Name: Marjorie Gross Collection on Letterman, 1982-85
Uploaded: 2016-04-06T22:10:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Marjorie Gross Collection on Letterman, 1982-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Marjorie Gross Collection on Letterman, 1982-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-06. Transcript available.

Thank you very much.
My next guest is a very talented woman.
She is currently writing on the CBS series Square Pegs
and is also a very funny stand-up comedian
who works regularly at the Improvisation in Los Angeles.
Please welcome Marjorie Gross.
Oh, how are you guys doing?
I'm kind of weird.
I mean, isn't it strange what humidity does to straight blonde hair?
My roommate has straight blonde hair, you know,
because she's like a model.
I mean, God.
See, I'm not a model.
I noticed this yesterday.
And when your roommate is a model, it's like living hell.
Because, like, you know, let's say I have this date.
Who's to say?
You never know.
I want to be this guy, you know, over for whatever.
I know all those movies.
And it's like lying in wait is this giant date-swallowing model roommate.
It's like no matter what I look like, I feel like Igor.
I've brought you another one, master.
Take him.
He's a Princeton grad.
I'll be in the grotto.
Here's more fun.
I hang out with couples.
It's like, what a thrill.
When you're alone, hang out with couples.
They become like their pet.
It's like their little pet single.
You know, they invite me over, have me do tricks.
Come on.
Be lonely for us.
Watch this, Sid.
Do that thing you do where you talk about how you can't meet anybody.
Watch this, this is great.
There's one couple, though.
They invite me over, and all they do when I get there is kiss in front of me.
That's like so icky.
That's like eating a big steak dinner, you know, like in front of a boat person.
I can't.
But I think they're celibate, and they hold it in until I get there.
This is what I think.
You know, they get romantic.
I feel like being alone with you tonight.
Let's invite Marge over.
God.
I don't know.
But actually, I, couples, I don't know.
Couples basically disgust me.
I don't know.
I'm just, I, because I'm shy.
You know, I'm too shy.
I can't hang around, you know.
It's like, no, I can't dance.
Too shy.
Uh-uh.
No way.
Too shy.
I can't dance.
Whoa, God.
Being shy makes me dizzy.
You know.
I can't, I always, I always, shy people always lie around with their heads in
the dip.
Oh, shy?
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
I don't know.
I always imagine, though, if you become a couple, it's like, you know, you run
around,
like, you have to be fun-loving.
You have to run around going, what, darling?
Champagne for breakfast?
Oh, you're mad.
I can't.
Oh, God.
What if you're dating, like, a mad Axeman, you know, and he gets some kooky
idea in his
head?
What?
Stam a million people?
Oh, you're mad.
God.
See, I don't know.
I stay inside a lot because, basically, you know, I'm, my life is run by this
incredible
fear of pregnancy.
I, I, I, I have those home pregnancy tests with a drop of a hat.
I've had them all over the house, you know?
It's like, I have a little portable pregnancy test, like, in case I feel
pregnant on a bus.
I don't know.
I'm scared of pregnancy, you know, because, uh, because he didn't have a baby.
That's it.
I'm no fool.
I know things.
See, I don't know.
Babies are, I mean, how do they know when Chinese babies start to talk?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I, I, I, I, when I stay inside, like, it's great because I, you know, I watch
TV forever.
It's great.
I just lie there forever.
I'd be so great.
I'd become like this banana head, you know?
I'd go to parties, start quoting.
You know, Gilligan said something interesting yesterday.
But, you know, when I'm not, you know, watching TV, I'm reading the Bible, hey,
you know?
No, it's true.
The Bible's great, you know, because, like, Moses is, like, my fave rave.
He's great.
He did these great things, you know?
He parted the sea one day, and he turned water into blood, and a stick into a
snake.
These are great tricks.
He should have hired some girl to stand next to him in a little sequined outfit
and go,
The Amazing Moses.
No, the Bible's, like, an impressive publication, isn't it, you know?
Because, like, every time there's a miracle or something happened back then,
they had a reporter right there on the scene.
It was in there in the Bible, you know?
Listen, there's a bush burning.
Get down there right away.
Moses, Bill, Honeycutt, the Bible.
Was the bush burning, or it just seemed like it was burning?
What are we talking here?
What if the Bible is just the National Enquirer of its day, you know?
And we don't know if you're running around.
Hey, Ishmael, did you read where Moses parted the sea?
