Name: Jeff Ross on Late Show, April 13, 1995
Uploaded: 2016-06-09T14:59:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jeff Ross on Late Show, April 13, 1995' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-09. Transcript available. By request: Jeff Ross's network television debut.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jeff Ross on Late Show, April 13, 1995' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-09. Transcript available. By request: Jeff Ross's network television debut.

Bela Fleck sitting in with the orchestra all evening our next guest is a very
funny young
comedian who will be opening the new improv at Harrah's in Las Vegas May 2nd
through the 7th
making his network television debut ladies and gentlemen a nice welcome for
Jeffrey Ross Jeff
I got five minutes this is so exciting man the David Letterman show New York
City
I'm from New Jersey I'm not proud of it there's only one advantage to being
born and raised in New
Jersey when you're born and raised there you become immune to the stench I'm on
the Jersey
Turnpike last week of my friend who's not from Jersey he's like what the hell
is that what is
that toxic waste garbage I'm like waffles Belgian waffles right there I love
living in New York now
I live here I'm walking around down you see the coolest stuff I saw Angela Lansbury
today in an
antique shop 800 bucks I love you guys I call up my friend right check it out
my friend's answer
machine message still says to leave your name and number does anybody here
still not know what to do
are people leaving other data instead call me back right away my address is 300
Mercer Street
my favorite food is corn hurry up my favorite film is Octopussy call me back
you ever hear this one
speak clearly after the tone hey Phil guess who died wah wah wah wah wah wah
wah wah wah wah wah that's right Phil Charlie Brown's teacher died
my sister has a dolman pincher I love dogs you should know that but I hate this
dog because he uh he snapped at me one time so now when she goes to work during
the day I call up her answering machine I leave the dog messages to make him
crazy
come on boy we'll go for a walk where's the leash come on baby
who's at the door go see who's at the door
oh this is fun man I want to try an impression I only do one impression follow
me can I borrow your bag
all right all right my only impression I worked really hard on it I hope you
guys like it
okay it's my only impression this is called this is called waiting for the
school bus in seventh grade
oh man I feel so relieved I was so nervous last night the show I couldn't sleep
I turned the TV on I'm watching hee haw at four in the morning
they still make hee haw remember that show the only thing worse than country
music is country comedy
people used to jump out of the grass for no reason at all I smell skunk right
back into the grass remember that
that show grows on you though it's contagious though it grows on you
I was watching with my sister one time and halfway through the show we were
making out
I would never ever I would never watch hee haw
you guys cheered me up man
my ex-girlfriend married some other guy not too long ago
you probably know her Pamela Anderson from Baywatch
I'm just kidding but did you see her in playboy how hot was she in playboy
my friend called me up he goes Jeff Pamela Anderson's a new playboy did you
read it
I said read it I ruined it
let me try something change your mood I wrote I wrote a couple love poems I
want to try them on you guys
I hope you like it this one's called Becky I said
Becky I said you're the girl for me
Becky I said you're the world to me
Becky I said will you marry me
Jeff she said my name's Karen
let me try another one
I'm cheating here I didn't write this one
this is one that my dad wrote for my mom
it's called enough with the bread already
your smile blooms like a bright summer flower
your hair flows down like a soft rain shower
your eyes are like open seas blue from coast to coast
so how come your ass looks like a truck
enough with the bread already
here's the last one I don't mean to leave you on a sad one but it means a lot
to me
it's a love poem
it's called I miss her sometimes
I ran into my old girlfriend yesterday
then I backed up and ran into her again
I miss her sometimes
thank you everybody
thank you very much
Jeff will love for this time
here we go
ladies and gentlemen we're desperately short on time
we've been ordered off the air
Jeffrey great job
really very wonderful
nice to meet you
do me a favor and come back and see us often
I hope so man
have fun in Las Vegas
Jeffrey Ross
my thanks also to Bob Costas
and Penna Teller
I'm sorry Pen and Teller
and Bela Fleck
we'll see you tomorrow night
thanks for watching
good night everybody
time for pants
this is CBS