Name: Rick Glassman Explains Magic The Gathering
Uploaded: 2025-03-10T19:17:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rick Glassman Explains Magic The Gathering' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rick Glassman Explains Magic The Gathering' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-10. Transcript available.

Do you currently owe anybody any money?
Not a large sum, but like $20 from this or dinner or $10 or $5 from here?
No.
When's the last time you sent a Venmo request?
I don't have Venmo.
My man.
Look at you.
What do you like about that?
I don't know.
It's a classy operation.
I got PayPal.
Ooh.
But I got into PayPal back in the early days when I was selling Magic cards on
eBay.
Let's put a-
And Dragon Ball Z VCDs.
Magic.
How do you spell magic?
M-A-G.
Okay.
I-C-D-O-R-K.
Magic the Gathering.
Real.
Was that a lucrative business for you?
Buying and selling collectibles.
Yeah.
You were a Pokemon guy.
I collected Pokemon a little bit, but I was more a magic player.
What's that called?
Arbitrage?
Where you buy for, you know?
Arbitrary.
No, I think it's arbitrage.
Albatross.
Assignment?
No.
I'm not sure.
What is magic?
What's the difference between Magic the Gathering?
Gary, it's arbitrage, right?
Yeah, I think it's-
What's the difference between Magic the Gathering and-
Pokemon?
Listen, if you have to ask, you can't afford it, all right?
Other than a kiss on the forehead.
Make way for the paying customers, Thaddy.
Hey, you're just going to be here kicking tires.
I'll send you to the house to watch the car.
You're trying to move merchandise.
I have some used silverware you might be interested in.
I'm on PayPal right now.
I never played Pokemon.
I look at Pokemon more as a, like, I punch you, you punch me.
Magic is a little more strategy.
I think of it like an adult Pokemon.
Your mana pool.
I remember that.
Okay.
It's more strategy.
It's chess with cards.
Really?
Yeah, and instead of having a set amount of pieces, you build your own deck.
And you could cast your spells and have your Planeswalkers and have your
creatures.
I remember trying and not being, the only thing I ever retained was mana.
Your mana pool.
Somebody get the football, will you?
Well, you need somewhere to relax.
Your mana was your land or something, right?
Mana is currency, yes, land.
But, like, basically, to cast spells, typically, you need to have a certain
amount of mana, yeah.
You should have cast a spell on Sari.
You might have got a little action that night.
We had sex, and she blew me, and I ate her out.
Okay.
We had a kiss first.
Jump from a kiss on the forehead.
This guy getting close.
Did you guys know at the time that those cards were going to be worth something?
Yeah, they were.
You knew, because I remember that.
I got into it for that reason.
Like, did you keep?
I was trying to wet my beak on this mana.
Hey, there's the land deal.
There's enough to go around.
Dual lands are really expensive now.
He's there to pay a top dollar for these things.
Dual lands are in the thousands of dollars now.
I remember going to a guy to buy a deck, and he was like, you could.
He was selling me now that I look back on it.
He glassed him into me.
He was like, you're looking for this card.
It could be in here.
So I bought, like, three decks, and I got all mana.
I was screwed.
Would you go, like, every Saturday when a new deck came out?
FNM.
Friday Night Magic.
That was.
Is that the name of the place?
Friday Night Magic is a thing that, like, card stores have Friday Night Magic.
That's what it is.
It's just, you know, there's Monday Night Football.
There's Friday Night Magic.
There's that place in the village.
Like, we're across the street from the chest.
It's like they have that.
Oh, yes.
I know what you're talking about.
It's like a table game, like a card game type spot.
And you'd go, and my dad would drop me off at the card store on Friday night,
and they
were open until midnight.
And that's where, and you would play, and there was a Papa John's across the
street, and I
don't eat cheese.
But Papa John's I always referred to as easy peel pizza, because if I was going
to get a
whole pizza, I wanted to split it with somebody, because at the time, I couldn't
really afford
a proper pizza.