Yeah, where'd you read that one?
The Bible.
Oh, the Bible, please.
What'd you get at?
Some supermarkets, you kook, you.
Why'd you get the Jerusalem turrets?
You get the full picture there.
Oh, God.
Anyway, I've had enough.
Thank you very much, guys.
We'll be right back.
We're out of time.
Marjorie, you will be...
I'll catch Rising Star until Thursday, until I have to go back.
Thank you very much for being here.
Come back any time.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks a lot.
Also, my thanks to Mel Blank and Hunter Thompson.
Tomorrow night, ladies and gentlemen,
we will have Grace Jones, Marv Albert, and Howie Mandel.
Good night.
Thank you very much.
My next guest is a very talented comedian.
She is currently a writer-performer on a new program on another network
entitled The Half-Hour Comedy Hour.
Please welcome Marjorie Gross.
Marjorie.
Ah, the theme from Bewitched.
First movement.
It's fabulous.
There isn't a day goes by where I don't think of Aunt Clara.
And I was like, who?
You know, she's always like, well, Samantha, who?
A camera, who?
Well, God, it's great.
I'm in New York, and it's great.
I have this great apartment here.
You know, I'm back in it.
Well, I'm the only one who can get into it.
It's a little studio, a little one-room cigar box for like $3,000 a minute.
One room is great, because I don't have to buy any furniture.
There's no room.
I have a great little convertible sofa oven.
You know, I like calling it a bachelor apartment, isn't it?
It's a little more swinging, isn't it?
A little Tony Francioso would live in a bachelor apartment.
Oh, no, bachelorette, that's for girls.
You know, bachelor for guys.
They'd like to be a urinal in it or something, you know?
You girls know what urinals are?
They're great.
They look like sinks yawning.
They're my favorite of science.
I just, like, I don't mind living alone and being, you know, a swinging single.
Because, like, I find that being single is a space saver.
It really, I mean, because I got this great big double bed, see, you know?
So what I do is, like, I sleep on one half, right?
And on the other half, I keep canned goods.
I couldn't do that if someone was there.
It just wouldn't work.
Another thing I really enjoy about being alone is that I get to make as much
noise as I want to when I eat, which is very important to me.
I like when the neighbor's banging on the wall.
It's four o'clock in the morning.
Who's eating that applesauce in there?
I call the cops.
I see, oh, maybe I, I don't know, maybe I wouldn't mind someone calling me
Angel Button.
Or bunny eyes.
Instead of pig.
It's not easy, you know, because, like, a lot of, a lot of gals, you know, they
go out there and they know what they're looking for in a guy.
You know, I guess they look for a guy.
I'll shower them in, like, jewels and furs and houses.
Well, maybe not houses.
Be showered in houses.
It's kind of uncomfortable.
Stop loving me!
Bunny, here's a colonial.
No!
Okay.
But I'm not looking for that.
No.
I guess I'm looking for a guy who'll be indifferent towards me.
Sure.
Someone who'll ignore me.
Who'll turn to me one moonlit night and say, what?
She's like a really nice crowd.
Let's talk about S&M for just a minute.
Oh, I don't know.
I was at this club.
I went to this club here.
It was called the, um, the Leather Toilet.
I went there for the food.
They got a great buffet.
You know, little, uh, chickens all strapped down.
They're little wings.
People are into bondage.
I think, boy, they have it so easy.
Because they don't have to take no for an answer.
They don't.
You go out with one of these people.
Um, listen, Steve, I really don't want to go to bed with you tonight.
Ch-ch-ch.
One second thought.
What the hay?
You know?
I'm here already.
Mary isn't on for two hours.
I think they have to lug all that stuff around all the time.
You know, when they want to go have sex.
You know, let's go have sex.
Okay.
Hi-ho.
Like, kind of puts a crimp in the spontaneity just a tad.
You know, you're out there.
Let's have sex right here in this field.
Oh, sure, honey.
As soon as I get this rack built.
Bring all supplies in, boys.
Oh, my God.
I actually am.
I'm a bit of a swinger.
See, I was naked a couple days ago.
I know.
Me, naked, pasha.
I was in the shower.
I was naked.
I know you're thinking, slut.
I don't understand this nakedity business, anyway.
This whole naked kick.
You know, like nudists.
They hang around the colony real cool and naked.
Casual.
Well, I'm naked.
