Name: What it's like Growing up with an Amish Family! | John Crist on Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2025-06-23T18:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What it's like Growing up with an Amish Family! | John Crist on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What it's like Growing up with an Amish Family! | John Crist on Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-23. Transcript available.

Where are you from exactly?
Lil Burn, Georgia.
Sounds like a rapper.
Lil Burn?
He just got shot, didn't he?
Shout out Lil Burn.
He's in with that Drake.
It's not a good start.
Lil Burn, Georgia?
Lil Burn, Georgia.
Holy shit.
How do you spell it?
L-I-L?
L-A-L-B-U-R-N.
One word, though.
Okay.
Yes, Lil Burn.
Apostrophe.
What record labels he on?
Lil Burn.
One of eight kids.
Yeah.
Your dad's a preacher.
Yep.
What'd your mom do?
Stay-at-home mom.
Eight?
What kind of kid?
I know.
That's a lot of daycare you're paying for.
What did I think it was?
Well, so my, so my, I wish any of these were made up, but my extended family is
Amish.
Really?
Get the fuck out of here.
Where, where, where, like where Amish?
So my parents, my grandparents split off from the Amish community and went to Mennonite.
Right.
It's like.
Yeah.
Amish light.
But electricity.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a Mennonite.
They can watch football.
Yeah, but they still know, they don't believe in healthcare.
They don't believe in war.
I see them at the Wawa outside, like in Lancaster.
Yes.
Yeah, the Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
That's where my parents are from.
No shit.
That's where we spend every Christmas.
Whoa.
Really?
We used to go and watch your family at field trips.
Really?
We'd go on a bus.
Explode us.
And go and be like, look at these fucking haircuts these guys got.
That explains the pies you brought, huh?
Yeah, so they, they, my family, my parents grew up like that.
Wow.
They became Mennonite and then my dad went to seminary.
And then he, if Amish, if Mennonite broke off from Amish, Pentecostal kind of
broke off from Mennonite.
Mennonite, yeah.
No shit.
Wow.
Wait, so your parents were both Amish.
Extended family, like grandparents.
What does that mean?
Grandparents were Amish.
What does this mean?
Stop him?
He went like this.
This guy's, this guy's putting the whole system on drywall.
He came in with his Amish magic.
And he's tricking us.
Can you read my thoughts?
Throw some Skittles in front of me.
I just get distracted.
Wait, your parents.
I realized, wow, he's the only one to ever.
Pick up one.
I have an odd body language thing with you where I have to clear the air
because I see you getting confused.
Your grandparents were Amish.
Grandparents were Amish.
Your grandfather broke off.
Yeah.
So, damn, they were, so they were in like the same town or whatever.
Yeah, Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
Holy shit.
He was a, ran a dairy, dairy farmer.
That's crazy, man.
Probably good milk.
Great milk.
Yeah.
Great.
I thought he needed some.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
That's pretty good.
Wait, so how would you, how would you guys go back and spend Christmas there?
Wasn't, weren't they shunned?
We still do.
All right.
So, all right.
So, in the.
You go to the Mennonite side, not the Amish.
No, the Amish side.
We go to the Amish side.
But they're Mennonites now.
Yeah.
You're not hanging with the Amish, you're hanging with the Mennonites.
No, we're hanging with the Amish.
Dude, you must roll on like a dude from the future.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blowing people's minds.
They're like, what?
Yeah.
They don't know about the Tonight Show, but if they did.
They'd be impressed.
Jimmy Fallon.
They'd be impressed.
Well, okay.
So, if you leave.
So, the Mennonite church is, the Amish church is having problems now because
people are finding
out about stuff.
Sure.
Like the internet.
Sure.
Like if it just when you.
Oh, they're finding.
Yeah, I got you.
Well, every cult.
It's not a cult.
I love the family I'm from.
But every religious org has to have control of information.
Sure.
And once a kid goes, wait, what?
What are they doing in Times Square?
I'm out of here.
I'm out of here.
Everybody.
Yeah.
So, everybody.
So, you know what Rumspringer is?
Yeah, what's the rate on that?
Don't a lot of them.
Probably less and less are going now.
The temptations are.
Oh, everybody's.
So, at 18, you can go out, do whatever you want.
For as long as you want.
And then once you come back and join, you got to be under the rules of the
bishop.
So, a lot of people, what they're doing now is leaving and then hanging around
the community
and never joining.
Ah.
So, they can have an iPhone, but they're.
They're in the world a little bit.
Yeah, but they're chilling, but they still like to have the baked goods and
they're still
Christian.
Sure.
But they're like, you know, I vape.
Sure.
Yeah, and I shouldn't say that about, but they're like, you exposed us and are
you garbage?
It's like, it's like when you.
They'll never see this.
It's like.
Look at the top jumping Jimmy Fallon.
He's sitting down Jimmy Fallon and Robert De Niro.
I love the Amish.
