Name: I Wanted to be a Comedian So I Joined the Marines w/ Gary Owen | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2026-02-16T19:00:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Wanted to be a Comedian So I Joined the Marines w/ Gary Owen | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Wanted to be a Comedian So I Joined the Marines w/ Gary Owen | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-16. Transcript available.

my senior high school uh i would say december around christmas time um my best
friend is still
my best friend of this day he had already joined the navy he literally woke me
up on a saturday
morning and he was like gary get up get up get up and i go huh still to this
day i don't know how
he got in the trailer like my mom or rod had to let him in and like what are
you doing he goes he
literally got married you gotta get out of here you gotta get out so what are
you talking about
he goes what are you doing after high school i go i figured out i always said i
was gonna be a
comedian right so you gotta get out so him and his dad drove me down to the
recruiting station
and i met with the marines the army and the navy there i don't know where the
air force and coast
guard was but they wasn't in that building so i met with all three and the navy
guy was the most honest
and i was like that seems the safest too and i told him i said i'm not big on
outside like i don't want
to be outside painting a ship because i heard a horror story you got a
strawberry field and i'm all
i know but i want to be in the desert with guns at me i go what hey dude we got
so many jobs in air
conditioning great so i was like all right so i uh i joined the navy but that's
why i joined because
i was like and then i was like all right i thought you had to become a stand-up
you had to live in
california live in la i didn't know you could start whatever town you live in
yeah yeah yeah so i was
like who's who's got the most bases i go i think navy is on the coast so i can
get to california i'll
i'll be all right so that's how i joined the navy and the rest is history where
were you stationed
first new station was washington dc i was an honor guard so we were like um you
see the funerals and
the parades yeah spinning the rifles that's what you were doing from jump
street yeah because when
i was in boot camp i was going to be what they call a yeoman which is basically
a secretary right
they said anybody over six feet tall with a 34 inch waist come down the field
house so i was six
two i was skinny went down there and they did this whole video of what the
honor guard's about
and it makes you just be like every guy wants to join so everybody signed up
four of us made it
only four of like 100 guys because what we didn't know they were doing
background checks on you because
you're on the white house lawn you're really close to the president yeah they
can have somebody freaking
out so i didn't know somebody going rogue yeah right so i didn't know they were
doing all this because
you know we did this like the second week of boot camp boot camps eight weeks
so it was like the week
before so it was five weeks later they said gary you made it i said made what i
forgot all about it
they go the honor guard do you still want to go i was like oh yeah so i didn't
know they went back
and checked like police records they interviewed like the the chief of police
um my principal all these
people i didn't know they vet you yeah they vet you and then i got in and then
then when you get to dc
you uh there's like maybe they 60 guys i think less than 20 made it the whole
two years because you do
anything wrong you're out any drunk and disorderly uh something smart mouth a
cop pulling you over
you're gone so what exactly do you did you do like the the military funerals at
arlington cemetery
you would do the the thing yeah those are called body bearers the body bearers
you carry the casket
it depends on your body type so body bearers were the bulky ones they would do
this and then the drill
team was like like the navy seals of oh could you flip the guns around and i
could but i wasn't
on the drill team you you learn the basic movements of the rifle tight you know
but you don't i'm not
the whole throwing it this way that was the drill team sure that's i didn't do
that but i did um yeah
we did the funeral we did the inauguration for clinton no shit at the white
house yeah we're on the
white house lawn yeah yeah i'm just saying you might have probably the first
guest that's been
to the white at white house well we never went in we're on the lawn and then
they had a little
shack we used to hang out yeah but we so when you what happens is when you get
to dc you got
this thing called train a platoon you never popped in once they never let you
in no with the lunch
billy it's me gary so they're all clinton yeah what was cool about it though
was like
so when you when you get dc you got this thing called train a platoon which is
another two months
of of training to become a guardsman right but then when you you cross so they
say you cross so you
cross you get a jacket and give you a nickname my nickname is smiley because i
was always smiling
and the back of the jacket says u.s navy presidential honor guard and has the
seal on it so you wear that
everywhere you're trying to get girls with it damn right yeah you bet the mall
just hanging out and
vibing dude when you went to the white house they always had m&ms but the white
house with the
presidential seal on it right we would take those m&ms put in our bag and you
know you just sit there in
the mall with your jack and the m&ms like hopping on me just trying to meet
girls what are you doing
how was that pennsylvania avenue today no big deal you know what i mean not a
big deal yeah dick cheney
smells like old spice does he he does that's awesome holy wait so how long did
you do that two two years
two years two years and then where'd they send you uh or was that in diego okay
not bad so two years in
honor guard when if you make it two years through the honor guard you get to
either this time pick your