I can't be casual naked.
There's no pockets.
Maybe it's like your arms fly all over.
You know what to do with them.
Maybe if I had, like, naked handles or something.
So not.
It's the way when you're a woman.
A woman, which is what I am.
A woman.
And you're caught naked.
You know, it's really where the door swings open.
You don't know what to do.
Oh, no, what should I cover?
What's worth more?
Would she see that twist again?
Maybe if I twist, you won't know I'm naked.
You know, it's unfortunate this trip to New York has been spoiled a bit
because there is a crippling model strike plaguing our city.
I ask your help.
The models are out there.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
Marjorie Gross, very nice.
Let me do this and we'll be right back.
We'll continue.
Most guests of Late Night with David Letterman
furnished by Berkshire Place, a Dunphy classic hotel
in exchange for this announcement.
For reservations at Dunphy hotels in the U.S. and Europe,
call toll-free 800-228-2121.
Well, that's understandable.
We're out of time.
Marjorie, thank you very much for being here.
I'm sorry we didn't have more time to talk.
Won't you come back?
Do you mind coming back?
Yeah, sure.
Wait, did we talk to you last time?
No.
Well, come on upstairs.
We'll talk.
Sure, hon.
All right.
Anyway, thanks to you.
Are you having dinner with Jimmy Pearsall?
No, I wouldn't let that happen.
We'll be back tomorrow, I guess.
Who will be here tomorrow?
Oh, boy, George, Jim Moran, and Arsenio Hall.
Thanks again, Marjorie.
Good night, folks.
My next guest is a very talented writer-comedian.
She is appearing here in New York City all week at Caroline's.
Please welcome back to the show, Marjorie Gross.
The longest walk.
I like to keep going.
No breaks.
It's great to be in New York, though, because I got this great little apartment
here.
It's about this big.
$3,000 a minute.
Yeah, I know someone.
Studios are great because, you know, when you have one room, you have to buy
any furniture
because there's no room.
I got a great little convertible sofa oven.
I guess, you know, I'm swinging single.
Yeah, it's why you can't really live with someone in one room.
You get in a fight, it's like, get out of my sight.
Okay.
You know, being single, it's not, you know, it's kind of fun, no matter what
matchmaker says.
He's like, get out.
No, I, it's fine, because, like, you know, I get to have a lot of free time for
my volunteer
work.
Yes, I work part-time in the shelter for women who have had to kiss Richard Dawson.
You know, but that happens, though, like, when you're, you know, when you're
single and
all your friends are couples and, you know, you've got to hang out with them,
and all
they do, they invite me over so they can kiss in front of me.
That is so icky, isn't it?
It's kind of like eating a big steak dinner, you know, in front of a boat
person.
I can't.
See?
I think they hold it in until I get there.
They get romantic.
I feel like being alone with you tonight.
Let's invite Marge over.
Okay.
I like to see couples, you know, walking hand-in-hand down the street, because
then I go out of
my way to walk between them.
They go into this panic.
John, where are you?
It's like, if I can hold on for one minute.
Ah!
I especially like to phone, you know, these couples at night, you know, when
they're having
sex, I always know, you know, because they always answer the phone real cool.
What?
I go, hi, it's Marge.
I really got to talk.
And they go, can I call you back?
Please!
No.
I don't know.
This whole Bernie gets things really got me down.
I'm finding it's a lot easier meeting people now that I leave the house.
Yeah.
I hear you can go, you know, people say to go to museums to meet people and all
that, you
know.
And it's, you know, who do you meet in a museum?
You know, you meet Mona Lisa and a guard.
With, you know, Mona, you know, this whole Mona Lisa thing just gets my bee in
my bonnet.
You know, she has, I've never used that before.
It's fabulous.
No, because Mona, you know, her smile isn't that great, you know.
It looks like she's got one of those smiles on, looks like she's talking to a
Mooney, you
know.
It's like, no, I don't want a pamphlet.
You know what I mean?
Well, I don't know if you know this, but that was actually Mona's passport
painting.
Back then, they didn't have pictures, and Leo used to do it for five bucks.
They used to take a big frame to the border.
Okay, I look like this.
Can I go to Frank's now?
Yeah, my mom actually, that's how I used to go to museums.
As a kid, my mom would drag me, you know.
My mom was, oh, you know, my mom was great, because she was like a whack in the
40s.
You know what those were?
The Women's Army Corps.
