Name: David Letterman and "Cop Rock," Fall 1990
Uploaded: 2016-04-27T18:06:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman and "Cop Rock," Fall 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman and "Cop Rock," Fall 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-27. Transcript available.

yeah well thank you boys
you know you know paul talking about the the cosby show and the simpsons
tonight the only thing i
really care about in the new fall season uh the finale brothers my new favorite
show yeah you were
talking this is the the italian show where uh all of the all of the older boys
are grown many in
their 60s it's like like seven brothers and then for one reason or another they
move back in with
their 90 year old mother and and every promo for this show i've ever seen since
the new fall season
began is this hey ma we got any lasagna and then ma says hey here's your lasagna
and then that's it
that's the show the other one okay the other one is cop rock which starts
tomorrow oh i want it to do
so well i'm excited about that show too how can you not be it's it's a half
hour show about cops and
musical so there'd be cops welcome to neptune that's right it's a musical thank
you
quieted the crowd didn't i okay let's do our uh thing here the top 10 changes
in the mustang
ranch now that it's owned by the government a little dialing music you mind
yeah yeah all right
paul do you have any idea who we're phoning tonight tell me who we're phoning
they're calling my
mother this evening calling mom there we go keep dialing here we go back there
in indiana indianapolis
indiana paul i'll bet you a hundred dollars she's been canning oh well this is
the time of year and
also also they just got back from vacation i bet they went through amish
country regardless of where
they go on vacation they can go to the grand canyon and still pass through amish
country you know your
mother pretty well here let's see if this is uh dorothy on the phone there uh
dorothy uh calling indianapolis
hello hello hi david hi hi mom it's me dave yes i know hi how you doing fine
how are you good mom how's the
weather there in indianapolis perfect uh beautiful uh day have you now mom have
you had your indian summer
this is indian summer i think all right why don't you define for us what indian
summer is
it is nice sunny warm weather after the first frost see right there right there
mom that's it that's
the pivotal issue it has to be after the first frost correct right just a
lovely warm afternoon in the
fall doesn't do it unless you've had the first frost that's right okay fine
thank you very much now
you just got back from a lovely vacation didn't you yes yeah where all'd you go
mom well we went to
cape may new jersey right we went to um ocean city new jersey to see a cousin
mom we have some
people here in the audience who traveled with you really yeah and and where
else we went to winter tour
uh-huh uh toured the museum there right is that that near is that the near the
amish country no that's a little east did you
go anywhere near amish country mom yes we came through amish country
oh very good mom thank you very much uh also what do you have you canned
anything
well we put some lima beans in the freezer saturday
uh-huh and and any tomatoes tomato juice any of that kind of stuff oh yes yeah
uh now mom have you
watched any of the new fall season on tv any of the new programs on uh the abc
the nbc the cbs or the
fox well we watched uncle buck last yeah what'd you think of that uncle buck
well it was kind of fun
yeah did it make you laugh mom sort of did it make you cry no did it make you
think no yeah okay
my mother watched uncle buck uh all right mom i have a little assignment for
you if you don't mind
all right you know we got this big cop rock coming up over at abc and do you
know what this is oh it's
a one-hour musical program about police it's going to be singing and dancing
about police yeah about police
that's right exactly that's right and and we we need you to watch we want you
to be sort of the every
man judge of the the first offering i think it's on wednesday is that right paul
is it yeah wednesday
can you do that for us i won't be home wednesday night i could tape it i guess
yeah yeah what you got
big plans for wednesday yeah yeah there's no way you can change it i guess huh
oh oh brother the only
mother i have uh all right mom fine sure have it your way no david i said i
would tape it what time is it
all
uh i don't know mom you tape it paul you got your mother's number
uh you you tape it mom that'll give you plenty of time to study it and then we'll
call you next week
okay all right have a lovely fall there in indiana thank you all right goodbye
mom bye
david i said i would tape it all right all right all right thanks you're right
back oh here we go
tonight the top 10 category from the home office in as is james brown out of
prison yeah last i heard
he was on a on a work release work release okay uh top 10 category tonight from
the home office in
lebanon pennsylvania how about that i didn't know that i swear to goodness i
didn't know they had
gone to the amish country i just know that that's a part of every trip they
