Name: New Dial-It-Services on Letterman, November 14, 1984
Uploaded: 2016-04-28T21:08:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Dial-It-Services on Letterman, November 14, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Dial-It-Services on Letterman, November 14, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-28. Transcript available.

New dial-it services, ladies and gentlemen.
We're going to premiere some of them for you tonight.
The phone's all set. I'm all set.
Get ready.
Our first service certainly has an intriguing title.
It's Dial, the Easiest Thing to Obtain in the World.
The Easiest Thing to Obtain in the World.
There's the first ring.
Afternoon.
Cleveland Cavaliers season ticket sales.
All right.
Sounded like Wally Ballou answered the phone, didn't it?
All right.
Close observers of the political scene should find this one also interesting.
It's Dial Some Fashion Tips from Capitol Hill.
This will be good right after the election.
Fashion Tips from Capitol Hill.
Hello. This is House Speaker Tip O'Neill.
Hi, Tip.
When selecting your tie in the morning, think ahead to what you'll be having
for lunch.
For example, a red paisley pattern will camouflage most spaghetti sauce strippings
and even entire meatballs.
Good advice.
When you pack your suit with snacks, keep the bulky bags of cheese curls and
taco chips up at chest level for that V-shaped silhouette gals go for.
All right.
Good advice from Tip O'Neill.
All right.
Here we have a new dial-it service that appeals to a wide range of callers.
This is Dial, a Determined Irish Setter.
Hello, Senator Fido's office.
Do you have any idea how determined an Irish Setter would have to be to make it
to the United States Senate?
Gary, you can have this one.
I'll follow that.
Yeah, you take care of that one, will you?
Okay.
Number four.
Here's a service that wasn't even possible a couple of years ago.
This is Dial, a Guy, Proud of His Cordless Phone.
Is that where we are?
Dial, a guy who is very proud of his new cordless phone.
Cordless Phone.
Hello.
Hi.
Uh, hold on a second.
I think I'll go downstairs.
Okay.
Ah, you know, it's such a nice day.
I think maybe I'll go outside.
Oh, okay.
Sure.
Ah, boy.
Hey, there's my car.
Maybe I'll take a drive.
Oh.
There we go.
Hey, there's the supermarket.
Uh-huh.
I'll just be a couple of minutes.
Okay, great.
Help you, sir.
Yeah, can you tell me where the, uh, frozen food section is?
That's Dial 3.
Nice phone.
Thank you.
Do-ba-ba-ta, waffles, waffles, waffles.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Uh, here they are, waffles.
Sorry, ma'am.
Nice phone.
Why, thank you.
You don't know where they keep the root beer, do you?
Oh, I think it's down the aisle.
Maybe, uh, down around the corner.
Oh, okay, thanks.
Do-ba-ba-ta, do-do-do-do-do-do-me and my phone.
That it?
Oh, okay.
That's, uh, that was Dial-A-Guy proud of his cordless phone.
All right.
We'll be going on to the next Dial-It here in just a few seconds, so time to go
on to it
right now.
Oh, geez.
You gotta, you gotta believe it.
We try.
You know, we really, we do our best.
Kids.
Uh, number five.
Uh, people who appreciate good food and fine wine will also appreciate this
next Dial-It
service.
All right.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Let me...
This is, uh, Dial Arno's Gourmet Restaurant in New Orleans.
Arno's Gourmet Restaurant in New Orleans.
Of course, I have the area code for New Orleans here, so...
Arno's Gourmet Restaurant.
Arno's Restaurant.
Oh, this tastes terrible.
It must be instant coffee.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Here's a service that will help prepare you for the future.
Dial a bumper sticker you're sure to be seeing in the next four years.
This is a bumper sticker you're going to be seeing in the next four years.
Don't blame me.
I'm from Minnesota.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Oh, this is interesting.
We have Dial a Guy Proud of His Cordless Phone Part 2.
I thought that first one was strangely incomplete.
Proud of His Cordless Phone Part 2.
But, uh, express line, express line.
Here we go.
Okay.
I've got my waffles.
I've got my root beer.
Uh-huh.
What do I owe you?
$3.25.
New phone?
Why, yes, it is.
Nice.
Thank you very much.
Do-ba-ba-do-do-do-do.
Okay, up against the wall, buddy.
Hey, officer, what is this?
Let's see what's in your back pocket.
What?
A steak, huh?
Huh.
Come on.
We're going downtown.
Officer, I have no idea how that...
Oh, sure.
Tell it to the sergeant.
But...
Oh.
Say, nice food.
Well, thank you very much.
You know, it's cordless.
How do you operate?
What happens if I, uh, hit this button right here?
Well, I wouldn't push that button.
I hit this...
Don't.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, at this time, we'd like to introduce you to the
cast of Dial a Guy with a Cordless Phone.
First of all is the grocery store clerk and Officer O'Hara, Jeff Martin, ladies
and gentlemen.
Now, as the lady in the aisle and Millie the Checkout Girl, Ms. Jude Brennan.
Jude.
Very nice.
And as the proud owner of the Cordless Phone, our own Chris Elliott.
Chris, nice...
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
And, of course, what we call a comedy helper.
It's an extender product that, uh, get the most out of your joke.
All right, we have time for one last one here.
Uh, Dial a Family that will make headlines in tomorrow's New York Post.
Dialing a Family now, which will make headlines in tomorrow's New York Post.
Hello, we're not home right now.
We got the kids drunk and took them to the petting zoo.
Okay, well, here we go.
Uh...
All right.
We have a wonderful program for you tonight.