Name: AYG & Friends Live with Dan Soder!
Uploaded: 2025-04-08T18:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG & Friends Live with Dan Soder!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG & Friends Live with Dan Soder!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-08. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for the one, the only, Mr. Dan Soder,
everybody.
There he is.
Danny Soder.
Danny Soder, everybody.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
All right, let's get into it.
Where is Nicole N.?
Nicole, how are you, love?
Good, how are you?
I'm doing great.
Who are you here with?
No one.
I came tonight just for you guys.
Thank you for having me on.
Thank you so much.
And where are you from?
Where do you live?
I'm from Boston.
Me and you actually talked, and you accidentally called me on Instagram.
Oh, yeah, that was a couple days ago.
Oh, shit, fully.
Oh, shit, fully out.
You dumb broad, I said meet me out back.
That's so funny if you Shannon Sharpe'd this lady.
Oh, yeah, you like that?
He's just wailing on himself.
Just me snoring.
Yeah, you dirty little bitch.
Fans that just hit.
I've never thought about Philly masturbating.
That's hilarious.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I'm about to get off.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
Give me a night cake.
Oh, fuck.
I'm about to fucking bust.
To clarify, I called you by accident.
Yes, absolutely.
How do you do that?
How do you call someone on Instagram?
It's got that little goddamn button in the corner.
Well, they've hidden it to where it's not that much of an accident.
Yeah, he's got to hit it four times and hope she picks up.
By accident.
It's kind of like launching a nuke.
You need a code and two keys to turn at the same time.
Was he calling you when you were like, fucking, is Foley calling you?
I was nervous because I asked him if you guys were going to do a meet and greet
after the show.
And he was like, no, probably not.
And then like two seconds.
And then I called you right away like a psycho.
But I'll meet you right now.
Especially if you're at the show.
I can't after the show, but I got a couple minutes right here.
That's like something she shows her friend where she goes, look who's calling
me.
Why is this happening?
What's this guy's deal?
I was definitely nervous.
I'm sorry I did that.
No, no, it was fine.
And all the letters I've been sending to your house.
I honestly was half expecting to go, he's yours.
But then Foley would be like, is he like me?
A little fat kid with a small dick.
Oh, man.
So you came down from Boston for this?
I did.
Did you fly or did you take the train?
I drove because tomorrow I'm going to a show at Radio City.
And then you guys said that you were doing AYG and Friends.
And I was just like, yeah.
Who were you seeing at Radio City?
The basement yard.
Joe Sanagato.
Joe Sanagato.
Damn, you just cucked them with a bigger podcast.
You saw like nine shows over there.
That's all the time we have for Nicole right now.
Sorry, I mean.
I'm never going to accidentally call you again, Nicole.
Sorry, boys.
I need something that can fill Radio City.
Hey, he's a good looking kid.
What do you want?
Foley's going, oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's the last time I follow you home from work, Nicole.
I'll fucking call you randomly at two in the fucking morning.
Okay, what kind of work do you do?
I'm a quality analyst for a bank.
Do you bite the pieces of gold
to make sure they're gold?
That is what's chocolate.
Whatever we do are smoking, keep smoking.
We'd like to hire you as quality analyst.
That's real gold.
That's good stuff right there.
I can give you some silver for it.
Are you a prospect?
The call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance.
That's me.
Recorded?
I'm listening to the recording.
If Billy calls the fucking bank one more time, kid, I swear to fucking God.
So you have to review the calls?
I review the associates and make sure they're doing the right thing by the bank.
Gotcha.
You ever catch anybody doing anything fucked up, like cursing at a customer?
Yeah, all the time.
Can I say something?
Sure.
And I mean this respectfully.
You sound like you have a job that is only in porn.
You're like, I have to come by and make sure the associates are up to date.
I have to listen to all the calls.
He's got a lot of holes to fill.
I'm stuck in the washer.
You are a bad associate.
Are you my stepmom?
Do you get stuck in stuff a lot?
So you're up there in Boston.
Who do you live with?
My boyfriend.
Very nice.
Well, good night.
Where's he at?
He's at home.
He had to work.
He couldn't get the days off.
What does he do?
He owns his own company.
What does that mean?
Is he a drug dealer?
No.
He fucking sells pain pills in Charlestown, kid.
He's selling perks, Pete.
Fucking go to him if you want to perk, you know what I mean?
No, he, his mom has a bunch of daycares in the Boston area and he helps
transport families.
Does he drive the little shuttles?
He has a fleet of two vans.
That's not a fleet.
That's not a fleet.
That's two fucking vans.
That is not a fleet.
It's five or more.
I'll tell you what he's got.
Everyone knows that.
I'll tell you what he's got.
He's got good dick.
It's only been a year and a half and he's already done well.
No, that's great.
I'm happy.
He's like, he's another.
She's like, you fucking idiots.
He's one away from an armada.
Okay?
One more van.
This guy is an entire Navy.
Okay.
That's so fucking funny.
You guys got any pets?
We do.
A whole fleet of dogs.
