Name: Bodyguard Interviews Remote on Letterman, August 7, 1987
Uploaded: 2011-01-20T05:04:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bodyguard Interviews Remote on Letterman, August 7, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-01-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bodyguard Interviews Remote on Letterman, August 7, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-01-20. Transcript available.

Paul and the band and Sammy Hagar.
You know, when you're as handy with your mitts as I am, you don't really need
bodyguards.
Still, it's kind of a nice statement about one's career to have a couple of surly
gun-carrying sharks on your payroll.
That's why earlier this week I conducted a series of interviews in my office
with some skilled professional bodyguards.
What do you see me as being the most vulnerable to?
I think you would probably attract individual psychos.
I don't know, but that's what the opinion I...
But the individual psychos, it's better to attract them individually than to
attract the psychos that have organized.
You know, that would have letterhead and a clubhouse.
Because he probably won't be sophisticated enough to bomb your car.
I guess you've got a gun on your right now, don't you?
I do, yes.
Oh, you do?
Oh, let me see your gun.
Can I see it?
Is it loaded?
Of course it's loaded.
You don't carry it.
What did you bring a loaded gun up here for?
I went...
Let me explain something.
When I work, I wear a shoulder holster generally.
Listen to this.
When I work, I wear makeup.
Just put it on the desk.
All right, get your hands up.
It's a test.
George, I guess you know why you're here today, right?
I sure am.
And why is that?
Why are you looking for a bodyguard?
Oh, geez, no.
I'm sorry.
There's been a mix-up.
I'm having trouble with my sink.
You are?
Forget it.
Let's just go through a typical day.
Let's go through a Monday in the life of a client and his bodyguard.
I'm sorry.
Make it Tuesday.
Tuesday.
It'll be Tuesday.
Basically, you have your day planned out.
Do we have breakfast together, do you think?
I hope so.
And what would you have for breakfast?
Well, I enjoy poached eggs on whole wheat toast.
Poached eggs.
Whole wheat.
A little butter on the toast?
No butter.
No butter.
Dry.
And beverage?
Orange juice.
Orange juice.
Coffee.
Fresh squeezed?
Fresh squeezed.
All right.
Have you worked as a bodyguard before?
I have.
For whom have you worked in that capacity?
George Takai and DeForest Kelly from Star Trek.
George Takai and, what was it, DeForest Kelly from Star Trek?
That's cool.
Oh, brother.
What a couple of lightweights.
So that was pretty much like a day off for you, wasn't it?
Basically.
Yeah.
Do me a favor.
Hit me as hard as you can right here in the stomach.
All right.
Come on.
Let me have a real, like, you know, try and just really drop me.
Just come ahead.
Just let me get an idea of what...
No, I'm just kidding.
Why don't you show me how you'd frisk the guy?
He's just bringing the lunch in.
Pat him down.
Don't try any funny stuff, either.
A little funny.
No, no.
Open the legs up, Joe.
Yeah.
No, just poke at him.
That a boy.
Now we've got you.
This, by the way, is standard procedure for hiring of interns.
I have some photographs here of some famous people and their bodyguards.
And here's Eddie Murphy and his bodyguards.
You see them?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Do you think you could take those guys?
Sure.
Yeah.
Oh, there's Madonna.
Now, Madonna, this guy, there's no mistaking this guy, is a bodyguard, right?
No, this guy's trouble.
It's more precluded now.
This guy's trouble.
We're in big trouble.
No, I don't think so.
Now, here's Sylvester Stallone and his ex-wife, Brigitte Nielsen.
And there's not a picture of a bodyguard here.
I just think this is really goofy looking.
Look at how stupid they look.
Well, we'll be right back here with Sammy Hagar.