Name: Bob and Ray on Letterman, December 10, 1985
Uploaded: 2016-02-04T19:06:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob and Ray on Letterman, December 10, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-04. Transcript available. The sixth and last appearance on Late Night.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob and Ray on Letterman, December 10, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-02-04. Transcript available. The sixth and last appearance on Late Night.

You know, in the tradition of great performers like Houdini, Liberace, Sonny,
and Cher,
my next guests are two of the few people in this business allowed just to use
their first names.
This is their latest book right here. It's called The New Improved Bob and Ray
Book.
Please welcome Bob and Ray.
How about it? Nice to see you. Very nice to see you. How are you?
Thank you, gentlemen, for being here. It's a magic night, isn't it?
It is. It's all over town.
The holiday crowds are out there, yeah.
Excitement.
Tell me a little bit about this book here. I was leafing through it this
afternoon, and a couple of things caught my eye.
First of all, you have a very lengthy index in the back.
Yeah, that's something most books don't have of this type.
Can I ask you about some of these names in here? Dean Archer Armstead.
Yes, he was our, still is, our farm expert. He's from Herkerman, New York.
Oh, and works with you on the farm reporting.
Whenever we have a radio program.
Uh-huh. I've had one for six years.
That's right.
But is he still on retainer?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
These all are.
Pamela Buntlow.
She is in a law story that we do.
In a law story?
In a story, yeah.
Okay.
Lupus Bartlow, attorney at law.
Sanford Bogash.
I don't recognize him at all, Hugh.
He shouldn't be in there, I guess.
That's a mistake.
There are some mistakes in the index.
All right.
Let me ask you about another photo.
Muhammad Ali is in there.
I noticed Muhammad Ali.
Why is he in the index?
He's in the book.
Oh, he's in the book.
There's a photo here.
Bob sharing our song with a friend.
Ray is dubious.
Now, explain to me who these women are.
You know, I've been trying to figure that out.
I really forget that picture completely.
I have no idea.
I don't know about the circumstances.
Unless it was years ago we had a beauty contest.
Was that?
I think so.
Could be it.
But I really can't pinpoint that to you.
That's a long time ago.
We did a lot of things that NBC told us to do.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
But it's all part of the book.
All part of the book.
Yeah, yeah.
And there were captions in ours as opposed to you.
Yeah, we've had some bad luck with our book.
They saw fit not to put captions on our book.
I heard that.
Yeah, yeah.
We're kind of steamed about it.
You gentlemen just got back from Great Britain.
You made your British television debut.
Yeah, that was a lot of fun on British TV.
We, for one thing, didn't know how they would accept us there.
Yeah.
But it was pretty good.
It was a wonderful experience.
I wouldn't mind doing it again, actually.
The show doesn't play until January.
So we don't know whether we're toasting the British Isles until after that.
Well, keep her fingers crossed, huh?
And what else was going on there in England while you guys were there?
What else did you do?
Did you have some time to sightsee anything?
Well, the streets were all decorated the 1st of November for Christmas.
Is that right?
Which surprised me.
Of course, we had them all decorated in October here in the States.
Yeah.
But, no, I was surprised at that.
And London is a walking city.
You know, you walk around there a lot.
It's really a lovely city.
Did a lot of that, then.
Yeah, I loved it.
Yeah, the weather was great.
Yeah, we had a wonderful time.
Yeah.
He throws a busy airport.
He throws a busy airport, sure.
But was there anything else going on while you were in England?
Anything that...
You mean the Miss World thing?
Geez, I don't know.
I wasn't there.
Nothing was happening, was it?
Was it?
I don't know.
I didn't read a paper while I was there.
Yeah, yeah.
It's all in English.
Yeah.
All right, well...
Speaking of the beauty contest, you mean...
Well, we have a guest coming out.
Oh, you have a guest here?
Yeah.
Could we go right into that now?
Sure, if you like.
Here, last weekend, over in Ocean City, New Jersey,
they crowned this year's winner of the...
Oh, from Ocean City.
From...
They crowned the winner of the Most Beautiful Face Contest.
And we've been granted the first interview with the winner,
and we feel quite flattered about that.
Will our lovely guest come out, please?
Your lovely guest is right here.
You're looking at the winner.
Oh, wait a minute.
You're a man, aren't you?
That's right.
Well, you must be the first man who ever won the Most Beautiful Face Contest.
I believe I am, yes.
Wow.
Well, I had some questions in mind,
but I thought I was going to be talking to a young lady,
so I don't know if they are particularly appropriate.
Well, let's start at the basics.
What's your name?
Where are you from?
Fonstock P. Beaudry of Moline, Illinois.
And your vital statistics?
Seven and an eighth.
Sixteen and a half.
Thirty-two.
Well, again, congratulations, so far.
Say, they wanted me to remind you of the obligations you assumed last week when
you were crowned.
Right.
You know, of course, that you'll be showing your beautiful face all over the
country this coming year.
Yes, sir.
Will I be chaperoned on that tour?
Well, I'm sure you will be.
Uh, well, now, let's see.
Now they have a chance to look at you.
You know, you do have a beautiful face.
My neatly chiseled features stand out.
The classic Grecian?
I'm told they're Roman.
Well, I don't know.
I know your eyes are well set apart.
Well, uh...
How did you come by all this, uh, this beauty?
Well, both my parents were pretty.
Did you have any, uh, pretty brothers and sisters at home?
No, I'm a beautiful only child.
Say, are you the, uh, least bit self-conscious?
I mean, are you kind of, uh...
Embarrassed to be so beautiful?
Yeah.
No, I'm used to it by now.
Well, you find women staring at you,
a beautiful face on the street.
Yeah, but I get used to that, too.
You get used to that, too.
Well, now, uh, it's amazing.
As a possessor of a beautiful face,
do you take any, uh, well, any special precautions,
like when you shave?
No, well, you use a fresh blade every day.
How about in the wintertime?
Do you put a muffler about your features
to protect them from the cold?
No, I just walk with my back to the wind.
Uh-huh.
Eh.
Well, you know, Farnstock,
this year, like all happy times,
is going to fly past for you.
Are you, uh, giving any thought to the future?
I mean, is it Hollywood and the movies,
or modeling, or television?
Well, I've thought about it, of course.
That life of tinsel and glitter,
television and the movies,
but I've decided no.
I, I don't want to be just one more beautiful face.
I'm going back to the post office.
Good decision, Farnstock,
and we want to wish you all the best luck in the world.
Thank you.
Happy holidays.
Thank you.
Same as you.
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you, Bob.
It's, uh, the new, improved Bob and Ray book.
Is it doing well?
Moving a lot of these babies?
Yeah, very well.
Well, good.
Congratulations.
Have a good holiday season.
Nice to see you gentlemen again.
We'll do a commercial here,
and then we'll be back with Bobby Womack, folks.
We'll be back with Bobby Womack, folks.