Name: LNwDL, June 28, 1982 (full)
Uploaded: 2015-08-29T17:47:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL, June 28, 1982 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL, June 28, 1982 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-08-29. Transcript available.

LNwDL, June 28, 1982 (full)

From New York, the city that doesn't mean no harm, honest, it's Late Night with
David Lidderman.
Tonight, comedian Alan King and the mayor of Chicago, Jane Byrne.
Also, an interview with our director, Hal, bad phone calls, and it's haircut
day.
And now, a man who believes hotels without room service are really hotels,
David Lidderman!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
That's very kind, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the show.
Did you have a nice weekend?
Quite honestly, I am beat.
I had to help Al Haig move, and I am just exhausted.
Let me, if you spend any time at all in this city, and by this city, I of
course mean New
York City.
If you're a tourist, one of the first things you want to do is walk through the
park to kind
of get a feel for the city, and occasionally, and by the park I mean Central
Park.
And so, I like to do this also to kind of get a feeling for what is on the mind
of people
visiting from other parts of the United States.
And so I walked extensively through Central Park this weekend, and you hear a
lot of comments.
But the comment I heard over and over and over as people would gaze at the mass
of humanity
was, "Oh, I get it.
And they're having an E.T. look-alike contest."
Kind of a long way to go, wasn't it, ladies and gentlemen?
We have a fine...
Excuse me.
Apparently, someone's TV dinner is done.
This is the gentleman over there.
It's Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, too, Matt.
Did you have a nice weekend, Paul?
I had a wonderful time, yeah.
Good.
I had a lovely fight with my girlfriend, and we just had a wonderful time.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but things are okay?
It's okay.
Okay.
Where was I?
Let's just start all over, shall we?
No.
Let's...
Where was I?
The...
Oh, that's right.
Okay.
Walking through the park.
Okay.
Now...
Have I introduced the guests?
No.
Oh!
Well, that's all you needed to tell me.
On this program tonight, we have a fine comedian and a well-respected gentleman
in the motion
picture, television, and Broadway.
Is he on Broadway?
Sure.
Sure, let's say he's been on Broadway.
Alan King, ladies and gentlemen, will be here.
The mayor of one of the finest cities in the world, and who's also been on
Broadway, Jane Byrne from Chicago, ladies and gentlemen.
We have a rare behind-the-scenes glimpse tonight, an interview with our
director, Mr. Hal Gurney, ladies and gentlemen.
And if there's enough time after all of this, I'm going to make a bad phone
call.
There seemed like there was something else I was going to mention.
Erica!
Oh, I know.
I know.
Believe me, I'm getting to that.
But later, later in the week, Wednesday night, because of popular demand and a
note from the president requesting this,
we will have Clara McAllister back here.
Now, a couple of months ago, Clara won our first elevator race, and she will be
back to defend her title Wednesday night.
And now, on to the really good stuff.
Tonight, here on this program, it's haircut night, ladies and gentlemen.
Last week, we had thermal mug night, and it was such an overwhelming success.
Here in the studio, we had 56,000 people, and so we decided to try it again
tonight with haircut night.
We have three student barbers now from the Atlas Barber School of New York.
Now, while you people were waiting in line, some of you decided you would like
to have your haircuts tonight,
or your hairs cut tonight, or however they say that.
Those of you who wanted to have a haircut, come on down here now.
And then get you started on your haircut.
Oh, my, look at this group of folks.
How do you do?
Nice to see you.
Gentlemen, how are you?
Nice to meet you.
And one woman.
Let's go over here and meet our three student barbers from the Atlas Barber
School right here in New York City.
Come on.
Just follow me, if you will.
We'll have the barbers right in here.
And pass.
Here is the historic green room.
You've heard about it.
You've seen it there.
It is in person.
Here we are, three barbers.
No waiting.
Come on in, if you will.
How do you do?
What is your name?
Minerva, nice to meet you.
I tell you what.
