Name: Martin Short on Letterman, December 3, 1982
Uploaded: 2016-04-28T23:44:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short on Letterman, December 3, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short on Letterman, December 3, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-28. Transcript available.

Yeah, all right. Terrific. It was great for us to have you back here again.
Well, it's great to be here.
The sweetheart of rock and roll, Carla DeVito, ladies and gentlemen.
So stay right there.
Sure. Stay right there.
We have pretty much run out of time here. I'm awfully sorry.
Marty Short will be rescheduled next week, and I would like to thank Terry
Jones, Carla DeVito also,
our announcer, Bill Wendell, Paul Schaefer and the band, and the great studio
audience.
Thank you, folks. You were terrific.
Now, Monday, comedian Gary Mulder will be here, and Joey O'Halloran, Miss Subways
of New York, 1976.
Thanks for watching. Have a good weekend. Good night.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What do you think?
I think you've got to go back out there. They're going nuts out there.
You want to take a pair of place up?
They're going to diminish the whole scene. You've got to get out there. You've
got to get out there.
You've ever seen anything like this before?
Hey, Dave, they're going berserk in there. What are you going to do?
Come on, Dave. Do something.
Hey, you've got to go out there. You've got to go out there and give them
another interview.
Another interview.
Yeah, you've got it.
All right. One more interview.
He's taking the encore.
Thanks.
Notify the affiliates.
Thank you. You're too kind. That's amazing. That's unbelievable. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Good heavens. I've never seen any... Thank you very much. You made me feel so
warm.
And I'll tell you what. Let's do ourselves a favor. The network was nice enough
to give us another half hour here.
Okay. So now the least we can do here, when we leave the studio, just kind of
clean up after yourself.
So maybe we'll get to use this facility again. Okay? Thank you very much. That's
awfully nice of you.
That was pretty darn exciting, huh?
All right. One more interview. My next guest was a member of the Toronto Second
City Company and was featured in such television series as The Associates and I'm
a Big Girl Now.
He is now the newest cast member of NBC's SCTV network, normally seen in this
time period, and has already made himself a lasting impression for that.
And now, would you give a warm welcome to Mr. Paul Anker?
One, two, three, four.
For 23 years, you made us laugh and cry and think, and you did it your way.
There's certainly a beautiful grub cheese. Boy, am I bad. I ain't had stuff
that's good since it's the stuff we used to steal from Uncle Louie's mouth chop,
and he wasn't looking.
Pierre Trudeau, that man's inexplicable taste in women might just be the answer
to my problem.
You know, you didn't. We're very much alike, you and I.
Oh, tell me you get cramps, too.
No, I've never met a woman quite like you.
Don't, Pierre!
It's Mertens vs. Jerry Lewis live.
It's awesome music.
Yes, Lewis is back.
Right, I've got him.
I'm Jerry with a J.
I'm Jerry with a J.
I'm Jerry.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Very impressive example of your work. Terrific, Jerry Lewis.
Thank you, Dave.
How did you happen to get this job, the SCTV position?
I, well, I've done Second City for a couple of years with the cast, and I'm
just old friends with everybody.
Is there an audition involved?
No, just a phone call.
They phoned me up and said, you want to do it? And I said, sure, that would be
fun.
You do a lot of impressions. Have you always done those?
Yeah, always.
But the thing about that show is that you're forced to do impressions that you
don't think you can.
I mean, and then you see them and you say, aha, I can't.
No, no.
But sometimes you get the tape and you study it, and then you sit in makeup,
and it takes, like, hours getting, you know, made up for the different people,
and you just kind of start getting the voice, and you sit with the tape
recorder sometimes, and...
Yeah, I would guess you're probably the only person alive doing Pierre Trudeau.
Probably not your standard Vegas impression act, Pierre Trudeau.
No, no, no. And I did Denny Theriault, and it's amazing how few people do Denny.
See, there's another one. This is probably, it's not your mainstream.
Jerry Lester, you'll be seeing.
Jerry Lester.
And London Lee, we're very excited about for show seven.
So these are, it's not like doing John Wayne.
These are really obscure.