take you know your mother
they went to the arctic circle a couple of years ago passed right through a
little amish settlement
uh do with james brown i don't know i was trying to figure out if he's in jail
or out of jail i don't
know because thank goodness he's out i've been getting my mail back is why i
meant uh top 10 surprises
in the chris jeff tape paul did you understand any of that well something about
an audience member's
audience boasts was the name of that little uh i understand it except for the
title yeah i don't
get any of it but i get the premise of the bet do you know anything about this
contest the uh
the mcdonald's nbc contest you know what you're watching nbc right now yeah mcdonald's
and nbc
have a multi-million dollar contest they are tied in together that's right now
as clearly as i
understand it you go down and you get yourself a mcdonald's hamburger yeah or a
malt or whatever
they have any product yeah try the veal when you're down there try it and and
you take it home uh
and you watch tv and you could win like a million bucks how do you win you have
to as i understand and i
don't believe me i'm not the final authority on this i have nothing to do with
this contest
yeah you i think you have to name the golden girls have to name all of the
golden girls and then and
then come closest to their combined age and weight i don't know and you get a
million dollars you know
you know this operation is on its last legs first of all they're they're they're
blackmailing you into
going in there to load up on the bad meat yeah and then what do you do now that
you're full of this
stuff you go home and you watch tv 24 hours a day there that's the perfect
contest the perfect
marriage that's america yeah so you're sitting there full of that stuff
watching tv you have a
stroke boom you're done goodbye yeah that's the new contest so it's estelle getty
yeah it's a still
paul c dot you're not eligible just save your breath you're an employee of this
grand oh i can't
i'm a disqualified big trouble tonight because cop rock premieres tonight and i
think they're on
opposite my favorite show the finale brothers really those two are going up
against i think they
are yeah it'll be a battle of the titans what is the concept of the finale
brothers as you know it's
this four italian brothers they're all in their 60s and for some reason they
move back in their house
with their mom who's in their 90s four 60 year old and it's and it's always
just hey ma we're out of
lasagna and then mom says hey i got your lasagna and there it is that's the
show that's the show but
they're going up against cop rock rock what is that one cop rock they're
singing and dancing down at i
don't know it's cops singing and dancing it's policemen singing and dancing yes
yes this will
have premiered tonight yes it's been on already tonight already america is
buzzing about it wow
i know we're a little late all right all right here we have our top 10 category
tonight from the home
office in lebanon uh top 10 things overheard at the big cincinnati obscenity
proud and thank you
i'm excited tonight big friday night show i got big plans for the weekend it's
thursday it ain't friday
stop it it's get a hold of yourself it's thursday i'm sorry and now the
question that's on the lips
of all americans did you see a cop rock last well i missed it anybody here see
cop rock what did you
think of this show last night huh no no no see now wait people are saying you
know people are saying
that it's pretty damn good yeah all week long i've been making fun of it now
boy is my face red
is it oh geez i hope not is it it is a little isn't it maybe it's a little red
earthquake uh uh but you
you know what they're they're describing it is breakthrough television really
well i understand
there's no middle ground people either love it they love it or hate it but that
doesn't make any
difference because it is officially breakthrough television it's a musical i
don't i don't i'm
not interested in breakthrough television i want the same old crap night after
night after night
it's a good thing the audience wants that too you know i'm dying to tell you
something i did last
night i don't know if i will i'll save it and tell you a little bit oh come on
i'll tell you later
because we get a big show yeah we have uh dana carvey uh author douglas adams
and paul why don't
you introduce our musical guest he is from senegal you know kids because it's
the end of summer
summer is over yeah that's right summer is finished uh people are back from
their vacation
i'm so embarrassed it's just me idiot me hanging on to the camera like that
screaming my lungs out
the music was wrong no the music i was just looking for somebody else to take
the fall
that's my personal credo you know find somebody else to take the fall okay with
any luck at all
ladies and gentlemen the next voice you hear will be that of my uh mother dorothy
there in indianapolis
last week we called dorothy and asked her to watch cop rock you folks see cop
rock
you folks own televisions
ah this will be my mom back there in indianapolis you know the state of indiana
they have an 18 year
