker that summer?
It was the best, man.
That's why I do comedy.
Yeah, why?
Because I would always tell stories from my basketball – from like basketball
to my coworkers.
And they would always be like, you, you're fucking funny.
Okay.
And you should do stand-up.
And so that's the reason I do stand-up.
There you go.
Look at that.
But they shouldn't have hired me.
There was no way in here they should have hired me.
How does it work at Foot Locker?
Did you get commissions on the sneakers or anything like that?
Yeah, but it was like a dead store.
So we – like, it was like –
It got so funny.
You're fucking hanging out with no customers.
Nobody would come in.
So if somebody did come in, it's like, why the fuck are you here?
You fucking up my date.
Yeah.
I'm killing over here, dude.
I've been crushing all day, man.
I've never seen an empty –
I've never seen these dumbass shoes.
An empty Foot Locker is wild.
It is fucked.
Did you steal it all?
My boy worked at Foot Locker, and he stole like crazy.
Yeah, let me tell you something.
Because the malls – if you don't know anybody that ever worked at a mall,
the mall has, like, its own ecosystem where, like, the Lids guy will steal hats
and give them to the Foot Locker guy.
The Foot Locker guy will get jerseys from this store.
It's like they're all just – it's like they're all fucking.
So I fucked most of the girls in the mall.
I didn't mean that, but yeah.
Man, hey, look, no, real talk.
Man, I fucked all up and down that mall.
Before I even know my manager was cool, there was a girl that worked at the gym.
She tried to fuck me before the store opened.
And I didn't know – I was like, there's cameras and shit in here,
and I don't know my manager like that.
I don't know my manager like that.
I told them, I was like, yo, the girl at Jimmy Jam want to fuck me in the store.
And they were like, why the fuck didn't you do it?
Yeah.
Them cameras don't work, man.
You should have did it.
But after that, I was fucking all up and through that store.
Like, man, I fucked in the bathroom behind the mall.
It was in the abandoned part of the mall.
I was fucking in there at the JCPenney's that just shut down.
I was going fucking hell.
Damn, you were fucking in a closed JCPenney's?
In the changing store.
Man.
I wonder why the Foot Locker was tanking.
Jesus Christ.
And that shit closed now, too.
And Annie meet Uncle Cam coming in.
Holy shit, dude.
But then, oh, we had guys – so I never really stole Foot Locker.
My brother had a homeboy that used to – he got, like, big trouble
from stealing from the finish line when he was kids.
So I was always like, man, I'm not going to do this shit like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we had got – when I became a manager, which was a terrible –
Holy shit.
What?
Yeah, it was stupid.
Man, Foot Locker, what the fuck?
I was like 18?
Wait, yeah, I was 18 because I was the only one that showed up to work.
And I live like –
You're on a date.
I live behind the mall and shit.
So they were like, even if anything, if Cam would just show up.
Because you got to understand, like, Foot Locker got like a hiring system.
Back then where it was like you got to get a score more of like a –
let's say the score is like you got to get past 600.
If you get past 600, like you got a 670, you could be like a manager or
something.
You get like a 650, you could be like a – what's his name?
I had like a 610.
You were on the lower end.
A 610, they like do not hire.
Sure.
They barely made it.
What are the questions?
About sneakers or just regular shit?
It was a personality test, I guess.
And they were like, this is not a good person.
Have you ever spit on a girl?
I was like, I don't know.
What kind of question?
They would have asked something like that.
You became – were you like doing the schedule and shit like that?
No, no, I never got that.
I would do like the sales report.
I would have to write an email, but I'm not like email trained.
So I was like, what's up?
So is it like we got to –
Talking to your boss.
We sold a lot.
What's good, fam?
We out of Jordan.
We sold so many Air Force this day.
Black was going to be like to steal.
But it was –
What year is this?
This was 20 – shit, 2019.
Jeez, you were working at Foot Locker in 2019.
That's nuts, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
So I was – but I was – so the funniest shit – so I'm a manager, right?
But the last manager that we had who work at Champs now, this nigga didn't know
how to open the safe to put the money in that night.
And then so when they got to me, obviously my test wasn't good.
I'm not the brightest nigga in the world.
So they was like, if that guy couldn't do it, Cam damn shit can't close no
fucking safe.
So they never – when I would close the night, they never taught me the code
to the safe, right?
So one night –
I would also not teach you the code to the safe, dude.
That's not – you cannot blame them for that.
But we never – we never like – but the money was – it would just be open.
So one night it was a string of like – you know, in Florida it was crazy.
It was a string of Foot Locker robberies.
I swear to God I'm not lying to y'all.
There was a string of Foot Locker robberies where they would break in through
the back door.
And like they would – they would – so it was a store next to it that was
open.
