Name: LNwDL, February 20, 1984 (full)
Uploaded: 2015-08-23T02:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL, February 20, 1984 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL, February 20, 1984 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-23. Transcript available.

LNwDL, February 20, 1984 (full)

From New York, where court space for most racket sports is only $27 an hour,
it's Late Night with David Letterman.
Tonight, tennis champ Chris Everett-Loyd, actress Donna Mills, and comedian
Paula Poundstone.
Also, Dave visits the audience standby line and a look at small town news.
And now, a man who, when the going gets tough, stays put, David Letterman!
And now, a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the middle
of the world.
And now, a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the middle
of the world.
And now, a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the middle
of the world.
And now, a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the middle
of the world.
And now, a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the middle
of the world.
And now, a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the middle
of the world.
And now, a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the middle
of the world, is a man who's in the middle of the world, is a man who's in the
middle of the world.
Welcome to the show. That's awfully nice of you. I appreciate it.
Now, there's normally something over here, isn't there?
What happened? There's normally something else over here.
What is normally over here?
We're missing-- we are missing a camera. Now, what happened to the camera?
Well, remember last week?
Well, no, it was on the blink last week.
Did it-- Hal?
Yes, Dave.
What happened to the camera?
Is there a camera missing?
Well, it is broken.
And will we have it back for the rest of the show?
They send out for another one, Dave.
And where did-- like Lampstons, they send out to-- where did they send, Hal?
No, the NBC maintenance department is getting another one.
It's a holiday. Remember that.
That's right. And what a holiday it is, ladies and gentlemen. It's President's
Day.
I guess a lot of you are just beat silly from all that cooking and decorating
all day.
Now, Hal, let me go back to-- I hate to--
I hate to bring this up again, Hal, but in all the years that you've been
directing television,
is it your feeling that a-- the-- the missing camera will negatively affect the
quality of tonight's program?
Not one bit.
Thank you very much, Hal.
That's the kind of confidence we like to hear from the control room.
We, um...
We got a good show tonight, and, uh, what was I gonna tell you?
Oh, the sad news for people in New York City, I guess, uh, over the weekend, it
was announced
that Richard Todd, the quarterback for the New York Jets, has been traded to
New Orleans.
I-- I think you can all get a pretty good idea just how sick we are about this.
Uh, but it was-- you know, it was sad. I must have-- I must say, uh, in the
defense of Mr. Todd, he's a fine football player.
It's not his fault. He had a bad year. I think it was because of the offensive
line didn't really give him the kind of protection he needed.
For example, even today, at the press conference, he was sacked three times, so...
Hal, I thought you said the camera wouldn't affect the show.
Yeah, me too. We--
I'm sorry, what?
You can go a little bit slower.
I'll do what I can, Hal.
One of the, uh, outstanding, uh, female-- one of the outstanding athletes.
Uh, well, help me out here, Bill. What else?
She's, uh, number two rated in tennis.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, has a home in Amelia Island, Florida.
What's that? What, do you have the address?
Right on the beach, Dave.
One of the great players ever in the sport.
I was about to get to that.
All right. Chris Everett Lloyd is here tonight.
And, uh, uh, a woman, a fine actress from-- help me out here, too, Bill.
From, uh, Knott's Landing.
Knott's Landing.
A fine actress and one that I'm sure that you will enjoy meeting tonight.
Uh-huh. And where does she live, Bill?
She, uh, the lovely, the talented, uh, Donna Mills is here tonight.
And, uh, we have a, uh, wonderfully talented, uh, brand-new young comedian
making her debut on this program tonight.
Paula Poundstone is with us.
Paula Poundstone is with us.
And, uh, what is this?
We'll talk to some people.
Oh, that's right.
I, uh, you probably don't understand this.
Uh, every night when folks come into the audience, there is always a group of
leftover people who, for one reason or another, don't get into the show.
And they, they're left to, uh, roam free in the building and loot.
So, uh, tonight, uh, tonight, we're gonna, we're gonna go up and, uh, meet some
of these disgruntled audience members who didn't get in.
And as it turns out, there's some folks who are in who are disgruntled, but, uh,
is it Monday?
Is that the deal?
Okay, here's our friend, uh, Paul Schaefer.
Say hello to Paul.
Hi.
Thank you.
How's that nice?
Thank you very much.
Uh, of course, the camera did affect the show a little bit at the beginning, uh,
because there was a certain band shot that we missed, but.
Oh, you didn't get your band shot?
No.
Can we have it now?
Do we have time to get it all?
No.
Just a little.
Yeah, that was, that's what you usually see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now, you see?
That's how you gotta start off the week with a shot of a swinging kind of a
band.
Is there a, a holiday in Canada that we don't celebrate here in this country?
Yes.
What is that?
Uh, it used to be called Dominion Day.
Uh-huh.
It's no longer called that.
What do they call it now?
Uh, Canada Day.
No, they don't.
Yes, they do.
They don't call it Canada Day.
Oh, it's true.
And there's some Canadians here, someone from London, Ontario.
Canada Day.
Say that.
What date is Canada Day?
July 1st.
And do you have a tree and gifts and stuff?
Some of us, and some of us just have a lovely menorah with a Canada Day.
Now, did you, did you celebrate President's Day today at all?
Uh, President's Day, yes.
I started celebrating right away.
Oh, you didn't.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have I wasted way too much time for this, or should we get right to it?
Get, get, get on with it.
All right.
Uh, these are, uh, items of interest from small town newspapers all over the
United States.
Let's get right to it, shall we?
Here's an interesting, uh, item from the Benton Evening News in Benton,
Illinois.
Can you see the headline?
Can you see the headline?
