Name: Bill Burr - Getting Rejected by a Hot Woman
Uploaded: 2022-03-28T20:51:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Getting Rejected by a Hot Woman' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Getting Rejected by a Hot Woman' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-28. Transcript available.

it's time for advice with your host billy burr and i'm ripping off this melody
from somebody else
um all right plowing ahead uh bill uh so something kind of ridiculous happened
to me
the other day and you're the only person who i think might appreciate my point
of view on the
matter okay so there's this really good looking lady uh that works at the
sandwich shop around the
corner for my job so i've been going there for like a year now and i've always
wanted to say
something to her but never did because either the place was too busy at the
time or i just pussied
out usually the latter so the other day i finally man up and decide to say
something and it went a
little something like this uh i go in after two so it's not as busy i place my
order she makes me a
wrap she hands me a wrap and i say excuse me uh i've been coming in here for a
while and i've
always wanted to introduce myself and before i can even get the words out her
smiling expression turns
blank her lips seal tight and she kind of looks up at her eyebrows with that
you got to be fucking
kidding me look all over her face i can only equate ah shit i just hit the
wrong button on my computer
um he goes i can only equate the look to an uh to an employee what an employee
might have when they're
done with their work for the week and on friday evening right as they feel like
they're going to
get out of there the boss comes and drops another hour's worth of paperwork on
their desk they can't
say anything but you know they're thinking you fucking prick so what i end up
saying after i get this
look from this chick is this is basically what the guy says he said excuse me i've
been coming in here
for a while and i've always wanted to introduce myself you know what fuck it
never mind
and he goes i turned around i just walked out
all right and he goes now here's my issue dude we've all been there all right
we've all fucking
been there um all right so he goes now here's my issue it's not that i was
rejected big deal that
shit happens all the time right uh that's like an ongoing theme in an adult
life and i've learned
to live with it jesus do don't jump off a cliff here um he goes my problem is
that society i can't
even talk society my problem is society dictates that the guy should approach
the girl and all the
girl really needs to do is look pretty throw a few signals and wait for dudes
to start clamoring like
morons is it fair no but then again it's really not a big deal it's one of the
situations you grow
accustomed to but if that is the case and if all women have to do is be pretty
then say yes or go
fuck yourself could they at least wait 30 seconds for me to say whatever retarded
shit whatever retarded
shit i'm thinking before they shoot me down all she has to do is wait a minute
and say no thank you
but instead i get cut off by stink eye mid-sentence should i have told her to
go fuck herself what are
your thoughts on this sort of shit your true and loyal fan bobo the douchebag
all right um
what are my feelings on this all right first of all dude we've all been there
we've all you know you got in your head you're gonna come up there like fucking
sean connery and
one of those early james bonds you even feel like you got a fucking tuxedo on
and then the second
you open your mouth you sound like fucking arnold horshack and you even want to
shoot yourself down
at that point okay um but in answer your question uh should i have told her to
go fuck herself no
that's not oh i mean i'm i'm just you know having not been there i i can't it'd
be it would depend
on what the look on her face was or how she looked you know if uh if she was
just some hot girl
who didn't have a brain in her head yeah then you tell her to go fuck herself
but this is a really
cute girl and you actually feel like wow i you know i'd like to get to know
that girl no you don't
tell her to go fuck herself it's actually in that moment when she gives you the
stink eye is when you
have to come up with something funny to say something something clever
something so you show
that you're not going to quit in life because that's what i hate to say dude
but that's what you
showed her you showed her that you have you have the quit dna in your fucking
ball bag and she's not
going to want to mate with you
but fortunately there's plenty other gazelles out there on the fucking serengeti
that you can try
to run down you see the discovery channel cheetah doesn't always fucking run
the thing down sometimes
it gets kicked in the face then it sits there feeling stupid especially when it
realizes it's being
filmed it's going to be on basic cable there's where you can you can actually
look at a bright side it