There were fabulous.
There was three of them, I think.
The Andrews sisters.
That was it, you know.
They were out there in the trenches.
I mean, some men friends were like, you know.
You want the famous Trump?
The Germans are going, stop the singing, we give up.
You want the famous Trump?
You know, I don't know.
I'd be a whack.
I'd join the Army now if I could be a whack, you know.
Give me, like, tight waist, tight skirts, spike heels, and I'll fight for my
country.
You know, it won't be easy.
Stop!
Yes, sir.
Is my hair getting weird?
Is it?
Why are you going, oh, brother, when you have curly hair, your life is not your
own.
Yeah, because, you know, your hair rules your life.
It just tells me what it wants to do.
Because, like, let's say I want to go to bed.
It's like 12 o'clock in the night.
I'm tired.
My hair is up.
It wants to party.
Now, come on!
What are you, crazy?
Party pooper!
Let's get pizza!
No!
You know, brother, the next day I wake up, you know, my hair's cranky.
Hasn't slept.
Go to leave.
My hair's like, where do you think you're going?
Have you looked in the mirror?
You're going out to see people?
You better get out of your TV gut and see what you want.
You ain't going nowhere.
Try and blow-dry it.
Oh, this is much better.
Now you look like a peninsula.
Thank you very much.
Nice to see you again.
Nice to see you.
Very funny.
Very funny.
Now, how many times have you actually been here?
I've been here.
Well, this is my third.
And, you know, I can't believe it.
Because the first two times, all the Russian leaders died when I was on.
I heard Brezhnev and then in Drop.
And then Ternik, I was supposed to be on last Monday.
And he died.
Because of the strike?
I fooled him because of the strike.
You'd be on tonight.
I checked with the others.
Nice job, Marjorie.
Nice to see you again.
Thank you.
You'll be at Caroline's.
Yes.
What are we doing, a commercial?
And then we'll be right back.
I'm sorry, we're very lucky.
Thank you so much, Paul.
Marjorie, thanks again.
Come back and see us.
Have a nice time at Caroline's.
Tomorrow night, Jay Leno will be here,
Andrea Martin and Morris Fonte,
window washer psychic.
Good night.

Marjorie Gross Collection on Letterman, 1982-85

Thank you very much.
My next guest is a very talented woman.
She is currently writing on the CBS series Square Pegs
and is also a very funny stand-up comedian
who works regularly at the Improvisation in Los Angeles.
Please welcome Marjorie Gross.
Oh, how are you guys doing?
I'm kind of weird.
I mean, isn't it strange what humidity does to straight blonde hair?
My roommate has straight blonde hair, you know,
because she's like a model.
I mean, God.
See, I'm not a model.
I noticed this yesterday.
And when your roommate is a model, it's like living hell.
Because, like, you know, let's say I have this date.
Who's to say?
You never know.
I want to be this guy, you know, over for whatever.
I know all those movies.
And it's like lying in wait is this giant date-swallowing model roommate.
It's like no matter what I look like, I feel like Igor.
I've brought you another one, master.
Take him.
He's a Princeton grad.
I'll be in the grotto.
Here's more fun.
I hang out with couples.
It's like, what a thrill.
When you're alone, hang out with couples.
They become like their pet.
It's like their little pet single.
You know, they invite me over, have me do tricks.
Come on.
Be lonely for us.
Watch this, Sid.
Do that thing you do where you talk about how you can't meet anybody.
Watch this, this is great.
There's one couple, though.
They invite me over, and all they do when I get there is kiss in front of me.
That's like so icky.
That's like eating a big steak dinner, you know, like in front of a boat person.
I can't.
But I think they're celibate, and they hold it in until I get there.
This is what I think.
You know, they get romantic.
I feel like being alone with you tonight.
Let's invite Marge over.
God.
I don't know.
But actually, I, couples, I don't know.
Couples basically disgust me.
I don't know.
I'm just, I, because I'm shy.
You know, I'm too shy.
I can't hang around, you know.
It's like, no, I can't dance.
Too shy.
Uh-uh.
No way.
Too shy.
I can't dance.
Whoa, God.
Being shy makes me dizzy.
You know.
I can't, I always, I always, shy people always lie around with their heads in
the dip.
Oh, shy?
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
I don't know.
I always imagine, though, if you become a couple, it's like, you know, you run
around,
like, you have to be fun-loving.
