Name: Bill Burr - Crazy Ex Girlfriend
Uploaded: 2024-03-31T01:46:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Crazy Ex Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Crazy Ex Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Animated on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-31. Transcript available.

this girl is killing me man all right dear billy big head
you guys are really accurate this week uh back nine big head uh i am a
sophomore in high school
but i've been listening to your pause cat podcast for a year now i need some
advice on how to handle
this girl hey nia you out there nia you want to you want to give this kid some
advice oh that's
right you're sick okay sorry hang on let me hit pause here hang on all right i'm
back i'm back
jesus christ she's still sick she's still sick i'm sleeping upstairs again
tonight i dated her for
about nine months last year a lot of heartache this this week and learned a lot
the problem is that
this girl is really immature and i cannot have a conversation without her
arguing with me over
something not important oh dude you're a son who gives a shit fucking move on
to the next one
for example towards the end of my relationship with her she gave me the silent
treatment for
multiple days because i told her i didn't like australia she constantly
insulted me called
me dumb and told me i was a terrible brother are you dating your sister or she
just observed your
family what state did this come from and did crazy things like this throughout
our relationship she's
one of those girls who thinks that she she's always she that she always gets to
be right and i am not
and i am not about that life he says uh when she broke up with me
it was this whole scene
well dude this sounds like you dodged a bullet here what dating is all about is
meeting what you
don't want and then you figure that out and then you finally fucking meet the
right person
you totally you're fucking young as shit what's the problem here i got very
close with her family
and well so you're a good guy and when we broke up her seven-year-old sister
sobbed
jesus christ her mom even went to the extent to call me on the phone to tell me
i was a great
boyfriend and wish me wish that me and her could possibly work things out in
the future her family
adores me to this day due to the fact that i really played up the whole nice
guy thing
what are you really an asshole this is where things get even worse she
constantly leads leads me on and
i fall for it yeah that's what being young is all about and at a town fair we
have we have she hung
out with me all weekend we were very flirty and she heavily led me on but when
i asked her out
she said she wasn't ready all right dude this once again if you listen to the
last one this is why
you do not stay in contact with ex-girlfriends
okay she just doesn't she doesn't want you to meet someone else until she's met
somebody
or i don't i don't what i don't know what the fuck they think i just know
i just know you just you gotta you gotta you guess you gotta walk you gotta
walk all right
the same thing happened a few months later i have left her alone for the past
few months only talking
to her once every three weeks and every time she ends up being mad at me for
some dumb reason
an hour ago she was mad at me for not roasting her and called me pathetic
roasting her i'm trying to figure out where the fuck you live you got a little
fair
a town fair and then you guys also have roasts i don't know what this is all
right she apologized all
the time for her action but continues to do the same thing should i not even
talk to her
or should i forgive her because she's just immature and can't handle her
feelings
any advice would be appreciated especially you get the uh the lovely nia to
answer as well
hope the family's doing great and go drink a beer it's hilarious um
yeah i would just have a a conversation i would just say listen
uh i don't enjoy talking to you because you always get mad and you yell at me
we are broken up
and i don't think it's healthy for us to continue talking to one another
however when i see you i don't
want it to be weird so is there a way that you you in a nice way could just
fuck off and let me get on
with my life but if i see you you know we could just walk by you know we could
raise eyebrows you
know and acknowledge that we saw each other maybe we could high five and not
saying anything you know
and then if she flips out it gives a fuck here's a question for you since you
broke up has it ever
ended well any interaction any interaction you've had with her okay if the
answer is no then you got
to stop interacting with her but it seems like it's such a small town i'm
judging you because you went
to a fair okay so my world you brought your prize pig down there and i don't
know what the fuck
happened after that you know there's i imagine plenty of other women you uh you
know what's the proper
word of that it's chicks you can go to school with there's really no middle
world right girls
you're not a girl at that point you're a fucking teenager i don't i'm not i'm
not going on wikipedia
again i don't know what the fucking word is okay there's plenty of the fucking
chicks you could be
hanging out with all right that's it and here's the thing here's a tip for you
when you fucking hang
up with them don't talk about your old relationship or about some other fucking
woman they don't they
well yeah they don't want to hear it just go have a beer with one of your
buddies out in the woods
however the fuck you do it just be like yeah you know i i don't encourage underage
drinking whatever
the fuck it is you guys do that's when you vent uh what you what you have to do
is every time
it it starts to scab over she calls up or you call her and then you got an open
wound again what you
got to do is you got to you got to heal like a fucking x-man and then the next
time you see her
and i guarantee if you don't give a fuck she's gonna fucking be all over you
and want to hook up
and this is what she have to do you gotta not do it and then watch how quickly
that all that flirty
turns into fucking anger and then she's gonna yell at you and then just be keep
you cool and be like
this is why i don't hang out with you because you're fucking crazy something
like that and i would
also ask some more adults who actually actually know the people involved in
this story including
yourself okay all right good luck to you