wasn't filmed did you just gotta kind of come up with something um in that
moment that's funny and
i actually kind of thought about it what i would have said and i would have choked
even if i tried to
come up with something funny because in the moment i would have felt like a douche
and i probably would
have attacked what she did for a living which is the worst thing you can do be
like really
you know you're fucking you've been working here for a year and a half two
years i've been seeing you're
making sandwiches you're not getting any younger there sweetie all right you
know it would have
been bad it would have been bad it's very easy for me you know for me to sit
here and tell you what
you should have done you know it's kind of like uh you know when you when you
watch a uh a football
game or something like that and once it ends and whatever the game plan was
didn't work out they do
why didn't they give it to marshall fuck i don't understand um it's easy to do
that so um
i don't know what to tell you like you know it'd be funny you got to go back
there and keep ordering
sandwiches i don't know that's fucking humiliating you might you might have to
find a new place to get
a sandwich dude i gotta be honest with you i don't know how you pull yourself
out of that one
what did you say you know what fuck it
oh this is what you do dick heights you just walk in just kind of be a dick you
know
when she you just walk up hey sunshine that's something i don't listen to me
all my shit just
always ends up with you know there's a reason i get heckled as much as i do
because i'm an asshole
um but as far as like uh what you said earlier because i know there's a lot of
women pulling
their fucking hair out right now when you say all the woman has to do is be
pretty and wait for the
offers to come in um i don't know dude if you ever had a girlfriend first of
all that whole thing of
looking pretty from my standpoint and my experience takes at least four and a
half fucking hours
and um and you never know that girl might have been giving you the stink eye
because
she's a really good looking girl and she she has a public she has a job where
she deals with the public
so believe it or not the amount of ugly fucking out of shape dudes who actually
don't have a problem
approaching beautiful women uh is actually it's the it's pretty high i mean
personally i think it's
funny but um if you're a woman it's it's not as funny and i think that's
something that took me a
long time to realize how like um uncomfortable that feeling can be you know
because guys think
dude i would love to be standing there women hitting on me oh jesus how do i
talk myself out of this one
you know what it's like put it this way for all the guys listening out there if
somebody said hey man
i'll give you 10 bucks this is like an old joke i used to do my act i'll give
you 10 bucks to walk
over to that birth birthday cake and stick your finger in it yeah you've got 10
bucks yeah fuck it i'll do
it you know 20 bucks or whatever just something you know you do it you wouldn't
think anything about
it whatever stick it in you take it right back out you know you wouldn't give a
fuck but what if
somebody said dude i'll give you i'll give you 20 bucks to take that cake and
put it in your ass
see what i mean there'd be a difference then then you you would have some
questions
you know where is that cake ben are you going to tell anybody i usually don't
do things like this
you know that's that's why women they approach sex that way you know they got
to have rules on when
they're going to fuck you and all that it's it's a did that did that example i
i know on some level
it made sense i'm a little jet lagged i haven't done that joke in a while and i
gotta admit halfway
through it it didn't even make sense to me i'm just saying you know did i
answer your question um
so this is what you got to do you got to treat uh you got to treat women like
uh like i treated open
mics okay you just know you're gonna bomb and eventually you're gonna get good
at it so just keep
you know make some notes what what you're gonna do the next time that happens
you know maybe try to
come up with a couple of lines and i hope women i hope you appreciate uh what a
fucking pain in the
ass it is for a guy to get laid you know what i mean and that's why there's the
whole um stud whore
double standard because basically for a guy to get laid this is what he has to
go to this guy actually
has to develop skills to get laid you know all you have to do is show up you
know i mean for a guy
the brass ring is getting a two-on-one no tv credits no my dad has a yacht you
just get it
from talking shit that is the brass ring for a guy now a woman her first night
of fucking all she'd have
to do is lay down on a pool table she could fuck every guy in the bar it's it's
not a skill it's
gluttonous you know it's gluttonous it's like watching a fat guy eat an ice
cream you never cut
i don't you don't cut him any slack haven't you had enough um all right
you