Name: The Family Fight Code of Conduct! | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2025-06-09T17:30:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Family Fight Code of Conduct! | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Family Fight Code of Conduct! | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-09. Transcript available.

All right, let's see.
This one's from Rattlesnake Jake, $10 ground floor investor.
Shout out to you, baby.
Talk to me.
New Year's Eve a few years ago, I told my cousin in front of everybody
he looks like Riff Riff, the rapper.
Got a huge pop in the room, which stings.
He got mad and hit me with a full beer.
We started brawling.
My real dad grabbed an oar, I don't know why, to break it up.
My stepdad got mad that he, quote, unquote, grabbed a weapon.
Needless to say, the party was over after that.
That's fucking, dude, getting hit with a zinger and everybody laughing at you.
Now, who's wrong there?
The cousin.
Riff Raff.
Yes.
Yeah.
Also, you don't throw a full beer at a guy.
No.
You got to go verbal.
Listen, I come from a very, listen, most of the males in my family
have fistfalled each other at some point.
I'm not one to sit here, but there is a code of conduct.
You do, you got to escalate it verbally a little bit.
You can't take one.
And it can't be a shot.
It can't be a, it can't, it can't, it can't be a fun shot.
Like, it's just a good burn.
You can't be a bitch and throw a fucking beer.
Yeah.
You got to go.
Hey, how about I fucking slapped a taste out of your mouth?
Then you go, all right.
Okay.
Take it easy, man.
Luke.
That's betterhelp.com, ladies and gentlemen.
That's a big one in my family.
Yeah.
I slapped a fucking taste out of your mouth.
And then they also all, they all quote whatever neighborhood they grew up in
and shit on that.
He's just a pussy from Fishtown.
He ain't tough or whatever it is.
It's all fucking, kid grew up in fucking Bridesburg.
He ain't tough.
Tarsdale.
They're all just, they all just quote the neighborhood.
Then you drag your poor father, stepfather and father.
They get in on it.
They looked like they had, they probably had a preexisting beef.
Do you have any that you regret or look back like, oh, fuck, I could have hurt
him?
I was getting beat up.
I never, they were all older than me.
Me and my brother got into it.
And the youngest one after me is Michael.
And he beat the shit out of you.
He probably fucking tuned me up now.
I'm an old man.
I don't think the both of us could fight Michael.
Talking about Mikey, the work here.
Yeah.
I don't think both of us could fight him.
I mean, you're not really bringing much to the table.
Maybe you could blind him with that shirt.
I'm just feeling his muscles.
How do you get these?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
So I had nobody.
I could beat up.
There was no one in my life I could beat up.
I was just constantly getting the shit slapped out of me.
Well, I threw a lighter at my brother one time and I fired it at him from like,
from
me to Luke.
I fired it at him.
A regular Bic lighter and it hit him right here.
And then obviously we got into a huge melee, like a melee, destroyed our
apartment.
And man, for, I was thinking about it not this long ago that, God, if I, if it
would
have been fucking two inches higher, I would have like blinded up my brother.
Yeah.
That kind of stuff.
Well, because you probably wanted to borrow 10 bucks or something.
I had, it was something like that.
It was something like that.
Coming down off a bender.
And one time we were, we were at my mom's house and for a bag.
Hey, talk about one time we were at my mom's house.
It's your house.
And I, yeah.
Okay.
We didn't, weren't living there at the time.
I know, but it's still the same house you grew up in.
Sure.
And we were in the, we were at the kitchen table and he was standing right next
to me.
Okay.
And I was in a chair and there was a chair in between us and he was, his crotch
was right
at the level of this.
I thought it was the sickest move ever.
I felt like, I felt like fucking Jackie Chan something.
Sure.
I fucking took the chair and fucking jammed it into his fucking crotch and hit
him on the
side.
But again, like I could have fucking hurt him.
Sure.
He went down like a fucking sack of potatoes.
Cut up and beat the shit out of me.
Drop you like a bad habit.
He was so mad.
Anything, anything, anything dishonorable like that in a fight in the Foley
household was
always taken with much disrespect.
Sure.
Like if you went for the nuts.
There's a code of conduct.
It goes back to the riffraff.
You got to at least go, you at least got to stand up and exchange a few words.
You can't just fucking sneak your, your cousin.
White gloves, pistols at dawn.
Yeah.
It's very much like.
Honorable.
I remember one time I got, uh, I got snuck by this kid and I came home and I
thought my
nose was broken, but they, he just like cracked the cartilage, but I let him, I
didn't let
him.
I got snuck and then I beat him up and I told my dad and my dad, it's like, he
goes, you
let a fucking guy sneak you.
Like that was, I'm like, what the fuck?
Like that.
He was more pissed.
Not that I got in a fight.
I'm not a loan shark.
Yeah.
That I let a guy sneak me.
Like let him cold cock you.
Keep her fucking hands up.
He goes, what happened?
I told him we were like talking shit.
The second you start talking shit, you expect to get hit.
I was fucking 16.
Yeah.
I did that once with my uncle.
My uncle red took me and my brother outside, put the boxing gloves on us.
All right.
You want to fight?
Fucking took us out to the side of his yard and put mine on first.
Big mistake, my brother was getting laced up.
He's got his, he's got his quarter, man.
They're still playing his intro music.
He's looking over for you, babe.
I knocked his bottom tooth out.
It went one.