No, no, this is not Rich Little Time, whether it's...
All right. And you also are a singer, and we're going to discuss that and other
things with Mr. Martin Short.
First, we're going away. We'll return more than likely.
Good evening. Welcome back. Martin Short is here. We're talking about your
singing career.
Did you ever actually work seriously as a singer anywhere?
Yeah, I used to, in the mid-70s in Toronto, I used to go on a show called
Everything Goes.
It was a kind of a, like, 90-minute variety show, hosted by Norm Crosby.
And it was prime time, and you may be surprised to realize that it didn't
succeed that well.
Didn't go, huh?
No, it didn't go.
And, but they would have major guests coming in.
Whoever was playing in town would play, and I would go on and sing.
I would be very nervous singing, you know.
And one night I went there, and I found out that Tony Bennett was going to be
singing.
And I was, you know, Tony Bennett was, like, one of my idols and still is.
And I was, you know, thinking, God, I can't, how do you be in the same show as
a singer with Tony Bennett?
So they said, don't worry, he's on the beginning of the show, you're on the end
of the show.
And meanwhile, there was a snowstorm, and he arrived, and Tony sang.
He got there about 20 minutes late, but he sang his heart out.
And he was just, forget your troubles, come on, get happy, the Lord is waiting
to take your hand.
And then they said, Tony, wait, I would wait till you get on stage.
I was in the makeup room, but you see, he's excited.
He got out, and he's singing and singing, and the crowd is going crazy.
And then they say, you're next.
And I said, what do you mean?
And they said, well, you sing the next song.
I said, well, you can't follow a singer with a singer.
They said, well, watch.
So they set up my chair downstage while Tony was killing upstage.
He was, I believe Joanna left me.
And just, they're going crazy, and they're setting up my stool down.
And I'm, you know, this is going to be great, I'm thinking.
And he finishes, and it cuts back to Norm Crosby, who says, thank you, Tony.
And now here's a kid who sings real good, Marty Short.
And I'm, they cut to me, and I, the music's I'm singing, you and I, Stevie
Wonder's you and I.
And I'm very nervous, and I, music's starting, da, da, da.
And I'm sitting in a, still wearing kind of like a bad sweater.
And I say, trying to be funny, I say, gee, what a spot following Tony Bennett.
Nothing, and, and then I think, okay, that's good.
And then I start into the song, here we are, on earth together, it's you and me.
And already I'm wrong, it's you and I, the lyrics, so.
And then I proceed to forget every lyric, and subconsciously break into Tony
Bennett's voice
while making up lyrics.
Truthfully, so it went something like this, here we are, on earth together, it's
you and
me.
Love was made, it was made in heaven too.
And just kind of faded, and, and, um, was never asked back.
It was my last appearance on the show.
Now, I understand.
You know, you and Paul Schaefer are old friends.
Paul Schaefer was there then.
Now, Paul and I are very, very old friends.
Did Paul advise you in any, uh...
Yeah, he would, he used to do some of the arrangements for me on that show.
When we are old friends, we share a great deal of, uh, common experiences.
But also we share a love of Frank Sinatra.
Right.
Now, I have been told that you do the best impression of Frank Sinatra in
Canada.
That's true.
And who, who would it be in the United States?
Uh, the United States, uh, I would give it to...
Now, Paul does...
Well, Joe is good, but I would have to say that Paul...
Uh-huh.
Paul does a good Sinatra?
Yeah, and, and, you know, so often in our business, man.
And forget that Paul and I were, uh, you know, playing back down until 3 a.m.,
which we were.
But let's pretend that we were just meeting today.
And this is how two Sinatra fans meet after a distance of time away from each
other.
You know, Paul, to see you again, it is grand.
Hey, Martin, it's a gas for you.
To be here with us, uh, it's so grand.
Well, dare we ring-a-ding the grooving lawn?
That's the Sinatra, I guess, as he is today.
As he is today.
Let's sing a song for all you doves.
Just say hello to a brand new world.
A world.
All right.
Uncanny.
Here's the pause.
We'll be back with Martin Short.
Unbelievable.
An uncanny likeness.
