Name: What SCARES Big Jay the Most? | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2025-05-13T16:01:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What SCARES Big Jay the Most? | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What SCARES Big Jay the Most? | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-13. Transcript available.

I was telling him I had a situation with a spider the other night
at my brother's house, and I'm just curious.
Overall, what frightens you the most?
You afraid of bugs?
Creepy crawlers?
Yeah.
Ghosts?
Dark?
No ghosts.
No ghosts.
Maybe ghosts.
No, because here's the thing.
I don't believe in ghosts, but in the dark, I believe in everything.
When you said dark, that was very telling.
In the dark, I believe in all of it.
It could be a goblin, a ghoul.
I say when I go, anytime I had a basement in my life,
including when I was in Long Island, Mac's wife, for a little bit,
when I would put clothes, anything in the laundry or something at night,
I'd run back up the stairs.
Yeah, me too.
I'd jog up the stairs, and again, I don't believe in anything.
As a grown man, I don't believe in anything, but it's that if I look back,
and it's just the kind of like David Lynch-y scary stuff.
There's going to be just like a weird face.
You know what I mean?
It's like my father's face or something floating.
Just something that's disconnecting me from reality, and I do fear that.
But it's not ghosts or a haunted place or anything.
But if you turn off the light, I don't want to do any of the things that would
test it.
So when you look back, what would be the scariest thing you could think of that
you would see?
What would scare you the most?
Would it be a rat?
Would it be a demon?
Would it be a slender man?
Well, I mean, when you say rat, it sounds like it should be rat.
And then you say demon.
I go, well, I guess the demon.
Yeah, I don't like rats, but I never went face-to-face with a demon.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's like I can say with a rat, things that I find are gross scary, like that,
like I don't want it to touch me or bite me or anything.
Anything like that is like a fear of like icky, though.
You know what I mean?
It's more like touching it.
But that goes away, do you know what I mean?
Like if there was like, if I had to pick up a rat and kiss it on the mouth and
hug it
to get away from a demon.
You know, as you do, you would do that.
I wouldn't even think twice.
I remember one time I called Kurt Metzger over my house because there was a
dead mouse.
It took the bait and died.
But I have no masculinity in me to pick that mouse up.
Gotcha.
With a paper towel or anything.
Nothing, a shovel, nothing?
There's nothing I could have thought of where I would have been okay.
If Kurt was never going to come over, eventually I would have shoveled it or
something.
But it's, when I tell you that like me and my ex-wife were in a knockdown drag
out fight
one time, just going at it, full yelling.
It's awful in the house.
And I was cleaning, like just to kill time or whatever, just to fuck this.
Probably complain to her and be like, you don't even clean behind this stove.
And I moved the stove.
And there was a dead mouse back there.
And it's just because I was so, my mind was so somewhere else, I think I kicked
it into
a dustbin and like threw it in the trash.
I didn't think twice about it.
But if only my focus is on that, I'm like, I get like girly, like creepy crawlies.
So demon?
I guess the answer would be demon.
I got a weird thing with spiders.
Like if I'm like walking and I walk into one, like one step, the shirt's got to
come off.
Really?
Oh yeah.
In my head, that's in my hair.
And you always feel him, even whether he's there or not.
You feel him go down your neck.
And I got to fucking, I'll get in the shower, jump in the pool or something.
I watched a video the other day.
It was a body cam of them finding out.
They traced an IP address back to the, this house where they're getting child.
Okay.
And they're catching the son, who's a 30 year old, definitely borderline.
I know.
It's the mom and the dad and him are standing there in the driveway.
But to me, what's the funniest thing about the video we say about bugs?
I know he's just doing because they're asking these difficult questions about
what he's doing.
So you have lots of child.
And for the entire 45 minutes of this interview, he's like, well, no.
At one point, he cracks himself in the face, just trying to kill imaginary bugs
that are there.
Because he's just like, I mean, I'm sure there are bugs.
Hornets, run!
He's overreacting so much because he doesn't know what to say.
So he's like, no, look, I mean, it was sent to me.
These mosquitoes killing you guys too, huh?
It was sent to me by some guy.
I don't know.
It's just weird websites, I guess, I go on.
Just to distract from the terrible things he's saying.
These goddamn pop-ups, I tell you.
Big can of offs, trying to cover himself up.
Why don't you say we take the night?
We'll come back here.
Start fresh tomorrow.
You saw the video before?
You saw it before?
Oh, because it was like the father and son or the other father.
If it's the one I'm thinking of, the parents.
He's wearing a shirt that says, Dick is the birthday boy.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, that's the one.
And that is, I don't know if I'd explore this as a joke on stage or anything,
but I watch
so much of that body cam stuff and interrogation shit.
And I go, man, nobody dresses for the day that your son's going to murder
somebody.
No.
Because there is nothing funnier than coming in to be an advocate for your son
while he's
going through his murder.
He says, I'm with stupid.
It's like Marvin the Martian.
It never makes sense.
Looney Tunes something.
I'm with the ex-murder.
A pair of cutoff sweatpants.
Yeah, relax.
He didn't do it.
The clothes are always when they come over.
It's like, one, I just saw one where they caught in.
The mother was f***ing one of the sons.
And they brought her to the house and she's wearing her tank top, like Kiss 77
tour.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
I love him.
Sir, you're going to take off your Margaritaville hat for this and have a seat.
The enjoyment people have over the top.
You want to put your yard down.
We have to talk to you.
I say, dress like you might be interrogated later that day.
Dress like you might be on body cam.
Do not show up.
Marvin the Martian.
It's so funny.
In the most heinous situations.
If they were bringing you down, would you want to kind of have a minute to
change?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They did.
Put on your good chain wallet.
Yeah.
He goes, sorry, guys.
Is this going to be filmed, I trust?
For legal purposes.
Is your body cams running right now?
You got to tell me.
I have J.R.?
Oh, Lord.
I have dress pants upstairs, if you guys will excuse me.
Does anyone have a belt by any chance?
You guys have a set of suspenders.
We'll see you next time.