Name: Bill Burr - Advice for Unattractive Guys
Uploaded: 2022-04-16T03:42:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice for Unattractive Guys' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice for Unattractive Guys' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-16. Transcript available.

being ugly sucks don't i know it hello billow burka uh just wanted to say thank
you for the
podcast been listening for the past two years and it's one of the little bright
spots in my life
that i cherish well isn't that nice person goes on to say now let's get sad um
i was recently
courting this lady who i thought i had a genuine i had a genuine connection
with oh gee what could
go wrong here's my heart what do you have to say um we hooked up on the first
date however during
the second date i got cold vibes and could tell she was not feeling it well you
should have walked
you know deniro and heat you should have just left after the date i asked hey i
felt like i should
have made a move but was getting mixed signals in which she replied it was good
you didn't as i am
also seeing someone else and i don't want to lead you on oh i see all right my
question is how does an
ugly guy like me ever hope to find love when all the girls i thought were a
little interest just end
up friend zoning me first of all she didn't friend zone you you hooked up with
her on the first date
right um i have experienced love once and was generally happy but the
relationship broke down
because her parents didn't approve of my ethnicity a running theme in my life
as i am an asian male
on top of that no one really wants to set me up with friends as i am not a real
really a looker
case in point my buddy just got out of a relationship and has been instantly
hooked up with
girls who want to see him well i've been alone for three years now jesus christ
you weren't kidding
now let's get sad you got a sense of humor though buddy you're still in the
game if you can make him
laugh you're in the game uh in a society that's hyper focused on look aesthetic
and height how can this
little asian man hope to find a girl who doesn't just reject me right away
sorry if this sounds a
little deranged it doesn't i feel for you i feel for you um i've been
struggling with these thoughts
for my whole life now i'm a 21 year old male dude you got your whole life ahead
of you all right get
your head out of the oven hang on a second any advice would mean a lot and
hopefully shine a little
light at the end of the tunnel all right first of all you're a man it doesn't
matter what you look
like all right it matters about what's in your wallet now right now what i'm
gonna give you advice
okay if you want advice on how to find love don't listen to this but if you
just want a fucking hot
woman all right you need to make money hot chicks don't give a fuck what you
look like
they know they're hot but they know they're only hot for a certain amount of
time
so they want to get what the fuck they can get i'm not saying all hot women i'm
just saying almost all
of them all right so they want a guy that's making fucking money all right you
start making money but
then the thing about it is dude is then you got to start i believe the kids say
flossing is that what
they say you got to go out there and you got it you got a uh you got a stunt is
that a word is that
what the kids say way back 50 cent right he said he taught us all how to stunt
didn't he i think that's
what he claimed it anyways i don't know if he's being like al gore when he
claimed to invent the
internet but i believed him when he said it i was impressed it's a hell of a
video you're just gonna
i'm giving you advice on how to attract a whore all right this is what you need
to do first of all
you need to feel better about yourself okay if you're walking around like
fucking charlie brown
you know with your head looking down at your fucking loafers yeah women don't
want to bang that women
like excitement all right if you're not excited about yourself no one else is
gonna be you ever see
somebody selling a fucking piece of shit car they make it sound like it's a cadillac
that's what you
got to do you got to start looking at yourself like you're a fucking caddy and
not a chevy citation
all right there's a bunch of shit that you can do start going to the gym you
got to use that sense of
humor i saw it like three times in that all right women love to laugh okay if
you're an easygoing guy
you make people fucking laugh and if you make fun of yourself you know what i
mean you're you're gonna
you're gonna be attractive to people and the more you put yourself out there
and you just fucking you
know you gotta be who you are all right who gives a shit there's nothing wrong
with being asian there's
nothing wrong with being short and you're probably not nearly as bad looking as
you think you are
just get out there put out a fucking positive vibe all right the great thing
about you know something
the one of the hardest things hot chicks have is finding love
you know because everybody wants to fuck them and they'll just lie and say that
they do and they
never know who's you know it's almost like they're uh like celebrities from
what i've heard
i always see that in the celebrity interviews yeah it's really hard to trust
people um
anyway what the fuck was i talking about you're gonna be fine
you're 21 years old someday you're gonna be 31 going what the fuck was i
thinking i was 21 i should
have been walking up to women saying hello and putting it out there what's the
worst thing they
can say is no you know what you got to do you got to stop taking this rejection
so fucking hard
all right everybody gets rejected in life okay nobody gets a pass you're not
special
it's it's not uniquely sad for you that you got rejected all right welcome to
the fucking human race
that's what happens all right i mean i walked around and i looked like i had a
goddamn brush
fire on my head for the most of my fucking life you know and i somehow plowed
through that
you know and i have a lovely wife two beautiful fucking kids and i'm having a
great time and there's
no way you're as ugly as i am okay so there's your hope all right so two things
figure out what you
want to do in life go after it and start fucking talking to the broads there or
whatever the fuck
you're into and uh have a good time and don't be down on yourself because if
you are you're going
to be jerking off way more than you're going to be fucking and it sounds like
that's not what you
want all right now get out there and make me proud all right everybody that's
the podcast
for uh february 7th 2022 that's it i think i'm putting my money on i know i'm
putting my money
on the bengals all right but i'm betting with my heart all right nothing
against the rams i like
the rams too it's a fun super bowl i like both teams