Name: Everything You NEED To Know About Ms. Pat!
Uploaded: 2025-04-01T16:01:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everything You NEED To Know About Ms. Pat!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everything You NEED To Know About Ms. Pat!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-01. Transcript available.

Everything You NEED To Know About Ms. Pat!

Thank you so much for coming in.
Give us the back story.
Give us the origin story of Ms. Pat.
Oh, I'm just a little old lady, a little old girl from the inner city of
Atlanta.
You know, I used to traffic cocaine, got shot a couple times, got hit by a dump
truck.
Had two babies by a married man, had a couple STDs, and I turned my life around.
Now you're a judge.
Look at that.
I'm a fucking judge.
The least craziest thing.
I think I heard you got hit by a dump truck.
Is that right?
Chasing a man.
Wait, what?
Chasing a man.
You were chasing a guy across the street and you got hit by a dump truck?
No, I jumped off a little overpath onto his car one time because I was in love
with him.
Okay.
And he drugged me.
Jesus Christ.
Let me tell you something.
When you get a good black man that can't read and the sex is delicious, you
will do some crazy shit.
Everybody was wondering what was wrong with Whitney Houston.
I know what was wrong with Whitney Houston.
She got that ghetto pipe and it ain't got no turnoff bag.
Shout out to Bobby Brown, huh?
Putting it down in the sheets.
Bringing the heat.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Okay.
All right.
So who was in the house when you were growing up?
Mom, dad, brothers, sisters?
Just mom, three brothers, and a sister.
Okay.
Your mom, three brothers, and a sister.
All right.
And was this an apartment or a house?
Efficiency.
See, one time we just lived where it was a living room and a kitchen and a
bathroom and then an apartment.
We were poor as fuck.
We got evicted all the time, but we never got sat outside on the street because
my mama knew.
She knew the system.
So she'd be like, pack your shit.
They be here in 29 days.
She was ahead of it.
Yeah.
Whenever we moved in, we really never unpacked.
Sure.
We just lived out of the pack shit.
So we just put tape on it, put it in our car, and get the fuck off.
I respect the hustle, baby.
Damn.
One step ahead.
All right.
And this was all in inner city Atlanta?
All these moves.
Inner city of Atlanta, yeah.
Okay.
And that's who you live now?
You live in Atlanta now?
I live in Georgia.
You live in Georgia?
I don't live where I grew up at.
I know, I know.
Those days are long behind you.
I can't afford it.
They done fucking justified it.
When you bring a Starbucks and white people walking their dogs, ain't no black
folk shit going down over there.
Baby, it's so much money to live in the West End now.
Really?
I called one day.
They was like, what they said, $5,500.
I said, but you ain't got rid of all the crackheads yet.
Not paying $5,500 for no crackheads.
But you know, one thing about white America, y'all can see some shit happen.
Y'all walk with y'all head up in the air and don't pay attention.
Black folk be like, y'all don't see that shit going down.
We see it.
We're like a horse with blinders on.
I just got to get to that Starbucks, get my macchiato, and call today.
Trying to get that property value up.
So it's still $5,500 sometimes to live in the West End, but all the riffraff
ain't gone.
So what did your mom do when you were a kid?
What was she doing for her job?
Watching soap poppers.
Okay.
She literally watched The Young and The Restless.
We lived off government assistance.
Okay.
And we just moved from place to place.
Damn.
Go ahead, now please.
No, were you in school at all that time?
Same school?
Were you moving around?
We moved.
Do you know what the good part about my mom?
We would get evicted in the community, so we never had to change school.
That's great.
All right.
So we changed address, but we never changed school.
Your mom had it all figured out.
That's great.
You still make the bus in the morning.
Let's go.
Before they did credit checks for you to move into a place.
Sure.
Oh, you got the money?
Move the fuck in.
How were your grades growing up?
Were you a good student?
I don't think so.
I was all right.
I tried.