duty station or pick your job that you qualify for gotcha so i was like i just
want to make some money
and i want to get to the west coast and they was like i was like mastered arms
which is a cop they just
opened it up so i was like oh yeah i'll do that so i went to the police academy
in san antonio what and
then i got stationed out in san diego wait was it a navy police academy or a
red navy police academy
okay yeah but it's a regular place academy like the police academy on the base
though yeah yeah yeah but
you know bases we have base housing we have nightclubs we have everything
except we don't get a lot of
murders obviously but you get domestic violence you get duis it's every it's a
little city yeah
self-enclosed but you know everybody so you're not pulling over a guy you don't
know you're pulling
over like bro what are you doing rodney you again oh shit that's awesome that's
why i let everybody go
because i knew everybody like airby garry's numbers were terrible yeah you
gotta write one ticket i know
right and then you did that until during your five years were up yeah i did
that for four years and
then i was i was out but i started doing stand-up while i was in the navy so
when i got stationed in
san diego i was like all right i'm gonna get in the phone book i'm showing my
age and start looking
up comedy clubs uh-huh my first day in san diego i would call this place called
the comic castle
okay i said hey um how's it going man you got open mic the guy goes hold on let
me check
and i went huh he comes back he goes i can't find him what what are you talking
about he goes i can't
find him i go wait a minute is this a comedy club he goes no this is a comic
book store he was looking
for a superhero named open mic that's great he gave me the number to the comedy
store though and said
dude if you're trying to be a stand-up call the comedy store so call the comedy
store open mic
with sunday nights is this the la jolla one or the la jolla gotcha great room
open mic with sunday
nights and went up the first sunday and did about as bad as you can do been
there daddy because
was there last night oh really well i did bad because i was i was 20 so i wasn't
of age so you
know open mic i've never been to one of these i'm going up at like one in the
morning at this point
there's 10 people in the audience but there's still 20 comics in the back the
comics aren't heckling but
they do what comics do to disrupt you so if i would do it like a setup they'd
be like ah
i hate that but we'll let me get through the point i'm going like this and i
can hear them like
every they wouldn't get let me get through a joke and i only got these five
minutes i've been working
out my brain i don't i can't go right or left so i just remember i had a beer
in my hand and i said
hey all you comics in the back i go go ahead and keep yelling out and heckling
i go i'm only 20 years old
i've been drinking this place all night why don't i call the cops and shut this
motherfucker down
when i say the lights went off the mic went off two guys came out of nowhere
grabbed me by the back of
my shirt and literally winged me out of the front door i did like a front roll
i'm a cop god damn
there was a guy named fred who he had the crutches he won america's um he won
the hundred thousand
dollars on america's funniest home videos back in the day he was the gm of the
place i just remember he
has little crutches and he stood over he goes don't ever come back and i was
like so i got up
i dusted myself off and i went all right i can't come back here but i know i
can talk so i took a
little solace out of it so it took me about almost a year to get back on stage
because i didn't know
where else to go so then a couple guys in the navy i started talking to him
about it and there's like
man you can go here here but it was it was black guys i was hanging out with so
it was all black rooms a
lot of white comics didn't want to go there so that's really what got me
starting quote unquote
being in all the black shows and everything enter gary owen yeah crazy i love
it but that's where
i started and then wednesdays though there was a place called el torrito they
did karaoke on wednesday
nights so i would start going there and tell jokes instead of singing songs
that's always crazy it came
kind of cool because the first day was a little rough but i was ready because i
already got i already got
kicked out of the comedy store so this is like it's probably eight months later
i'm getting the nerve
to go back on stage but i remember thinking all right i already know what to do
now so just power
through your jokes they're probably not gonna be paying attention you're good
so mainly i was ready
karaoke the bar is in the same room as the the microphone so i was like i
fought through
all the chatter got a couple laughs i go okay i'm in the game now and then i
kept going back on
wednesdays did you tell them you were going to do yeah yeah i told the guy okay
i was gonna say it got
what music do you want sir i don't need any music no i did straight up he but
he brought me up right
it got to a point that's fun where months later people will get quiet because
they'd be like oh this
is good funny dude he gonna tell jokes and it was kind of cool because
literally the host would be like
all right you guys i know what time it is gary's here and then i start bringing
other comics you know
what i mean it became like half karaoke half comedy
that's crazy but here's the crazy part about san diego yeah his name was randy
so you know what time it is man here's the cool part about that time frame
nothing better than that
i got back into the comedy store i went back and humbled myself and apologized
just said man i was
getting heckled i'm really sorry that uh he goes all right of you he goes come
back sunday same guy
fred he was i'm gonna put you up for five minutes let's see what you got so i
went for five minutes
i got off he goes all right gary you're good you know well when i would do the
when i would do the
comedy store and got to know all those comics bobby lee was there open mic and
shout out from that time
when i would do the black rooms nick cannon was there so those were the two
