Name: Casey Rocket Was Caught STEALING Cold Cuts!
Uploaded: 2025-03-04T18:30:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Casey Rocket Was Caught STEALING Cold Cuts!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Casey Rocket Was Caught STEALING Cold Cuts!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-04. Transcript available.

Have you ever been arrested, like proper?
Yeah.
For what?
Are you listening to the show?
Tax fraud.
I've been in jail several times.
I've been in jail four times.
Three times for drunk in public and one time for shoplifting.
You've got to be really drunk in public to get drunk in public.
It's usually like the, hey, just go home.
Get out of my house or whatever.
Well, that's the thing is they would be like, keep it moving.
And I'd be like, what'd you fucking say to me?
Yeah.
Trying to fight the cops back.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I was incorrigible.
Yeah, I was very, police always made me super angry.
So I'd be drunk.
They'd be like, keep it moving.
Don't you fucking tell me what to do.
I pay your salary or something.
Go bust a meth lab, you fucking pig.
Jesus.
Just a traffic cop?
Hey, take it easy, kid.
What were you stealing at Walmart?
I was stealing from a Publix.
A Publix, I'm sorry.
And I had, Walmart, back then, they didn't have those little gates.
So it was a free-for-all.
The rule of thumb was to steal from Walmart because they had a no chase policy.
So when I was eight.
You know how you know like the corporate bylaws of each big box store?
He's going to the stores that have a chase policy.
Just for the thrill of it.
Come get me, bastards.
I heard Publix just hired a fucking outside linebacker.
Chase you out.
Well, all I ever wanted was for someone to tell me to stop.
Sure.
I just wanted somebody to bring my reign to an end.
Is that true?
No.
I don't know.
Maybe.
I thought you got real deep for a second.
I was like, this kid's all right.
No.
Also, I thought the same thing.
And I'm like, I'm for sure someone told him to stop stealing.
Yeah, absolutely.
The police, the judge, his parents.
There was dozens of people who told me to stop.
I had a support system, but I did not.
I did not care.
Yeah.
But I will tell you, when I was arrested for shoplifting, not to harp on this,
just because
it's a funny story, I went in there to steal beer, and it was like 4 or 5 in
the morning,
and I was on a bunch of Ritalin, and I was blackout drunk, obviously.
And I tried to fill the shopping cart.
I was so drunk, I didn't make it to the beer aisle.
I just started clearing shelves into the cart.
Bunch of fabuloso.
Yeah, it was random stuff, like lunch meat.
It was mostly lunch meat.
And I got in the car, the manager followed me out, and he was like, hey, come
on, I know
you didn't pay for that.
And I was like, for sure.
And I was just throwing my stuff in my car.
Yeah, definitely, 100%.
We'll take care of it.
I'll be right back.
Yeah, it's one of those things where you're saying something, and you're doing
the opposite.
So I was going, oh yeah, for sure, I'm going to come in there and pay for it.
And then I just got in my car and drove away.
And they showed up at my house, because they got my license plate.
Is this your parents' house?
Yeah, my mom's house.
Okay, so you were still in high school.
He opens up, what took you so long?
Yeah, covered in lunch meat.
It's got the biggest sandwich in the world.
All I ever wanted was for someone to tell me to stop.
Have a cold cut.