We'll be right back, folks.
My heavens.
Martin Short is back, and you just, uh, I enjoyed you and, uh, and Paul as
Frank.
Well, thank you.
Now, would you have done that if Frank were in the same state?
Uh, no, no, no, absolutely not.
Uh, I, I'm intimidated by Frank.
Some are intimidated by his father, but I find that, that, but, you know, it's
funny, and
so often, we rarely get a chance to, but that's what love is there for, you see.
Yeah, that is true.
That is what love is there for.
Now, do you, are you honestly intimidated by major stars?
It's a horrendous, frightening.
Really?
I've gotten better, but I used to be really pathetic.
A couple years ago, uh, about six years ago, I went, I was seeing the royal
family here in
New York, uh, uh, and I was sitting on second row, and I was by myself, and
Catherine Hepburn
walked in, and sat beside me, and I was like, whoa, Catherine, should I say
something?
Oh, I won't, no, maybe, well, I don't know, no, I won't, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no.
So the play starts, and, uh, Rosemary Harris is starring, and she's great, and
the act one
ends with a dramatic diatribe, and she collapses on the ground in emotion, and
when I see things
by myself, I tend to just, like, turn to someone and, and say something, and I
turn to Hepburn,
forgetting it was Hepburn, and said, isn't she classy?
And she said, uh, yes, she is.
Well, I know Rosemary personally, and the amazing thing about Rosemary is that
she will not hold
back in a performance, be it a matinee, very much like Spencer, who abhorred
all form of
reserve.
And while she was talking to me, I realized that I just turned and grabbed Kate
Hepburn's
arm, and said, isn't she classy?
And Hepburn, uh, you know, while talking, I'm thinking this, so when Hepburn
was finished,
I said, well, Miss Hepburn, you're no slouch.
And, and Catherine went, uh-oh.
So anyway, I never looked back, you know.
That's great.
You were maybe hoping for drinks later?
It didn't happen, huh?
Drinks, or at least a dance, of some form, a close thing.
Uh, now what do you, uh, what do you, uh, what do you hope for yourself now?
Uh, singing is, uh, not-
Singing is over.
Singing is finished.
Um, I would like to keep doing the show.
I'd love, no, actually, I would love to do a Broadway musical.
It's something I'd always like to do.
Didn't you audition for a, uh, a play once?
Yeah, I once, uh, well, I, you know, last spring, I thought, you know, I'd done
a couple
TV series, and I thought, you know, I want to try the real live stage, get back
to my roots,
and I came to New York, and I auditioned for The Tempest for the public theater,
and they
said, we see Trinculo as Jerry Lewis.
Can you read this as Jerry Lewis?
And, uh, it wasn't exactly how I, so I had to say, it's not a bush nor shrub to
bear up
any weather at all.
Wow!
And, uh, they went very good.
And, uh, then I heard a guy go in, and I heard Bill Fields coming through, so
they were,
uh, looking for a different approach with Shakespeare in the Park that year.
I don't know if it opened.
Uh, continued success with the SCTV, uh, the, the big Christmas special is
coming up, sir?
Yes.
And we'll look forward to that.
Thank you very much.
Catherine O'Hara will be joining that show again.
It will be-
Terrific.
Say, say hello to the folks there in Toronto for us.
Mr. Martin Short, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Uh, we're out of time.
I want to thank everybody who was here tonight.
Uh, Terry Jones, Carla DeVito, of course, Mr. Martin Short from SCTV.
Uh, our announcer, Bill Windle, Paul Schaefer, and the band.
And, of course, our wonderful-
Oh, no, we gotta go.
Uh, have a good weekend.
We'll see you Monday.
Thank you very much, folks.
Good night.
Uh, we'll see you next time.
All right, thank you.
Once again, uh, I don't know what to say.
I'm overwhelmed.
We'll do one more pet trick, okay?
And then that's it.
We got-
It's-
It's getting late.
They're gonna throw us out of here.
Ladies and gentlemen, you loved him yesterday when you saw him on the show.
Ken Kaufman and his dog, Samson.
Once again-
Ken, nice to see you again.
