Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, November 7, 1985
Uploaded: 2016-04-30T22:59:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, November 7, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-30. Transcript available. By request: Viewer Mail and eyebrows.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, November 7, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-04-30. Transcript available. By request: Viewer Mail and eyebrows.

It's Thursday night, and tonight is the night we answer our voluminous viewer
mail.
Let me remind you, these are actual letters from actual viewers.
Let's get right to it, shall we?
And tonight, since it is kind of a special evening,
I'm going to ask our own director, Hal Gertner,
to enhance the viewer mail presentation by calling out the number of the
letters.
Hal?
First, it's Gurney.
I'm sorry, Gurney, Hal Gurney.
Letter number one.
Dear Dave, we've been watching the show since the mid-50s,
and the question on our minds is, have your eyebrows been bleached, and if so,
why?
Inquisitively yours, Jeff Weaver and Charles Trotter.
Keep in mind, it took two guys to write this letter.
This comes from Los Angeles, California.
You know, Paul, speaking of Los Angeles, that reminds me.
I was in L.A. last week, you know, and I went to that new Prudhomme restaurant.
You did?
Yeah, oh, it was great.
Is that Paul Prudhomme?
No, no, no, no, no, no, Don Prudhomme.
I had the nitro-burning prawns.
That was unbelievable.
Ah.
Unbelievable.
I should have enjoyed that one.
Letter?
Letter two.
Thank you very much, Hal.
Dave, your eyebrows turned white several months ago, and you haven't been the
same ever since.
You know something else?
Your eyes, they're squintier.
Sincerely, Barbara.
Well, you know, Barbara, that's true.
I know I've been squinting a lot, and you know why?
It's those damn roses.
I see them everywhere.
I can't seem to escape them.
There, please, someone must help me.
Get rid of those roses, please.
Letter number three.
Oh, thank you very much, Hal.
Thank you.
You know what happened there, Paul?
I was looking at those roses on that station area, and of course, I was momentarily
hypnotized.
That's what happened.
Did you call it out, Hal?
No.
Letter number three.
Okay.
Again.
Dear Dave, letter number three begins, what's with the eyebrows?
Do you shave them off, or are they a much lighter blonde than your hair?
In which case, which do you dye, your hair or your eyebrows?
Your pal, Gary Brown, St. Louis, Missouri.
P.S.
The Mets are pond scum.
Hold it.
Hold it right there, Gary.
All right, let me make one thing clear here.
The Mets, in fact, are not pond scum.
I'll prove it to you with this chart.
Okay.
First of all, all right, the Mets emit CO2.
Okay, so does pond scum.
The Mets occasionally very damp.
All right, same with the pond scum.
The Mets consume microbes.
Pond scum consumes microbes.
The Mets failed to beat St. Louis and the NL East.
Eh, well, so did the pond scum.
Here's one difference.
The Mets are eligible for free agency after five years.
Pond scum, not eligible for free agency after five years.
The Mets annually sponsor thermal mug night.
Pond scum, on the other hand, disdain flashy promotions.
Finally, the Mets have one player named Mookie.
Pond scum, everyone is named Mookie.
So, as you can see here.
The Mets are clearly not pond scum.
And as Hal Gurney, our director, informs us, it's time now for letter number
four.
Dear David, please tell us why you keep your eyebrows gray.
With your red hair, your white brows look ridiculous.
We watch your show every night.
It is on.
Darken your brows.
Mrs. C.O. Van Vector, La Porte, Indiana.
I have friends from La Porte, Indiana.
Really?
Yeah, I went to college with a woman named Marty Decker from La Porte, Indiana.
Really?
Nice woman.
You don't care, do you?
Well.
Mrs. C.O. Van Vector, La Porte, Indiana.
Oh, there's a P.S. here.
Please, Paul, come to my rescue.
And there's some sort of silly little drawing there.
Gee, that is, what is this?
A cryptic message about Paul coming to the rescue and that little drawing.
Paul, what, do you know anything about this?
Uh, no.
I, I, uh, I don't know why I think I'd know anything about it.
Oh, my God.
I don't know the collection of it.
It's actually a, it's a Woolworths ring and there's a thing kind of stuck on
top of it.
I mean, it just goes to show you don't need a huge budget to have a lot of good,
clean fun, do you?
Yeah, the truth.
That's right.
Letter number five.
Thank you very much, Al.
There's more.
Letter number five.
Dear Dave, I watch your show every night and I think it's great.
There's just one problem.
What the hell's the deal with your eyebrows?
Why are they a different color than your hair?
Please reply your pal, Bill Bryan, SUNY Brockport.
That's, uh, uh, State University of New York at Brockport, I guess.
Uh, well, you know, if it will put this matter to rest for once and all, I'll
tell you the story my parents told me about my eyebrows.
You see, they had gone to the hospital, Mom was about to go into the delivery
room, and it happened just about like...
Don't worry, honey.
Everything's going to be just fine.
I know it will.
So long as he gets your beautiful hair.
And your normal eyebrows.
I'd be happy if he got either one.
Oh, honey.
Mr. Letterman, it's a boy.
That's, uh, that's our viewer mail.
Gosh, we have a great show tonight, but first, but first, here's a brand new
pickle from Vlasic.
New Vlasic Zesty Dills.
And not a minute too soon.