Uh-huh.
I would want to get my own pizza without cheese, but there I'm like, hey, we'll
get
it with cheese.
And also, if you want, I'll even give you my cheese.
And I would peel it off with a fork.
You just take it from the base, and you could peel it off in one piece, one big
triangle.
So I would, and I would, I loved Papa John's, dude.
You know, what's funny is we would have been good friends, because for a long
time, I was
just cheese.
I didn't like the pizza.
And I would peel it off when it got, like, maybe 10 minutes out of the oven,
and I'd roll
it up, and then put it on my mouth like a piece of gum, and then take sips of
the soda, and it would harden in my mouth.
Yeah, that's, that's, um.
That's all right.
Can you get the check, please?
That's all right.
Surrounded by queso freaks.
How old of a fellow were you when you were doing this on a Friday night?
High school.
Like, like, after freshman year?
Like, sophomore, junior, senior year?
Probably mostly, like, 9, 10, 11.
Okay.
Maybe 12, too.
That's all a high school.
Maybe a little bit of college, I'm not sure.
Shout out Kent State.
Because that doesn't sound like a bad Friday night.
They'd let you hang out in the store?
Yeah.
You know, I know I was going there younger, too.
So, pre-high school, into high school, I guess.
I'm not remembering because I remember, um, the, uh.
I mean, you're not eating chicks out if you're going to Friday Night Magic.
I had to date a girl for six months before I kissed the top of her head.
No, I wasn't eating girls out until college.
Lose the cloak.
Maybe you get a little headway.
And by the way, I went D1.
There you go.
I'm not sure I get it.
That doesn't sound like a bad Friday night.
That's a sweet.
That's a sweet.
That was your, that was, I got you.
Well, I'm just saying I was in a D1 school when I first ate a girl out.
No, I was in high school.
And I dated a girl recently whose, uh, whose birthday was two days before mine.
Whoa.
And it's like, oh, it's interesting that I'm finding these strong, independent
women.
Mm-hmm.
Who share birthdays that are so close to mine.
Her birthday was July 21st?
It probably still is.
Four, um, but, uh, oh, Route 66.
Whoa.
Prank caller, prank caller.
Can I say that sounds like a nice Friday night?
The guy wouldn't give you guys shit for hanging out in there?
No, that's the whole idea.
That's the business.
You bring people, it's like, they're happy.
Now, what kind of creature was he?
Somebody that looked like me?
Some heavyset guy?
Like comic book man?
You mean like a crawlworm?
Put him a picture.
No, he's a great guy.
You mean like a tremor?
Eli, yeah.
Eli.
An adult.
He was a great guy.
And also, my dad worked at the rug store.
Um, shout out to Marshall Rug Gallery.
Right.
And, uh, it was like a mile down the road from there.
So, sometimes I would go to work with my dad, like, during the summers, and
then I would
just go to the card shop, and I would be there, and I would, there was
not that many people, during the day, people come in, they buy stuff, and they
leave.
Not that many people are there necessarily playing.
Tables in the back?
Tables in the back.
And I would just sit there, um, I would just be there for hours, like, looking
at the comic
books, and asking questions, and looking in the case at all the cards, and
asking him
questions and stuff.
And I was there all the time.
And I remember there was one time I must have asked him too many questions.
And by the way, what I'm about to say, Eli's a great guy.
He was just, he was just telling it how it was.
Shut the fuck up!
No, he just, he said something to me once about something like, um, you know, I'm
there
all the time.
I can pick up, as of now in the story, I'm team Eli, all right?
Of course.
All right, guy?
Um, uh, and he goes, um, uh, he said something where I was like, hey, man, I'm
not your babysitter.
I remember-
Where are your parents?
I remember when he said that.
I remember when he said that, I got embarrassed.
I got embarrassed because it was only then that I realized, oh, no, I'm
bothering.
I'm here too much.
And I got really embarrassed that I was there, and I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought, like, I was just hanging out and asking, I'm so sorry.
