Name: Steve Mizerak on Letterman, March 14, 1984
Uploaded: 2015-12-25T21:30:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steve Mizerak on Letterman, March 14, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-12-25. Transcript available. A billiards demonstration with Steve Mizerak.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steve Mizerak on Letterman, March 14, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-12-25. Transcript available. A billiards demonstration with Steve Mizerak.

we start by putting the one ball in the cue ball like this and it looks like
you
don't have a shot you do have a shot you play the one ball in here okay it's a
very simple shot just like that you only play that if you're playing somebody a
little bit smaller than you are now have you ever have you ever done that in
competition that's illegal oh that's why you play it if you're playing somebody
smaller than you want to do that in competition okay I would take the seven
in the 15 we put two balls like this now why was that illegal because it's a
push-up oh you take your cue stick and you place it on the ball and you push
through instead of making the one along the rail this time we make the one the
middle the seven this one's also illegal yeah just like that very nice but if
you
want to do something legal and you get tired of making it in this pocket lay it
back here in this pocket okay now this one is legal this one's legal I get
three
tries on now now how did you know that wasn't going in there it looked good to
me now now that look good look that's legal have you have you ever played
before a
little bit not much you know here and there for those primarily for those
people
for those people who have played in in taverns they play eight ball they call
it
stripes and solids I have the 11 and a 13 and the eight in my hand okay we put
the 11 and 13 here
and my object here is to make the 11 and 13 go in this pocket without making
the eight
all right watch what happens again now is this a a good shot no I can't do this
one either do
everything almost illegal okay this is another one on the sly here
now you saw what happened
you saw what happened I made the two end ones yeah this time we're going to
reverse
and make the one in the middle without making the end ones you want a beer or
anything
if I miss a few more of these I'll need one believe it all right the eight ball
take two i guess i guess that didn't go in
i didn't see it i'll get even with no no we're just you know trying to have fun
here
is this a special cue you're using this cue is worth about three thousand
dollars no kidding
that's why you've got now what is this one worth this is a louisville slugger i
guess
probably be a little less expensive why now why is yours worth three grand
firstly partly because
it's mine second of all because the guy who made it died and you can't get them
anymore is this made
out of some rare wood or something no it's a stradivarius or pool cubes i see
very finely
crafted piece of and there's uh inlaid little pearl and little jewelry and a
few other things
all right eight ball trying it again huh
okay
what are you doing okay i'm gonna do one more and then i'm gonna set up one for
you all right we do
one more we'll do a commercial then we'll come back and we'll do the others
okay okay steve nine ball
straight up the rail and making it go in the sidebar okay again illegal
whatever you want okay
whoa whoa whoa very nice we uh we gotta do a commercial steve we'll be right
back we got a lot more stuff to show you come on back folks
hi there steve mizurek before we do this what's the what's the most money you've
won playing pool can you tell me that
is the irs uh no no uh oh somewhere around fifteen twenty thousand dollars that's
a lot of dough one one game one shot one match what was it
three days three days three days what's the biggest amount you've ever seen wagered
that you maybe not we're not a part of
three hundred thousand dollars oh my who was involved with that
well three hundred thousand dollars okay all right what are we gonna do here
steve
what i want you to do is i want you to make the ten the six the four and the
three
all go in that side pocket and the fourteen in this pocket okay we could use
the thing that sucks the salad here i think
hook that to the remember this y'all let you use this three grand okay i don't
even i don't even know
what uh okay let's let's help you out a little bit put it right here hit the
edge right here
you know fairly gently i told the guy to hit it gently one time he smashed this
rack into smithereens
gently hey gently thank you
thank you so much what i do wrong it is almost about 98 percent all right let's
move on okay
we might be here for a week if you tried to make it
we're gonna do a shot with three q's now this one is legal
i need three balls now what was this is not the one you did in the in the beer
commercial is it no
no can you show us that one when we're done with this one that one took me
eight and a half hours
and 181 takes oh my we don't have enough uh tape i don't think for that you
know you couldn't even
try that tonight i've got a special one lined up okay what does what does that
do that puts holes in
the table what actually puts little uh dimples in the filter if you have a
table in your house
don't do that no go to your neighbor's house and do that now what i'm what i'm
going to try to do
is make the two ball here the nine ball on the side and watch what happens to
the cue ball all right
keep your eye on the cue ball what's so funny it's just the band that doesn't
have to be funny it's the band
i don't have to be funny it's the band that doesn't have to be funny it's the
band that doesn't have to be funny it's the band that doesn't have to be funny
it's the band that doesn't have to be funny it's the band that doesn't have to
be funny it's the band
very nice very nice very nice baby i've got a special one for you all right
turn around
okay right here turn around i did i just turned around sit up here all right
okay that's good i don't want to mess up my jacket
now lean back
i've seen marines do something like this a little bit more about three more
inches
okay not to me closer to me this way okay now what i'm gonna is is right here
so if we just
take some x-rays it went from here what i'm gonna do
is i'm gonna put a truck
oh my i'm gonna put a chalk in your mouth
okay and i'm gonna balance the ball on the chalk all right and i'm gonna shoot
it out of your mouth
from the cue ball on top of the rail 90 miles an hour into the corner pocket
yeah
did i did i show you this thing that sucks lettuce
now i've only done this three times in my entire life no you haven't you've
been doing it for years
right no the first the first time i did it i hit the guy right here he only bled
for 15 minutes now now
the second time i hit the guy right in the nose but with your nose right now in
that condition it wouldn't matter
and the third time when i opened the guy's mouth
the bite on the chalk he opened it too wide and he swallowed the chalk we had
to rush him to the
hospital these are all good stories steve just open up there uh-huh you got a
you got a few cavities in
bite on it that's it now put the teeth around okay
now if you shake too much i'm gonna bust your face up just a little bit
ah is it all right here don't move are you on a drum roll
wait a minute oh come on just do it
oh yeah yeah yeah that's cute
oh
oh
oh
very impressive steven
nice job steve miserat ladies and gentlemen what are we doing
we gotta go to a commercial we'll be back
Thank you.