We have his dog, which is a pit bull, and we just adopted a kitten about two
months ago.
That kitten's got about two weeks left.
Imagine being a kitten and brought into a house and you're like, finally a home.
What's that?
What's that killing machine?
Oh, it's just going to smell me super close?
Cool.
That's your older brother, Ronnie.
He just got out the joint.
So you're my new baby sister, huh?
Yeah.
It's like getting adopted at seven and then just a fucking NBA player comes out
and goes,
who are you?
What's the name of the pit bull?
Smokey.
What's his government name?
Charles, but don't call him that.
Hey, nobody called me my government name.
Hey, Reginald.
He's like, it's Smokey, motherfucker.
I told you, call me by my rat name.
He's a good boy.
Okay.
Does he have his ears clipped?
No, he's a sweet boy and flops his ears.
All right, sweet.
Oh, good.
You guys live in an apartment together or you got a house?
My boyfriend owns the house, so I moved in two years ago.
Nice.
He's got a fleet and a house?
He does, I know.
Where does he park the fleet?
One van is at our house and one is at his mom's daycare.
Do these vans transport children?
Correct.
Great.
Follow-up question.
Do they have windows?
He catches the kids that they give to scared straight.
He wakes them up.
He wakes them up much like a human dog catcher.
What's up, motherfucker?
You think you're tough?
This is me.
This is my boy.
You're not fucking hard, kid.
Get in the van.
What was the last vacation you guys went on?
All right, this is going to sound crazy, but we just went on our first
international vacation
to Ibiza.
Oh, nice.
That's a sexy vacation.
I had a bunch of e-pills to get rid of.
Did you take a pill in Ibiza?
It's a garbage way of how we got there, but we got there.
How'd you get there?
Okay.
Timeshare.
That's so funny.
Kind of.
His mom is a part of the Disney's timeshare.
Disney Ibiza?
It wasn't anything Mickey, though.
He's like, ha, ha, I fucked up.
I can't feel my face.
I can't wait for the soap party.
Ha, ha.
I'm here to suck and fuck for the weekend.
When you guys have dinner at the house, do you guys sit at the kitchen table,
or do you guys eat in front of the TV on the couch?
Sit in front of the TV at the couch.
Is there a bottle of hot sauce on your guys' coffee table?
No.
God damn, I really feel like you watched Katie and I eat our last meal.
All right, well, this is perfect, because her question is,
is it garbage to go to a fancy restaurant,
and at the end of the meal, they bring out warm towelettes,
and your whole family doesn't know how to act?
We were all very excited, and everybody said,
wow, this is different.
Let her here one time for Nicole.
Calling two bands to three is so funny.
Dude, we sniped that immediately.
He got a whole fleet.
Fucking, yeah, kid.
I got a fucking fleet of ants.
I just picture him driving with a big cup of donkeys.
I mean, dude, anytime I have a pair of something,
I'm going to start calling it a fleet.
I just got a fleet of shoes.
I just got this new fleet.
Fleet of Nikes, dude.
A left and a right.
Oh, my God.
How you doing?
All right, we got time for one more here, gang.
Where is David L?
Jump up on the mic there, big guy.
How are you, big dog?
Hey, we're here.
Yeah, I'm happy.
Good.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
That's a man who's ready to blow his brains out.
I didn't realize we woke you up out of a nap to do this show.
What the fuck?
Yeah, what are you guys selling?
He goes, how are you doing?
He goes, eh, you know.
I'm inside relaxing with my wife and kids,
and you come bothering me?
Last time I checked, I was pissing and shit.
And what's up, boss?
I said, no soliciting.
God damn it, I love that.
What do you guys want?
I was very...
Only are you garbage can have fans
that when they do a Q&A, they go, what?
What can I do for you fans?
I don't know.
That was very disgruntled Tim Dillon energy.
How do you want?
I don't know.
What?
What's your story, brother?
Who are you here with?
Just myself.
Rolling solo, dolo.
Appreciate you.
Are you a married guy?
You single?
No, I'm single.
Single, okay.
All right.
Sorry, I don't think any of us
are trying to fuck you.
You're single, you go, really?
What kind of work do you do?
There's no, like, crazy exes
I'm gonna have to worry about, right?
I work in IT.
You work in IT?
Yeah.
You like it?
Yeah, it pays the bills.
For a bill, you got a house,
you got an apartment, townhouse,
what are you doing?
You renting?
Yeah, I have a house.
I own property, investment properties.
You own investment properties?
How many investment properties do you have?
Uh, three.
Whoa!
These aren't torture chambers
for hookers, are they?
No.
He goes, yeah, I've got about three dungeons.
A shipping container in the woods.
And how many are in your fleet of cars?
It's just three investment properties
and cars, no, I just own two.
No, you got a fleet.
That's a fleet!
That's a goddamn...
Brother, brother, I don't want you to shit.
But you have a fleet of cars
and an armada of property.
Yeah.
So you're doing pretty good.
Where are the properties at?
Where are the investment properties?
Texas.
All three in Texas.
What kind...