I was just like, even now, I can remember that feeling.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Kiss him on the head and get out of there.
I don't want to eat your cheese.
Get out of here.
Oh.
But no, no, but you know, I see him, I go, when I go back, I still go in there,
and like,
I was there not too long ago because-
Listen, kid, it's just a fucking job for me, okay?
Um, part, go to, go to, uh, part of my merch, uh, I have these trading cards
that are awesome.
Go to taisocards.com.
I want you to see them.
I want to make you guys cards.
Okay.
I do make them with previous guests, um, and then, uh, here, click.
Here.
Very nice.
Aren't those amazing?
Oh, those are really cool.
Shout out to Scott Hepburn, who's a Marvel illustrator.
Sam Morrell, Mark Norman, those are fantastic.
Aren't those really cool?
And we turn them into different, like, characters, and the cards, they're
hollow foil, they're awesome.
Like, as a card collector, I-
You got Blake Griffin on here and not us?
That's crazy.
Well, I'd love to, who do you guys, who do you, who do you guys think?
What kind of superpowers would I have?
Well, that's, I'd like to ask people, tell me who-
I told you the cheese thing.
Do you have any characters that you resonate with?
Do I have any characters, like, comic book characters that I resonate with?
Any characters.
He's got the same tits as Wonder Woman.
And the same taste as men, huh?
Called Dark and Kryptonian.
So I was-
Nothing on that?
What?
You should make him Eli.
Eli would have killed that.
So I went into his card store recently because I was traveling and I needed
some cases, and
I got a couple of cardboard cases, and he just gave them to me.
I'm like, no, he's like, no, let's take the cases.
And I was like, you know what?
That whole babysitting thing that I've been sitting on for a decade?
Yeah, you got a lot of color.
I think you're cool with me.
Yeah.
How have you been a customer 20-something years?
Man, did I love going there because I didn't really have friends.
Mm-hmm.
What?
Yeah, and you'd go.
I didn't have kids that I would play with.
I wasn't really part of the-
The crew.
Yeah.
And I would go to Mr. Cards and Comics, and it was all these-
I remember looking-
I remember thinking, like, these are such weird people.
Different, eclectic, weird.
I didn't know I was one of them.
You know, I'm like going in, and I'm like these guys that are real nerdy and
socially
awkward, and some of them smell.
I think people know that.
Not all of them, but some people that play Magic.
If you were a Magic player, I would just check in, ask somebody, say, hey, you
have a safe
space.
Do I smell?
Let me know.
And the trick is not cologne and perfume.
The trick is cleaning your clothes, making sure they dry properly, and showering.
And by the way, I'm not even saying shower every day, but if you sweat or if
you shower-
Sure.
Anyway.
Would adults come in and play with you?
Yeah.
There was kids to adults.
Pedophiles.
Whoa.
And everybody was part of the same thing.
There's a similar feeling I had when I first moved to L.A. I played basketball,
and I got
into some basketball games with some comics.
I remember one of the first comics that I remember being like, cool, was Steve
Renazzisi.
I never met him before.
Sure.
And I was a fan of the league.
I'm like, this is awesome.
But when you're playing basketball with these guys, it's about the basketball,
not about
how much, you know, if you're a headliner or an open mic-er type of thing.
Of course.
And that's the analogy I have for going and playing Friday Night Magic.
You're all equal.
You could be 17 or you could be 45.
You're all losers.
And how were you?
You know?
And some of you smell.
Losers.
Some of you smell.
But losers to the people looking in the window.
In there, it really is a cool community.
And when I moved out to L.A., I would play at a card store in Studio City.
You did this as an adult.
Yeah.
And it was sanctioned tournament play.
So, like, you were nationally ranked.
That makes it better.
I thought this was amateur shit.
You're talking sanctioned?
Well, it's not sanctioned like you're a pro.
Rich, I don't care.
And then after, that was every Sunday.
Every Sunday and after, we would go across the street to Panda Express.