Hello, thank you.
Have you increased the weight?
No, we kept it the same.
We kept it the same.
All right.
All right.
There's Samson again.
All right.
And, uh, you may not remember this.
Samson is going to now lift 50 pounds.
Ladies and gentlemen, how about a drum roll this time?
Maybe a little, uh, get it?
Unpack your sticks.
All right.
Dan, thank you very much.
Thank you, Dan.
Samson, thank you very much.
Gentlemen, thank you very much.
Uh, take a look at the instant replay.
There you go.
Unbelievable.
That's it, folks.
We gotta go.
Thank you very much for being here.
Good night.
Uh, folks, that's it, folks.
Mr. Letterman has left the building, please.
Folks, NBC News Overnight needs this studio.
Please, folks, please.
Let's not spoil it.
You got in for nothing.
Would you please leave, folks?
It's all over.
David needs the rest.
He'll be back Monday.
Please, I ask you, on behalf of everybody, don't do this.

Martin Short on Letterman, December 3, 1982

Yeah, all right. Terrific. It was great for us to have you back here again.
Well, it's great to be here.
The sweetheart of rock and roll, Carla DeVito, ladies and gentlemen.
So stay right there.
Sure. Stay right there.
We have pretty much run out of time here. I'm awfully sorry.
Marty Short will be rescheduled next week, and I would like to thank Terry
Jones, Carla DeVito also,
our announcer, Bill Wendell, Paul Schaefer and the band, and the great studio
audience.
Thank you, folks. You were terrific.
Now, Monday, comedian Gary Mulder will be here, and Joey O'Halloran, Miss Subways
of New York, 1976.
Thanks for watching. Have a good weekend. Good night.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What do you think?
I think you've got to go back out there. They're going nuts out there.
You want to take a pair of place up?
They're going to diminish the whole scene. You've got to get out there. You've
got to get out there.
You've ever seen anything like this before?
Hey, Dave, they're going berserk in there. What are you going to do?
Come on, Dave. Do something.
Hey, you've got to go out there. You've got to go out there and give them
another interview.
Another interview.
Yeah, you've got it.
All right. One more interview.
He's taking the encore.
Thanks.
Notify the affiliates.
Thank you. You're too kind. That's amazing. That's unbelievable. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Good heavens. I've never seen any... Thank you very much. You made me feel so
warm.
And I'll tell you what. Let's do ourselves a favor. The network was nice enough
to give us another half hour here.
Okay. So now the least we can do here, when we leave the studio, just kind of
clean up after yourself.
So maybe we'll get to use this facility again. Okay? Thank you very much. That's
awfully nice of you.
That was pretty darn exciting, huh?
All right. One more interview. My next guest was a member of the Toronto Second
City Company and was featured in such television series as The Associates and I'm
a Big Girl Now.
He is now the newest cast member of NBC's SCTV network, normally seen in this
time period, and has already made himself a lasting impression for that.
And now, would you give a warm welcome to Mr. Paul Anker?
One, two, three, four.
For 23 years, you made us laugh and cry and think, and you did it your way.
There's certainly a beautiful grub cheese. Boy, am I bad. I ain't had stuff
that's good since it's the stuff we used to steal from Uncle Louie's mouth chop,
and he wasn't looking.
Pierre Trudeau, that man's inexplicable taste in women might just be the answer
to my problem.
You know, you didn't. We're very much alike, you and I.
Oh, tell me you get cramps, too.
No, I've never met a woman quite like you.
Don't, Pierre!
It's Mertens vs. Jerry Lewis live.
It's awesome music.
Yes, Lewis is back.
Right, I've got him.
I'm Jerry with a J.
I'm Jerry with a J.
I'm Jerry.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Very impressive example of your work. Terrific, Jerry Lewis.
Thank you, Dave.
How did you happen to get this job, the SCTV position?
I, well, I've done Second City for a couple of years with the cast, and I'm
just old friends with everybody.
Is there an audition involved?
No, just a phone call.
They phoned me up and said, you want to do it? And I said, sure, that would be
fun.
You do a lot of impressions. Have you always done those?
Yeah, always.
