Name: AYG & Friends Live with Big Jay Oakerson!
Uploaded: 2025-04-13T16:01:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG & Friends Live with Big Jay Oakerson!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG & Friends Live with Big Jay Oakerson!' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-13. Transcript available.

Give it up for the one, the own, Mr. Big Jay Oakerson, everybody.
Let him hear.
Big Jay, everybody.
Hey, buddy.
What's up?
Do you want the stool?
What's up, gang?
No, no, no.
You sure?
You sure?
No, I'm going to stand with the boys.
All right.
How about Ari?
That outfit caught me backstage in his face.
If you told Ari, if you told someone that Ari was your imaginary friend, people
would believe
you.
He's my imaginary friend.
He's like, no, he's 55.
He's going to shave his face half and it'll show up.
Ari looks like he sets fires and does this.
Oh, God.
Oh, Jesus.
You say his name three times, he shows up.
Ari just stole that guy's beer.
He's going to recycle it and get the 15 cents back.
Where does he go now?
He gets back in the clown car and drives home.
He gets in a hot air balloon outside and just wherever it goes.
Good night, New York City.
I'll have my vengeance on you soon.
You'll rue the day.
You saved your whole face.
Holy shit.
All right.
Well, you saved some of the fucking bangers for Big J. Where is Justin G?
Jump up on the mic, buddy.
Give Justin a big round of applause.
Let him hear it, gang.
What do you do for work?
I do e-commerce.
Do e-commerce.
I don't know what that is.
I sell stuff online.
Sell stuff.
Is that what that's called?
You're not the one.
Electronic yard sailing?
Yeah, you need rollerblades?
E-commerce.
You want my old web slingers I got when I was a kid?
Brandy, get off the couch.
I just sold it.
This is how commerce works, babe.
It's a seller's market, dude.
What do you sell?
I sell women's fake nails.
Oh, God.
I didn't even hear the last word.
No, I do.
What do you sell?
Fake nails and fake eyelashes.
Beauty company.
Oh, my God.
What?
It's a scam.
Wait, so you sell women's fake eyelashes and fingernails?
Yeah.
I feel like they were once attached to a real woman.
But I also sell hooker cadavers to local med schools.
Unconnected.
Two separate LLCs.
My name's nowhere on the papers.
You put a set of fake eyelashes on her.
She's going to look alive.
Is this your website?
No, no.
It's a huge company.
This goes deeper than you think, man.
Follow the money.
You got to follow the money.
You think it starts with this guy and his fake nails?
It's just the bottom rung, man.
This ladder goes way up.
I feel like Ari would be the detective on this case.
Yep.
It's an eyelash, all right?
This looks like a job for half beard.
Unfortunately, Ari looks like a detective who writes all his notes on a magna-doodle.
No, no, no.
Fuck, I just figured it out.
It's a big company.
Yeah.
Huge.
Can you say the name of it?
Big Nails.
No, I'd rather...
No, don't say the name of it.
No, no, no, but it's a billion-dollar company.
So fake eyelashes and nails?
Yeah.
I love it.
Billion-dollar company?
Yeah.
So you don't have to stuff...
This dude sells weed.
What are we talking about?
Yes, I mean, come on.
That's a billion-dollar...
These broads love this stuff.
They can't get enough of these dizzy broads.
Are you selling them?
I, like, make the website.
You make the website?
Yeah.
Okay.
So you're a web designer?
Give or take, yeah.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Does she have eyelashes?
I pick them off one at a time.
She just keeps growing them out.
He goes, two more days, babe.
We're going to harvest those.
How fuck Shark Tank?
You've got to keep inventory on you.
The time is money, baby.
Let's go.
What do the other roommates do?
One sells insurance and one's a lawyer.
Okay.
A lawyer?
You've got a real crack squad over there.
I want to talk to the lawyer with two roommates.
What the fuck, dude?
He's been disbarred for sure.
And how do you guys all know each other?
Did you grow up together?
Yeah, since, like, kindergarten.
Since kindergarten.
And where did you grow up?
In Queens.
What neighborhood in Queens are you in?
Bayside.
Bayside.
You're a Bayside kid.
All right.
Sir!
Bay Terrace movie theater?
That came out like a fucking fly ball.
Tonight, we fight in the dark.
That's a tough part of town.
Bayside, right?
No.
No?
Not at all.
All right.
Well, it depends what street you're from.
I can't get past it.
Some of those girls fight back.
I can't get past it.
You're a lawyer.
And a doctor, I believe.
And a doctor, and they're sharing a house with a guy who sells lashes and nails.
Wait, the other roommate's a doctor, you said?
No, he sells insurance.
Oh, he sells insurance.
