Name: Bill Burr - Fat F**k Redemption [FUNNY]
Uploaded: 2022-02-24T15:42:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fat F**k Redemption [FUNNY]' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fat F**k Redemption [FUNNY]' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-24. Transcript available.

it's time for advice with your host billy burr and i'm ripping off this melody
from somebody else
connecting via the podcast all right we got a fat fuck redemption we got a
redemption here
this is a nice shout out to uh tosh.0 fat fuck redemption bill i'm a 35 year
old guy and i've
been a big fat fuck for most of my life well you know what sir the first step
is admitting it
the fact that you can call yourself a big fat fuck you know it's like me when i
go through my
periods when i know i need to quit drinking it's what i say to myself oh billy
fat again big fucking
stupid fucking head full of booze big john travolta fucking head loser stop
your drinking that's what
i do um anyways i developed an amazing set of breasts at the tender age of 13
all right this is a guy i
just had to look at the name uh that still puts both of my sister's racks to
shame 420 pounds was
my heaviest but i am also six foot seven and built white and built like the iris
sasquatch
so i carry it pretty well you see what i'm saying this is why this guy's so
funny he had he grew
tits at 13 he's six foot seven he's 420 pounds there's no way to not look like
that not be a funny
motherfucker um about 10 years ago i dropped 150 pounds through a through diet
and exercise i had a
whole new life new career beautiful women the whole shebang i had a good seven
year run
yeah dude that's great man seven years you're a funny motherfucker you're six
foot seven they probably
feel like they're being held by a big bear you make them feel safe the next
thing you know they're
fucking you i totally see it totally see it so anyways he says so here's my
dilemma about three years ago
i got off the track and put a lot of the weight back on and haven't had a
girlfriend the whole time
mostly by choice ah you went to some self-loathing thing i'm back in the groove
now dropping the weight
and getting healthy again i want to settle down and start something serious
with the woman of my dreams
but i still have about 50 60 pounds to work off in a perfect world it would be
all about
inner beauty and personality and shit but let's be realistic a smart talented
good-looking health
conscious woman is just not going to settle for a dude who is swinging around
bigger tits than her
you know what dude personality goes a long way but you're you're 100 right when
you're talking about
the man tits you got to get rid of him he says i suck at casual dating and i
tend to get sucked into
long-term relationships very easily uh so my question is do i wait till i'm in
the prime shape again
before i start getting serious with anyone uh i'm not trying to be perfect but
i'm not looking for
perfection but i just want to be smart about it what do you think about their
brick top um all right
you have to learn how to not only are you losing weight but you got you got to
learn how to date dude
all right you've addressed that you're a fat fuck and you're dealing with that
you also got to address
that you're uh you're codependent and you're fucking lonely all right and it
sucks if you're codependent
you're a relationship guy so it's very easy for you to get sucked into
relationships but
you know you can't take the first thing that comes down the pike
uh
so what you you this is the deal you so know that you get sucked into
relationship this is what i think
that you're like all right so if i'm gonna get sucked into relationship i have
to look the best
that i can possibly look so when i do get sucked into relationship i got a
fucking you know top
shelf girl that i'm doing it with um i don't know i don't think that that's
gonna work personally
i think you need to learn how to date just go out and start dating
and and why don't you say that i would say that on the date
so where's this going um just be like you know what i'm in a period of my life
when i'm trying to learn how to date
what is what does that mean it means that i'm one of those i'm a relationship
guy and i tend to get sucked into relationships
and uh next thing you know i'm in a relationship with someone i should have
just had one or two dates with
so you know i'm not trying to be uh i'm just being up front that's where i'm at
right now
so uh i have a list of questions and judging by your answers uh will depend
with there's going to be date number two
you don't have to say that last part but uh definitely you gotta you gotta you
gotta come at it that way man
just come right out of the gate like that you know something you'll get some
fucking ass even with your
goddamn tits talking like that you walk into a bar right you sit there you
already got a sense of humor
you make them fucking laugh some girls eventually gonna come walking up to you
some mess or maybe some
fucking borderline cutie they're insecure too you know maybe they don't like
their fucking ass who knows
what right they come walking up to you say what's your deal what are you doing
just sitting here
you know and you just start talking about there's nothing a fucking broad likes
better
than some fucking guy who's sitting there who's actually taking stock in
himself
who seems like he's going to start taking life seriously okay because they look
at us and they see us for
the morons that we are led by our dicks playing in mud puddles breaking shit
acting like a bunch of
gorillas so when they see somebody who's actually sitting there contemplating
about where the fuck
they're going in life and what they want they're attracted to it not to mention
you're six foot
seven they're going to feel safe and then they got to be wondering well is his
dick five foot seven
right so you just hit him with that line what are you doing i'm trying to
figure life out i have to
learn how to date and they'll be all over it what do you mean dating's easy you
should have fun next
thing you know we're fucking hands on your thigh right a couple of limes in the
coronas and next
thing you know whatever all right hey that's that's what that's what i hope
happens for you all right