And this might be one of your garbage, literally.
And a Panda Express receipts, at least back in the day, if you fill out the
survey, you
call the number, you fill out the survey, you get a free entree with the
purchase of another
entree.
So, I would ask people if I could have the receipt when I would go.
And there was sometimes I would look at if there was any receipts on the top of
the garbage.
And I would take a receipt from the garbage and I would just do the survey.
So, I would get an entree with two sides and a free entree.
And I would play my magic.
I would get Panda Express.
Dude, it was, you know, to be young.

Rick Glassman Explains Magic The Gathering

Do you currently owe anybody any money?
Not a large sum, but like $20 from this or dinner or $10 or $5 from here?
No.
When's the last time you sent a Venmo request?
I don't have Venmo.
My man.
Look at you.
What do you like about that?
I don't know.
It's a classy operation.
I got PayPal.
Ooh.
But I got into PayPal back in the early days when I was selling Magic cards on
eBay.
Let's put a-
And Dragon Ball Z VCDs.
Magic.
How do you spell magic?
M-A-G.
Okay.
I-C-D-O-R-K.
Magic the Gathering.
Real.
Was that a lucrative business for you?
Buying and selling collectibles.
Yeah.
You were a Pokemon guy.
I collected Pokemon a little bit, but I was more a magic player.
What's that called?
Arbitrage?
Where you buy for, you know?
Arbitrary.
No, I think it's arbitrage.
Albatross.
Assignment?
No.
I'm not sure.
What is magic?
What's the difference between Magic the Gathering?
Gary, it's arbitrage, right?
Yeah, I think it's-
What's the difference between Magic the Gathering and-
Pokemon?
Listen, if you have to ask, you can't afford it, all right?
Other than a kiss on the forehead.
Make way for the paying customers, Thaddy.
Hey, you're just going to be here kicking tires.
I'll send you to the house to watch the car.
You're trying to move merchandise.
I have some used silverware you might be interested in.
I'm on PayPal right now.
I never played Pokemon.
I look at Pokemon more as a, like, I punch you, you punch me.
Magic is a little more strategy.
I think of it like an adult Pokemon.
Your mana pool.
I remember that.
Okay.
It's more strategy.
It's chess with cards.
Really?
Yeah, and instead of having a set amount of pieces, you build your own deck.
And you could cast your spells and have your Planeswalkers and have your
creatures.
I remember trying and not being, the only thing I ever retained was mana.
Your mana pool.
Somebody get the football, will you?
Well, you need somewhere to relax.
Your mana was your land or something, right?
Mana is currency, yes, land.
But, like, basically, to cast spells, typically, you need to have a certain
amount of mana, yeah.
You should have cast a spell on Sari.
You might have got a little action that night.
We had sex, and she blew me, and I ate her out.
Okay.
We had a kiss first.
Jump from a kiss on the forehead.
This guy getting close.
Did you guys know at the time that those cards were going to be worth something?
Yeah, they were.
You knew, because I remember that.
I got into it for that reason.
Like, did you keep?
I was trying to wet my beak on this mana.
Hey, there's the land deal.
There's enough to go around.
Dual lands are really expensive now.
He's there to pay a top dollar for these things.
Dual lands are in the thousands of dollars now.
I remember going to a guy to buy a deck, and he was like, you could.
He was selling me now that I look back on it.
He glassed him into me.
He was like, you're looking for this card.
It could be in here.
So I bought, like, three decks, and I got all mana.
I was screwed.
Would you go, like, every Saturday when a new deck came out?
FNM.
Friday Night Magic.
That was.
Is that the name of the place?
Friday Night Magic is a thing that, like, card stores have Friday Night Magic.
That's what it is.
It's just, you know, there's Monday Night Football.
There's Friday Night Magic.
There's that place in the village.
Like, we're across the street from the chest.
It's like they have that.
Oh, yes.
I know what you're talking about.
It's like a table game, like a card game type spot.