old governor hi mom it's me dave how you doing i'm fine how are you good how's
the weather going
on there in indianapolis we have another beautiful fall day yeah what's the
temperature uh mid 70s
crystal clear blue skies right uh warm sun and do you get a little frost at
night not except once
yeah okay uh and and uh you know you actually you folks actually had an
earthquake back there a couple
of weeks ago didn't you yes we did did you feel the house shake no uh did it
come up your way though
some people felt it yes yeah you know we just had a little simulation of an
earthquake here in the
studios it was quite successful oh really yeah yeah uh shake the building do
what what did you do shake
the building yeah we did mom we shook the building okay
mom she's trying to help it's my mother she's trying to help she knows she can
smell a bomb even
back there in indianapolis she's trying to help she knows so now mom now do you
rake leaves do you
have a leaf blower any of that we don't have enough trees to have leaves to rake
yet okay now when you
get snow do you shovel your own walks because i know you used to do that when i
was a kid
i'd be busy watching cartoons or i could have helped oh you you shoveled walk
yeah but let me just give
you a piece of advice mom whether it's whether it's raking the leaves whether
it's shoveling the snow
don't overdo it thank you david all right now um mom is it true that the
governor of the state of
indiana is 18 years old he's a he's a little older than that how old is he i'm
not real sure yeah but
he's a very young man isn't he right yeah did you vote for this guy no yeah
is is he is he a pretty good guy or is he just a a lion snake
i think he's a pretty good guy
all right mom i tell you what let's uh when you're talking to your mom don't
overdo it
let's get right to it last week you said that you would videotape cop rock and
then today we won a
report of uh did you get a chance to see the tape yes i did yeah okay when did
you watch it because i
know you were going to be out wednesday uh so when did you watch the tape well
in fact we got home in
time wednesday evening to watch it oh okay so you saw it as it was being
broadcast there all right give me
give me your impressions mom um it's not something i'll watch again uh-huh well
if come on now don't pull any
punches you either did you did you like the idea of the police people singing
and dancing
no really i didn't yeah yeah uh so you would say that this is probably not
going to be a successful show
no i wouldn't think so yeah okay what what is the a new show that you watch on
tv
well let's see there was another one called um
what's the cop show top cop top top top that was pretty good top cop top cop
okay all right thank you very much mom it was nice talking with you as always
give my love to the
family thanks david all right bye mom bye
is there a show top cop anywhere really when is it on top cop cops is on when i
think it's on cbs
and what do they do they sing on that show too they try to reenact um they reenact
crimes they reenact
now this is pathetic this is the show my mom likes she doesn't care for cop
rock where they're
singing and dancing something pleasant something uplifting mom likes to see gritty
reenactments
of actual shootings stabbings and murders yeah
huh it's what it's policemen who have gone above and beyond the call of duty
and they're sort of
honoring these guys oh oh oh so it's like a tribute it's like they're saluting
police officers everywhere
well then that that is a little better find out when this cop rock top rock
thing is on and let me know
huh yeah i know we're on late tonight and and it's getting later and later all
i know is cosby
simpsons i don't know what the hell to do when that happens what do you watch
what do you watch
uh here we go from the home office in lebanon pennsylvania top 10 list uh last
minute things to do
before the german reunification
was it me or did mom not answer one of my questions well she had her own agenda
tonight
yeah i guess my mom wanted to get out the door uh here we go top 10 last minute
things to do before
german reunification welcome back to the uh show kids uh yet to come on the
program steven uh vi will
be here uh he actually is here yeah all right nice to see you and but but a uh
a number with the band
yes oh that'll be good uh from the new album it's a combination of two songs
from the new album
yeah uh also actor db sweeney and we'll get into some acting questions what is
a question like a
question to ask actor uh you do your own makeup that's a good question bed uh
how do you memorize
that stuff that's another good question acting question those will be the first
two questions
acting questions great uh tomorrow on the program uh hall and oats will be here
they're a fresh fresh audience you hear that yeah actually people were oh
really oh yeah
all the notes will be here uh eleanor guggenheimer
author eleanor guggenheimer and her new work is entitled i'm not sure the title
but she's a
society writer very a society writer and very entertaining well we'll have some
fun with her won't we
society writer
and jeff altman will be on the show that's tomorrow's show yeah there you go
