Name: Would You Let H. Foley DUMP In Your Master Bathroom? | Tim Dillon & Tom Segura
Uploaded: 2025-05-03T17:00:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Would You Let H. Foley DUMP In Your Master Bathroom? | Tim Dillon & Tom Segura' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Would You Let H. Foley DUMP In Your Master Bathroom? | Tim Dillon & Tom Segura' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-03. Transcript available.

Let's say you are at a function, a Christmas Eve, something like that.
Maybe not family, okay?
Okay.
And you are in there, the party going on.
You have to use the facilities, okay?
Where are you going to do that there?
Yeah, I want to go out of the way.
Of course you do.
Yeah, the furthest possible room.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
Okay.
So where's that going to be?
It's probably upstairs.
You're going to go upstairs?
Probably upstairs, yeah.
Do you think that's okay?
I mean, if what I know is in me is going to come out, it's best for everyone to
go away.
Sure.
Furthest possible distance.
I concur with that.
Yeah.
Let's just say, for whatever reason, you choose not to use the hall bathroom.
You want to use the master bathroom.
That's insane.
That's insane.
That's insane?
I mean, it's, well, if you were at, it depends which scenario we're in here.
Like, so if I'm at Burt's house, I would just be like, yeah, I'm going to your
room.
I'm blowing your bathroom off.
We all agree that social norm's not, in a vacuum.
Right.
That's where you'd want to go.
Yeah, but if, hold on.
If we're in the scenario of your life.
It's Christmas Eve.
Christmas Eve.
You're at like your in-law, not you're at your brother's wife's house.
All right, we'll just tell him.
All right, here's the thing.
Every Christmas, we have Christmas at my cousin Kelly's, okay?
And every Christmas, you know, I-
She's mixed company, too.
I eat a lot, okay?
And usually at some point-
It's just in-
In the evening, I have to use the bathroom.
Their bathroom is right next to the kitchen, so I can't go there.
You can't go there.
Then there's-
That's for everybody.
Then there's the bathroom-
I agree.
I'm not saying-
I say you should go home.
That's it for you.
Your Christmas is done.
Then there's the bathroom upstairs, okay, where like the kids' rooms are.
That's like the kids' bathroom.
The hall bathroom.
But the kids are up there playing, running around, all that stuff.
So I don't want them banging on the door.
I usually go into their master bedroom-
Wow.
It's crazy.
Which those doors are usually closed-
He's breaching the door.
For this function.
Yeah.
And I go into their master bedroom-
And shit there.
Bathroom, and I-
Yeah, I poop there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they think that's a faux pas.
Now, let's just say-
Who thinks?
Kelly?
No, me.
Kelly doesn't know about it.
I would if she doesn't know.
Kelly knows about it now.
Yeah, no, it's wild.
But I mean, it's also-
Again, it's so direct-
The answer's so directly correlated to your relationship with the person.
Sure.
Okay.
So like, if you and Kelly are like-
She's your cousin.
Mm-hmm.
If you're long-time, like, you know, cousins growing up, and it's like there's
a-
There's a certain closeness, I think.
Mm-hmm.
That's when you-
You know, like, I would do this to certain cousins of mine because we're like
siblings.
Yeah.
And I would do it to my siblings in a second.
Yeah.
But if it's like, you know, a cousin I see every six years, that's a different-
You know what I mean?
I think it's all predicated on how close are you to Kelly.
So what would you do if you really had to go?
See, I feel like I'm doing the best thing for everybody involved.
I kind of get it.
I kind of understand you are.
Listen, let's just say we're at Christmas at your house.
Yeah.
And he, him being him, he just crushed the turkey dinner or whatever it was.
We're at your house for a party.
And he goes up to your master bathroom, feet away from where you rushed your
head at night.
I would say, what the fuck are you doing?
I'd be like-
There's 37 other bathrooms.
Go downstairs.
I'll ruin the party.
There's a good layout for shitting in the house.
You got to sneak away shit.
Yeah.
There's a good, there's a couple of good ones to get away.
Now, if you did have a house party, would those rooms be closed up?
Would you have the bedroom doors closed?
I mean, the master would probably be closed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think so.
Locked?
Not locked.
Not locked.
I'm getting in.
You're getting in.
Not locked.
Locked is insane.
Like, who are you having over?
That's crazy.
He does like to go through medicine cabinets.
Yeah.
I do, yeah.
You ever found anything good in there?
Yeah, you got them.
We're going to have that.
I'd like to step into the bathroom for just a quick second.
Absolutely.
This is something I've been noticing that I do as a bigger guy.
I don't really know why I do it.
I just feel more comfortable.
At home or away, when you're using the facilities, do you work with the toilet
paper off the roller
or do you find yourself taking it and holding it in your hand and using it from
there?
I do it in the hand.
I've been freestyling it, too.
You put your thing and then, like, yeah.
Yeah, you freestyle it.
Yeah.
It's a better situation.
Yeah.
Well, because the other thing, it, like, breaks.
It's, like, one by one.
Can't do it.
It's terrible.
Yeah, I like to have it in my hand.
It's terrible.
Steadicam style.
And I'm only, I really try not to use the bathroom publicly if possible.
Interesting.
Yeah, like, because it's terrible now.
Yeah.
The bathrooms have declined.
Brings up another thing that we've been talking about lately on the podcast.
Let's say you're at somebody's house for said dinner party or, you know,
Christmas or whatever,
and you have to use the bathroom.
Yeah.
One, will you use it?
Of course.
Two, will you go upstairs?
I'll try to go to a bathroom that isn't local.
Sure.
But I think you have to use it, and I think people know that, and that's just
the way it
is.
How would you feel if we were at your party?
I had to go.
I can't use that one off the kitchen.
Right.
I'm going to embarrass everybody.
Sure.
Embarrass myself.
I can throw the food away.
Would you be okay with me wandering upstairs and using, let's say, yours in the
master bedroom?
Would that be a problem?
No.
You can use any bathroom you want.
Really?
Yeah, you could use any bathroom you want.
Gentlemen.
I think it's the right thing to do.
I respect that.
I think it's the right thing to do.
Thank you.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
I think you could use the one by the kitchen, too.
I don't know about that.
That's the help.
That's the help in there.
They deal with that.
They got to deal with that.
They got to go.
Some guy just came in and took his shit all over this salad.
Somebody let a bear in here?
Yeah.
Hey, hey, you're to help.
I'll explain it to him.
I go, listen, I had a lot of shitty jobs.
You're in the middle of one of them.
Keep the Santa Fe egg rolls coming and enjoy that.
Yeah.
I'll be out by the pool having a parliament.
Yeah.
They'll go, some guy just shit all over everything.
I'll go, well, get the sorbet and head on out of there.
Save the chicken parm.
We got to load him back up.
Yeah.
Okay.
Very good.
All right.
Very good.
All right.