Name: New Gift Items on Letterman, November 6, 1985
Uploaded: 2016-01-17T19:44:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Gift Items on Letterman, November 6, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-01-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Gift Items on Letterman, November 6, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-01-17. Transcript available.

Well, you know, the off-year elections are over, and smart shoppers are taking
advantage of the big post-holiday sales.
And those that aren't so smart will probably be bringing home trashy new
products like the ones that we're about to show you here tonight.
Cue the chaos.
Okay, here it comes.
New gift items.
I'll walk right over here.
Okay.
All right.
You know, as everyone knows, the Japanese lead the world in technological
innovation, and their latest wonder is sure to revolutionize medical care.
It's the electrocardiogram that simply transforms into a powerful robot.
Here's how that works.
First you have the head there.
Then you have this.
Then you have that.
And then, of course, you just release the legs like that, and you're ready to
go.
You know, just because you don't own a car is no reason to, uh, you have to
miss out on the fun craze of the 80s.
I'm talking, of course, about bumper stickers.
Comes right off, doesn't it?
All right, there you go.
Uh, simply hang this simulated bumper display rack in your living room, and
your awestruck guests will ask,
Gosh, have you read all of these?
Okay.
I don't know.
I thought this was going to be covered with bumper stickers.
Was it supposed to be, supposed to be just, like, covered with them?
It was supposed to be.
Or was I wrong?
Oh, they are.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You could never get another one on there.
Oh, you're right.
That baby is full.
There is, uh...
You know, if you're a heavy sleeper, you should, uh, you should take your cue
from one of America's most popular TV shows
and buy one of these.
It's the A-Team Stunt Alarm, and here's how it works.
There's the alarm.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
You all right?
Okay, fine.
Uh...
Are you tired of slow service in stores, restaurants, or government offices?
Well, then try wearing one of these.
It's the Don't Make Me Violate My Parole T-Shirt.
Who wouldn't think twice about keeping a potentially homicidal monster waiting?
Geez, they must have worked around the clock putting those bumper stickers...
I mean, look, there's no way you could get any down here, or...
All right.
Well, let's move on, shall we?
Puzzle enthusiasts are always complaining that there aren't enough good jigsaw
puzzles.
Now, the solution, of course, why not make your own?
And that's why the good people at Polaroid have created this new product.
It's the jigsaw camera.
Paul?
Paul, could you come out here and assist us?
Stand right over there.
Okay, that's great.
All right, Paul.
I tell you what, are you ready?
We're going to take a picture of you right here with the new jigsaw puzzle
camera.
Yeah.
You ready?
Okay, Paul.
Smile.
There you go.
And in just seconds, we'll...
You all right?
You didn't work on the bumper stickers, did you?
Okay.
And in just seconds, we'll have...
And in just seconds, we'll have...
What's the matter?
Is it jam?
There you go.
Okay.
There you have.
In just seconds, you have a life-size puzzle replica.
So you put all of these together.
Each one of these cameras takes...
Wow, that's an attractive shot, isn't it?
Excuse me.
You are with the network, though, right?
Yes, sir.
Yeah, okay.
You know, campers know a sleeping bag can be a cozy wilderness cocoon.
But for sleepwalkers, it's a painful, confining, dangerous impediment to your
mobility.
Yes, that's the idea behind this new fiber-filled sleepwalking bag.
Now, are you comfortable in there?
Oh, yeah.
This is terrific.
Yeah, okay.
And do you find yourself sleepwalking a lot?
I'm sleepwalking right now.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
All right.
Well, certainly be careful.
I sure will.
All righty.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
You know, all through the studio here, I hear people whispering, is this a
rehearsal?
I guess this is the next one here, isn't it?
Yeah.
Are you fed up with hours you waste showering and grooming every day?
Boy, I know I am, and that's why I was so excited when some quick-thinking
engineers developed
the shower phone, the shower radio, and now, of course, this.
It's the shower copier.
It's a stylish symbol of executive status with only a minor risk of electrocution.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, my God.
Damn.
God.
What the hell?
Oh, my God.
Oh.
What the hell?
Oh, my God.
They're, uh, they're, they're, uh, it's apparently cold water.
Um, get the hell out of here.
All right.
Is that it?
That's it.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry you had to see that.
Hell, I'm sorry I had to see that.
We'll be right back with the Robert Klein, the Turtle Lady, Mrs. Letcher, and
Buddy Biancolano.
How are you?
Oh, good.
It was a little shocking seeing Rick Shackman nude.
Uh, that's the fellow who was, uh, modeling there.
Good idea to keep his identity secret.
Uh, of course.
Certainly is exciting.
Had a lot of fun.
Okay, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
That's our show for tonight.
And, gosh, I hope you've enjoyed it.
I know we all have had a lot of fun bringing it to you here tonight.
So, once again, ladies and gentlemen, from Studio 6A in Midtown Manhattan, a
nice thank you and
thanks for watching.
And, uh, my appreciation to Buddy Biancolano, Robert Klein, Hila Letcher, and
Paul in the
band, and, of course, Bill Winter, our announcer.
Have a nice evening.
Good night, folks.
Good night, folks.
Good night, folks.