Name: Bill Burr - Divorced After 6 Months
Uploaded: 2022-03-18T06:35:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Divorced After 6 Months' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Divorced After 6 Months' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-18. Transcript available.

um all right divorced after six months it sounds like a fucking sitcom that
didn't get picked up
divorced after six months we shot a pilot but it uh didn't work out uh dear
billy bald balls
love the podcast and hearing your take on situations that being said i need
some advice
oh wait a minute he fucking he lobbed it over the net come on come on where is
it
oh by the way rest in peace peter green one of the greatest fucking guitarists
of all time and the
only reason why i know anything about him is because of uh mark maron mark maron
was the guy
that taught me about him now why can't i get to my fucking songs here tv show
music music music there
we go library library i'm never gonna have a professional podcast you guys just
gonna have
deal with that fact all right this guy just asked for advice it's time for
advice hey
that's me
somebody else all right the hypocrite here he goes
the hypocrite uh divorced after six i need some advice my ex and i dated for
five years and i just
knew she was the one after nearly a year of being engaged we decided to get
married after only six
months of being married i came i come home the friday before christmas after
working all day
to an empty house with no warning
and when i say empty i mean nothing but my clothes were still there oh my god
like she paid for everything
we don't have any children but of course i reached out to her with no success
asking if she'd be willing to go to counseling in hopes of working things out
and still no response i don't want to blame the victim here but what did you do
um a few days later i noticed she posted a status on facebook about me claiming
i was mentally
and physically abusive to her and continue to explain to everyone on facebook
that's why she left me and that she was unhappy the whole
nearly seven years that we were together why did she have to go on facebook and
tell everybody
oh this is why i soon find out she was cheating on me the whole time we were
married with the guy she worked with we finally decided to move forward with
the divorce but in my state we have to be separated a year before we can finalize
the divorce
so here's the kicker when my ex left me she forgot a bird house that her now
deceased grandfather built her i texted her and told her she could come by and
get it or i could bring it to her
or aren't you a nice guy considering she took the tvs and everything but she
insisted that her boyfriend comes to get it i told her that wouldn't work
oh yeah dude you could fucking crown that guy with the fucking bird house
yeah that's not a good situation you might snap uh since then she tried to get
alimony and tried to take my house that i owned
before we were married with no success thank god all in the name of the bird
house that she claims i won't give her
so my question is should i be the bigger person and let her boyfriend come and
get the bird house
or should i keep it just to prove a point to cunt whore
uh hope you can help me out with this and always as always go fuck yourself uh
no dude
um this is the thing about uh women when you break up with them or they break
up with you you got to
get them the fuck out of your life it's a cancer you got to get rid it's a
fucking bird house
okay and here's the deal that guy
who's with that that that woman
i think you called her cunt whore
i don't know if that's her first and last name or her first and a middle name
um
he's with her now
okay and
now he has that's like what about bob i always use that analogy just pass her
on
just
you know just give give him the fucking bird house keep your house let that guy
lay in bed
with her knowing how he got her okay and at some point you know you probably
end up doing the same
thing to him
uh which is not your fucking problem this is what you do you give him the bird
house
you know i don't that's that's that's a tough this is what i would do
uh
you can't just leave it out because then you look like a bitch
when the when the guy comes to uh the door i i still wouldn't say anything
just hand him the fucking bird house
yeah she's what a fucking cunt whore because she's making you look at the
person
she was fucking while you guys were married
uh
all right dude this is the thing you
this is what you have to do
in life
when shit like this happens
okay because i think she's trying to bait you
into swinging on this guy
okay and then somehow i don't know what there'll be some new fucking law
that if you punch the man that was fucking
your wife while you were married to her
she somehow gets your house that you owned before you guys were married like
there'll be some sort of legislation probably in the works
okay
so
i think she's trying to bait you into doing something stupid here
so
the stupid move is to keep the bird house
the even dumber move is to take the bird house and smash it over that guy's
head
all right
the smart move here is to give that poor bastard who's now with this cunt whore
at the bird house
and guess what
they fucking walk away
you know
and you go crack open a cold one
and thank your lucky fucking stars
you never had a kid with her
dude she's gone
she's out of your fucking life
okay
and you move on
and find
the good person that you deserve
all right
and just be lucky that you live in the state
that you live in
that actually let you keep your fucking house
okay
that's it
all right
i mean granted i just got your side of the story
but i think
you're either dealing with a psycho
or somebody who just didn't know how to break up with somebody
and just kept moving to the next level of the fucking relationship
and then didn't know how to get out of it
and then did it in a totally immature fucking way
that is not the mature way to fucking break up with somebody
i mean i'm all for clearing your shit out
but when the person comes home you have to be there
okay
so it's a clean break
so you don't have to fucking
then be living together
and just going through this fucking bullshit
i mean
you don't have to put your
if you're going to break up with somebody
you got to do it face to face
but you don't have to fucking draw it out for months on fucking end
so the first half that she did
cleared the fucking place out
i don't have a problem with that
unless it's shit that you also paid for
that's a little fucked up
but that's how women operate
and guys don't give a fuck
whatever
you can always get another fucking table
who gives a shit
right
but i'm telling you right now
it seems to me like she is trying to bait you into something
and i also think on some level you kept the birdhouse out of spite
uh just let it go
give the birdhouse to that fucking jerk off
he can go get with cunt whore
and you can you can you know
you can be with somebody else
who gives a fuck dude
they're out of your life
that is a small
small fucking price to pay
um
and then you know what
she can focus all that psycho fucking energy
on this new fucking guy
you know
because what's funny is in his head
he thinks that he's winning
you know
so i mean
they kind of deserve each other
in a way right
um
and then they'll bang
and they'll have a kid
and he'll be a banker someday
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