crazy comics in my
world at that time that that hit there was obviously a ton of other open there's
a chance you could
have been a korean comic if you didn't you do you chose korean and nick cannon
yeah or me or mariah
exactly you

I Wanted to be a Comedian So I Joined the Marines w/ Gary Owen | Are You Garbage

my senior high school uh i would say december around christmas time um my best
friend is still
my best friend of this day he had already joined the navy he literally woke me
up on a saturday
morning and he was like gary get up get up get up and i go huh still to this
day i don't know how
he got in the trailer like my mom or rod had to let him in and like what are
you doing he goes he
literally got married you gotta get out of here you gotta get out so what are
you talking about
he goes what are you doing after high school i go i figured out i always said i
was gonna be a
comedian right so you gotta get out so him and his dad drove me down to the
recruiting station
and i met with the marines the army and the navy there i don't know where the
air force and coast
guard was but they wasn't in that building so i met with all three and the navy
guy was the most honest
and i was like that seems the safest too and i told him i said i'm not big on
outside like i don't want
to be outside painting a ship because i heard a horror story you got a
strawberry field and i'm all
i know but i want to be in the desert with guns at me i go what hey dude we got
so many jobs in air
conditioning great so i was like all right so i uh i joined the navy but that's
why i joined because
i was like and then i was like all right i thought you had to become a stand-up
you had to live in
california live in la i didn't know you could start whatever town you live in
yeah yeah yeah so i was
like who's who's got the most bases i go i think navy is on the coast so i can
get to california i'll
i'll be all right so that's how i joined the navy and the rest is history where
were you stationed
first new station was washington dc i was an honor guard so we were like um you
see the funerals and
the parades yeah spinning the rifles that's what you were doing from jump
street yeah because when
i was in boot camp i was going to be what they call a yeoman which is basically
a secretary right
they said anybody over six feet tall with a 34 inch waist come down the field
house so i was six
two i was skinny went down there and they did this whole video of what the
honor guard's about
and it makes you just be like every guy wants to join so everybody signed up
four of us made it
only four of like 100 guys because what we didn't know they were doing
background checks on you because
you're on the white house lawn you're really close to the president yeah they
can have somebody freaking
out so i didn't know somebody going rogue yeah right so i didn't know they were
doing all this because
you know we did this like the second week of boot camp boot camps eight weeks
so it was like the week
before so it was five weeks later they said gary you made it i said made what i
forgot all about it
they go the honor guard do you still want to go i was like oh yeah so i didn't
know they went back
and checked like police records they interviewed like the the chief of police
um my principal all these
people i didn't know they vet you yeah they vet you and then i got in and then
then when you get to dc
you uh there's like maybe they 60 guys i think less than 20 made it the whole
two years because you do
anything wrong you're out any drunk and disorderly uh something smart mouth a
cop pulling you over
you're gone so what exactly do you did you do like the the military funerals at
arlington cemetery
you would do the the thing yeah those are called body bearers the body bearers
you carry the casket
it depends on your body type so body bearers were the bulky ones they would do
this and then the drill
team was like like the navy seals of oh could you flip the guns around and i
could but i wasn't
on the drill team you you learn the basic movements of the rifle tight you know
but you don't i'm not
the whole throwing it this way that was the drill team sure that's i didn't do
that but i did um yeah
we did the funeral we did the inauguration for clinton no shit at the white
house yeah we're on the
white house lawn yeah yeah i'm just saying you might have probably the first
guest that's been
to the white at white house well we never went in we're on the lawn and then
they had a little
shack we used to hang out yeah but we so when you what happens is when you get
to dc you got
this thing called train a platoon you never popped in once they never let you
in no with the lunch
billy it's me gary so they're all clinton yeah what was cool about it though
was like
so when you when you get dc you got this thing called train a platoon which is
another two months
of of training to become a guardsman right but then when you you cross so they
say you cross so you
cross you get a jacket and give you a nickname my nickname is smiley because i
was always smiling
and the back of the jacket says u.s navy presidential honor guard and has the
seal on it so you wear that
everywhere you're trying to get girls with it damn right yeah you bet the mall
just hanging out and
vibing dude when you went to the white house they always had m&ms but the white
house with the
presidential seal on it right we would take those m&ms put in our bag and you
know you just sit there in
the mall with your jack and the m&ms like hopping on me just trying to meet
girls what are you doing
how was that pennsylvania avenue today no big deal you know what i mean not a
big deal yeah dick cheney
smells like old spice does he he does that's awesome holy wait so how long did
you do that two two years
two years two years and then where'd they send you uh or was that in diego okay
not bad so two years in
honor guard when if you make it two years through the honor guard you get to
either this time pick your
duty station or pick your job that you qualify for gotcha so i was like i just
want to make some money
and i want to get to the west coast and they was like i was like mastered arms