Why don't you go down in the far chair.
Go on.
Yeah, right through there would be fine.
And you in the second chair, sir.
And I guess you'll be first for Minerva.
Were you in front of this woman?
Go ahead.
Certainly you seem to be a little reluctant about this whole proposition.
Have a seat there.
The rest of you folks, if you can file in there and pick up some magazines and
just have a seat.
And go ahead and start cutting hair and we'll get the names of the rest of the
barbers.
And if you haven't already done this, phone the neighbors and wake the kids.
Put your feet up on the dog.
This is Minerva, of course.
When will you be graduating from barber school?
In a couple of weeks.
In a couple of weeks.
So you're pretty well set on this deal then, aren't you?
And how about you, sir?
What is your name?
Stanley.
In the Atlas Barber School.
How about another four months?
Another four months?
Oh.
All right.
And, yes, ma'am.
Your name is?
Aaron.
Aaron.
And when will you be graduating?
Three months.
Three months.
So it looks like a pretty good class?
Okay.
Well, there you go.
Just go ahead and start cutting your hair.
And whenever you have an empty chair, jump in there.
And we'll be checking back with you from time to time.
I can't believe it, ladies and gentlemen.
It's haircut night here on NBC.
We'll be right back with a bad phone call after this.
Thank you, Paul and Sly.
Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
We have a fine night of show here for you.
Alan King will be joining us.
Also, the mayor of the city of Chicago, Jane Byrne, will be out here.
And if that wasn't enough, and by gosh, don't you think it ought to be?
I'm going to make a phone call for someone who has a phone call to make that
they would rather not make.
And I'll do that now.
Who is the first participant in this exciting demonstration of live American?
Actually, this is not live American television, but it is American and that's
close enough.
Now, what is your name, ma'am?
Gwendolyn Gordon.
Gwen, where are you from?
I'm originally from Washington, but I live in Maryland now.
You're living where now?
In Maryland.
Maryland, I see.
And what is the nature of the phone call you would rather not make tonight?
Well, about a week ago, I took my mother to Atlantic City and she wants to go
again.
And I don't want to drive again.
She had me going to Philly, then to Atlantic City, then back again.
And so in a couple of weeks, we're supposed to be going again.
Uh-huh.
She wants me to pay for everything.
I agreed at the time, but now I don't want to.
Oh, so...
So what you're going to do is pull the rug out from under the only mother you
have.
Is that...
Okay, Gwen.
Uh, thank you very much.
We'll let you know how, uh, whether we...
Uh, we have another participant here, so if you can just step over to the
microphone.
Yes, ma'am.
What is your name?
Dorothy Bucketman.
Dorothy...
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear that.
Bucketman.
That's okay.
No one ever hears it.
Bucketman?
Uh-huh.
And where are you from, Dorothy?
From Boston.
Boston.
And you're down here for the purpose of...
For this.
For the David Letterman Show.
Well, well.
Maybe we can arrange a little something extra for you.
Well, uh, uh, and what would you like me to do for you in the way of phoning
tonight?
I had a job interview.
Actually, I had seven job interviews for a hostessing job at the Sheraton
Boston Hotel.
Uh-huh.
And the job is three nights a week, Saturday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
night.
And they're going to pay me $4.92 an hour.
And that's not enough.
Uh-huh.
For seven interviews.
So, oh, I see.
Now, do you have the job now?
Mm-hmm.
You have the job.
And I don't want it.
So you don't want the job.
Mm-mm.
But again, this is not like the chairman of the board of GM.
This is, uh...
Well, the seven interviews made it sound like that.
Oh, I see.
And I don't...
Not fair.
Okay.
So you would like me to call up the guy and tell him that you're just fed up
and...
Yeah.
You're going to initiate some legal activity, uh...
Uh-huh.
Okay.
That sounds like it may be a little more dangerous than I want to get involved
with here tonight.
Uh...
Dorothy, have a seat, uh...
And, uh...
