Name: Staff Lunchtime Stories on Letterman, March 27, 1992
Uploaded: 2016-05-01T18:05:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Lunchtime Stories on Letterman, March 27, 1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Staff Lunchtime Stories on Letterman, March 27, 1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-01. Transcript available.

You know, kids, I think it's fairly obvious that since I normally do all the
talking on this program, and frankly, America is sick of it,
I figured, why not give others on our staff a chance to chat themselves into a
stupor?
So, we did. We did just that. Here's something we call Staff Lunchtime Stories.
All right, this story is really embarrassing, but when I was in high school, I
know you can't really believe this,
but I was actually on the cross-country ski team, and what we did was every
year we trained to go to this big,
it's a hundred-mile, two-day marathon, the Canadian ski marathon, and you would,
like, go and ski 50 miles a day,
and it's a big line, 10,000 skiers from every land, and they're just in this
huge, really impressive line,
skiing along there out in the middle of Quebec, and about an hour into the deal,
I really had to go to the bathroom.
I mean, I really had to go to the bathroom.
So, I'm skiing along, and it's just getting worse and worse, and I'm thinking,
I'm not going to make it.
So, I saw this little path going off, like, into the woods, and I went, like,
oh, maybe I could, like, go in there.
So, I skied off, and I looked around, and sure enough, everything was fine.
So, I pulled my pants down, and all of a sudden, I hear someone go, hey, Dad,
look at that!
And I turn around, and basically, the trail had taken a curve, and I was in
total view of all 10,000 skiers from many lands.
When I was 18, I had this job dressing up in a moose costume, and promoting moose
head beer in a local hula hands.
I just finished up doing my moose dance, and I was coming from the dance floor,
and suddenly, out of nowhere, I'm sucker punched.
Pretty hard, but in the snout, and the snout doesn't hit, so it didn't really
hurt.
So, I'm still sort of in character, so I sort of say, hey, you know, holding my
head, don't hit the moose head moose.
And I peer out the mouth, and I see this swaggering drunk guy, and he just goes,
moose, get the hell away from me.
Get the hell away from me.
I'm like, oh, come on, you know, I'm just the moose head moose, really.
So, obviously, I'm not getting through to this guy, because after I finish
saying that, he sort of hooks me with a laugh right to the side of the head,
hard enough to knock me to the floor.
So, now, now I'm on my knees in a moose costume on the floor of a hula hands in
happy hour, and people are laughing at me.
And then I hear the drunk guy say this, okay, moose.
Okay, moose.
Now I'm going to shoot you.
Now I'm going to shoot you.
And right at that moment, the bouncers had seen what was going on, and they
grabbed the guy.
It turns out, not only was this guy really, really drunk, he was a really,
really drunk, off-duty state trooper.
And he was reaching for his gun to plug me.
This portion of Staff Lunchtime Stories has been brought to you by Moosehead.
Okay, so, I was a junior in college, and I had this formal, and I had invited a
date.
I was real nervous, and about 20 minutes before the formal was supposed to
start, I decided I had this crush on this guy, and I was going to invite him.
So, I call him up, and I say, hey, Morty.
His name happened to be Morty.
I said, let's go to the formal.
So, he's like, all right, that's good, okay.
Literally, they didn't know what he was getting into, because we went, and we
were having a great time, and we were, like, you know, dancing and laughing.
We were out on the terrace, which is the second floor of this, like, restaurant,
and I'm sitting on the balcony, and we were kissing.
All of a sudden, I fall back, and I start going, and I pull him right with me.
And we both fall back, like, onto the towel, coming through the way.
I got stitches in the back of my head, and he broke his wrist and got stitches,
and he never spoke to me again.
E voleva sapere che qualità di zuppa, come si fa la zuppa, chi c'è il chef in
cucina, come si chiama.
Come ieri mattina mi ha chiamato un cliente otto volte al telefono per mangiare
una zuppa.
Here's our little lunchtime story.
We'll do a commercial and return here with Spinal Tap.