Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Girls Don't Date Me
Uploaded: 2022-04-19T07:03:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Girls Don't Date Me' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Girls Don't Date Me' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-19. Transcript available.

I don't like how you laughed when I said I'm a moron.
You are a moron, but I think you just gave really, really perfect advice.
Remaining positive.
Hey there, Billy boy.
I'm a 23-year-old recent college graduate who's dealing with a bit of
depression.
Having never dated, finding it hard...
Did I write this?
Having never dated, finding it hard to get a job, and having no actual goal in
life,
I'm finding it hard to keep motivated to do anything.
I normally eat well and go to the gym, but that's the only healthy habit I have.
I want to be enjoying my 20s, but because I've accomplished nothing,
not even having formed any relationship with any girl,
it's been hard to smile and remain positive.
Do you get into these sorts of funks, and what advice would you have to get out
of it?
Any advice from you or the lovely Nia would honestly make a major impact on my
life.
No pressure.
Yeah, buddy.
Jesus.
Yeah, I literally could have written that at 23 years old.
I was basically in the, uh, essentially the same boat.
Um, had no fucking...
I was still living at home, had no girlfriend.
I commuted all the way through college.
I didn't have any college friends, never went to any of those parties or any of
that type of shit.
Um, and I was actually flailing, wondering what the fuck I was going to do with
my life.
I tried sales, I worked in warehousing, I had a job at a dental office,
and none of it was making me excited about going to work.
And I started thinking like, oh, fuck, am I going to be that guy?
That guy that just does a fucking job that he hates, and, um, I don't know.
I just started every day, I don't know, just trying to think what I wanted.
What did I want?
And, um, don't look at it with judgment or think that something's impossible.
Like, whatever you want to do, to be sitting there thinking like, oh, I can't
do that.
I could never do that.
You can't.
You can't.
I am an absolute moron.
And if I can make something happen, you definitely can.
I would, I would say that.
I don't like how you laugh when I say I'm a moron.
You are a moron.
But I think you just gave really, really perfect advice.
That's great advice.
You got to figure out, yeah, what is it that you really, really enjoy doing?
And maybe there's a way to actually make a living at it, like Bill.
Yeah, this is what, you just start doing it.
You just start fucking doing it, and then eventually it turns into your job.
And all you do is just, I think what most people do is, like, say they're
thinking, like, I don't know, pick a job that's fucking, uh, you're like, oh, I
could never do that.
I'll just keep it in entertainment.
Say you wanted to, um, get into, like, um, broadcasting, I guess, announcing
games, and you start thinking, like, oh, my God, I want to announce NFL games.
How the fuck do I get there?
So you start, you know, I would think you'd start doing high school games,
Little League games.
I would do anything.
I would just, if no one was hiring me, I would just show up at Little League
games with a fucking sport coat on and set up a table, and I would just start
doing it.
And I would go down to pick up basketball games.
That's not creepy at all.
And I would just start doing it.
And I would just show up at the little kid's game, like, here I am.
I know, because now, because there's pedophiles, there's always been pedophiles.
What am I, and here I am, I'm going to, what, start molesting a kid as everyone's
sitting there?
I would just start doing the game like it was a Major League baseball game.
The parents would love it.
You could go down to, like, the, uh, the basketball courts.
I would just, anything, just to, just to be doing it.
That's like your open mics, I'm not getting paid, I'm learning how to do this
shit.
And then, I don't know, start taking some classes at a broadcasting school.
You just, every part of your day becomes announcing, you know?
Right.
I, when I had day jobs, I used to sit there doing the job, and I would be, any,
any funny fucking idea I had, I would just write it down.
And, um, and then I would go try it out somewhere.
And I just kept doing it, and doing it, and doing it, and doing it.
You just, you just start marching towards it, and you don't look at, like, well,
hey, I just, fuck, I'm, I'm doing high school games.
I'll never get to the NFL.
Like, most people don't get there because they want it in a week.
Dude, they're fucking helicopters, they're gonna fly into the fucking house
around here, they're crazy.
I don't know if you guys could just hear that shit.
Um, they, uh, yeah, you just, every single day, you just, you just, I don't
know.
Look at this stupid-ass podcast.
I just kept doing it every Monday, and all of a sudden, you know, I got a bunch
of listeners.
I'm curious about, because I'm trying to, you know, I'm always trying to, like,
read between the lines.
And he goes, I normally eat well and go to the gym, but that's the only, quote-unquote,
healthy habit I have.
What does that mean?
Well, I don't want to start.
Because why that got, I'm just, I'm just curious as why that got thrown in
there.
Because I don't know if that means that there's things that he's doing that he
is not healthy.
Because the rest of it doesn't really, I don't know.
I normally eat well and go to the gym, but that's the only healthy habit I have.
Like, it's, or it's, like, the only thing, like, habit I have.
It's just, like, working out and going to the gym, but I don't have any other,
like, things.
But, like, just the healthy, in quotes, is, uh, concerns me a little bit.
Well, I think he's really hard on himself.
So, he's got to lighten up on himself.
So, even when he's doing something, even when he's doing something positive, he
still puts it in quotes.
He won't give himself credit for that.
It sounds like you maybe had some negative parents who told you the world was a
lot more difficult than it is.
I would, uh, I'd also work on, like, just paying attention to the thoughts in
your head.
That's how, because I was never clinically depressed, but I was definitely, I
had definitely bouts of depression and funks and that type of thing.
I felt like shit yesterday when I was watching the game and I did, uh, uh, 100
push-ups and, you know, three sets.
Okay.
Like, I actually dropped down.
I would have had a heart attack.
A hundred in a row.
No, no.
I did, I did a set of three and I got to a hundred.
A hundred and five, actually.
Sets of 35.
All right, you folks.
Um, no, but I immediately felt better.
Right.
I immediately felt better, so.
And also, you're 23 years old.
You have a long, long time to figure out what it is that you want to do for the
rest of your life.
You know what I mean?
And it's probably going to change several times.
So, maybe you just graduated college and you're like, oh, I majored in business.
I don't want to get into business.
I really want to, you know, be a veterinarian or something like that.
And I think that Bill's right.
You should.
Yeah, I would do it.
I would immediately start picking up roadkill off of the side of the road and I'd
try to see if I could bring it back to life.
Try reviving it.
Try reviving that, uh, dead cat.
On the freeway.
No, no.
Just, yeah.
You're fine.
You're 23.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
You know what could be worse, dude?
You could be in a relationship and you fucking knocked her up and now you're
tied to her for the rest of your fucking life.
And then you got to go get a job at some place you don't want to work at.
So, the fact that you don't have anything going on in your life is fucking
awesome.
There's nothing holding you back.
You can just, now you can, you actually get to decide.
You know how many people would want to be in your fucking position?
23, no girlfriend.
You know, no fucking mortgage.
No bullshit.
None of that stuff.
It's just you.
Dude.
Fucking, you know, figure out what you want to do and go after it.
And, uh, tell that negative thought and you had to go fuck yourself.
There you go.
That was like a Dr. Phil episode.
There you go.
That solves all your problems.
When we come back, I yell at more men.
When we come back, I yell at more men.
When we come back, I yell at more men.