Name: Viewer Mail with Mark Hamill on Letterman July 28, 1983
Uploaded: 2016-05-08T02:49:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail with Mark Hamill on Letterman July 28, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail with Mark Hamill on Letterman July 28, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-08. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, every Thursday night since we went on the air, when did
we go on the air, Paul?
You know it as well as I did.
The late 50s.
We have been answering our viewer mail, and by gosh, we're going to continue
doing so until we can come up with something else to do in its spot.
No, no.
Our first letter tonight comes to us from Washington, D.C., and it goes
something like this.
Recently, I requested four tickets to late night for a specific date in the
near future.
Tickets for this date, however, were not available, but your staff said only
that they would provide me with tickets on the next available date.
What am I supposed to do? Wait until doomsday for my trip to New York?
Sincerely, Elizabeth Fryer, Washington, D.C.
I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I don't know what you were told, but tickets for the doomsday
show are sold out also now.
The Monday after doomsday is available, and we'll have comedian Jay Leno and
also Stupid Patrick, so why don't you try and come on that Monday after doomsday?
Letter number two comes to us.
I always like to see you from where... Oh, Iowa. That's nice.
Dear David, I've watched your show for over a year now, and I've always enjoyed
it.
Well, that's very nice. I appreciate that.
In that time, though, I've made a rather disturbing observation.
After your opening remarks and introduction to the show, you introduce Paul and
the band.
That's fine. I like Paul and the band.
But while the camera is on Paul, you sneak over to your desk.
I've noted only a few exceptions to this.
You're a creative kind of guy. Aw.
Come on, stop using Paul as a crutch.
Show some originality.
Looking forward to some changes.
Sincerely, Jane Maxey, Iowa.
Well, you know, Jane, you bring up a good point, but the camera isn't always on
Paul.
On last Thursday's program, for example, I think you'll see what I'm getting at
if you just take a look at this bit of videotape.
And plus, tonight is the night that we've all been waiting for.
Tonight is the night we give our very own Al Frisch a sponge bath.
So, you know we're going to have plenty of fun.
And now, please say hello to our good friend, Mr. Paul Schaefer.
Paul, nice to see you again tonight. How are you doing, sir?
David, so nice to see you. Things are fabulous.
Let me say, you know, I was thinking, and you don't in this business.
You don't get really enough time to sit down and think, with schedules being as
nutty as they are.
You should know, David, your schedule is probably, you know, almost as wacky as
my own.
But the last time I had a man, I sort of sat down, and I said to myself, you
know, it's funny.
We, as performers, the world is our laboratory.
Oh, that's great. It is.
Don't you think it is, David?
Thank you very much, Paul.
You'll pick that up.
Dear Dave, letter number three begins,
Last night I had some trouble with my television set, so I replaced the 50C5
tube.
Was this a good move?
And it says, thanks, Sean Welsh, Weston, Ontario.
Gee, Sean, I don't know.
For the answer to that question, we're going to have to turn you over to our
own Jimmy Fitzgerald in Technician's Corner.
Jimmy?
Jimmy?
Mr. Welch, I studied your leather with interest.
As far as I'm concerned, the 50C5 tube you replaced is not the issue here.
The issue is why you were poking around inside your TV.
There should be a warning on the back of your set that says, no user serviceable
parts inside.
Now, unless you're a licensed repairman, you should have taken the set to a
shop and had a professional replace the tube for you.
The next time, if you wind up with a bad electrical shock, don't come crying to
me.
David?
Thank you, Jimmy.
Our own Jimmy Fitzgerald, a very bitter man, and who can blame him?
Well, that brings us to letter number four.
Dear Dave, we're employed as counselors at a YMCA summer camp.
Unfortunately, our curfew is 12 a.m. Central Standard Time.
We would appreciate it if you would speak to our camp director, Ken Certain, to
appeal for our extra half hour to watch your show.
Also, he keeps the TV locked up.
Dave, you're our hero.
Please help us.
And it comes from something which we believe is Camp Wapsie.
In Coggin, Iowa.
Camp Wapsie in Coggin, Iowa.
Gee, you know, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be allowed to...
Wait a minute, is it Coggin, Iowa?
Coggin, Iowa.
Gee, isn't that where they have the home for the criminally insane, you know?