So they broke in through that store and stole like so many shoes from us, like
a lot.
And the next morning we got there, we realized that they had broke in, stole
all the shoes and shit.
And so we had – it was a big investigation.
And the lady that came in thought I had did it because I closed the night
before and I didn't lock the safe.
And then we didn't – we couldn't tell her that we never locked the safe
because I didn't think I could lock the safe.
So I had to learn the safe code that day and then do all this extra shit.
And then she sat me down, had a conversation with me.
She had like a real deal, like long talk with me, older black lady.
And she was like, so what are you – she tried to get me to go to the army,
really.
She was like, you should go to the army because like this ain't – this Foot
Locker shit ain't true.
Wait, this is the cop investigating the burglary?
They brought like an investigator, like a real investigator.
And she was like in the army and shit.
Okay.
And she was talking to me.
And then literally I found out – she told my manager, she was like, why would
you hire him?
He's like –
You got a 6'10 on the test.
She called me – and I quote, she called me emotionally retarded.
She was like, why would you hire this man?
He's emotionally – he should not be working at Foot Locker.
This is insane.
And yeah, that's – fuck that bitch.
Yeah.
Let me see it.
Did you think they were – when you got there and you saw they were robbed,
did you think because you had access to the safe and stuff like that, they were
going to try to pin it on you?
Oh, I did that for sure.
Were you confident that you were going to get out of it or were you like –
No, I was scared.
This way it could go either way.
Yeah.
I was scared.
But then the funny thing about her too, she told my manager, she said, he said,
so do you think he did it?
And she was like, there's no way he could have pulled this off.
You have the outfit on when you walk in.
She's like, there's no way he could have did this.
Yeah.
And then they came and robbed us again like a year later.
Damn.
Yeah, it was crazy.
That's nuts.
Yeah, then I got fired for cussing out my manager.
I got a new manager and I cussed that bitch to smithereens.
A new manager can ruin the vibe of any job.
You got a new manager, they come in, they're trying to make a name for
themselves.
One or two people that you were like part of your team, they leave and you're
like, it's not the same job.
She called me a special child one time and I cussed that bitch to filth.
Like special like.
Cause we would go back and forth and like some of these would be cool and they
wouldn't be cool.
But she was like, you my special child, you know, you need a little extra help.
And I was like, bitch, I swear to God.
Call me special again, ho, there'd be some smoke in this fucking city here.
I cussed that bitch to smithereens.
Fuck that lady.
And then you know what's crazy?
I started working at Publix after that.
You started working at Publix?
Yeah.
Doing what department?
At first I was on the cashier and they was like, you can't do this.
Yeah, I can't.
I mean.
I had a joke about this at one point where I would always be like, I'll have a
good day, my nigga.
And they'd be like, Cam, you got to stop.
You can't do this.
You're dapping everybody up.
So they're like, no, we got to put him in the back of the house.
What's up, fam?
You have a big hug?
So then I started stalking shell.
But then she started working at Publix with me.
Who did?
My old manager.
The one that you cursed out?
Yeah.
Was she a manager or just regular?
No, she was just like me at Publix.
Whoa.
So I was cussing that bitch out every day.
Man, that's a fucking vengeance story.
It was beautiful as shit.
That's great.
She's working under you?
Yeah.
Yeah, you dirty bitch.
I hated that hoe.
She cool now, though.
It was whatever, but I hated her.
She's cool now.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
Shout out Latoya, though.
She the one gave me a job at Publix.
Shout out Latoya.
She dope as shit.
I love Latoya.
And then what are the jobs after?
When did you start doing comedy?
I started doing comedy at Publix.
Really?
Oh, you were at Publix.
You've only ever had two jobs in your life.
Yeah, yeah.
I worked at the golf course when I got here.
You worked at the golf course?
That didn't work.
Hell, no.
Yeah.
Had you ever played golf before or anything like that?
Fuck no.
My homeboy white cat worked at the golf course.
When I came here, he was like, get the job at the golf course.
You want to move?
I said, hell yeah.
What were you doing at the golf course?
I was a little caddy dude.
You were a caddy?
Not a caddy.
Not a caddy.
I clean your clothes when you get back.
Yeah, really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've done that, too.
Yeah.
I was terrible at it.
Really?
I was good at listening, though.
So I didn't know, like, none of the – I don't know shit about golf.
But to get tips, you got to talk to them when they got to record and shit.
Sure.
So everybody would be like, yeah, so, like, how was the back nine?
So I'd just be saying shit like that.
You didn't know anything, yeah.
Nothing.
I'd just be like, the back nine was great, right?
That's awesome.
I loved the back.
My favorite hole is the 11th hole.
How are the pars today?
You were good?
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
Did you make good money there, though?
Fuck no.
No.
Hell no.