And you'd go, and my dad would drop me off at the card store on Friday night,
and they
were open until midnight.
And that's where, and you would play, and there was a Papa John's across the
street, and I
don't eat cheese.
But Papa John's I always referred to as easy peel pizza, because if I was going
to get a
whole pizza, I wanted to split it with somebody, because at the time, I couldn't
really afford
a proper pizza.
Uh-huh.
I would want to get my own pizza without cheese, but there I'm like, hey, we'll
get
it with cheese.
And also, if you want, I'll even give you my cheese.
And I would peel it off with a fork.
You just take it from the base, and you could peel it off in one piece, one big
triangle.
So I would, and I would, I loved Papa John's, dude.
You know, what's funny is we would have been good friends, because for a long
time, I was
just cheese.
I didn't like the pizza.
And I would peel it off when it got, like, maybe 10 minutes out of the oven,
and I'd roll
it up, and then put it on my mouth like a piece of gum, and then take sips of
the soda, and it would harden in my mouth.
Yeah, that's, that's, um.
That's all right.
Can you get the check, please?
That's all right.
Surrounded by queso freaks.
How old of a fellow were you when you were doing this on a Friday night?
High school.
Like, like, after freshman year?
Like, sophomore, junior, senior year?
Probably mostly, like, 9, 10, 11.
Okay.
Maybe 12, too.
That's all a high school.
Maybe a little bit of college, I'm not sure.
Shout out Kent State.
Because that doesn't sound like a bad Friday night.
They'd let you hang out in the store?
Yeah.
You know, I know I was going there younger, too.
So, pre-high school, into high school, I guess.
I'm not remembering because I remember, um, the, uh.
I mean, you're not eating chicks out if you're going to Friday Night Magic.
I had to date a girl for six months before I kissed the top of her head.
No, I wasn't eating girls out until college.
Lose the cloak.
Maybe you get a little headway.
And by the way, I went D1.
There you go.
I'm not sure I get it.
That doesn't sound like a bad Friday night.
That's a sweet.
That's a sweet.
That was your, that was, I got you.
Well, I'm just saying I was in a D1 school when I first ate a girl out.
No, I was in high school.
And I dated a girl recently whose, uh, whose birthday was two days before mine.
Whoa.
And it's like, oh, it's interesting that I'm finding these strong, independent
women.
Mm-hmm.
Who share birthdays that are so close to mine.
Her birthday was July 21st?
It probably still is.
Four, um, but, uh, oh, Route 66.
Whoa.
Prank caller, prank caller.
Can I say that sounds like a nice Friday night?
The guy wouldn't give you guys shit for hanging out in there?
No, that's the whole idea.
That's the business.
You bring people, it's like, they're happy.
Now, what kind of creature was he?
Somebody that looked like me?
Some heavyset guy?
Like comic book man?
You mean like a crawlworm?
Put him a picture.
No, he's a great guy.
You mean like a tremor?
Eli, yeah.
Eli.
An adult.
He was a great guy.
And also, my dad worked at the rug store.
Um, shout out to Marshall Rug Gallery.
Right.
And, uh, it was like a mile down the road from there.
So, sometimes I would go to work with my dad, like, during the summers, and
then I would
just go to the card shop, and I would be there, and I would, there was
not that many people, during the day, people come in, they buy stuff, and they
leave.
Not that many people are there necessarily playing.
Tables in the back?
Tables in the back.
And I would just sit there, um, I would just be there for hours, like, looking
at the comic
books, and asking questions, and looking in the case at all the cards, and
asking him
questions and stuff.
And I was there all the time.
And I remember there was one time I must have asked him too many questions.
And by the way, what I'm about to say, Eli's a great guy.
He was just, he was just telling it how it was.
Shut the fuck up!
No, he just, he said something to me once about something like, um, you know, I'm
there
all the time.
I can pick up, as of now in the story, I'm team Eli, all right?
Of course.
All right, guy?
Um, uh, and he goes, um, uh, he said something where I was like, hey, man, I'm
not your babysitter.