But the thing about that show is that you're forced to do impressions that you
don't think you can.
I mean, and then you see them and you say, aha, I can't.
No, no.
But sometimes you get the tape and you study it, and then you sit in makeup,
and it takes, like, hours getting, you know, made up for the different people,
and you just kind of start getting the voice, and you sit with the tape
recorder sometimes, and...
Yeah, I would guess you're probably the only person alive doing Pierre Trudeau.
Probably not your standard Vegas impression act, Pierre Trudeau.
No, no, no. And I did Denny Theriault, and it's amazing how few people do Denny.
See, there's another one. This is probably, it's not your mainstream.
Jerry Lester, you'll be seeing.
Jerry Lester.
And London Lee, we're very excited about for show seven.
So these are, it's not like doing John Wayne.
These are really obscure.
No, no, this is not Rich Little Time, whether it's...
All right. And you also are a singer, and we're going to discuss that and other
things with Mr. Martin Short.
First, we're going away. We'll return more than likely.
Good evening. Welcome back. Martin Short is here. We're talking about your
singing career.
Did you ever actually work seriously as a singer anywhere?
Yeah, I used to, in the mid-70s in Toronto, I used to go on a show called
Everything Goes.
It was a kind of a, like, 90-minute variety show, hosted by Norm Crosby.
And it was prime time, and you may be surprised to realize that it didn't
succeed that well.
Didn't go, huh?
No, it didn't go.
And, but they would have major guests coming in.
Whoever was playing in town would play, and I would go on and sing.
I would be very nervous singing, you know.
And one night I went there, and I found out that Tony Bennett was going to be
singing.
And I was, you know, Tony Bennett was, like, one of my idols and still is.
And I was, you know, thinking, God, I can't, how do you be in the same show as
a singer with Tony Bennett?
So they said, don't worry, he's on the beginning of the show, you're on the end
of the show.
And meanwhile, there was a snowstorm, and he arrived, and Tony sang.
He got there about 20 minutes late, but he sang his heart out.
And he was just, forget your troubles, come on, get happy, the Lord is waiting
to take your hand.
And then they said, Tony, wait, I would wait till you get on stage.
I was in the makeup room, but you see, he's excited.
He got out, and he's singing and singing, and the crowd is going crazy.
And then they say, you're next.
And I said, what do you mean?
And they said, well, you sing the next song.
I said, well, you can't follow a singer with a singer.
They said, well, watch.
So they set up my chair downstage while Tony was killing upstage.
He was, I believe Joanna left me.
And just, they're going crazy, and they're setting up my stool down.
And I'm, you know, this is going to be great, I'm thinking.
And he finishes, and it cuts back to Norm Crosby, who says, thank you, Tony.
And now here's a kid who sings real good, Marty Short.
And I'm, they cut to me, and I, the music's I'm singing, you and I, Stevie
Wonder's you and I.
And I'm very nervous, and I, music's starting, da, da, da.
And I'm sitting in a, still wearing kind of like a bad sweater.
And I say, trying to be funny, I say, gee, what a spot following Tony Bennett.
Nothing, and, and then I think, okay, that's good.
And then I start into the song, here we are, on earth together, it's you and me.
And already I'm wrong, it's you and I, the lyrics, so.
And then I proceed to forget every lyric, and subconsciously break into Tony
Bennett's voice
while making up lyrics.
Truthfully, so it went something like this, here we are, on earth together, it's
you and
me.
Love was made, it was made in heaven too.
And just kind of faded, and, and, um, was never asked back.
It was my last appearance on the show.
Now, I understand.
You know, you and Paul Schaefer are old friends.
Paul Schaefer was there then.
Now, Paul and I are very, very old friends.
Did Paul advise you in any, uh...
Yeah, he would, he used to do some of the arrangements for me on that show.
When we are old friends, we share a great deal of, uh, common experiences.
But also we share a love of Frank Sinatra.
Right.
Now, I have been told that you do the best impression of Frank Sinatra in
Canada.
That's true.
And who, who would it be in the United States?
Uh, the United States, uh, I would give it to...
Now, Paul does...