One time, back in the day, and they can't do this shit today, but I'm 51.
They would separate you from the A-B student, the C-D student, and just the
dumbass student.
So I was in the C-D or the dumbass student category, but I always wanted to be
number
one in anything I do.
Sure.
So I said, please, teacher, please let me read out the book we're called Impression.
And so she was like, I just love your willpower, Patricia.
I got up in that group, and I tried to read.
I was so horrible.
The monster was like, if you don't get this bitch out of this group.
The teacher's like, you tried, baby.
You tried.
A for effort for Ms. Pat.
Yes.
Any sports growing up?
Did you play any sports?
No, I was pregnant too quick.
Okay.
I tried.
My teacher thought because I was so big and developed, you know, because I had
titties
and booties in the sixth grade.
He was like, you should throw the disc.
I was like, seventh grade, you should throw the disc, but I was getting dick in
real life,
and it was not the same type of throw.
So I don't throw that heavy-ass metal.
Too busy getting piked down back here.
Oh, okay.
What age did you get pregnant?
I got pregnant at 13.
Okay.
Gave birth at 14.
Damn.
13 and 14.
No, I got pregnant at 13, gave birth at 14.
Okay.
I got pregnant at 14 and gave birth at 15.
And did you get your high school diploma?
Did you stay in school?
No, I got GED.
I jumped out and started selling drugs.
Okay.
Crackhead just hit the black community, and it was imploring everybody in my
community.
A little startup action.
All right.
Get in on the ground floor.
I like it.
I got in on the ground floor, too.
Okay.
All right.
Were you making good money doing that?
I was making a lot of fucking money.
And were you still living at home with your mom?
Nah.
My mom was off on her own doing her thing.
I had moved into a fucking nice-ass apartment.
I faked my ID, and I always had big titties and a nice shape, and I always act
older.
So I walked in there, forged me some check stubs, and got my friend to answer
the phone
at the phone booth and say I work there, and I got an apartment.
Man, that's all right.
Talk about working the system, baby.
Yeah.
Damn.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
So you had the baby.
You're about 15.
You get your own place.
I got two babies at 15.
Two babies.
Two babies at 15.
You got your own place, and you're moving a little action.
I'm moving a little action.
What would you say you were bringing in a week, roughly?
$15,000, $20,000, something like that.
I made a lot of fucking money.
A week?
Yeah.
I had a partner.
Jesus Christ.
We made a shit ton of money.
Holy shit.
Miss Pat moving weight.
Guys, forget Patreon.
We got to get into cracking.
Yeah.
All right.
I thought Patreon was good money.
Nobody smoked cracking on my own.
All right.
All right.
Nobody smoked that shit anymore.
It's like Bitcoin.
It's over.
It's over.
You missed the gold rush on it?
Yeah.
All right.
So you're making 15.
20 Gs a week.
You're doing well.
What kind of car were you driving back then?
I was driving a 19, I want to say a 1986 Fleetwood Cadillac.
And that's back when drug dealers first came out.
We had the big gold chain and everybody had that Cadillac.
And mine was pearl white with flakes in it with burgundy material with the soft,
I don't
know what they call that top.
The soft top?
Yeah, the rag top.
The rag top.
Oh, shit.
You've been somewhere.
You know I don't forget about who it is.
Kimmy used to be a pimp, believe it or not.
I used to sell crack back in my day too, Ms. Pat.
When a white man can tell you some rag top on a golf.
What the fuck?
I'm supposed to know that.
So that's what I drove.
Okay.
Holy shit.
That's a nice car.
Yeah.
Huh.
So I assume that jump was pretty crazy.
You went from nothing to Cadillac in two years.
Were you putting any of that money away?
Were you saving any of it?
Nobody.
They didn't teach you how to.
They didn't teach.
They don't teach you no savings in the year.
Sure.
They teach you to just be flashy.
Michael Jordan had just came to the NBA.
Everybody wanted to join.