I remember-
Where are your parents?
I remember when he said that.
I remember when he said that, I got embarrassed.
I got embarrassed because it was only then that I realized, oh, no, I'm
bothering.
I'm here too much.
And I got really embarrassed that I was there, and I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought, like, I was just hanging out and asking, I'm so sorry.
I was just like, even now, I can remember that feeling.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Kiss him on the head and get out of there.
I don't want to eat your cheese.
Get out of here.
Oh.
But no, no, but you know, I see him, I go, when I go back, I still go in there,
and like,
I was there not too long ago because-
Listen, kid, it's just a fucking job for me, okay?
Um, part, go to, go to, uh, part of my merch, uh, I have these trading cards
that are awesome.
Go to taisocards.com.
I want you to see them.
I want to make you guys cards.
Okay.
I do make them with previous guests, um, and then, uh, here, click.
Here.
Very nice.
Aren't those amazing?
Oh, those are really cool.
Shout out to Scott Hepburn, who's a Marvel illustrator.
Sam Morrell, Mark Norman, those are fantastic.
Aren't those really cool?
And we turn them into different, like, characters, and the cards, they're
hollow foil, they're awesome.
Like, as a card collector, I-
You got Blake Griffin on here and not us?
That's crazy.
Well, I'd love to, who do you guys, who do you, who do you guys think?
What kind of superpowers would I have?
Well, that's, I'd like to ask people, tell me who-
I told you the cheese thing.
Do you have any characters that you resonate with?
Do I have any characters, like, comic book characters that I resonate with?
Any characters.
He's got the same tits as Wonder Woman.
And the same taste as men, huh?
Called Dark and Kryptonian.
So I was-
Nothing on that?
What?
You should make him Eli.
Eli would have killed that.
So I went into his card store recently because I was traveling and I needed
some cases, and
I got a couple of cardboard cases, and he just gave them to me.
I'm like, no, he's like, no, let's take the cases.
And I was like, you know what?
That whole babysitting thing that I've been sitting on for a decade?
Yeah, you got a lot of color.
I think you're cool with me.
Yeah.
How have you been a customer 20-something years?
Man, did I love going there because I didn't really have friends.
Mm-hmm.
What?
Yeah, and you'd go.
I didn't have kids that I would play with.
I wasn't really part of the-
The crew.
Yeah.
And I would go to Mr. Cards and Comics, and it was all these-
I remember looking-
I remember thinking, like, these are such weird people.
Different, eclectic, weird.
I didn't know I was one of them.
You know, I'm like going in, and I'm like these guys that are real nerdy and
socially
awkward, and some of them smell.
I think people know that.
Not all of them, but some people that play Magic.
If you were a Magic player, I would just check in, ask somebody, say, hey, you
have a safe
space.
Do I smell?
Let me know.
And the trick is not cologne and perfume.
The trick is cleaning your clothes, making sure they dry properly, and showering.
And by the way, I'm not even saying shower every day, but if you sweat or if
you shower-
Sure.
Anyway.
Would adults come in and play with you?
Yeah.
There was kids to adults.
Pedophiles.
Whoa.
And everybody was part of the same thing.
There's a similar feeling I had when I first moved to L.A. I played basketball,
and I got
into some basketball games with some comics.
I remember one of the first comics that I remember being like, cool, was Steve
Renazzisi.
I never met him before.
Sure.
And I was a fan of the league.
I'm like, this is awesome.
But when you're playing basketball with these guys, it's about the basketball,
not about
how much, you know, if you're a headliner or an open mic-er type of thing.
Of course.
And that's the analogy I have for going and playing Friday Night Magic.
You're all equal.
You could be 17 or you could be 45.
You're all losers.
And how were you?
You know?
And some of you smell.
Losers.
Some of you smell.
But losers to the people looking in the window.
In there, it really is a cool community.
And when I moved out to L.A., I would play at a card store in Studio City.
You did this a