Name: Act 1 on Letterman, September 24, 1985
Uploaded: 2016-06-09T20:36:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Act 1 on Letterman, September 24, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Act 1 on Letterman, September 24, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-09. Transcript available.

The French government now, they blow up the Greenpeace ship.
They give Jerry Lewin, Lewin, they give Jerry Lewis the Legion of Honor.
What kind of maniac animals are these people?
Awards, we've won awards. Here's our good friend, Mr. Paul Schaefer.
Thank you, kids.
Thank you very much.
David, it is nice to see you. You were fabulous.
We had a good weekend, didn't we? Had a very nice weekend?
Had a whirlwind kind of weekend.
Kind of an L.A. Hollywood...
Yes, we did. Loved your speech, though.
Now listen, Paul, I want to do something here.
I'm going to recite a phrase from a song, and you see if you can play it.
All right.
We haven't rehearsed this, have we?
No, sir, we haven't.
There's always a chance tiny sparks will remain.
And sparks turn into flame.
And love can burn once again.
I think Snooki Young has it.
Snook, do you...
I don't know. What is that?
Come on.
About here.
No, no.
There's always a chance tiny sparks will remain.
Yeah, ring strong.
Sparks turn into flame.
And love can burn once again.
What is it?
Come on, about here.
Alvin Jones thing?
Yeah, we do have it.
All right, let's hear it.
This is how it goes.
Is that it?
No, no, no.
I'll give you a hint a little later.
All right.
All right.
I want to speak seriously here about...
We were lucky enough to win an Emmy again this year, and we're very happy about
that.
And, of course, there's so many people on the show, it would be impossible for
me to thank each and every one of them by name.
But just trust me when I say that we think of this program as really being a
group effort, and everybody in here contributes regularly.
And we couldn't do the show without them, and my thanks to all of the wonderful
people here on the show.
Now, oh, and I do need to apologize to Mary Hart.
Mary Hart Entertainment tonight, she was dancing on the show.
Yeah.
The Emmy Award show.
And so afterward, I saw her in the lobby, and I said something which at the
time made perfect sense, but I think it was probably kind of rude.
I said to her, why were you dancing?
But more, I mean, she was lovely.
It was absolutely lovely.
She was great.
And she danced just fine, so my apologies to Mary Hart for saying that.
You know, you can certainly dance if you want.
Now, oh, and now, Paula, back me up on this.
The other thing we found in California, the game that everybody is playing is
something that we started here on the show kind of inadvertently.
Doug Schwander, who was on the Miss America telecast, is a singer and a dancer,
and the game people are playing in California now is what people would look
like with Doug Schwander's hair.
There's Doug right there.
And we started it a couple of weeks ago.
All right, Paul, now here's what Paul Schaefer would look like with Doug Schwander's
hair.
That's good.
Can you imagine, can you imagine the different direction my career would have
taken if I had been my look?
Barbara, how about a name from you?
Let's get one more.
How about Mike Wallace?
All right, what would Mike Wallace look like with Doug Schwander's hair?
There you go.
And finally, you have another one, Paul?
I'd love to see what Grace Jones might look like.
Grace Jones, good choice, okay.
Here's Grace Jones.
Now you're talking.
But it's popular.
The people from Parker Brothers called, and they are buying the rights to this.
They think it's going to be bigger than Trivial Pursuit.
We're going to give you another one of our top ten lists.
We've been doing this now for about a week.
Tonight's category is the top ten heaviest Kennedys.
Number ten, Rose Kennedy.
Number nine, Jane Kennedy.
Number eight, Caroline Kennedy.
Number seven, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.
Number six, George Kennedy.
Number five, Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.
Number four, Ted Kennedy.
Number three, Kennedy Space Center.
Number two, Ted Kennedy with clothing.
And number one, the heaviest Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, with clothing and after
lunch.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Should we do this or not?
We only have two minutes.
Should we do them?
You want to do them or not?
And love can buy once again.
Steve Jordan has it.
Steve Jordan has the answer.
You have it or not?
I'll be around the spinner.
Let me hear it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Is that it?
That's right.
So.
I'll be around.
Are you sure?
These are silly.
Do we have time to do these?
I don't think so either.
But it's darn funny stuff right here.
Damn, I just wish we had the time to do some of them.
I'll do one.
We'll just do one.
Give you the flavor of what we're talking about here.
We have time for one, don't we?
No, no.
It's not I'll be around, is it?
This is our fork in the road.
Love's last episode.
All right.
I'll be around.
I'll be around.
Okay.
Silly ads.
Funny ads from actual publications.
Actual ads.
Here's an ad for something called the Airstream Funeral Coach.
Right down there.
You can see it says.
No, wait a minute.
Airstream Funeral Approach.
Funeral Coach.
Funeral Approach.
Airstream Funeral Coach.
Why?
And it says here, as you can see.
No, no.
Try another one.
Don't worry.
Okay.
Here's one.
You'll like this one.
This is something for something called the Ponderosa Sun
Club.
And as you can see, it features things as Miss Nude Venus,
Mr. Nude Apollo, Nude Entertainer of the Year,
Nude Madonna Look-A-Like Contest.
Plus, Unusual Attractions.
Unusual Attractions.
What are we talking about here?
Wacky Skin Disorders?
Got plenty more here.
If you need them during the show, we'll get right back to them.
We have a great program tonight, don't we, Paul?
Are we going to hear it now?
Yeah, we're going to try.
Are you going to sing?
Sing a little of it.
Can you sing it?
Well, I don't know the lyrics.
I think you better sing it.
All right.
I'll join in.
Okay.
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Stupid Pet Tricks, Charles Kuralt,
comedian John Mendoza, and Axe Mr. Melman.
We'll be right back after you take a look at the...
Thank you.
Thank you.