Name: Is it Garbage to use Dry Shampoo on Dirty Socks? | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2026-01-20T18:00:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is it Garbage to use Dry Shampoo on Dirty Socks? | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is it Garbage to use Dry Shampoo on Dirty Socks? | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-20. Transcript available.

Are you garbage if you spray dry shampoo on your dirty socks to get another day
out of them?
I like that.
It doesn't happen often, but works in a pinch.
What do you know about this dry shampoo?
Absolutely nothing.
Because I'm in.
Is it just like a, you know, a fret, like a zhuzher?
Just zhuzh it up?
I got to be honest with you.
I know you probably can't tell right now because I need a little color,
and I really had to work on it, you know, from the summer and the fall.
I wasn't getting, you know, really good night's sleeps.
Now I am.
I've been very, very into my grooming and skin care routine,
which this dry shampoo falls under.
Like, did you know that if you blow dry your hair,
you should spray it with some shit before you blow dry it so the heat doesn't
damage it?
Yeah, the girls do that with, like, the heat resistance.
I got three different sprays I do.
One of them is just salt water.
It gives it more body.
Crunch.
Yes.
This dry shampoo, I'm a guy who doesn't wash his hair all the time.
I never do.
Because you're not supposed to.
I mean, I could go months.
Can I smell it?
Sure.
Don't put any boogers in there.
Oh, this might be, oh, it's sprayed with something.
Smells like a nursing home.
It smells like days gone by.
It doesn't smell like anything.
It doesn't have that grease smell.
No.
But when you have that grease smell.
I don't have thick hair.
I've always had baby doll hair.
Remember my buddy?
I told him my buddy to cut my hair.
He goes, you have hair like a baby.
And I was like 19.
My hair was still cooking.
How do you take something like that?
What?
Punching the face like that.
We're in a basement in North Philly.
I couldn't really argue with him.
Oh, you have a drug problem.
How does that make you feel?
I don't need light bulbs in your house.
Dude, he cut my hair and then I went home.
He did it without a mirror and I went home.
It looked like I rented a wood chipper.
I tried your eyes out.
I was missing patches everywhere.
But I got that dry shampoo.
Uh-huh.
And it's great.
Can you give me a rundown of exactly what it is?
Dry shampoo freshens hair by absorbing oil and sweat, extending time between
washes, adding volume and saving time.
So it's like a...
And a pleasing odor.
Like a baby powder type thing.
It absorbs...
Not baby powder, but like the same...
I don't know.
If you're sweaty and moisture, the baby powder absorbs...
I think it's just like Febreze for your hair.
Sure, but how does liquid absorb liquid?
That's probably a lie.
Okay.
Nobody's checking that shit.
It just makes it smell good.
And Tresemme...
Ooh la la.
...has a hairspray fragrance, which is great.
So it's just cologne?
Like just fragrance?
Basically cologne for your hair.
But they have...
A hairspray has fragrance.
But that also sticks and does things.
This is just the smell.
So...
And that smell is really good.
I also have this feminine spray, Summer's Eve, that I spray on my...
Vagina.
Nooks and crannies, just to keep everything dry and pH balanced for the boys.
Obviously not when you're on your period, though.
No, of course not.
Get an yeast infection.
Sure.
But you spray that on your socks, I can really see that.
Listen, we travel a lot, obviously.
This last run we went on, I wasn't in the best position starting.
Short run, two-day run.
But I was a little jammed up sock-wise.
I used the same pair of socks the whole trip.
That's funny.
So did I.
Traveled.
They were brand new gold toes, though.
They held...
The gold toes are nice.
And I didn't overwear them.
I took them off a lot.
Mm-hmm.
I placed them down when I was done.
So probably the whole...
I didn't wear them for most of the day.
Mm-hmm.
But I could have used a little fucking zhuzh up by day three, for sure.
It's funny you mention that, because I got into a thing.
I had showered rigorously.
What?
Before we left.
This is not...
And then we flew, and I didn't shower before that show.
And then the next morning, we traveled, and I didn't shower until that night.
And I wore the same socks.
That's not great for you, probably.
But no showering.
Your shoes aren't in the best.
I was at least had...
I was jumping between new shoes and travel shoes.
These are brand new shoes, Kevin.