Entered home at 1 a.m. to study interior decoration.
And the article says, Defendant testifies that he entered the home at 1 a.m. to
study the interior decoration.
A West Frankfurt man on trial for alleged home invasion testified today he
entered the house in the dark of night to study it because he always wanted to
be an interior decorator.
And before police could catch him, he had already added several brightly
colored throw pillows.
Soon be decorating tiny little cells.
Uh, this was sent in to us from, uh, a viewer somewhere in Minnesota, and I'm
grateful for it.
This comes to us, I believe, from, uh, uh, not the obituaries so much as, I
think, just something they call the death notices.
And I'm sure you can't see that, but there it is under the heading of Sherrick.
I'll read it to you.
Friends are invited to attend the funeral liturgy at Corpus Christi Catholic
Church, Cleveland and Buford Avenues, 1:30 p.m. Sunday, January 22nd.
Followed by a Super Bowl polka reception.
At Dr. and Mrs. Sherrick's home.
But, ladies and gentlemen, in light of the circumstances, there will be no fast
polkas, alright?
It's sad when a...
When a loved one goes, sometimes it's, uh...
All right.
This is a two-parter.
This comes from today's Sunbeam in Pennsylvania, New Jersey.
And it says, "Introducing your Republican candidates."
And here we have, uh, Mr. Bloxam.
Let me see what his name is.
Does it say what his name is?
Just Bloxam and Ox.
These are the two guys running for, uh, the office of freeholder.
Bloxam, he's a small businessman.
Uh, he is a retired former administrator.
Active community leader.
Married.
Wife.
Dot.
Three children.
Okay.
His running mate, Mr. Ox.
He apparently has been stunned.
Some blunt object moments before the photo was taken.
Uh, anyway, Mr. Ox, also a businessman.
Okay.
Retired experience in city government.
Okay.
Married.
Wife.
Dot.
I-I've seen their bumper stickers.
Vote for the guys with the wives named Dot.
Okay.
This comes to us from the Daily Sentinel Review, Woodstock, Ontario.
Oh, Paul, up near your neck of the woods.
Woodstock, Ontario, yes.
Yeah.
Uh, we have a little-
Max Yasker's farm up there.
Where?
Festival.
Isn't that where Max Yasker's farm was?
What, no.
The big festival?
This is Canada, Paul, your native land.
Woodstock, Ontario, yeah.
Oh, Canada.
Yeah, I know.
Dominion Day.
Hockey night, all that stuff.
I know.
Uh, wanted-can you see the ad there?
There it is.
Wanted ambitious men and women to catch poultry.
I'm telling you, ladies and gentlemen, this is truly one area where, with a
little ambition,
the sky is the limit.
Here.
Woo!
Uh, this comes from the, uh, Benton Evening News, Benton, Illinois.
Or as they say in Indiana, Illinois's.
Um, this is Gary's Lounge and Package Free Fish.
Thank God, the one thing I used to hate about going to a lounge is you had to
bring your own fish.
No more.
Free fish there.
All right.
And here is an item from the Prescott Journal, Prescott, Wisconsin.
There's a photo on the front, this is the front page again, remind.
Uh, and the copy reads, "A frozen 20-pound carp was used to break the rear
window of a vehicle belonging to a Monroe Street resident."
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of tragic incident that could ruin a
free fish night for everyone.
Foul play here.
That's it?
That's it?
I'm out of, I'm out of stuff.
We have no phone call.
We have no phone call?
No.
We have no phone call here, no.
We have a phone call.
You have a phone call?
I have one here.
See, apparently I'm wanted on the phone over there.
We have a phone call?
Uh, we, of course we have a phone call.
Do we have time to make this phone call?
No.
We, of course, we have the phone call.
We have no time to make the phone call.
What, do you want to do the phone call or?
Yeah.
Some more people from PM Magazine, they're sitting back there.
Uh, well, let me ask, Barbara, do you want, you want me to make the phone call
or not?
No, don't do it.
Oh, I get it.
It's a trick.
Yeah, I ain't making no call.
Okay, uh, we'll get the bomb squad in here.
We'll hose down the phone.
We have a fine show tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll get the camera back.
Everything will be great.
Chris Everett Lloyd is here.
And, uh, oh, tell them what else, Bill.
In just a minute.
Yeah, a lot of stuff, so come on back.
Thanks, Paul.
Thank you very much.
Very much.
We have some people from, uh, PM Magazine, is it Boston, you said?
Boston.
Yeah.
They're, they're in the studio audience.
That's why I mentioned that they were, you know, you don't need to take their
picture.
They're on all the time.
They have their own show.
Thanks, Paul. Thank you very much.
We have some people from PM Magazine.
Is it Boston, you said?
They're in the studio audience.
That's why I mentioned that they were...
You don't need to take their picture.
They're on all the time.
They have their own show.
And they couldn't be having a better time.
My first guest tonight is the number two ranked woman's tennis player in the
world.
She will be appearing at Madison Square Garden in the Virginia Slims Tournament
beginning February 28th, running through March the 4th.
We are delighted that she could be with us tonight.
Please welcome Chris Everett Lloyd.
Hello.
Can you sit right there?
Can you sit right there?
How are you doing?
Fine.
Thank you very much for being here.
Thanks.
I've enjoyed you as a tennis player for many, many years, and I'm happy to
finally get to
meet you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
You're number two ranked in the world.
How does...
This is all done by computer, isn't it?
Points and so on and so forth?
Yeah, the computer, I think, is wrong right now.
On the blink.
It's done by a computer.
And Martina Navratilova is ranked number one, deservedly so.
And I'm ranked number two.
Now, is it a burning ambition of yours when you wake up