Well, Joe is good, but I would have to say that Paul...
Uh-huh.
Paul does a good Sinatra?
Yeah, and, and, you know, so often in our business, man.
And forget that Paul and I were, uh, you know, playing back down until 3 a.m.,
which we were.
But let's pretend that we were just meeting today.
And this is how two Sinatra fans meet after a distance of time away from each
other.
You know, Paul, to see you again, it is grand.
Hey, Martin, it's a gas for you.
To be here with us, uh, it's so grand.
Well, dare we ring-a-ding the grooving lawn?
That's the Sinatra, I guess, as he is today.
As he is today.
Let's sing a song for all you doves.
Just say hello to a brand new world.
A world.
All right.
Uncanny.
Here's the pause.
We'll be back with Martin Short.
Unbelievable.
An uncanny likeness.
We'll be right back, folks.
My heavens.
Martin Short is back, and you just, uh, I enjoyed you and, uh, and Paul as
Frank.
Well, thank you.
Now, would you have done that if Frank were in the same state?
Uh, no, no, no, absolutely not.
Uh, I, I'm intimidated by Frank.
Some are intimidated by his father, but I find that, that, but, you know, it's
funny, and
so often, we rarely get a chance to, but that's what love is there for, you see.
Yeah, that is true.
That is what love is there for.
Now, do you, are you honestly intimidated by major stars?
It's a horrendous, frightening.
Really?
I've gotten better, but I used to be really pathetic.
A couple years ago, uh, about six years ago, I went, I was seeing the royal
family here in
New York, uh, uh, and I was sitting on second row, and I was by myself, and
Catherine Hepburn
walked in, and sat beside me, and I was like, whoa, Catherine, should I say
something?
Oh, I won't, no, maybe, well, I don't know, no, I won't, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no.
So the play starts, and, uh, Rosemary Harris is starring, and she's great, and
the act one
ends with a dramatic diatribe, and she collapses on the ground in emotion, and
when I see things
by myself, I tend to just, like, turn to someone and, and say something, and I
turn to Hepburn,
forgetting it was Hepburn, and said, isn't she classy?
And she said, uh, yes, she is.
Well, I know Rosemary personally, and the amazing thing about Rosemary is that
she will not hold
back in a performance, be it a matinee, very much like Spencer, who abhorred
all form of
reserve.
And while she was talking to me, I realized that I just turned and grabbed Kate
Hepburn's
arm, and said, isn't she classy?
And Hepburn, uh, you know, while talking, I'm thinking this, so when Hepburn
was finished,
I said, well, Miss Hepburn, you're no slouch.
And, and Catherine went, uh-oh.
So anyway, I never looked back, you know.
That's great.
You were maybe hoping for drinks later?
It didn't happen, huh?
Drinks, or at least a dance, of some form, a close thing.
Uh, now what do you, uh, what do you, uh, what do you hope for yourself now?
Uh, singing is, uh, not-
Singing is over.
Singing is finished.
Um, I would like to keep doing the show.
I'd love, no, actually, I would love to do a Broadway musical.
It's something I'd always like to do.
Didn't you audition for a, uh, a play once?
Yeah, I once, uh, well, I, you know, last spring, I thought, you know, I'd done
a couple
TV series, and I thought, you know, I want to try the real live stage, get back
to my roots,
and I came to New York, and I auditioned for The Tempest for the public theater,
and they
said, we see Trinculo as Jerry Lewis.
Can you read this as Jerry Lewis?
And, uh, it wasn't exactly how I, so I had to say, it's not a bush nor shrub to
bear up
any weather at all.
Wow!
And, uh, they went very good.
And, uh, then I heard a guy go in, and I heard Bill Fields coming through, so
they were,
uh, looking for a different approach with Shakespeare in the Park that year.
I don't know if it opened.
Uh, continued success with the SCTV, uh, the, the big Christmas special is
coming up, sir?
Yes.
And we'll look forward to that.
Thank you very much.
Catherine O'Hara will be joining that show again.
It will be-
Terrific.
Say, say hello to the folks there in Toronto for us.
Mr. Martin Short, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Uh