You were at the precipice of every big thing happening in the black community.
Crack.
Michael Jordan.
Drug dealing.
Thriller just dropped.
Let's go.
Michael Jordan had just dropped his first pair.
Well, FUBU was the shit.
Then FUBU, after FUBU for us, by us, that was like the first big black designer
that we
can remember.
Then we eased on into Michael Jordan.
I remember buying my first pair, Michael Jordan.
You can tell me shit.
They was $59.99.
The shit y'all paying for them shoes today, y'all are ridiculous.
Damn.
Holy shit.
All right.
So you got a nice place.
Did you get a house or did you get another apartment?
No, I just got an apartment.
Who was living in that apartment with you?
It was me and then I had my two kids and then my sister-in-law.
My baby dad, we were the one with my sister-in-law.
He was somebody else's husband.
But my baby daddy's sister was on drugs, so I took in her three girls.
Look at you.
Yeah.
So that's my first set of crack babies that I raised.
All right.
Yeah.
You make it sound like they're puppies or something.
No.
Did you have any pets in the house?
I couldn't afford no pets with no fucking children.
That shit don't go together.
Sure.
Huh.
And how long did that last that you were selling?
I sold for about 10, 10, maybe 10 to 12 years.
Damn.
I sold a while.
This is all pre-comedy.
Oh, yeah.
This is way pre-comedy.
Okay.
I was like, I've always been able to make people laugh, but I was just, I was
just, I'm just
outspoken.
So I just say crazy shit.
Uh-huh.
But I didn't think I was funny.
Sure.
I thought I was a way better drug dealer.
I mean, it sounds like you were doing pretty well.
20 G's a week.
That's 80s money too.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
I had, I mean, I was living the life.
I didn't, I didn't do drugs.
I just party.
I mean, I only think, I wasn't even 21.
So I was getting in the club under age.
I was buying clothes.
I was having an apartment.
We was just living the life.
Were you, were you guys going on vacations or anything like that?
Didn't nobody tell me people go on vacation.
No?
Nothing?
All right.
I wish like hell I had went somewhere.
I had no, I think the closest vacation was drive down to Florida and you out of
Atlanta,
you doing it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Huh.
And where was the cash?
Would you put it in a bank or would it be like in the house in the walls?
No, so you can't put no motherfucking cash in the bank.
All right.
We were hiding in my friend's house.
I kind of had a partner when I started to really ride.
So we would hide it at his house, hide it at my house.
Okay.
You know.
I love that.
That's crazy.
You can't walk in the bank and say, I got $80,000 and you black with gold
around your
neck.
You're going to fucking jail.
At 17.
Damn right.
I think I was 16.
And you never got pinched.
You got out clean, right?
No, I went to prison, but I, you.
I asked you about vacation.
That ain't no fucking vacation.
But I got to tell y'all this.
I've told this story a hundred times.
This is my favorite story.
Because I couldn't drive, but I wanted a car and I had the money to buy a car.
And so I really, at this point I'm raising myself.
So the crackhead was like, I'll teach you how to drive.
So he would come pick me up in a jet or a stick at night.
And he would take me around 285 and put my two kids in the back and they'd be
cheering
me on.
And he'd be in the passenger seat smoking crack out of a pipe.
And he would, that's how I learned how to drive.
From a crackhead.
And my kids say, tell him to put his cigarette out.
Put the goddamn crack pipe down in front of my kids.
Tell him to put his cigarette out.
My kids didn't know he was smoking crack.
I'm blowing it out the wonder.
My kids going to have a crack in his system.
Jesus.
You tell me I'm unfit.
But I love my kids, but I was unfit.
We were young.
Yeah, of course.
When you got pinched, did you get to keep some of the money?
Did you have some of the money when you started in comedy?
No.
It all went away.
Oh, it all went away.
You spent it all on lawyers and dumb shit.
Plus it stops coming in at that point.
It stopped coming in.
So I did a y