not too bad
a show twin peaks of course i guess is cancelled they're done no cop rock is
cancelled rock is
gone top rock's finale brothers is gone finale boys is there they're still
around no they're not
they're cancelled really aren't they cancelled didn't they cancel the finale
burn hull high is
gone oh that's how high was a show where every class at hull high was an aerobics
class
you could get a four-year diploma attending nothing but aerobics classes five
days a week
that's what it got cancelled but you know the problem with cop rock what was
that uh too much cop not
enough rock not enough for i heard it was too much rock not enough cop okay uh
you know ladies and
gentlemen how sometimes one set of circumstances will cause behavior one way i
think tonight's show
is going to be a very good program the elements of the show are exciting yeah
we have a viewer mail
tonight we'll be answering our actual viewer mail from that's a great element
now let me tell you
something paul i'm nothing if not what uh generous a student of television
exactly what i was going
to say i bear rare insights into the medium of television don't i do the medium
yes so i think
the question we've all been puzzled by here the last few weeks is what the hell
went wrong with cop rock
because you had you had a police show and there was going to be rock and roll
music every week
the police the judge the sheriff the criminals would all sing maybe four or
five new rock and
roll songs every week to me it has hit written all over it but as you know as
you know it went away it
was canceled gone they pulled the plug on cop rock there is no more cop cop
rock so no now wait a minute
hey so this set me to ruminating about the situation and for the life of me i
couldn't think of any
reason how this could have been a different show how it could have avoided
cancellation the other day
i'm talking to my assistant rose for the last 30 years she hits on an idea and
to my way of thinking
she's got it right on the money here now is the way cop rock should have been
handled it's the same
police it's the same judge it's the same crooks it's the same whomever
commissioners whatever
and they do their own little police show but in the beginning of each show now
all the singing is
gone the police don't do any more singing in the beginning of the show they
arrest a famous rock and
roll star yeah and then they go on about their other little plots of murderers
and drugs and whatever
toward the end the judge says okay we'll drop the charges if you sing us a song
see like you are you arrest madonna like in the first minute right or bruce
springsteen you know
it's a some kind of parking violation at the end of the show all right we're
gonna tear up this ticket
if you do us a little song and then he sings there's your rock right every week
yeah two live
crew that would have been perfect they arrest those guys yeah arrest them yeah
and then they drop the
obscenity charges they do a song they do a they do a song well we've pretty
well beaten that to death
haven't we so this is rose's idea it's a rose's idea and i think she's right on
to something
there she is hey ladies and gentlemen right here it's our viewer oh stop it
we're in the think of the holiday season right here in manhattan aren't we yes
we are actual letters
folks from people who watch the show and then write in with little questions
comments
suggestions here's our first letter i call it letter number one dear dave

David Letterman and "Cop Rock," Fall 1990

yeah well thank you boys
you know you know paul talking about the the cosby show and the simpsons
tonight the only thing i
really care about in the new fall season uh the finale brothers my new favorite
show yeah you were
talking this is the the italian show where uh all of the all of the older boys
are grown many in
their 60s it's like like seven brothers and then for one reason or another they
move back in with
their 90 year old mother and and every promo for this show i've ever seen since
the new fall season
began is this hey ma we got any lasagna and then ma says hey here's your lasagna
and then that's it
that's the show the other one okay the other one is cop rock which starts
tomorrow oh i want it to do
so well i'm excited about that show too how can you not be it's it's a half
hour show about cops and
musical so there'd be cops welcome to neptune that's right it's a musical thank
you
quieted the crowd didn't i okay let's do our uh thing here the top 10 changes
in the mustang
ranch now that it's owned by the government a little dialing music you mind
yeah yeah all right
paul do you have any idea who we're phoning tonight tell me who we're phoning
they're calling my
mother this evening calling mom there we go keep dialing here we go back there
in indiana indianapolis
indiana paul i'll bet you a hundred dollars she's been canning oh well this is
the time of year and
also also they just got back from vacation i bet they went through amish
country regardless of where
they go on vacation they can go to the grand canyon and still pass through amish
country you know your
