Name: Fun with Lasers on Letterman, May 8, 1985
Uploaded: 2016-05-01T22:48:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fun with Lasers on Letterman, May 8, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-01. Transcript available. Dick Sandaus displays his lasers. Taped May 1.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fun with Lasers on Letterman, May 8, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-01. Transcript available. Dick Sandaus displays his lasers. Taped May 1.

Okay. Is there another one? Do we have an introduction for this man? Is there
an introduction for this man? Oh, we'll get one. Don't worry about it. Tomorrow,
ladies and gentlemen, on this television program, comedian actor Bill Maher
will be with us. He's on the television program, Sarah, that you were so
concerned about earlier.
Hello, the child recipe winner, Brandon Gray, divot? Divot? And is this true?
Bob Hope will be here tomorrow night? Yes. The legendary and unbelievable Mr.
Bob Hope will be with us tomorrow night. Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I'd
like you to meet Mr. Dick Sandhouse, the president of Science Fiction
Corporation. Dick, nice to see you. Thank you. It's Science Faction Corporation.
Let me see what we have on the card. Science Faction, you're right. I'm sorry.
And you at Science Faction, you make lasers and special effects with lasers.
That's right. And what exactly is a laser? A laser is a very special kind of
light bulb that produces a non-divergent beam. But what do the letters mean?
Light amplified? Amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. And they're
terribly dangerous, they're highly illegal, and will be the end of our planet,
conceivably. Yeah. But it's an unbelievably powerfully concentrated force. That's
true. Until we start moving it very quickly, which is what this equipment is
all about. And we produce special effects by taking that one...
Right. For trade shows, for amusement parks. We have laser shows running down
at Disney World. We have a show out touring with a rock group Foreigner right
now.
Okay. So, but now this is... Laser advertising.
Now, this is a huge piece of equipment to generate just a few simple effects in
our studio.
Well, you might think so. No, typically, we work on a very large scale.
And we perform outdoor shows over cities where, I mean, hundreds of thousands
of people are watching, occasionally millions of people.
But are we generating something huge here, something powerful, something...
Oh, of course. And we're going to see this now.
So, what we're generating is a laser beam, which at the moment doesn't look
like much. Very thin beam of light.
Well, I see it's right here. Can we see that on camera?
Yeah, I think we probably got it.
And Tommy, you're going to run some smoke at some point.
What we're doing now is by scanning this beam very, very quickly, we draw
pictures, we write words.
It'll blind you if you look at it, right?
No, absolutely not. It's completely safe out there. You just watch this.
Now, good heavens, how did you get it to do that?
Do what? To make it flap it to wings?
Yeah, to make it to get the design of the, I guess that's the peacock?
That's right. It was flapping. This is the entire logo, which we'll see much
more clearly as soon as the smoke clears out a little bit.
But we're tracing the beam around to computer connect the dots drawing,
basically, which we've programmed in advance.
The laser is safe, but the smoke is deadly poisonous.
Yeah, yeah. It smells terrible out here. It smells terrible.
Anyway, and we see this stuff in three dimensions because the light's
reflecting on the smoke particles.
Now, you put your hand right through there, and obviously that's not a problem.
No, it's not, because when the beam is moving as quickly as it's moving now, it's
not in a place for very long.
So, you know, anything it touches dissipates the heat very, very quickly.
Now, how is this generated with some kind of a gas, argon gas?
Well, there's argon gas inside here, which is what's emitting the photons of
the light particles.
That's producing the thin beam of light.
And then this device, under the control of that computer, is taking the beam
and zipping it around this pan many times per second.
What makes the color? Is that the gas?
Yeah, that's characteristic of the gas.
Okay.
It produces blues and greens.
Show us whatever else you want to here.
Okay. I think the next thing that we're going to look at is something that we'd
like to put you inside of.
We'll sweep the beam again very, very quickly.
All right. And we'll run a little bit more smoke now, Tommy, so we have more
reflective particles in the air.
Yeah.
And if you'll come down here with me.
Is it all right to walk through here?
Yeah. Yeah, because we're going to, no, well, you stay on this side with me.
No problem, Dave.
Okay.
Now, the smoke is difficult.
Okay.
Let's open up this side, okay, so that we can walk in.
Why don't you step in first?
I will. Absolutely.
I want to make sure I have my keys before we leave.
Go ahead and get in there.
Now, you just look this way.
Don't look toward the sources.
You come in.
Well, now, he did.
I'm in. It's fine.
You do the same thing.
You see, we've opened up a little side for you.
Everything's fine.
Look to the camera.
It's very pleasant in here.
Right.
In fact, now, if you look back this way, far more spectacular.
I don't want to look at him.
What do you see back there?
Okay.
Well, you see what the camera's doing, right?
Oh, yeah.
And so this is an example of the sort of thing that we would do.
Yeah, let's close this up.
Scotty, beam us up quick, Scotty.
And we do the sort of thing for special effects, for television, for films, for
television, for commercials.
Rolling with Klingons.