Do we find out he is a coyote?
He's just taking illegals over?
It's pretty close to the border.
It's right on the border.
Do you Airbnb them out
or rent them or something like that?
Yeah, Airbnb, yeah.
A property management system.
Do you watch them sleep?
Do you have a room, like, Sliver?
Where there's, like, 20 TVs?
Have you ever had to throw anyone out?
Uh, no.
No, I'm fairly new.
I bought it from someone,
so I haven't dealt with anyone like that, no.
How long have you owned it?
Uh, going on three years now.
Three years, no incidents?
No.
Pretty good.
Do you have one of those boards in your office
that says that many days without incident?
And he goes,
well, one of them burned down the house.
They do have cameras, though.
Okay.
They do.
Do you ever watch them?
Don't fuck with Airbnbs, dude.
They're watching you poop and sleep.
No, not internal.
Not internal.
Hey, you bought it as you saw it.
That's your problem.
Just at the entrance.
Just at the entrance.
Just at the entrance.
Sure, just at the entrance.
Of your asshole.
That's why that painting's...
That's why that PA goes,
just the entrance and two of the bidets.
Really see that sphincter open.
I like to watch it open.
And then you own a house in Jersey that you live in.
Yeah.
Very nice.
And it's just you.
Family.
Basically, I take care of my parents.
Okay.
Okay.
That's very nice.
Very admirable.
How old are your parents?
Uh, they're, uh, my mom's 60.
They're all 64.
Nice.
When did you take over?
Where you go, hey, I'm dad now.
And this is now an Airbnb.
Yeah.
I'm gonna need you to greet the guests,
tell them where some restaurants are,
and then fuck off for the weekend.
And don't ask me for the fucking Wi-Fi code, either.
Are you in the master bedroom?
No.
I'm still in my childhood bedroom.
Now we're talking.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I lost it.
This is the house you grew up in?
Yeah.
He bought it off his parent.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
And you sleep in your childhood bedroom?
Yeah, I mean, obviously.
Damn, the hours of masturbation in that room are astonishing.
I gotta be honest with you, it's probably more now.
He's probably putting up numbers.
It's crazy.
Yeah, what a legacy.
He walks in, the fucking king is back.
The baron has returned.
I fucking spent about four years busting nuts elsewhere,
but I'm backmarking it.
He's got his jersey hung.
It's not the same bed you grew up in, right?
No, no, no, no.
What are you now, queen?
A king.
You're in a king-sized bed right now.
In the room you grew up in?
Yeah.
Have you ever fucked in the room you grew up in?
Yeah.
Crazy.
College girlfriend, college girlfriend, yeah.
Your college girlfriend?
Yeah.
Can you have girls over now?
Yes, yes.
Have you had a girl over recently with your parents living there?
No.
What's that look like?
Your mom, dad, you up?
It's his house.
He probably walks in.
You two get the fuck upstairs.
I got a broad coming home.
Hey, golden girls, get out of here.
Time for me to get top on the couch.
If anybody is, you're my butler or my mate.
Because I got the DVR sent to all my programs.
Topping on those two old fucking geezers will fuck off.
What a wild situation.
Okay.
Good for you taking care of your parents, so I commend that.
Foley, you're my weight loss inspiration.
What?
Yeah.
Buddy, yo.
When you started, when you started Ozempi, when you started Ozempi.
Fuck that, fuck that, dude.
Pick them out and you can climb.
Good job.
You do all this and you're blind, too?
Holy shit.
How do you lose the weight?
Yeah, 100 pounds.
Right, man.
Let's go.
Fuck it, hey.
Let's fucking go.
I put on 40.
Good job, dude.
Yeah.
That's fucking awesome.
Are you on Ozempis?
No, no Ozempis.
All natural.
All natural.
That's awesome.
Let him fucking hear it.
You're my weight loss guru, buddy.
That's fucking awesome.
You are, you're a long-term investment.
If a girl, like, invests in you right now, you got property, taking care of
your parents,
losing the weight, you're a fine, dude.
Thanks, my feet.
Yeah, well, let's put a-
You're gonna be fucking in that room real quick.
Let's put a pin in all of that for a second.
Unless this is about killing children.
He goes, why do I get boners when the light leaves their eyes?
Is that garbage?
I, uh, you know what?
You know what?
Is it, is it trash?
I, uh, are we filming this?
Dan Soder says child murderer.
That's gonna get cut.
Are you garbage if you mix canned sardines with SpaghettiOs and warm it up in
the microwave?
What the fuck?
What?
Why do you eat like a conehead?
It was COVID.
It was COVID.
He's got the sharp teeth.
Holy shit, that is fucking crazy.
Hold on a second.
Aliens eat like that.
If that's all I had to eat, I'd lose 100 pounds too, you fucking cheater.
That's wild.
Guys, let him hear it one time.
Gramercy, New York, that's our fucking show.
Give it up for Dan Soder, everybody.
Dan Soder.
Gang, we fucking love you.
Thank you so much, and we'll see you next month.
Thank you, guys.
Take care.