You have to run around going, what, darling?
Champagne for breakfast?
Oh, you're mad.
I can't.
Oh, God.
What if you're dating, like, a mad Axeman, you know, and he gets some kooky
idea in his
head?
What?
Stam a million people?
Oh, you're mad.
God.
See, I don't know.
I stay inside a lot because, basically, you know, I'm, my life is run by this
incredible
fear of pregnancy.
I, I, I, I have those home pregnancy tests with a drop of a hat.
I've had them all over the house, you know?
It's like, I have a little portable pregnancy test, like, in case I feel
pregnant on a bus.
I don't know.
I'm scared of pregnancy, you know, because, uh, because he didn't have a baby.
That's it.
I'm no fool.
I know things.
See, I don't know.
Babies are, I mean, how do they know when Chinese babies start to talk?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I, I, I, I, when I stay inside, like, it's great because I, you know, I watch
TV forever.
It's great.
I just lie there forever.
I'd be so great.
I'd become like this banana head, you know?
I'd go to parties, start quoting.
You know, Gilligan said something interesting yesterday.
But, you know, when I'm not, you know, watching TV, I'm reading the Bible, hey,
you know?
No, it's true.
The Bible's great, you know, because, like, Moses is, like, my fave rave.
He's great.
He did these great things, you know?
He parted the sea one day, and he turned water into blood, and a stick into a
snake.
These are great tricks.
He should have hired some girl to stand next to him in a little sequined outfit
and go,
The Amazing Moses.
No, the Bible's, like, an impressive publication, isn't it, you know?
Because, like, every time there's a miracle or something happened back then,
they had a reporter right there on the scene.
It was in there in the Bible, you know?
Listen, there's a bush burning.
Get down there right away.
Moses, Bill, Honeycutt, the Bible.
Was the bush burning, or it just seemed like it was burning?
What are we talking here?
What if the Bible is just the National Enquirer of its day, you know?
And we don't know if you're running around.
Hey, Ishmael, did you read where Moses parted the sea?
Yeah, where'd you read that one?
The Bible.
Oh, the Bible, please.
What'd you get at?
Some supermarkets, you kook, you.
Why'd you get the Jerusalem turrets?
You get the full picture there.
Oh, God.
Anyway, I've had enough.
Thank you very much, guys.
We'll be right back.
We're out of time.
Marjorie, you will be...
I'll catch Rising Star until Thursday, until I have to go back.
Thank you very much for being here.
Come back any time.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks a lot.
Also, my thanks to Mel Blank and Hunter Thompson.
Tomorrow night, ladies and gentlemen,
we will have Grace Jones, Marv Albert, and Howie Mandel.
Good night.
Thank you very much.
My next guest is a very talented comedian.
She is currently a writer-performer on a new program on another network
entitled The Half-Hour Comedy Hour.
Please welcome Marjorie Gross.
Marjorie.
Ah, the theme from Bewitched.
First movement.
It's fabulous.
There isn't a day goes by where I don't think of Aunt Clara.
And I was like, who?
You know, she's always like, well, Samantha, who?
A camera, who?
Well, God, it's great.
I'm in New York, and it's great.
I have this great apartment here.
You know, I'm back in it.
Well, I'm the only one who can get into it.
It's a little studio, a little one-room cigar box for like $3,000 a minute.
One room is great, because I don't have to buy any furniture.
There's no room.
I have a great little convertible sofa oven.
You know, I like calling it a bachelor apartment, isn't it?
It's a little more swinging, isn't it?
A little Tony Francioso would live in a bachelor apartment.
Oh, no, bachelorette, that's for girls.
You know, bachelor for guys.
They'd like to be a urinal in it or something, you know?
You girls know what urinals are?
They're great.
They look like sinks yawning.
They're my favorite of science.
I just, like, I don't mind living alone and being, you know, a swinging single.
Because, like, I find that being single is a space saver.
It really, I mean, because I got this great big double bed, see, you know?
So what I do is, like, I sleep on one half, right?
And on the other half, I keep canned goods.
I couldn't do that if someone was there.
It just wouldn't work.
Another thing I really enjoy about being alone is that I get to make as much
noise as I want to when I eat, which is very important to me.
I like when the neighbor's banging on the wall.
It's four o'clock in the morning.
Who's eating that applesauce in there?
I call the cops.
I see, oh, maybe I, I don't know, maybe I wouldn't mind someone calling me
Angel Button.