Will you hurry up?
Okay, what else are we going to do here?
Real Star Wars.
Okay, let's open this up so we can get David out of here.
Okay, now we'll do something that's truly destructive.
One second.
Well, let me just...
Open up the side.
Just, come on.
Quit playing around.
No jokes, all right?
Okay.
Oh, God.
All right.
Now, come all the way upstage at this.
Okay.
Cancel that call to Planned Parenthood.
Okay, now here it comes, and we're going to now, when we don't move the beam at
this
extremely high velocity, it's in fact very, very dangerous.
Oh, let's move it up, because we're about to set off something a little ahead
of cue.
Here we go.
Okay.
How are we doing on time, Eric?
Are we all right?
No, I believe this is yours.
We've got to keep moving.
And they tell me that we're now going to use inappropriate technology, but high
technology
for lighting the cigar.
I step in here and light the cigar?
Well, you don't step...
Yeah, let's just step the cigar into it.
Oh.
Okay?
Yeah, it's really okay.
Oh, no, you can't look at that, can you?
Yeah, sure.
I mean, it's a bright spot, but you can look.
I think it's...
And probably if you puff on it, we'll get the entire effect.
Well, when did you puff on it, then?
I don't smoke.
That's close enough.
We've all seen cigars.
Aren't we?
So we have the world's most expensive cigar lighter.
Now, let's get to the other stuff.
Come on over here, because I understand that you'd really like to try this out.
How are we doing?
We all right?
Sure.
We've got to keep moving here, Dick, so we get all of this stuff in.
Oh, okay.
Very quickly.
Why don't you stand on the side of me, then?
All right.
All right.
We'll open back up.
Now, is this expensive to have this equipment in your home?
Would this cost a lot of dough?
Yeah, about a quarter million dollars.
No kidding.
So we typically don't sell it for these sorts of applications.
Okay.
I have a joystick here for controlling the beam.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
And just, you know, just take this.
Just get used to it.
What if it heads off toward the audience?
Well, we don't...
No, that can't happen.
See?
Oh, this is great.
Paul, you better duck.
Great.
Okay.
What is that?
Okay, now we've got some...
Nope.
Try to hit the black spot.
Oh, okay.
We're setting off the radiometer, right?
That measure's heat.
It's spinning around.
Curiously, now it's going to burn up shortly.
That's the end.
Now, what do you want?
See those black...
Oh, you're setting off caps at the moment?
See the black spots on the white paper?
See if you can direct the beam up there.
I can't get it.
Oh, come on.
Just like a video game.
Well, you know, I lost most of my vision when we were in that damn box.
Okay, let's steer it up.
Just sort of push...
Whoa, there.
What was that?
It did go.
Yeah, that was really the end of the radiometer.
Okay.
Sparklers?
I like those balloons, yeah.
Sort of get right onto the tip.
We're missing now a little bit.
Okay, just leave it there for a moment.
And we should get those things fucking shortly.
This is fascinating.
Isn't this fun?
Well, that's taking a while.
I think our aim must be a little bit off here.
Let's go back over here and do something over there.
Yeah, okay.
Go up a little higher.
See the black...
Yeah, there we go.
Flash paper.
Now, come down a little bit.
Oh, there go the caps.
Oh, that noise is deafening, Dick.
I don't...
Well, you complained about the noise from the equipment earlier.
We only provide the lasers.
You guys provide it.
Is there one other thing we can ruin with this laser before we're out?
Yeah, well...
Let's go back to this part.
Yeah, you really don't want to try the marshmallow effect.
Oh, I'm not putting that thing in my head.
No, no, no.
Why don't you put it on your head?
You want to put it on your head?
Well, who's going to control the joystick?
I'll be controlling it.
Okay, let's just...
Okay.
Alright, I will...
In order to demonstrate...
Check the aperture.
Okay.
In order to demonstrate the safety of this, I will do that.
Okay, do we have time to do it here?
Because I think you were...
Just that.
Just that?
Okay, hurry, Dick.
Hurry and get down there.
And I guess we know how to contact your family, right?
Yeah, yeah.
What was the form they made me sign before I looked down here?
Okay, put it right on there.
Now, what do we do?
Are you controlling this or my control?
I just got to open the shutter.
I don't think we just...
You better...
No, you...
Right.
No, I...
He doesn't want the goggle.
I can take it.
How about a drum roll?
Can I have a drum roll, please?
You ready?
Keep your head forward a little, please.
Give it forward.
There you go.
And I hit the switch here?
Is it toasting?
Is that it?
I can't see it.
Well, this should be ready about Friday, so...
Is that it?
Let's get a pro on the joystick here.
There you go.
Okay.
Okay.
This is John Burson from Science Faction.
We'll get this into toast.
Okay.
Thanks, John.
Thank you very much, Dick.
We'll be right back with Charlie Spoden.
We'll be right back with Charlie Spoden.
We'll be right back with Charlie Spoden.
We'll be right back with Charlie Spoden.
We'll be right back with Charlie Spoden.