Mm-hmm.
Got them at Kohl's.
You're a wild...
You're a wild man, dude.
They're Amidas.
Belarusian for Adidas.
They're nice.
You wouldn't know that I bought those at Kohl's.
I do now that I see them.
I never looked at them.
They're tight.
Those things are...
You look like a ballerina.
One's a nine.
One's a 12 and a half.
They're both laughs.
Very painful.
God, I remember when I figured that out as a kid.
Because I wore my shoes on the wrong feet for like a day.
And I couldn't understand.
It was like, you know, probably I was in...
Like before kindergarten.
Like when I was responsible for putting on my own shoes.
I remember I did that once.
And I was like, what is wrong with these things?
And then I realized that they go a certain way.
Sure.
You know?
He's getting smarter.
Struck out at that dance, though.
He kept going in a circle.
Couldn't do the hokey pokey for shit.
Great question.
Yeah, this is from DL.
Are you garbage?
If you won't buy win for life scratch-offs.
Because if you win, you think they're going to kill you to avoid paying you.
That's my kind of paranoia.
That's the level of paranoia we're looking for here, dude.
Just like that set for life.
Of course somebody be out to get you.
Take the lump sum.
Yeah.
That's what they are.
That's the one thing I remember from my...
I was so bad.
There are certain things I've learned that my brain can just not comprehend.
Sure.
Economics and finance.
Oh, that's not good to hear.
What?
I'm not in charge of the economy.
I'm in charge of my economy.
Which ain't doing well.
Now it all makes sense.
That's...
No.
You have made all of your own poor decisions.
But you're in charge...
Okay, let me rephrase that.
No, if I was in charge, you would not be in the position you're in.
Oh, that's true.
I've asked you to put me in charge.
I've asked you to listen to me.
Mm-hmm.
To listen to my advice.
To listen to my advice on the professionals that we pay.
Mm-hmm.
Yet you refuse to.
And you're in your current position.
That's how you ruin weekends.
And you keep saying, I just need a few more months.
Playing it smarts about the most dangerous thing a girl like I could do.
You got two different shoes on right now.
That's from Moonstruck.
Playing it safe is about the most dangerous thing a girl like you could do.
Love that Moonstruck.
Folks, if you haven't seen it, check it out.
Fantastic.
Mm-hmm.
Love that share.
But those things I couldn't...
The win for life, all that kind of...
The one thing I remember from my finance class was a dollar today is worth more
than a dollar tomorrow.
Always take the lump sum.
So what's all this bullshit with people doing retirement funds?
Get it now.
If a dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow.
This is because the financial advisor is trying to make a retirement fund for
you.
No, they have one.
It is if you invest it.
In what?
Oh, like...
Anything.
So...
I thought they had it invested.
What?
No, but that is your money.
Right.
The retirement money is your money.
Right.
Yeah.
And you've put it in an account.
I haven't.
He did.
Yes, we're trying to.
Conservatorship.
The dollar...
They hold the dollar.
The lottery holds the dollar until they give it to you in 35 years.
Okay.
And a dollar in 35 years, due to inflation, is less than a dollar today.
I got you.
If you take the dollar today, you can put it in a retirement account.
I got you.
And it'll make you money.
Meanwhile, it's sitting in their account and making them fuck on it.
Making them money, yeah.
They're playing the markets.
They're switching to yen overnight.
That's what my dad always said.
They're...
They're your money.
Ah, you think that's your money?
They convert it to yen overnight and play the markets over there while you're
sleeping.
I said, listen, you don't have any money.
Okay?
They just repoed the car.
Shut up.
But they do, though.
What?
They do that shit.
Sure.
Why do you care?
I don't know.
Yeah.
I want to get into the Hong Kong yen.
Mm-hmm.
Get over there and mix it up a little bit.
Wear them suits.
Have late dinners.
Is that what they do?
Yeah, that's what they do.
Then they shoot themselves sitting on a park bench with a briefcase because it
all goes south.
Those guys work their asses off over there.
Uh-huh.
That and Japanese stockbrokers.
Those guys are on edge.
I want to get in the tuna game.
Really?
Black.
Black market tuna.
Fish?
What?
You said you don't eat tuna fish.
I don't want to eat it.