Name: The Guy Under the Seats Collection on Letterman, 1984-1985
Uploaded: 2016-04-26T07:15:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Guy Under the Seats Collection on Letterman, 1984-1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Guy Under the Seats Collection on Letterman, 1984-1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-26. Transcript available.

The Guy Under the Seats Collection on Letterman, 1984-1985

And finally, there we are on Monday, where was the first house Phil owned and
what style was the furniture?
Furniture was Danish modern, that much.
I don't know the other thing.
No, the furniture was early American Centerville, Ohio.
There you go.
Phil will be coming, well, we're getting just about halfway done with Phil.
But David, when in fact will Phil be arriving?
We don't know, we're not sure.
What do you mean you don't know?
We don't know exactly when, it'll be sometime in 85.
Wouldn't one think that if one had a countdown calendar, that one would in fact
be counting down to a...
See, we got all excited about the idea of the calendar, and then we completely
lost track of when he's coming.
So this could go on for decades.
We don't...
He's coming, though, before the end of the year or after first of the year?
Before.
Nobody seems to know.
Let's see.
My first guest tonight, is that where we are?
All right.
My first guest tonight...
All right.
It's probably Phil, perhaps, has just arrived, ladies and gentlemen.
He's out front with the wagon.
He needs help with the stuff.
Do we...
Do we know where that is?
Is that all right?
We all right?
I don't know where it's from.
All right.
My first guest tonight has cheered with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
Thanks, Paul.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back to the program.
Coming up a little later, we will have Rita Rudner and Jo Beth Williams.
By the way, Barry Bremen...
Barry Bremen is a manufacturer's representative in the Detroit area.
Tomorrow on this show, Bill Murray will be here.
The world's most beloved pianist, Richard Klederman, will be here.
And also actor Harry Dean Stanton, now...
Can people hear that?
Yeah.
What, uh...
I don't know where it is.
What is it?
It's coming from under the bleachers, Dave.
Under the seats.
I don't know.
Can they hear that at home?
There's somebody drilling.
Just one minute.
Paul, cover me.
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
This will be exciting.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Chris.
Hey, Dave.
Hi.
How are you?
Is this straight?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, that's straight.
What, uh...
What are you doing?
Well, Dave, you're looking at my own little corner of heaven.
I'm moving in.
Uh, Chris, this is a television studio.
You can't possibly stay here.
What?
Oh, I get it.
A joke.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, what you have just seen here is the birth of a brand new
running character
for our show, starring our very own Chris Elliott.
Chris, why don't you tell the folks a little bit more about this lovable
character?
Well, sure, Dave.
I think, uh, I think, uh, the character is kind of an extension of myself.
Um, simply put, I live here underneath the bleachers, and I'll be interrupting
the show from time to time.
Yeah.
Uh, well, why don't you, uh, give the folks at home some examples of what they're
gonna come to expect?
Well, occasionally I'll interrupt the show by making some sort of noise from
underneath the bleachers here.
You just, you just did that?
Well, yeah, but, you know, it'll, at different times it'll be different noises.
Like, maybe the next time it'll be the music from my radio or something.
Yeah, but, you know, that still sounds an awful lot like what you just did.
Oh, it does?
Sorry, Dave.
Uh, so, now, how many of these segments have you planned?
How many of these, uh, can we expect to see?
And, you know, should we mark them down and so forth?
28.
28.
Uh, now, Chris, we haven't seen you since you were on the show as the, the panicky
guy.
And, uh, have you been using all of that time, uh, preparing for, for this role?
Oh, no, I just thought of it this morning, Dave.
Well, uh, it certainly sounds like a lot of fun.
Now, uh, you've got something planned for us, uh, coming up in the next segment,
and it really looks like we're off to a flying start, doesn't it?
Well, we were off to a flying start.
Yeah.
Uh, okay, I'll let you, uh, get right to the preparations for your, uh,
first installment coming up in the next segment.
And congratulations.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Good luck to you.
Okay, we'll see you in a minute.
All right, my next guest made her...
Quiet up there, I'm trying to sleep.
Okay.
We, uh, we have 27 more of those to look forward to.
My next guest made her film debut stark naked, talking to a six-year-old child
in Kramer vs. Kramer.
Okay.
You guys sound terrific.
I didn't say I didn't like your mother.
I just said I didn't realize that she'd move in when you moved in.
Why does she grunt when she eats?
And keep her out of my clothes.
I swear, yesterday I saw her wearing a pair of my socks.
Oh, yeah, I guess I'm imagining the new smell in here, too, huh?
Well, forget it.
You want to know where I'm going?
You want to know where I'm going?
I'm going to get drunk.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's just another episode of our new running
character on the show,
the guy under the seat starring our own Chris Elliott.
Chris?
Chris, come on out here for a second.
Come on out.
We'll talk to Chris.
While we're waiting for Chris to come out, let me remind you that a little
later on tonight's show,
comedian Richard Lewis will be here and manners expert Alice Leon Motes.
This woman wrote No Nice Girl Swears.
Tomorrow on the show, comedians Bob and Ray, tennis player Carling Bassett,
and child publicist Letitia Causey will be joining us.
And there's Chris Elliott, ladies and gentlemen.
Chris, come on out here.
Come on out here.
Come on out here.
Nice job.
Well, congratulations, Chris.
Oh, thanks.
It seems like the audience loves you.
Now, that was the second episode of The Guy Under the Seats.
Is that right?
Yes, that's correct.
I call this particular episode Domestic Trouble.
Domestic Trouble.
And was what we saw there pretty much all there is to this appearance of The
Guy Under the Seats?
Well, yeah.
What do you mean pretty much all there is?
Well, you know, I just thought there might be another part to it.
No, I thought it was pretty much self-contained.