I remember that that's where the maniac escaped several years ago.
He was looking for the head of a boy he lost in a camping accident, you know?
Some say that he still stalks the area.
Summer nights around 12.30, chopping the heads off teenagers, he finds.
Insanely trying to replace his own boy's head.
But it's...
But I don't...
I wouldn't...
But I wouldn't...
Dave, you mean to say that they haven't caught him yet?
Uh, well, Bill, I wouldn't...
I wouldn't worry about it.
I think the boy's name was...
Dan Mayer.
Well, I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa.
I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa.
I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa.
I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa, and I think the boy's name is Coggin,
Iowa, and I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa, and I think the boy's name is
Coggin, Iowa, and I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa, and I think the boy's
name is Coggin, Iowa, and I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa, and I think
the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa, and I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa, and
I think the boy's name is Coggin, Iowa, and I think the boy's name is Coggin,
Iowa.
Yeah, sir, you don't get this on cable, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry, did I screw that up?
Did I...
Am I the one who...
I screwed it up a little bit?
Okay, my apology.
It worked okay?
Or as close...
That was my fault, Dave.
Oh, your fault, Hal.
Okay.
Hal Gurney, ladies and gentlemen, our director.
Hal, by the way, now that we have here...
Hal, do you have any plans for the weekend you can share with us?
What was that, Dave?
Plans for the weekend, Hal.
I'm going to a company picnic, Dave.
Company picnic.
Okay, fine.
Thanks, Hal.
Hal Gurney will be at the company picnic.
The old motto, quit while you're ahead.
Did they push the button again?
Is that what happened?
Okay, here we are.
This brings us now to, finally, letter number five.
Dear sir, I know you have reruns, so would you please rerun the show of June 20th
on which
you had Mark Hamill again.
He wasn't mentioned in the TV guide or our paper, and I was gone that night.
If I had known he was going to be on, I would have stayed home.
It upset me to miss him because I don't see much of him, and he is my favorite.
That's Mark Hamill, not Luke.
Well, Brenda, this comes to us from Brenda J. Filler.
Brenda, I agree with you that we should rerun the show with Mark Hamill.
He was a very interesting guest.
And as a matter of fact, Mark was supposed to come back on our program, coincidentally,
this very evening.
Unfortunately, he had a scheduling conflict and could not be here.
But to show you what a gentleman he really is, he was kind enough to tape this
following
special message just for you.
So if you'll watch the monitors, and Brenda at home, use your TV, and you'll
see our friend
Mark Hamill.
Hello, Brenda.
When I heard about your letter, I felt I owed you a personal explanation.
You see, I'm in London right now promoting my film, Return of the Jedi, and the
people
in England couldn't be nicer to me, but quite frankly, I miss the good old U.S.
of A.
As you can imagine, being out on these promotional tours can be quite a strain
at time.
There are the interviews, the photo sessions, and there's also the problem of
living out
of a suitcase in a foreign country.
Excuse me, I'm...
Now, as long as I have fans like you, though, Brenda, I think these overseas
trips can be
a lot more fun.
I really want to thank you for writing the letter, and I'm only sorry I can't
be with you
there in the studio.
Excuse me, Mark.
What is it, what is it...
Gosh, David, I'm really embarrassed.
I don't know what to say.
You know, what happened was that 20th Century Fox told me they were going to
send me to
England on this promotional tour.
For the movie.
Yeah, for the movie.
I got my bags all packed, my friends threw me this going away party, and I get
this phone
call from the office saying that these English journalists don't want to
interview me.
They want to interview, like, the monsters and the puppets and the robots.
I was so embarrassed, you know, what could I do?
So I decided, I checked into a hotel room and just tried to put one over on my
friends, but
shoot, this is really humiliating.
I'm really sorry, but what can I say?
Well, I guess I'm not so much mad as just disappointed.
Are you?
Yeah.
Gee, I don't know what to say.
I hope I can make it up to you.
Well, no, no, no.
No, that's all right.
Listen, get a hold of yourself.
Okay.
You want some coffee or something?
Oh, that would really hit the spot.
Yeah, no, forget it.
I mean, we all make mistakes.
Come on in here.
I'm sorry, everybody.
No, take care of yourself.
Okay.
We'll be right back, folks.
We have coffee.
We have a locality.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.