Or bunny eyes.
Instead of pig.
It's not easy, you know, because, like, a lot of, a lot of gals, you know, they
go out there and they know what they're looking for in a guy.
You know, I guess they look for a guy.
I'll shower them in, like, jewels and furs and houses.
Well, maybe not houses.
Be showered in houses.
It's kind of uncomfortable.
Stop loving me!
Bunny, here's a colonial.
No!
Okay.
But I'm not looking for that.
No.
I guess I'm looking for a guy who'll be indifferent towards me.
Sure.
Someone who'll ignore me.
Who'll turn to me one moonlit night and say, what?
She's like a really nice crowd.
Let's talk about S&M for just a minute.
Oh, I don't know.
I was at this club.
I went to this club here.
It was called the, um, the Leather Toilet.
I went there for the food.
They got a great buffet.
You know, little, uh, chickens all strapped down.
They're little wings.
People are into bondage.
I think, boy, they have it so easy.
Because they don't have to take no for an answer.
They don't.
You go out with one of these people.
Um, listen, Steve, I really don't want to go to bed with you tonight.
Ch-ch-ch.
One second thought.
What the hay?
You know?
I'm here already.
Mary isn't on for two hours.
I think they have to lug all that stuff around all the time.
You know, when they want to go have sex.
You know, let's go have sex.
Okay.
Hi-ho.
Like, kind of puts a crimp in the spontaneity just a tad.
You know, you're out there.
Let's have sex right here in this field.
Oh, sure, honey.
As soon as I get this rack built.
Bring all supplies in, boys.
Oh, my God.
I actually am.
I'm a bit of a swinger.
See, I was naked a couple days ago.
I know.
Me, naked, pasha.
I was in the shower.
I was naked.
I know you're thinking, slut.
I don't understand this nakedity business, anyway.
This whole naked kick.
You know, like nudists.
They hang around the colony real cool and naked.
Casual.
Well, I'm naked.
I can't be casual naked.
There's no pockets.
Maybe it's like your arms fly all over.
You know what to do with them.
Maybe if I had, like, naked handles or something.
So not.
It's the way when you're a woman.
A woman, which is what I am.
A woman.
And you're caught naked.
You know, it's really where the door swings open.
You don't know what to do.
Oh, no, what should I cover?
What's worth more?
Would she see that twist again?
Maybe if I twist, you won't know I'm naked.
You know, it's unfortunate this trip to New York has been spoiled a bit
because there is a crippling model strike plaguing our city.
I ask your help.
The models are out there.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
They're picketing Halsons.
Marjorie Gross, very nice.
Let me do this and we'll be right back.
We'll continue.
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Well, that's understandable.
We're out of time.
Marjorie, thank you very much for being here.
I'm sorry we didn't have more time to talk.
Won't you come back?
Do you mind coming back?
Yeah, sure.
Wait, did we talk to you last time?
No.
Well, come on upstairs.
We'll talk.
Sure, hon.
All right.
Anyway, thanks to you.
Are you having dinner with Jimmy Pearsall?
No, I wouldn't let that happen.
We'll be back tomorrow, I guess.
Who will be here tomorrow?
Oh, boy, George, Jim Moran, and Arsenio Hall.
Thanks again, Marjorie.
Good night, folks.
My next guest is a very talented writer-comedian.
She is appearing here in New York City all week at Caroline's.
Please welcome back to the show, Marjorie Gross.
The longest walk.
I like to keep going.
No breaks.
It's great to be in New York, though, because I got this great little apartment
here.
It's about this big.
$3,000 a minute.
Yeah, I know someone.
Studios are great because, you know, when you have one room, you have to buy
any furniture
because there's no room.
I got a great little convertible sofa oven.
I guess, you know, I'm swinging single.
Yeah, it's why you can't really live with someone in one room.
You get in a fight, it's like, get out of my sight.
Okay.
You know, being single, it's not, you know, it's kind of fun, no matter what
matchmaker says.
He's like, get out.
No, I, it's fine, because, like, you know, I get to have a lot of free time for
my volunteer
work.
Yes, I work part-time in the shelter for women who have had to kiss Richard Dawson.
You know, but that happens, though, like, when you're, you know, when you're
single and
all your friends are couples and, you know, you've got to hang out with them,
and all
they do, they invite me over so they can kiss in front of me.
That is 