mother pretty well here let's see if this is uh dorothy on the phone there uh
dorothy uh calling indianapolis
hello hello hi david hi hi mom it's me dave yes i know hi how you doing fine
how are you good mom how's the
weather there in indianapolis perfect uh beautiful uh day have you now mom have
you had your indian summer
this is indian summer i think all right why don't you define for us what indian
summer is
it is nice sunny warm weather after the first frost see right there right there
mom that's it that's
the pivotal issue it has to be after the first frost correct right just a
lovely warm afternoon in the
fall doesn't do it unless you've had the first frost that's right okay fine
thank you very much now
you just got back from a lovely vacation didn't you yes yeah where all'd you go
mom well we went to
cape may new jersey right we went to um ocean city new jersey to see a cousin
mom we have some
people here in the audience who traveled with you really yeah and and where
else we went to winter tour
uh-huh uh toured the museum there right is that that near is that the near the
amish country no that's a little east did you
go anywhere near amish country mom yes we came through amish country
oh very good mom thank you very much uh also what do you have you canned
anything
well we put some lima beans in the freezer saturday
uh-huh and and any tomatoes tomato juice any of that kind of stuff oh yes yeah
uh now mom have you
watched any of the new fall season on tv any of the new programs on uh the abc
the nbc the cbs or the
fox well we watched uncle buck last yeah what'd you think of that uncle buck
well it was kind of fun
yeah did it make you laugh mom sort of did it make you cry no did it make you
think no yeah okay
my mother watched uncle buck uh all right mom i have a little assignment for
you if you don't mind
all right you know we got this big cop rock coming up over at abc and do you
know what this is oh it's
a one-hour musical program about police it's going to be singing and dancing
about police yeah about police
that's right exactly that's right and and we we need you to watch we want you
to be sort of the every
man judge of the the first offering i think it's on wednesday is that right paul
is it yeah wednesday
can you do that for us i won't be home wednesday night i could tape it i guess
yeah yeah what you got
big plans for wednesday yeah yeah there's no way you can change it i guess huh
oh oh brother the only
mother i have uh all right mom fine sure have it your way no david i said i
would tape it what time is it
all
uh i don't know mom you tape it paul you got your mother's number
uh you you tape it mom that'll give you plenty of time to study it and then we'll
call you next week
okay all right have a lovely fall there in indiana thank you all right goodbye
mom bye
david i said i would tape it all right all right all right thanks you're right
back oh here we go
tonight the top 10 category from the home office in as is james brown out of
prison yeah last i heard
he was on a on a work release work release okay uh top 10 category tonight from
the home office in
lebanon pennsylvania how about that i didn't know that i swear to goodness i
didn't know they had
gone to the amish country i just know that that's a part of every trip they
take you know your mother
they went to the arctic circle a couple of years ago passed right through a
little amish settlement
uh do with james brown i don't know i was trying to figure out if he's in jail
or out of jail i don't
know because thank goodness he's out i've been getting my mail back is why i
meant uh top 10 surprises
in the chris jeff tape paul did you understand any of that well something about
an audience member's
audience boasts was the name of that little uh i understand it except for the
title yeah i don't
get any of it but i get the premise of the bet do you know anything about this
contest the uh
the mcdonald's nbc contest you know what you're watching nbc right now yeah mcdonald's
and nbc
have a multi-million dollar contest they are tied in together that's right now
as clearly as i
understand it you go down and you get yourself a mcdonald's hamburger yeah or a
malt or whatever
they have any product yeah try the veal when you're down there try it and and
you take it home uh
and you watch tv and you could win like a million bucks how do you win you have
to as i understand and i
don't believe me i'm not the final authority on this i have nothing to do with
this contest
yeah you i think you have to name the golden girls have to name all of the
golden girls and then and
then come closest to their combined age and weight i don't know and you get a
million dollars you know
you know this operation is on its last legs first of all they're they're they're
blackmailing you into
going in there to load up on the bad meat yeah and then what do you do now that
you're full of this
stuff you go home and you watch tv 24 hours a day there that's the perfect
contest the perfect
marriage that's america yeah so you're sitting there full of that stuff
watching tv you have a
stroke boom you're done goodbye yeah that's the new contest so it's estelle getty
yeah it's a still
