Name: Which Is Trashier: Home Depot vs Lowe's? | Are You Garbage?
Uploaded: 2025-04-07T14:01:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Which Is Trashier: Home Depot vs Lowe's? | Are You Garbage?' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Which Is Trashier: Home Depot vs Lowe's? | Are You Garbage?' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-07. Transcript available.

Speaking of king of the burbs, as you know, I've been documenting me being king
of the
burbs on Instagram, no big deal.
And, you know, I've been in a lot of Home Depots, doing a lot of depot runs.
Lately.
Doing runs.
Getting the house ready for the baby.
Getting the house ready for the baby.
You know, you got to get, you paint the room, you got to get out the covers,
you got to
get fucking whatever, whatever.
You got to do all that kind of stuff.
You got to get the paint off the hardwood that you spilled.
You know, there's a lot going on.
That stuff don't come off.
Get a carpet.
You got to get a new window through the roller through.
I got mad, punched a hole in a wall, got to get some smack on.
My question is, I don't know if it's cultural, if it's like area-wise or just
like, you know,
kind of culturally, the, why is it Home Depot over Lowe's and it's not even a
question?
Why is that?
I don't know.
It's Home Depot over Lowe's, always has been, always will be.
You run to Lowe's in a pinch, maybe, if it's proximity.
What do you get at Lowe's?
It's not the same.
It's the same.
It is the same.
They don't got that hot dog joint out front.
Rocco's.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Very familiar with Rocco's.
I don't know.
All I can speak is from the greater Philadelphia area, the tri-state area, as
Jim Gardner used
to so elegantly put.
One second.
You get me a total number of Lowe's and a total number of Home Depot's, please.
It's got to be.
I want that on my desk by the end of the episode.
It's got to be nothing.
It's got to be no content.
They're probably pretty close, man.
Oh, well, then.
Home Depot's got to be killing them.
You were Don Pollock, or what were you saying?
Don Pollock.
That's from Ed Bassmaster, who I love, by the way.
I don't know.
So, for whatever reason, Ed Bassmaster.
Don Pollock's my godfather.
He just told me, pterodactyl escaped from the Philly Zoo, ate a toddler on
Market Street.
It's his godfather and not his uncle.
It's so Philly trash.
It's so perfect.
Tom Pollock.
All I can speak is from the suburb of Philadelphia.
Home Depot was there first.
Home Depot blows.
I mean, what?
Get out of here.
It was Hechinger's and Sears when Sears was really popping.
Back in the day.
Excuse me.
And then Home Depot came in, and it was a natural progression from Hechinger's
to, oh, you got
a Home Depot now.
Yeah.
No, I remember.
Yeah.
I don't even know if there's a Lowe's in that area.
Maybe there is.
I don't know anybody that goes there.
You go to Home Depot.
Growing up, my dad, we would go to Home Depot, and then my stepmom would go to
Lowe's, so that
was just where broads went to me.
Yeah.
That was like, you know, home.
It's not.
But it was like, it just, it was like home improvement for like, with the broads.
I think the orange sells it.
Something about the orange.
Because that seems construction-y.
Or maybe you're already, you're just doing that because it's, that's what you
think of
Home Depot, chicken or the egg type thing.
Very true.
What do you got?
Lowe's was open first.
What?
In 1929, Home Depot didn't open until 1978.
Whoa.
There are.
Wow.
50 years on them.
In the U.S. there are 2,025 Home Depots, and in the U.S. for Lowe's, 1,748.
Double.
No.
What?
250 off.
Yeah.
Oh.
By 300 or something.
Oh, okay.
That's not that much.
No.
That's like, we would, I can't go, there's 300 less.
You brought up a point.
Home Depot, that's where Patty would go for her home improvements that she was
doing and stuff
like that, but when I worked for that general contractor-
He went to the depot.
Everybody went to the depot.
That's where-
On the job sites, we would say, yo, I'm running, like, we were the plumbers,
right?
Yeah, nobody, I'm running to Lowe's.
They would run over.
What?
They'd go, yo, I'm like, you know, the GC or the carpenters, but yo, I'm
running to
the depot.
Anybody need anything?
Like, ah, yeah, we need, you know, I don't know.
Sure.
Some of them.
Dying sausages.
Hey, Dan, your fat one likes sausages, right?
Yeah.
That would have been weird if you went to Lowe's.
Yeah.
It's like drinking Pepsi in the winter.
I think you still say, I'm running to the depot, but you go to, like, if you
were going
to Lowe's, you still say, I'm running to the depot.
Yeah.
And you throw the bags out before you get there.
That was always the thing.
They didn't have it at Home Depot.
I had to go to Lowe's.
Yeah, I don't understand.
That's where you pick up a Ryobi.
It's very-
Yeah, Ryobi.
We're a fucking Milwaukee or the Walt family.
Got the Japanese drill.
Beat it.
I think Ryobi-
Korean, whatever.
I think Ryobi did get pretty good, though.
I'm sure.
For whatever I'm doing.
But you wanted to fucking, you wanted to break out the European, you go Bosch.
I'll get a Bosch gun.
Really blow your tits off with that.
It goes the other way.
It drives on the wrong side of the road, that guy.
But yeah, it's just very, like, I, when I say I'm going to the hard road, I
just, like,
innately go.
I probably drive by, I think I drive by a Lowe's to get to a depot.
Home Depot smells better.
More sawdust-y.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm also a guy, and someone called me out in the comments, they were like,
you seem
like the guy who will not ask for help, but will look to see what aisle in
Bennett's in.
That's what I do.
Yeah, they don't know.
All that shit in the commercial.
There's no expert in there.
I had to ask the same old lady.
You ever try to?
I have family members that work at, that work there in the sections, and we don't
talk to
them.
We see them, and I go to the other aisle.
You ever ask somebody at the paint section at Home Depot about something else
outside of
it?
Well, the paint section at the Home Depot.
It's like they don't speak English.
That's like the fragrance people at a Macy's.
That's, they're, they're fucking separate.
It's like an Edelman's counter.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't really work here.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I don't work here.
Home Depot, fucking M-A-B pays my bills.
Yeah.
They don't want it.
I don't know.
You gotta ask some meth head walking around.
Mm-hmm.
They don't know where nothing is.
I don't know.
I had, I asked three times, because I come, I didn't have service to look on my
phone,
because I'm a little baby girl.
Either they don't know where anything is, or you're asking them about something
that's
right in front of your face.
So, either way, you look like an asshole, or they don't know.
I gotta be honest with you, they ask this old lady.
Old is, I mean, like, she's 70 years old.
Old, tiny old lady working there.
It's not that old.
Well, it's not young.
So, that's old in the workforce.
Depends how you look at it.
I'm looking at it as an employee.
That's an old employee.
I'll be 70 in 20 years.
You're not making it 20 years.
I would have been 70.
I'll be burying you at a Home Depot.
What are you talking about?
She knew where everything was.
Better not use one by three.
I'll tell you that.
Snap that like a twig.
Better put some rebar in that thing.