I mean, the guy has an argument with his girlfriend and he leaves.
And that's it?
Yeah, Dave, that's it.
Well, you know, not that what you did wasn't great,
but I think everyone maybe would have liked a scene just a little bit more, you
know.
Oh, really?
Oh, sorry, Dave.
What, was it not funny enough?
Is that the problem?
No, it was just fine.
Oh, I'm real sorry.
What are you, the grand professor of comedy?
Have I failed the course?
Is that what this is?
No, it was fine.
Forget it.
Fine.
We won't do it anymore.
Take it down.
Mr. John Simon out here didn't like the piece.
No, no.
Tear it apart.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Just take it down, Tommy.
Just tear it apart.
I hate him.
I really tried.
I mean, just blew up everything.
Tear it down.
I don't want to see anymore.
Okay.
Don't be doing a guy that just seeks anymore.
Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you what, I promise I'll speak to him about this.
We'll clear up this whole understanding and we'll be right back.
I swear, Letterman, if it's the last thing I'm going to do, I'm going to make
every second
of your life, from this moment on, a living hell.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, Paul.
Coming up in the next half hour of tonight's program, we will be meeting the
Marion Aslickson
and also Jeff Aquilon, who is a male model.
Dave?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, sir.
What can I do for you?
Do you have any A1 sauce?
No, I'm sorry, Chris.
We don't have any A1 sauce.
Okay.
Thanks anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, that, of course, was episode number three of our new
running
character on the show, the guy under the seats, and there he is, our own Chris
Elliott.
Chris, come on up and take a bow.
Chris, just a second.
I just wanted to say that I thought tonight you were really good.
Well, thank you, Dave.
Thank you.
And, uh, no, I really did.
Now, this was the third episode of the guy under the seats?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, uh, what did you call this installment?
Uh, the cookout.
The cookout.
Well, I think we all really enjoyed it, and, uh, you're really starting to
define that character
now.
Thanks a lot, Dave.
Yeah, and I, and I, and I really think we, we saw kind of an improvement over
the, the
last appearance.
Oh, well, thanks, Dave.
Yeah.
Uh, Chris, for people who, who haven't seen maybe the first couple of installments,
uh,
what exactly is your character here?
Uh, he's a guy who lives under the seats here, and every once in a while he'll
come up and
try to interrupt the show.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, and by the way, I really thought the, uh, the A1 sauce joke worked really
good.
Is there something wrong with the A1 sauce joke, Dave?
No, no, not at all.
I, I thought that it was, uh...
Was it not up to the usual standards of excellence of this show?
Is that the problem?
No, no.
Chris, I, I thought the joke was, uh, really cute.
Cute.
Yeah, I, uh...
Yeah, I, I thought it was cute.
You know, mister...
One of these days, you and I are gonna go round and round.
Now, uh, now, Chris, I, I don't want any trouble.
I was just saying...
Let's just say, from now on, I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
No matter what you're doing, whether it's stupid pet tricks, stupid human
tricks, Jay Leno,
whoever it is, I'll be watching you.
I'm watching you, Dave.
Yeah, okay.
I'm watching you.
We'll be right back.
Thank you, Bill.
Thank you, folks.
Welcome back.
Now, let me, um, let me explain who you'll be meeting in the next half hour of
our program.
Dave!
Dr. Henry Heimlich will be joining us.
The man who developed the Heimlich Maneuver and, uh, also bodybuilder Lori Bohn...
Dave!
Excuse me.
You don't happen to have a first edition copy of Gulliver's Travels, do you?
Uh, no, no, I don't.
Well, you see, all I have is this cheap paperback copy, and it occurred to me
that a first edition copy would be worth an awful lot of money.
Well, I'm sure it would be, but, uh, I'm sorry, I don't have a copy.
Okay.
Thanks anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, episode number four of our running character, The Guy
Under the Seat, starring our own Chris Elliott.
And there he is now.
Chris, come on out and take a bow.
Chris, thank you very much.
That was just terrific.
And what was the title of this little episode here?
This was called The Bookworm.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, I think we really all enjoyed this one.
Well, thank you.
Thanks very much, Dave.
Dave, I haven't read Gulliver's Travels in a long time.
I was just wondering, the light's really bad under the bleachers.
Is it okay if I just sit up here for a little while and read a couple of
chapters?
Oh.
Well, yeah, I guess so, but...
Thank you.
Just keep in mind, Chris, that we are doing a show here.
Oh.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, uh, and tomorrow, by the way, be sure and join us.
Tomorrow will be, uh, Wednesday.
Uh, comedian and actor Dom DeLuise will be...
Dom DeLuise will be here.
Oh.
Also, uh, parrot costumer Alba Ballard will be with us.
That's tomorrow night.
Oh.
You know, it's amazing how on the mark Swift was.
I mean...
Even today, his, uh, political allegories seem to hold water.
Yeah, well...
Uh...
This is, uh, this is still part of the little bookworm skit.
This is still part of the guy who lives under the seats, right?
No, I just thought his political allegories still hold water.
Oh, oh, I didn't realize it.
I thought we were still doing, you know, the guy under the seats.
You don't think I'm smart enough to come up with something like that, do you?
No, no, no, Chris, no, that's not what I meant at all.
I just thought that we were maybe continuing here with part of the little skit
there, the guy under the seats.
You don't think I'm funny?
And you think I'm dumb?
Now, Chris, that's just not true.
I happen to think you're, uh, you're very bright.
Bright?
Yeah, bright.
You know something, mister?
One of these days, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson.
It seems you never mind.
Now, Chris, you can't come out here and start threatening people like this.
Until that day, I'm going to be right here.
Making your life a living hell.
I'm going to be watching you, Dave.
From my litt