That's a doctor at my house.
The lawyer, though, what do they do?
Guys, would you mind turning the video games down a little bit?
I got a big case tomorrow.
I have to represent Ari Shafir.
You go, guys, keep it down.
I got to work in the morning.
Gung, gung.
Okay.
I mean, this makes all the sense.
You ever go straight from the strip club to coach an eight-year-old's baseball
game?
No.
No, no, I haven't.
I assume you and your roommates have.
The timing on that seems weird.
That means you went to a strip club at a strange afternoon time?
No, or late night.
Or it was overnight, and you went in the morning.
Overnight, 8 a.m. game.
Right from looking at pussy to...
Did you get a little breakfast at the club before you headed out?
Are any of the kids yours?
No.
I don't trust a guy.
That's even weirder, dude.
He's got unnecessary roommates.
He's fucking umpiring the game.
You're on the third baseline hard, just like, all right, let's go.
This isn't for you, Daryl.
This is for someone else.
Some stripper doing it.
Free is doing this.
Yeah.
He's trying to thumb fucking jizz off his pants.
It's just a little pie tar, kids.
Don't worry about that.
What was the occasion at the strip club that kept you out until 8 o'clock in
the morning?
Wednesday.
Friday night.
Team's playing on a Thursday.
How long ago was this?
Four years ago.
That's not bad.
I was 22.
You were 22.
Yeah.
What was the name of the strip club?
That guy responded like he's the owner.
You got a pretty good ziti.
Small menu, but everything's good, as Gordon Ramsay likes to say.
That's a top shop organization over there.
Not really, no.
No?
No.
Is it a scuzz place?
Could you get laid if you wanted to?
You got a deep enough pocket, probably, yeah.
Really?
Yeah, I got 40 bucks, yeah.
Well, you didn't.
You were like, I got to buy squirt bottles for the kids in a few hours.
No, I can't.
I can't be.
Just give me some.
I don't have oranges.
Give me some of them lemons at the bar.
That'll do.
What will you take for a couple Little League helmets, huh?
How'd you guys do in that game?
Won both.
Still bragging about it.
This was four years ago.
They were eight years old.
Because of his umpiring.
Fucking shut out.
What made you decide to want to be a Little League coach?
They paid pretty well for the time, to be honest with you.
Did you take everybody out for peace afterwards with wet ones?
Hang on.
There.
Got a couple of these guys here.
And one rolled up 20.
A couple of these guys here.
I think that's glitter.
That's not, that's still legal tender.
When was the last time you were there?
A year ago, maybe.
How was it?
Good enough.
Nice.
Let them hear it one time.
Justin, everybody.
Holy shit.
This one didn't have a last name.
It was Jason.
And I believe you're Australian?
Give it up for Jason, everybody.
Let them hear it.
How long have you been in the States?
I've been legal with a visa for six years.
Man, this guy's creeping me the fuck out.
Yeah.
And we had a funeral director on here earlier.
He doesn't break at all.
He's just calm.
You have a wife?
I did.
Complicated.
She's back in Australia right now.
Okay.
Really?
You've been here for six years?
Yes.
You're both cheating, yeah?
We have partners outside.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you think hers are?
The aborigines?
A couple kangaroos.
She don't discriminate.
This dude joked coming in.
One plays the didgeridoo.
One does the damage.
Are you from Australia as well?
Where's she from?
Where's she from?
Oh, that's a weird throwback.
This guy's looking for a new partner.
Why?
Miss Run.
Yeah.
She's a goblin.
Did you ask someone where you're from when you lost them first?
We got some weird Southern Hemisphere debate going on here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait.
Just in case everybody forgot, this is fucking America, okay?
It's a goddamn USA.
Why don't you guys hit the bathroom and watch the toilets flush the right way?
What the fuck?
Northern Hemisphere.
Northern Hemisphere.
Man, Big J loves a chant.
He'll be on the A train later.
A train.
Just wherever you are.
Wherever, man.
It's not like those downtown losers, am I right?
We're going uptown.
What kind of car do you drive?
I drive a 1987 Chevy G20 long wheelbase.
I don't know what that is, but it sounds like rich guy shit.
It does?
No, it's like an old van.
Chevy van.
It's an old van?
Yeah, that goes with the voice.
Yeah, but he said a bunch of letters and numbers after it.
I've never said I drove a 1995 Chevy Illumina ZX9455B 3.0.
So you drive a piece of shit van?
Yeah, I do.
But it's a cool van.
Yeah, well, it's less conspicuous for child snatching.
Do you?
Exactly.
Hey, would you help me find me lost dog?
I swear he's cute.
You can keep him if we find him.
