Name: While U Wait Remote on Letterman, September 13, 1984
Uploaded: 2016-04-03T19:05:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'While U Wait Remote on Letterman, September 13, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'While U Wait Remote on Letterman, September 13, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-03. Transcript available.

You know, there is a wealth of things to do in New York City.
Excellent museums, fantastic restaurants, first-rate Broadway plays.
But for me, the thing that makes New York truly a world-class city
is the great number of places that do things for you while you wait.
Let's take a look now at some of them in this city, shall we?
Okay, here's something that is a lot of fun to do while you wait.
What you can do is you can come in and get some identification.
I'm new in this country, and I need some ID cards.
What can you show me?
Well, I can make you a medical technician.
Medical technician, that would be good.
Now, what does that qualify me to do?
Well, it just gives you...
Most elective surgery, right?
That's right.
Okay.
You could take pulses.
Take pulses.
Or you could be a stewardess.
A stewardess.
I like that.
Serve coffee.
Oh, you're supplying jokes.
Good.
This takes a lot of load off me.
Or you could...
Fresh pass.
Judo student at JFK College of Art, all right?
I tell you what, I think I'm going to have the stewardess made up, all right?
Okay.
Okay, just fill out your name.
I'm going to become Connie Henderson, stewardess.
And...
I'm just right there, one.
Airline.
Air...
Air Wham-O.
Do you get the feeling a lot of people are impersonating stewardesses?
Um, yeah.
All of this can be done while I wait.
Is that right?
Yeah, all you have to do is come back here and take your picture.
Look right there.
I'm going to have to drink barium for this, do I?
No.
Just blink.
Don't blink your eye.
All right.
I blinked.
This is the finished product.
Okay, let's see what we got.
Stewardess approved license.
This card identifies me, Connie Henderson, representing Air Wham-O, and is ethically
qualified, and
it's signed by the director.
Now, who is the director here?
Uh, E.J. Roberts.
And that would be you, right?
No, that's not me.
That's Mr. E.J. Roberts.
And now, where is E.J.?
Um, in his office.
All right.
And then on the back, of course, oh, what a flattering likeness.
Jeff, thank you very much.
Let me tell you what the deal is.
My name is Connie Henderson.
Yeah.
This is my ID right here.
That's all right.
And I am a stewardess with a major airline.
And I'd like to have my name and occupation put on one of your shirts.
Can you do that?
Yeah, I can do that.
Connie Henderson, stewardess.
Stewardess.
Give me one of those yellow jobs.
Large?
Yeah, a large yellow one.
Have you ever flown Air Wham-O?
Just a couple of times, maybe so.
It's not a bad operation.
That's exactly 10 minutes.
Oh, great.
Let me tell you what's going on.
I'm being honored next month at a banquet.
Yes.
And they're giving me a plaque.
And I'd kind of like to go ahead and pick it out and have it engraved for them.
All right, perfect.
All right.
I think this one up here is just, yeah.
Certificate of Appreciation.
Yeah, that's perfect.
So on the top, if you could just put the name of the airline, which is Air Wham-O,
two words, Air Wham-O.
And then in the body of the plaque, Connie Henderson, stewardess of the year.
All right, perfect.
Tell me about these pictures.
All of these people received a plaque or a presentation that we created.
Lucille Ball, she won the award, I think, that year for most lipstick on a
human face, didn't she?
All right, I'll tell you what.
You have 15 or 20 minutes.
Exactly.
All right, so while we wait on this, there's some other exciting things you can
do in the neighborhood while you're waiting.
Let's go do one of those now.
I only have a few minutes.
I'm waiting just down the block.
I'm having something engraved.
And I have like 10 minutes, and so I need something to do while I'm waiting.
And what I want to do in that time is try and convince you to get rid of this
sign.
This one right here.
The Cookie Wookiee?
Oh.
That's our famous sign, Cookie Wookiee.
But doesn't it just make the hair on the back of your neck stand up?
No, I love it.
Everyone loves it.
All right, look, you can keep the cookie, but lose the Wookiee, would you?
Why?
Oh, it's just...
No, it's the worst.
It's just...
Love it.
Have you ever eaten a Cookie Wookiee?
I'm sure it's a wonderful product, but the sign is making us all sick.
Oh, not us.
We love it.
Cookie Wookiee.
Oh, ma'am, you're an adult.
And then we have brownies, too.
Oh, get rid of the damn sign, please.
All right, leave it up.
We love this Cookie Wookiee sign.
All right, that's it for me.
I didn't have any luck.
Perhaps you'll have better luck.
I'm Connie Henderson.
Nice to know you.
I'm a stewardess.
What can you do for me while I wait?
We can put your name on a book.
So you do engraving?
On your white bag, yes.
We do gold lettering.
Okay, great.
Then if you don't mind, I'd like something put on the cover of this little
notebook here.
Sure.
It's a title, and I need the first part in quotes.
Care for a hot towel.
Right.
Okay.
Then underneath that, the Connie Henderson story.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
I'll tell you why we're here, Mr. Chen.
I'm looking for a memento, a souvenir, something that will last a lifetime.
Give me a lifetime of memories.
And I noticed that you put pictures on plates while you wait.
You do that?
Yeah.
Are we all set?
All set.
Well, that turned out very nicely, didn't it?
Thank you.
That's a picture of me with the plaque and the book and the shirt and
everything.
Right?
But in return, I have for you the identification, the shirt.
Here is the binder.
Here's the plaque.
See, I have them all captured on this wonderful plate now, so I really won't be
needing those items any longer.
All right.
You see how that works?
Yes.
Pretty nice.
Are you tired?
A little bit.
But is it a good kind of tired?
Yes.
Me too.
Thank you.
Good night.
And drive safely.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Drive safely.
Okay.
That's it.
Okay.
We'll be back with Roger Bellity right after this, folks.
Have a good weekend, folks.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Here is the binder with my life story.
It's called Care for a Hot Towel.
Ah, yes.
Would you care for a hot towel?
Yes.
We don't have any.
No, no.
Here's the plaque.
See, I have them all captured on this wonderful plate now, so I really won't be
needing those items any longer.
All right.
You see how that works?
Yes.
Pretty nice.
Okay, there you have it.
It's been a long day and kind of a grueling process, but we have here now a
memory that will last a lifetime.
And I think it's been worth the wait.
Don't you?
Yeah.
Hope you like it.
I do like it.
Are you tired?
A little bit.
But is it a good kind of tired?
Yes.
Me too.
Thank you.
Good night.
And drive safely.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Perfect.
Okay.
Thank you.