paul c dot you're not eligible just save your breath you're an employee of this
grand oh i can't
i'm a disqualified big trouble tonight because cop rock premieres tonight and i
think they're on
opposite my favorite show the finale brothers really those two are going up
against i think they
are yeah it'll be a battle of the titans what is the concept of the finale
brothers as you know it's
this four italian brothers they're all in their 60s and for some reason they
move back in their house
with their mom who's in their 90s four 60 year old and it's and it's always
just hey ma we're out of
lasagna and then mom says hey i got your lasagna and there it is that's the
show that's the show but
they're going up against cop rock rock what is that one cop rock they're
singing and dancing down at i
don't know it's cops singing and dancing it's policemen singing and dancing yes
yes this will
have premiered tonight yes it's been on already tonight already america is
buzzing about it wow
i know we're a little late all right all right here we have our top 10 category
tonight from the home
office in lebanon uh top 10 things overheard at the big cincinnati obscenity
proud and thank you
i'm excited tonight big friday night show i got big plans for the weekend it's
thursday it ain't friday
stop it it's get a hold of yourself it's thursday i'm sorry and now the
question that's on the lips
of all americans did you see a cop rock last well i missed it anybody here see
cop rock what did you
think of this show last night huh no no no see now wait people are saying you
know people are saying
that it's pretty damn good yeah all week long i've been making fun of it now
boy is my face red
is it oh geez i hope not is it it is a little isn't it maybe it's a little red
earthquake uh uh but you
you know what they're they're describing it is breakthrough television really
well i understand
there's no middle ground people either love it they love it or hate it but that
doesn't make any
difference because it is officially breakthrough television it's a musical i
don't i don't i'm
not interested in breakthrough television i want the same old crap night after
night after night
it's a good thing the audience wants that too you know i'm dying to tell you
something i did last
night i don't know if i will i'll save it and tell you a little bit oh come on
i'll tell you later
because we get a big show yeah we have uh dana carvey uh author douglas adams
and paul why don't
you introduce our musical guest he is from senegal you know kids because it's
the end of summer
summer is over yeah that's right summer is finished uh people are back from
their vacation
i'm so embarrassed it's just me idiot me hanging on to the camera like that
screaming my lungs out
the music was wrong no the music i was just looking for somebody else to take
the fall
that's my personal credo you know find somebody else to take the fall okay with
any luck at all
ladies and gentlemen the next voice you hear will be that of my uh mother dorothy
there in indianapolis
last week we called dorothy and asked her to watch cop rock you folks see cop
rock
you folks own televisions
ah this will be my mom back there in indianapolis you know the state of indiana
they have an 18 year
old governor hi mom it's me dave how you doing i'm fine how are you good how's
the weather going
on there in indianapolis we have another beautiful fall day yeah what's the
temperature uh mid 70s
crystal clear blue skies right uh warm sun and do you get a little frost at
night not except once
yeah okay uh and and uh you know you actually you folks actually had an
earthquake back there a couple
of weeks ago didn't you yes we did did you feel the house shake no uh did it
come up your way though
some people felt it yes yeah you know we just had a little simulation of an
earthquake here in the
studios it was quite successful oh really yeah yeah uh shake the building do
what what did you do shake
the building yeah we did mom we shook the building okay
mom she's trying to help it's my mother she's trying to help she knows she can
smell a bomb even
back there in indianapolis she's trying to help she knows so now mom now do you
rake leaves do you
have a leaf blower any of that we don't have enough trees to have leaves to rake
yet okay now when you
get snow do you shovel your own walks because i know you used to do that when i
was a kid
i'd be busy watching cartoons or i could have helped oh you you shoveled walk
yeah but let me just give
you a piece of advice mom whether it's whether it's raking the leaves whether
it's shoveling the snow
don't overdo it thank you david all right now um mom is it true that the
governor of the state of
indiana is 18 years old he's a he's a little older than that how old is he i'm
not real sure yeah but
he's a very young man isn't he right yeah did you vote for this guy no yeah
is is he is he a pretty good guy or is he just a a lion snake
i think he's a pretty good guy
all right mom i tell you what let's uh when you're talking to your mom don't
overdo it
let's get right to it last week you said that you would videotape cop rock and
then today we won a
report of uh did you get a chance to s