Name: Tim Dillon on the FALL Of Burger King & Wendys
Uploaded: 2025-04-29T18:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Dillon on the FALL Of Burger King & Wendys' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Dillon on the FALL Of Burger King & Wendys' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-29. Transcript available.

How do you feel as a whole about its rise, about its popularity,
about its existence, really, of the birthday cake flavor?
Well, let me go into this, actually, because I'm happy you asked this.
My thoughts on this are evolving.
Really?
Yes.
Early on, when birthday cake flavor was introduced,
let's be honest, before 2010, no one had heard of it.
We're talking about the early aughts here.
The birthday cake flavor is introduced.
The earliest and most mainstream application of this flavor
was something called Birthday Cake Remix from Cold Stone Creamery.
It was Cold Stone. That was the big one.
Cold Stone Creamery introduces this flavor in 2010.
There's a mortgage crisis. People are suffering.
They're losing their homes.
They're lining up. The Cold Stone employees are singing.
They're making ice cream. Many of them are on pills,
and they can't see their children unless there's a police officer present.
The birthday cake flavor comes in to make everything a party.
Nothing's a party. Nothing's a party, okay?
Oh, you thought you were going to retire with the equity in this house?
Now you're living in an apartment again.
Nothing's a party. Here comes a birthday cake flavor.
Oh, there's sprinkles in it.
Is it your birthday?
No, I'm actually living in hell.
So, this flavor comes in.
Then everybody gets it.
It gets cheap.
I don't like it anymore.
It feels very chemical.
I don't like the birthday cake flavor.
I've turned on it completely.
Okay.
And I really disappointed.
By the way, you know what else this happened to?
Because we can't have nice things?
Everything became about salted caramel.
And what happened was, what was a really awesome thing,
got watered down, bastardized, and now it sucks.
A lot of the salted caramel things you have suck.
Some of them are good, but a lot of them suck
because everybody went hard into this flavor.
We get obsessed with these s'mores.
Everything became about s'mores,
and then it became like, what is this?
You know?
It gets ruined.
What are your thoughts on the everything bagel seasoning?
I like it, but I also think that it's like, you know,
to me, it's like, I want a bagel.
Yeah.
I want a bagel.
I'm right there with you.
That, to me, is the new next thing that it's like,
everywhere you go, it's like, put the season.
Put a little seed.
Put it in the hummus.
Put it on this.
Put it on that.
Certain things shouldn't be for everybody.
I want a bagel, and to me, it's like,
I don't like half measures.
I'm right there with you, bud.
Right there where you get me.
Wow.
I mean, you know.
Yeah.
Jesus.
Do you remember any of your AOL screen names
or early email addresses?
He's deep in thought.
He's going back.
BK for life.
BK for life, 122.
Is that Brooklyn or Burger King?
It was a play on things because I used to argue,
and I still will argue this,
that the Burger King French Toastick
was one of the most influential things
I've ever had in my life.
It changed my life.
The Burger King French Toastick.
It's like you're in here.
Okay.
Do you know that?
It's like you're right in here.
Because the McGriddle does not run.
No.
The Burger King French Toastick doesn't walk.
You are not wrong.
And here's the thing.
Burger King has fallen far,
but there was a time when it was a nice time
because you had a crinkle-cut pickle.
McDonald's had a regular pickle.
They were contending.
They had a crinkle-cut pickle at Burger King.
You had a flame-broiled Whopper at Burger King.
There was a time when Burger King was in the game.
It is not in the game right now,
and it is a fucking tragedy.
It's like a FEMA camp when you walk in there.
I have a theory.
Yes.
That I have expressed to Kevin in private.
Yes.
That our culture as Americans,
we are the coolest at times in history
where Burger King and Pepsi are the driving force.
When Burger King and Pepsi are in,
things are really good.
It's actually beautiful to hear someone articulate that
with words.
We are at our coolest when Burger King's popping
and Pepsi's popping.
Because we need the underdog to thrive.
We need the underdog to thrive in this country.
Was Burger King my favorite?
Absolutely not.
But did...
Was there a time when it was hot?
Amen.
Was there a time when you had a...
Who was mad at a croissant-wich, buddy?
Was someone mad at that?
Dude, when the chicken...
Was someone mad at that?
When the chicken fry hit, it was all right.
So...
It was all right.
There were times...
I actually think there were the times
of the most racial harmony as well.
Of course.
We were...
You know what?
I agree.
We were united.
I agree.
We were united.
So that to me is a sad...
Pizza, that's a sad story.
These are sad stories.
These are sad stories.
But we could get it back.
His great name was Burger King Lover.
No, for life.
Get it back.
For life.
For life.
But guess what?
Not for life now.
We could get it back.
We could be cool again.
That's right.
Just one crispy chicken sandwich away.
What is the biggest disappointment fast food-wise?
I'll tell you right now.
Hit me.
I'll tell you right now.
What'd you say?
No, please.
The...
Because I was going to agree with you.
I thought you said the thing I was going to say.
You guys are mind-melding.
The biggest fall that has ever happened in this country, from a restaurant that
was one of
the greats to something that is now nothing, and that is Wendy's.
Wendy's in the 90s was the premiere.
You would go there and have a burger that was amazing.
It was a square patty.
You'd get a gold wrapper, a Monterey ranch chicken sandwich, bacon in the ranch,
fresh
never frozen, a salad bar that included chocolate pudding and slices of
pineapple.
How about you go fuck yourself?
And this was, you would leave your job, maybe at a debt collection agency or at
the rec center.
You'd go in there and you'd put a feed bag on, oh, a big chili baked potato?
Maybe I will stay married.
And now, now it is hell.
You would get a salad there with bacon, cheddar cheese, ranch dressing, croutons.
You'd pile it high.
I mean, the steakhouse bacon cheeseburger at Wendy's, the Monterey ranch
chicken sandwich
at Wendy's.
Wendy's was amazing, and it has fallen far.
Shame.
The thickness of that shredded yellow cheddar cheese at the salad bar, covered
in ranch with
a slab of chocolate pudding on the side.
We've discussed this.
It still holds true to this moment.
You couldn't be more right.
Talk about a maverick, a big potato at a fast food restaurant.
And it worked.
They did things.
They did things.
Dave Thomas.
Now you go in a Wendy's and everyone's confused.
It's, everyone's confused.
It's some Norwegian who just got off a plane and they don't know what's
happening.
No one is excited at a Wendy's.
It's just kids go in there to film fights.
They go in there to curb stomp a bitch and film it.
That is all Wendy's are used for now.
They're used for inner city fights.
And they know it.
They go, that's the only reason we exist is for inner city TikTok brawls.
I mean.