which is a cop they just
opened it up so i was like oh yeah i'll do that so i went to the police academy
in san antonio what and
then i got stationed out in san diego wait was it a navy police academy or a
red navy police academy
okay yeah but it's a regular place academy like the police academy on the base
though yeah yeah yeah but
you know bases we have base housing we have nightclubs we have everything
except we don't get a lot of
murders obviously but you get domestic violence you get duis it's every it's a
little city yeah
self-enclosed but you know everybody so you're not pulling over a guy you don't
know you're pulling
over like bro what are you doing rodney you again oh shit that's awesome that's
why i let everybody go
because i knew everybody like airby garry's numbers were terrible yeah you
gotta write one ticket i know
right and then you did that until during your five years were up yeah i did
that for four years and
then i was i was out but i started doing stand-up while i was in the navy so
when i got stationed in
san diego i was like all right i'm gonna get in the phone book i'm showing my
age and start looking
up comedy clubs uh-huh my first day in san diego i would call this place called
the comic castle
okay i said hey um how's it going man you got open mic the guy goes hold on let
me check
and i went huh he comes back he goes i can't find him what what are you talking
about he goes i can't
find him i go wait a minute is this a comedy club he goes no this is a comic
book store he was looking
for a superhero named open mic that's great he gave me the number to the comedy
store though and said
dude if you're trying to be a stand-up call the comedy store so call the comedy
store open mic
with sunday nights is this the la jolla one or the la jolla gotcha great room
open mic with sunday
nights and went up the first sunday and did about as bad as you can do been
there daddy because
was there last night oh really well i did bad because i was i was 20 so i wasn't
of age so you
know open mic i've never been to one of these i'm going up at like one in the
morning at this point
there's 10 people in the audience but there's still 20 comics in the back the
comics aren't heckling but
they do what comics do to disrupt you so if i would do it like a setup they'd
be like ah
i hate that but we'll let me get through the point i'm going like this and i
can hear them like
every they wouldn't get let me get through a joke and i only got these five
minutes i've been working
out my brain i don't i can't go right or left so i just remember i had a beer
in my hand and i said
hey all you comics in the back i go go ahead and keep yelling out and heckling
i go i'm only 20 years old
i've been drinking this place all night why don't i call the cops and shut this
motherfucker down
when i say the lights went off the mic went off two guys came out of nowhere
grabbed me by the back of
my shirt and literally winged me out of the front door i did like a front roll
i'm a cop god damn
there was a guy named fred who he had the crutches he won america's um he won
the hundred thousand
dollars on america's funniest home videos back in the day he was the gm of the
place i just remember he
has little crutches and he stood over he goes don't ever come back and i was
like so i got up
i dusted myself off and i went all right i can't come back here but i know i
can talk so i took a
little solace out of it so it took me about almost a year to get back on stage
because i didn't know
where else to go so then a couple guys in the navy i started talking to him
about it and there's like
man you can go here here but it was it was black guys i was hanging out with so
it was all black rooms a
lot of white comics didn't want to go there so that's really what got me
starting quote unquote
being in all the black shows and everything enter gary owen yeah crazy i love
it but that's where
i started and then wednesdays though there was a place called el torrito they
did karaoke on wednesday
nights so i would start going there and tell jokes instead of singing songs
that's always crazy it came
kind of cool because the first day was a little rough but i was ready because i
already got i already got
kicked out of the comedy store so this is like it's probably eight months later
i'm getting the nerve
to go back on stage but i remember thinking all right i already know what to do
now so just power
through your jokes they're probably not gonna be paying attention you're good
so mainly i was ready
karaoke the bar is in the same room as the the microphone so i was like i
fought through
all the chatter got a couple laughs i go okay i'm in the game now and then i
kept going back on
wednesdays did you tell them you were going to do yeah yeah i told the guy okay
i was gonna say it got
what music do you want sir i don't need any music no i did straight up he but
he brought me up right
it got to a point that's fun where months later people will get quiet because
they'd be like oh this
is good funny dude he gonna tell jokes and it was kind of cool because
literally the host would be like
all right you guys i know what time it is gary's here and then i start bringing
other comics you know
what i mean it became like half karaoke half comedy
that's crazy but here's the crazy part about san diego yeah his name was randy
so you know what time it is man here's the cool part about that time frame
nothing better than that
i got back into the comedy store i went back and humbled myself and apologized
just said man i was
getting heckled i'm really sorry that uh he goes all right of you he goes come
back sunday same guy
fred he was i'm gonna put you up for five minutes let's see what you got so i
went for five minutes
i got off he goes all right gary you're good you know well when i would do the
when i would do the
comedy store and got to know all those comics bobby lee was there open mic and
shout out from that time
when i would do the black rooms nick cannon was there so those were the two
crazy comics in my
world at that time that that hit there was obviously a ton of other open there's
a cha