Do you have children back home?
I don't, no.
Good, good.
What kind of hobbies do you have?
What do you like to do on your free time?
Digging holes.
Human experiments, taxidermy.
When you have a hospitality business, like a restaurant or nightclub,
you don't really have hobbies.
You just kind of do that.
Sexually harassing your staff.
Water, I just said you look nice.
It would look nice if you opened a few more buttons.
It's one of the only accents I could do.
It's my only impression.
It's a good one.
It's an Australian guy getting buttfucked.
Watch.
Oh, ow.
Yeah, oh, wait.
Hey, there it is.
That's me, Button.
Yeah, right there.
I like it.
Oh, it does feel good, eh?
Is it garbage if your mom made counterfeit high school jackets for us to wear
because we couldn't
afford real ones?
That's industrious.
Yeah, like a uniform.
She made your homemade uniform.
But just the school jacket.
The rest of the uniform.
Did everybody know that it was made?
Everyone knew.
Oh, that sucks the worst.
I'm going to own a nightclub one day, guys.
I'll show you.
I'm going to move to America.
He makes all of his employees wear the jackets now.
Let him hear it one time, Jason.
Give him a round of applause.
All those poor women he meets now have to pay for his mother's behavior.
All right, this one's just funny.
Are you garbage if you secretly resent your boys for not sending you a Venmo
for tonight's
tickets?
Chris, hopefully that nudged it along.
I don't want to call out names.
I mean, the show's still happening, man.
If you don't have it by tomorrow at noon, send that request, big dog.
All right, we have time for one more.
Where's Thomas Corcoran?
Come on down, Tommy.
Give him a big round of applause, guys.
This is the last question of the night.
Give Tommy a big hand.
He's a strapping young lad.
Yeah.
Tall.
How tall are you?
6'5".
Yeah, there's something I'm looking for.
How's that piece on you?
Not impressive.
Is it not impressive on you, or would it also be not impressive on me?
5'5 guy wouldn't be impressive.
Damn.
No.
There's no God that hilarious.
Did you take the SATs?
Yeah.
What'd you get?
1340, I think.
Out of 1,600?
Yeah.
Smart kid.
What'd your parents do?
Tall, smart kid, small dick.
That's a recipe for a millionaire right there.
It doesn't look small with a hundo wrapped around it, does it?
That's what you think millionaires have?
I met one guy.
He had a $100 bill.
There's $100,000 more where this came from, sweetheart.
Who do you live with, bud?
My wife.
Your wife.
How long have you been married?
Almost two years.
Very nice.
And you guys live in the city or live outside the city?
We live in Chicago, actually.
You live in Chicago.
You came out here for the show or you out for work?
Out here for work.
Okay.
Why'd you lead with that?
Oh, you came out to see me?
Nah, all right.
That's a big swing on a Tuesday night.
We announced the show like 10 days ago.
That's it.
I got to get to New York on a Tuesday.
First time meeting a celebrity, huh?
All right.
Hey, thanks for coming.
I'm just like you, man.
Did you bring your wife on the trip?
No, she's at home.
You piece of shit.
You got kids?
No kids.
No kids?
So if you break up, there's not that much to split.
Just a house.
Is her name on it?
Yeah.
You fool.
How did we get here?
All of a sudden, you're in divorce.
PJ moves, click.
When that clearly goes haywire, she's going to be entitled to half that house,
you idiot.
Classic Chicago.
Tommy, where are you getting the haircut these days?
Barber in Chicago.
Dominican guy?
No, Italian guy.
Italian?
He knows how to hide the bald spot.
Let me get his number.
Are you using anything for the baldness?
Are you using Rogaine or anything like that?
No, the other one.
Propecia?
Yeah.
Okay.
Buddy, save your money.
Let me save you 10 grand.
You think your wife would leave if you went bald?
I think Jay's trying to fuck you tonight.
Because I don't care.
If you were on a business trip, just, you know, per se, and you ended up
fucking a comedian with that, like, would your wife be pissed at that?
No.
Especially, I'm not trying to ruin your life.
I just want to have fun, though.
Probably pretty lonely in that hotel room, isn't it, Tommy?
You seem like a pretty stand-up, classy guy.
Well, it's funny you bring that up, Chubbs.
I'm sorry to bring your weight into this.
What the hell did I do?
Is it garbage if you've got to plan your Labor Day weekend around your DUI
class graduation?
Let Tommy hear one fucking time, gang.
Gang, give it up for Mark Dorman, Ari Shafir, and Mr. Big Jay Oakerson.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you so much.
And give it up for yourselves, the Army of Garbage.
We fucking love each and every one of you.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you.
We'll see you next time.
Good night.