Would you like a haircut?
Can we get your...
Okay.
Uh...
And finally, we have a third person.
Uh...
This is, uh...
How do you do, sir?
Uh...
That's all right.
Go ahead and leave your hat on.
Uh...
And, uh...
What is your name, sir?
My name's David Rhodes.
David, where are you from?
In Salem, North Carolina.
Uh...
And you're up here...
Sure, folks from North Carolina.
You're up here doing what?
Just visiting.
Uh-huh.
And, uh...
What was, uh...
The nature of the phone call you would like me to make?
Well, last weekend was my girlfriend's birthday and I told her I'd fly her up
to Washington, D.C.
Where I'm working this summer.
The July...
July 9th weekend.
And I'd like for you to call her and tell her I won't be able to afford it.
Uh...
Gee, I've never seen a kid more despondent.
Uh...
Uh...
What do you think, Paul?
You think this one here?
Call this guy and...
All right, fine.
Come on down here, uh, if you will, uh, David.
Let me give you your sponge there.
Everybody participating tonight in haircut night or with the bad phone calls
receives either a late night sponge or these lovely late night with David
Letterman facial blotters.
So...
You bet those certainly are crowd pleasers, aren't they?
It's...
It's almost like let's make a deal here tonight.
We got haircuts, we got blotters, we got sponges.
Uh...
This is the phone number here?
Uh...
Yes, sir.
Okay, where am I calling exactly, David?
Winston Salem.
Winston Salem.
You said that, didn't you?
Uh...
Oh, I'm getting confused now.
I hope this is the correct number or we'll end up ordering us a pizza from
somewhere.
Winston...
Winston Salem.
Who am I calling?
Your girlfriend?
Tracy.
Tracy.
Nice enough woman?
Pretty nice.
What is she doing this summer while you're off, uh, running around and...
She's working.
She's working where?
At Peace Goods shop.
At where?
Peace Goods.
Oh, at Peace Goods.
Hello?
Hello?
Can we...
Can anyone hear this?
Yes, we can just barely...
You can hear this woman?
Hello?
Is this Tracy Sims?
Yeah.
Tracy, my name is David Letterman.
Hang on here just a second.
What do you think?
Can we, uh, replace this at one time or...
We've done it, David.
Okay.
Oh, that's exciting, isn't it, David?
All right.
Tension now.
Tracy, we're gonna call you right back, so keep that line open and try to be
surprised.
Okay?
Okay.
Uh, this will all be edited out.
You'll never see any of this on the air, Dave, don't you?
Uh, these phone calls are a great idea, aren't they?
Oh, how old is Tracy?
She's 19.
Oh, we got a much better ring there.
Much better ring.
19.
How long have you been dating?
About three years.
Oh, now she's not gonna pick up.
Hello?
Uh, is this Tracy Sims?
Yes, it is.
Hi, Tracy.
My name's David Letterman.
I'm calling from New York City.
I don't know.
How are you?
I'm fine.
How are you?
I'm fine.
How are you?
I'm fine.
How are you?
Uh, I guess you're looking forward to that big trip to Washington, D.C. this
summer,
huh?
I guess.
I really am.
How'd you know about it?
Uh, well, your friend, uh, David Rhodes, you know David, of course, don't you?
Yeah.
Well, David is right here, and he's never looked better, by the way.
Uh, well, your friend, uh, David Rhodes, you know David, of course, don't you?
Yeah.
Well, David is right here, and he's never looked better, by the way.
And, uh, David asked me to call, uh, you and let you know that, um, just, uh,
no way
in hell was this gonna work.
He, he, you don't, you don't have the dough?
I don't have the dough.
David claims he doesn't have the dough.
He's wasted it all on wardrobe, uh, Tracy.
So, uh...
He's right there?
He's right here.
Would you like to talk with him?
No, I'm gonna talk to you.
Oh.
Fine.
Hang on here, Tracy.
Uh, we're gonna pause