Name: David Letterman's Point-of-View 1980 and 1982
Uploaded: 2016-04-16T03:07:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman's Point-of-View 1980 and 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman's Point-of-View 1980 and 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-16. Transcript available.

Good morning, Mr. Letterman.
Hi, hi.
Have a nice weekend?
Yeah, yeah, good.
Did you have a good time?
Very nice, thanks.
Yeah.
Everything go okay in court?
Lovely.
Say, David, I have some bad news for you.
Oh, what is it?
Harry Reasoner could not make it, but we're pretty lucky.
We've got Chuck the Human Weasel.
He's going to be here.
You can have a terrific interview.
About 18 minutes, two segments.
He's a fascinating guy.
Have a good time.
Have fun with him, David.
18 minutes with the weasel?
Oh, hey, God, David, you're shining.
I have to fix this.
Okay, thanks.
Oh, you look wonderful.
Good luck.
Thank you.
David, this is a suit you're going to wear with that tie.
Yeah, I screwed up the suit?
Yeah, well, this is the one we decided on.
You've got a weasel on.
What difference does it make?
David, we've got a little problem.
What's that?
The entire audience is Norwegian.
They don't speak a word of English.
But if you really want to make them laugh, use words like fjord and fish.
I think it'll kill them.
Right now.
Scrad and Sardine.
Scrad and Sardine.
Fjord.
Chuck the human weasel.
Fjords.
The wrong suit.
Okay.
We're just about to...
Oh, Dave, don't forget about the affiliate mentioned in Guam.
Guam.
Fine.
Guam.
Does this weasel guy spell his name W-E-A or W-E-E?
Let's see.
W-E-A and Squeezer.
I don't know.
Just make it more.
Ten seconds.
Let's go.
Okay.
Chuck the human more.
How much time?
And Frank Owens of the David Letterman Symphony Orchestra.
Plus, David's guests.
Okay.
Tom Snyder.
Author Gabriel Brown on the new celibacy.
Tom Cochran with a film about James Dean.
And bad phone calls.
And now, a man that knows the value of a dollar.
David Letterman.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Good morning.
It's Monday, September 29th, 1980.
You folks came here on a wonderful day.
As you know, this is the time of year when the networks are getting ready for
their NBC,
the big season coming up.
And so all of NBC stars are here.
Had kind of an ugly episode occur Friday afternoon.
I saw a boomer running around with a mouth full of peacock feathers.
Ha, ha, ha.
Anybody here from Norway?
Do we have...
What a wonderful show we have assembled for you this morning.
Tom Snyder will be here, the host of the tomorrow show.
Yes, Tom will be joining us.
Tom Cochran, who's also the host of the show.
He is here with film on James Dean.
Gabriel Brown will be joining us, and she's going to talk about the new celibacy.
I'll be making a bad phone call.
Let's go over to the desk and get things started.
So if you'll just walk this way, ladies and gentlemen.
And as always, if I could walk this way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder.
All right.
Thank you very much.
My first guest is Chuck the Human Weasel.
Chuck is a former professor who has single-handedly completed over 2,000 miles
of tunnels underneath the United States.
He's a fascinating individual.
Welcome Chuck the Human Weasel, ladies and gentlemen.
How do you do, Chuck?
It's a pleasure to see you.
Thank you very much for being here.
So tell me, Chuck, what...
What started you weaseling for a living?
Well, all day when I used to go down to the beach, my parents used to bury me
in the sand,
and I would try to dig my way back up and take a bus back home and try to find
them, you know.
And I also majored in college in English literature and tunneling.
And, you know, actually it's very interesting.
You know, many of our great novelists were actually amateur tunnelists.
I didn't realize that.
George Bernard Shaw, for example, was a very avid tunnelist.
Dirty George, we used to call him.
You never had any idea where the guy used to bury up, you know.
Excuse me, Chuck, it's a fascinating topic.
I wish we could talk with you all day, but we've run out of time.
Darn the luck.
You'll come back and see what's going on.
Oh, wait a minute.
I brought some dirt I was going to dig, you know, and show you a little.
We'll be right back.
Tom Snyder is here this morning.
Thank you very much, Chuck.
Pleasure having you on the show.
This is the guy with the Q-tips.
Hey, Dave, listen.
Oh, hi, Tom.
Last minute on Andy Rooney.
Yeah.
He does not like doors.
He doesn't like menus.
He doesn't like license plates.
Yeah.
He doesn't like quiche.
He doesn't like a whole bunch of things.
He doesn't like imported cheese and believe in it.
Is he going to do the number from Sugar Babies or not?
No, no.
This is not Mickey Rooney.
This is Andy Rooney.
Here, here, take my nose.
She better look at him.
Ann Miller's not here.
David, last week, one of your guests, you called him a...
Called him a what?
You called him a...
Tonight, you're going to have to give an apology on the air.
Apologize that I called the guy.
He was a...
Shiny.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
How are you doing?
Listen, Dave, just a little thing about the audience.
Yeah.
A lot of them are from Brazil.
Brazil.
And they don't understand so much English.
So, if you can throw in a few Spanish words, you know, like, arriba, buenos
dias.
Okay.
Que pasa?
Maybe.
Okay.
Dave, just a few little changes.
Act one becomes act three.
Act three is four.
Act five is six.
And act two is one.
And, oh, yeah, we have a new first guest.
Okay.
Human caboose.
Human caboose.
Okay, great.
Okay.
All right.
We'll do what we can.
Act one is act two.
Mickey Rooney is here.
I don't have...
This caboose guy, is that spelled with one O or two?
Uh, just make it coal car.
Just change it to coal car.
Okay.
I don't think it's at a...
The piece is done from last Thursday.
It's real funny.
Do you want to see it?
Hey, you want to see it?
Let me see it.
It's real funny.
It's real funny.
We needed it a week ago.
I was under that impression.
Comedian, Franklin Ajayi.
Okay.
Dave, they speak Portuguese, not Spanish.
Okay.
It's like Spanish, but it's completely different.
Okay, great.
A man who is frightened by the slightest change in air temperature, David Pleteran.
Oh, great.
Oh, look at these guys.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Thank you.
Very nice.
Thank you very much.
Welcome to the show.
Have anybody here from Brazil, just out of the...
Oh, great.
Nice.
Yeah, you folks came on a fine day.
It's President's Day here in North America.
Actually, the United States.
Andy Rooney is with us.
Franklin Ajayi.
A gentleman who actually operates a potato museum, a report on the world's
finest coffee,
and our first guest, whom you're going to meet in a couple of moments after you
say hello
to Mr. Paul Schaefer.
Hello, Paul.
How are you, sir?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Tonight is one of those nights you're going to be telling your grandchildren
about for years.
My first guest has had a rather interesting experience.
He's here to tell us all about it.
Welcome, please, a man who is known as Bert the Human Caboose.
First of all, Bert, let me get right to the nickname, Bert.
How did you get to be known as the Human Caboose?
Is that what I am?
There was something about a railroad accident.
You got on a train in St. Louis, and then you fill in the details from there.
It was...
Well, it's rather vague now.
I don't really remember the exact details.
You got on a train in St. Louis.
There was a mix-up.
You slipped off and were dragged to Wichita.
It sounds familiar, but I did that?
Have you had any side effects?
Yeah, quite a few.
You've had some side effects.
You know, during the luck of Bert, we're out of time.
I'm going to have to ask you to come back another time.
Would you have some help?
Yeah, I'd love to have some help.
Bert the Human Caboose.
We have to pause for a couple of messages from one of our sponsors.
We'll be right back, folks.
We'll be right back, folks.