The best.
Yeah.
I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos about Amish people recently.
That's crazy.
And also, I mean, that's like.
Man, they throw out.
We're two dirtbags from the Philadelphia area, so Lancaster, that's like crazy
tough.
They throw out a buffet up there near Dutch Wonderland that'll blow you out.
That's the world's largest buffet is out there.
A lot of baked goods.
Well, you know, the Mormons, they're the ones that don't do caffeine.
Yes.
Salt Lake City, you can't get a cup of coffee.
You can't do caffeine.
But I said if the religion, because they updated, they're like, all right, we
got to include black people.
Like back in the 70s, which is very late.
There was no black Amish?
No, this is Mormons.
Got it.
Okay.
There was no black Mormons.
Yeah, so there were like no caffeine.
You could tell it's kind of the rules were kind of created on the go because it
really should be no sugar.
Gotcha.
Right?
Sure.
That makes sense.
Because there were like no caffeine.
But back in the, remember the 80s, like caffeine was like, you have a Dr.
Pepper for a bed and you don't know what you're going to dream about.
Sure.
And now it should, if they're updating, the Mormons should be, because sugar,
we grew up, sugar's great.
Hey, look at us.
Yeah.
No one ever, no one, when I was growing up, no one ever had a problem.
No one ever was like, watch the sugar.
Yeah.
Never.
No.
We have pixie sticks, dude.
I know.
Shout out to them.
We still got them here if you need any.
We're not Amish.
The candy.
You let the black people in, you get rid of the sugar.
You're trying to explain this to them?
They're all just staring at you?
What?
All right.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
So how are you able to go back?
Okay.
Because your grandparents were obviously in.
Yeah.
In the church.
My great-grandmother was an Amish church.
So they weren't shunned.
That's not necessarily shunned.
Or they weren't?
No.
They left.
They left the Amish church.
Okay.
So there's still an olive branch between them and the community.
They still hang.
Okay.
Yeah.
Whose house do you stay at when you guys go back there for Christmas?
I stay in a hotel.
So there's a place called, this is going to blow your mind, but there's a place
out north
of Sarasota.
You look it up.
Sarasota, New York?
Sarasota, Florida.
Oh, okay.
It's called Pinecraft.
It's like Amish.
I don't know what's, any way to describe it, it's Amish Las Vegas.
I know, this is my life, you guys.
No, I'm just joking.
This is crazy.
So Amish, so you have to join the Amish church.
Okay.
Okay.
So you pretty much report to your, you know, Christianity, you can kind of just
be out here.
You're hanging.
Yeah, yeah.
There's no accountability.
I'm in, I'm out.
Maybe, maybe not.
Whose church do you go to?
I watch online.
There's not a lot of rules.
The Amish communities are very close-knit.
So you are in charge of the pastor you report to.
So the Florida bishop is kind of, it's like spring break bishop.
He's kind of chill.
Yeah.
He's like a summer school teacher.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they have bikes.
Whoa.
No cars.
They have bikes with electric motors, though.
I know.
Wait, so that's where you go at Christmas?
You don't go to Lancaster?
We go to Pinecraft.
Lancaster, we used to go to for like my first 30 years of life.
Now we go to the spring break.
And when you would go to Lancaster, where would you stay?
Like one of your cousin's house?
Hotel.
You'd still stay at a hotel?
So you weren't staying in the house with no electricity or anything?
No, no, no.
We don't go in that.
No.
Well, my parents broke up.
My parents aren't with that.
Okay.
They wouldn't do that.
Well, who do you go and visit up there?
Just the community.
So at some point.
All the cousins, all the people.
Where are you doing that?
Making leather belts and stuff like that.
Where are you doing that?
At like their house?
They're all around the community.
We go visit them.
Nice.
See what they're up to.
What's that like?
What's an Amish Christmas?
Probably pretty homey.
They don't celebrate Christmas.
No.
They don't have Christmas.
Oh, there's no Christmas tree and like, you know, apple pies and ham and all
that stuff?
Well.
Is it all food with you?
They don't have sherbet or...
Hey, hey, hey.
So you just do that at that time?
Do you guys celebrate Christmas?
Yeah, we do.
But my cousins don't.
Your cousins up there don't?
Yeah.
Everybody kind of broke away and they decide what they're going to do.
What they do and what they don't do.
Wow.
They don't do Halloween up in the Amish.
No, we don't do Halloween.
You don't do Halloween.
My family don't do Halloween.
Which I have a joke in my show.
It's like, how can we believe in this God of the universe?
It's almighty, all powerful.
Then the six-year-old puts on an Elsa dress.
He's like, man, nothing I can do.
We lost her.
Give the kid a Snickers.
Yeah, we lost her.
Holy shit.
Wow.
Okay.
This might be the first Amish bloodline, right?
Yeah.
We have?
I think so.
It's a lot of pressure.
And the Italian guy once.
Yeah.