Name: Bob Zmuda as Tony Clifton on Letterman, February 18, 1982
Uploaded: 2016-06-08T15:55:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Zmuda as Tony Clifton on Letterman, February 18, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Zmuda as Tony Clifton on Letterman, February 18, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-08. Transcript available.

Tony Clifton has just completed a very successful engagement at Harrah's in
Tahoe, has recently opened for Rodney Dangerfield and Andy Kaufman, and will
soon be appearing at the Tropicana in Las Vegas. Please welcome international
singing sensation, the world-famous Tony Clifton.
Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong, whether I find a place in this world or
never belong,
I've got to be me, I gotta be me. What else can I be but what I am?
I'll go it alone, that's how it must be. I can't be right for anyone else if I'm
not right for me.
I've got to be free, I gotta be free. Daring to try to do it all night.
I think I hurt myself for that one. I've got to be...
I've got to be free, I've got to be free, I've got to be free.
No wonder my happy heart sings, your love has given me wings. I got the wings
of your love. I got the wings of a dove.
I got those. I got the chicken wings from Kentucky Fried. Hoop-dee-hoo-hoop-dee-die.
Mr. Mackay.
Okay, where are we? Medley. Okay, let's bring it on home.
That's life. That's what people say. You're flying high in April. Shout down in
May. But I don't let it get me down. Cause this whole world keeps us spinning
around.
I've been a puppet, a poker, a pirate, a poet, a pot, and a king. And I've been
up and down and over and out. But I know I mean each time I find myself. And on
my face I just pick myself up and get back in the race.
I'm going to fall out on that line. Oh, I won't deny it. Many times I've felt
like getting close. But my heart just wasn't tired. And if I thought it was it
worth a try.
I'd roll myself up in a big ball and die.
I'd roll myself up in a big ball and die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
I'd die.
Tony.
Very nice.
Very nice job.
Well, thank you very much.
Let me get right to it now.
When I first became aware of you, you seemed to actually come out of nowhere.
You were working with Andy Kaufman, the talented comedian and actor.
Well, I don't know about talented.
There was some discussion at that time that you, in fact, were Andy Kaufman and
that there is no Tony Clifton.
Well, I don't know anything about that. I'm not talking about it. Kaufman's
been using my name to get places.
And so there is no truth to the rumor that you're actually Andy Kaufman.
There's no truth to that rumor whatsoever. That's total fabrication on your
part.
Well, I didn't. I mean, a lot of other people have said that.
Yeah, I know. Many people are saying that. Many people say a lot of things.
I don't believe it. You don't believe it. I don't see it. You don't see it. Be
it. Clear it. Hear it. Me it.
Uh-huh.
You look like you're kind of a health nut. Do you work out?
Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Thank you, Tony.
May I ask you something?
Please do, Tony.
Can I take a survey? I want to just take a little survey, if I'm ready.
All right.
How many of you people got your cheese?
I'm not asking who cut the cheese. I'm asking who got the cheese.
Uh, now, Tony, you are not a well-liked man, despite the fact that you came out
here and pleased this audience.
Um, you had some trouble on the Dinah Shore program. Didn't you throw eggs at
Dinah?
Oh, that's not true. You know, they tell you, come on the show and make your
dinner and make the food. You know, you make the food that you want to eat.
Mm-hmm.
You know, the celebrities come on and make the food. So I made the food I eat,
the bacon and eggs.
Uh-huh.
And she was supposed to sing, you know, she was supposed to sing a duet with me
and she wouldn't. So I poured the eggs overhead.
Well.
I was, I was bodily removed.
A bodily removed. Now, the same thing happened on the set of Taxi.
Well, that's true. I was removed. I've been removed from almost every major
motion picture set of TV studio in America.
That's quite an impressive resume.
I think so. I think so.
Well.
And where's Dinah Shore today, huh?
Uh.
Where's your Chevy, Dinah?
No, that's.
Heine, miney, heiney.
There's no need to get into name calling here at Dinah Shore.
We have to pause, Tony. Thank you very much for being with us tonight.
It was a pleasure meeting you and hearing your act. Thank you very much.
What do I mean? I just got here.
We'll, uh, we'll pause.
Be back.
Hotel accommodations for most guests of Late Night with David Letterman,
furnished by Berkshire Place at Dunphy Classic Hotel in exchange for this
announcement.
For reservations at Dunphy Hotels in the U.S. and Europe, call toll-free 800-228-2121.
Thank you very much. We're about done here.
I want to thank everybody in the audience and our guests.
On Monday, Jessica Savage, a report from George Miller's Room,
a George Washington birthday play presented by PS84 in Manhattan,
and Shame of the City.
And now here again, Tony Clifton to recite What is a Wife.
A sigh in the night, a smile across a room full of strangers,
a tug on the old sleeve in the middle of a sad movie.
This is a wife.
A smile can lighten a heavy heart.
She could hold a hand or lend an ear.
Or she could blow a kiss in ease of care.
This is a wife.
What's in that?
What is it?
Zoom.